Alex Shalman . comPractical Personal Development

This article is part of the How To Become An Outstanding Person In Twelve Weeks series. I strongly urge that you read the first article in order to get a sense of what is going on here.

Sincerity (Week 7 of 12)

Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly. During week 2 I covered Silence. During that week I concentrated on avoiding gossip and only speaking of things that were useful to myself or others. Sincerity takes on a bit of a different twist.

There were some people in my life that I looked down upon. I focused on the negative aspect of their character and let those factors define who they were. There really isn’t anything innocent or just about the way I was approaching these situations. I figured that I just had to “put up” with them and that was enough. Just being fake, forcing a conversation, all for the sake of someone else.

There were a couple of specific people that I had judged. (No names). one was seeing a guy who was in a relationship with another person for several years. I saw this as her being a home wrecker and infiltrating someone else’s territory and happiness. The way I saw it was that she was a person of low integrity and thus a bad person to be around. I mean god forbid it rubbed off, right?

The other person was a bit promiscuous, with a boyfriend and some people on the side. Always making errors in judgment when under the influence of alcohol. I looked at this person as someone who does not value themselves, and looked down on them. I did not want them to be in my reference group, and it showed through.

Who am I to judge? What was REALLY going on? The truth is this. In both of them I saw parts of myself, the way I used to be, that completely disgusted me. As a teenager, in my first real relationship I was the epitome of a bad boyfriend. I was abusive, verbally, physically, and emotionally. I cheated… with someone that HAD a boyfriend. It cost me so much in time, tears, and hurting other people. I HATED what I had done. Hated myself for it. I declared these traits my enemy. So, when I saw these traits in these girls, I rejected them. In reality, I was rejecting a piece of my past.

I’ve changed. I’m no longer abusive. Never cheat. I’m still too aggressive at times. Ever improving. Not yet perfect; meaning not yet where I want to be. I can now FORGIVE myself for these mistakes. I can now undeclare enemy on these traits.

Who am I to judge if someone finds love in a person that is in a relationship? There is nothing wrong with that. There is no correct way of dealing with the emotions of love, you just sort of let it happen. I wish I took the time to REALLY get to know this person, for who she REALLY is. I’m sure she’s really amazing, funny, spontaneous and crazy (in a good way).

Who am I to judge if someone makes mistakes? If they get drunk sometimes, do some things that they regret? Oh what, I haven’t done that? Oh, I have. I understand this person, I feel their pain, it hurts me too. Why can’t things just be perfect? I know. I wish I got to know this person, the real her. Sarcastic, hilarious, smart, motivated… brutally honest.

Sincerity. Think INNOCENTLY and JUSTLY. What a great lesson to learn in life.

Next time, from now on, before I make a judgment, before I speak, I will consider why I feel a certain way about a person. Is it because I see myself in them? Next time, consider that the person isn’t a nuisance, isn’t an annoyance, but really a wonderful person, that has their own unique history and the wonderful opportunity to grow.

Don’t put up with them, instead get to know them, get to love them. Let them grow without judging. Just love them. Hope that they’ll understand sincerity, and won’t judge you. You, the person reading this right now, that also makes mistakes you would like to be forgiven, or not judged for. Extend that to another human being.

Becoming Outstanding Series

• How To Become An Outstanding Person In Twelve Weeks

• Week 01 - Temperance

• Week 02 - Silence

• Week 03 - Order

• Week 04 - Resolution

• Week 05 - Frugality

• Week 06 - Industry

• Week 07 - Sincerity

• Week 08 - Justice

• Week 09 - Moderation

• Week 10 - Cleanliness

• Week 11 - Tranquility

• Week 12 - Chastity