Why Looking Bad Looks Good

It’s human nature to strive for perfection and reach for infinite, even when our health, family and integrity are on the line. People always want more, and are sometimes willing to fake-it until they make-it. Using all your energy in order to keep up a persona or image that isn’t genuine can prove to be a very time consuming and stressful activity. Being fake is exhausting!

Consider that you are not alone when you create this facade. There are numerous people out there pretending to be something they’re not. Perhaps we all do this at one point or another?

Consider that appearing too perfect makes you seem unapproachable and alienates you. If you appear like you have things TOO together, will people still be able to see the humanity in you?

What if the people at work knew that your marriage was on the rocks? Would they look down on you, pretend that you have some kind of infectious disease, or would they relate? Messing up makes you appear human, and allows people to relate to you. Your weakness could be taken as a sign of humbleness and humanity. After all, people DO love people.

Have a little faith in people, even consider confiding in some. You’ll see how looking bad looks good, and forms bonds. That’s the stuff that friends are made of.

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Posted by in Relationships | April 5, 2007 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 8 comments

  • http://bwoods.wordpress.com Bradley Woods

    I agree because being transparent is what draws others to you for sure. I dont agree that “fake it till you make it” has to be exhaustive. Maybe determining who you want to be is exhaustive or being who you want to be requires you to be exhaustive. But when I’m faking it I am calm and at peace ;-)

  • http://alexshalman.com/ Alex Shalman

    It depends on the degree of faking it. If i’m playing a practical joke on someone, yes I’ll stay calm and relaxed, since it’s just a joke. But if I was to fake something serious, I would feel paranoid and ashamed. Image faking something on a daily basis; the consequences would be losing your job, friends or spouse. That doesn’t seem exhausting to you?

  • http://bwoods.wordpress.com Bradley Woods

    I guess we differ on what it means to fake it. In a book by W. Clement Stone and Napoleon Hill. They use the phrase,” to be, act as if.” This is how I can to understand faking it till you make it. EX. To be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic. Do you think that acting “as if,” is lying?

  • http://alexshalman.com/ Alex Shalman

    I think there is a difference between getting yourself enthused in order to feel enthused… similar to getting yourself to laugh so that you feel happy. Difference from pretending you have as much money as the rest of the people in your firm, spending way beyond your means, so that you fit into the social standard. One is wrong, one is not. =)

  • http://daveolson.ca Dave Olson

    Alex, I’m really glad to see this post on transparency. I think the biggest question is how transparent should you be? There are certain things that I won’t share with my kids because I don’t think they are mature enough to handle. So I put a limit on my transparency for their sake.

    I prefer to “dream it til you live it” over faking it any day.

  • http://www.alexshalman.com Alex Shalman

    That’s a good point Dave. You might not want to tell your young children that you were in the war, saw death, killed many, had no mercy (if that was your case, i don’t know) because that would be inappropriate and probably harmful to their normal psychological development.

    On the other hand, if they’re a bit older and they can get it, telling them the story and sharing your experience about just how stressful and scary those times were will let them see you as more human, and appreciate you more.

  • http://www.productivitygoal.com Carolyn Manning

    Alex, it’s not a bad idea to use the “fake it/make it” philosophy. Change needs to start somewhere.

    I forget how many days it takes to change a habit; don’t we fake it during those days?

    By the way, we all have a little bit of the bad; it’s part of our individual charm?

  • http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2007/08/13/25-timeless-stress-reduction-tricks/ 25 Timeless Stress Reduction Tricks | Alex Shalman . com

    [...] 6. Don’t Be Perfect. Trying to uphold the image of perfection can be highly stressful. Embrace yourself for what you are, and believe that looking bad looks good. [...]