What Women Want In A Man
They say that some lessons are only learned the hard way. I say that some lessons are better learned the hard way than not be learned at all. With that said, and another girlfriend in my young life behind me, I’ll share with you the lessons that I learned.
The age old question asks, what do women want? Men are confused, their buddies don’t know, and their female friends don’t know what they want for themselves. An elite group walk the earth that know this information that I am about to share with you. You can fight it, claim that it is a theory, or call me crazy. However, I know that you will realize the truth in the words that I speak. You can even say “duh Alex, you’re late” - if you’ve known this all along.
Ok, so here’s the shocker, what women want is…. a man. If that didn’t click, allow me to explain. In the hunter-gatherer days, men ruled with an iron fist. There was no question about who was the leader of the tribe, and there was no question about the roles in those societies. Am I being sexist? Do I believe that women shouldn’t be CEOs of huge corporations or President’s of great nations? Keep reading.
Within the male-female dynamic, a woman wants their man to be the leader. They WANT the man to make the decisions… it’s easier, they have one less thing to worry about, and they can’t really explain it, but it looks good on their guy.
Women want to be reprimanded. They’re constantly testing a man, to see if he really is the dominant leader type that they need in their life. They may start off with an innapropriate comment, unpleasant action, or other trivial situation. Woman need to be put in their place. “Listen, that was not appropriate (or that was not okay to do) so don’t do that again.” Those magic words will get you impressive results.
Women do not want a man that they can manipulate. If a woman knows that she can do something that will piss you off, and you let her know it, she’ll just do it again and again. Remember that this is your reality, and the other person is just a visitor. Their stay is welcome just as long as they behave.
If they wanted to sit around and cry, they would call up their girlfriends and have a tissue party. Guys, if you’ve cried in front of a girl for any reason other than to grieve the loss of a dearly beloved, then you’ve lost all their respect, and you will never get it back. Move on, reevaluate life, be a man next time.
I write this post not to tell men to treat women badly, not to be abusive, but in order to share my lesson. For their sake, give them the one thing they want more than anything. Allow them to be a woman, by being a man.
Edit: This controversial debate continues in the post The Controversy Around Being A Man. I try to better clarify what I really meant by some of my statements here.
Posted by Alex Shalman in Relationships | April 13, 2007 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 19 comments
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Finally someone speaks the truth - People obviously may not like it or want to admit it, but in a really honest conversation with either sex, this lesson emerges as what people really think and ultimately respect, but rarely say.
Kudos to you, Alex, and those who learn from your lesson.
Well, any guy who believes this will never be my guy. Maybe your way of taking it out on your ex? Whatever, I would go even further: those flings who seemed to subscribe to this belief even if burried somewhere deep down all made for bad sex I don’t want to repeat. Because it is exactly this kind of taking control that does not work in a relationship, loving or sexual or both.
Me is thinking about cancelling my subscription to your blog, too. And even if you perceive what I have written above as pure bashing, there is one more point that should get you thinking:
Stuff written about human beings in a ‘all x want/do/are x’ manner usually is wrong (except highly abstract and/or spiritual things maybe). And you, beeing versed in meditation, should know. To make a crude example: You just created a Universe where lesbians, as well as I, don’t exist.
Thanks fellow man, I’m glad you realize this as well.
Scrupeda, I believe this to be one of those things that a woman might get insulted at, but deep down really enjoy. I really have no way of explaining off the whole lesbian thing you just mentioned… I’m not very familiar with that subject.
Well, scrupeda and Arya, if it’s not true, then allow me to ask: what do women REALLY want?
When discussing this topic with my friends, I find it essential to draw a clear line between honest leadership based on integrity, and brainless abuse. Obviously nobody wants the later. And just because you’ve never met a real man doesn’t mean they don’t exist (or you wouldn’t fall for one instantly ;-).
well i’ve read a lot about relationships and i’ve NEVER heard this theory. Women do want a man- they want someone who’s confident, strong and will take care of them.. but that doens’t mean overly dominating, verbally controlling, or emotionally absent… Also in a good relationship there shouldn’t be any manipulation or testing ideally.. but this theory isn’t entirely wrong .. perhaps a bit outdated but brings up interesting discussion.
Ben, that question is futile, as most PEOPLE (forget women for a sec) do not know what they REALLY want. Brainless abuse is absolutely out of the question.
This leads into what Anna is saying about being overly dominating, verbally controlling, or emotionally absent. These things (that I was once guilty of) are signs of immature emotional and mental development. With proper experiencing and learn, these things will go away.
Anna, the first part of your statement is the gist of what I say here. I probe deeper.
Anna, how do you express conficence, strenth and taking care? I think that’s exactly the kind of leadership Alex is talking about, what he calls “a man”.
In the end, it all comes down to honest love. for oneself and for others. what else is there anyway…
Alex,
Your comments resonated with me because of their evolutionary significance. They do have some merits, but the significance is severely diminished when engaging the type of people who are your audience; we are seeking something to make our understanding of the world closer to its reality and find peace within ourselves.
People may be taking issue with this post because it is appearing on a Practical Personal Development blog. This approach ISN’T personal development because it deals with how to control another human being. It may appear that this is an effective way to interact with the world to get your desired results but the reality of it is, if you need someone in your life so badly that you are willing to manipulate someone them into it, you may have a lot of introspection to do to figure out why you would want to invest in that type of relationship.
Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who sees and is attracted to you for who you are?
Patrick,
It is my belief that Personal Development is a field that can be greatly expanded upon. I would think that gaining insights into what women want in a relationship is one way of understanding the world closer to its reality.
This article isn’t about controlling another human being. I agree about your statement on wanting someone so badly… this does require a lot of self-growth to accept oneself as whole without another human being. I said nothing in the contrary.
The question you pose at the end is interesting. This is because who I REALLY am is constantly evolving. As I get older, wiser (i’m hoping, right?), better shape, richer, etc. I am constantly improving. A person that might not have been attracted to me 2 years ago may be attracted to me now because I have increased my value.
Might get insulted at but deep down enjoy? Did I quote that correctly? Please allow me to set you straight. There is no enjoy. There is no insult. There is only wild, raucous laughter.
Look, I appreciate that you are young, and have recently (apparently) been through some stressful situation romantically speaking. But I would advise you, from my vantage point of 40 years on and a few more relationships “under the belt” than you (some of them even successful ones), that before you (and your fellow students of women) start making these wild (and wildly wrong) conclusions about “what women want” - especially the insanely sexist and ridiculous ones reprinted here - that you get this one fact:
There is NO answer to the question “what do women want” - because the question itself is fatally flawed.
When you realize that, you will “get it.”
Until then - I have to thank you for allowing me to see the “real” you, and saving me one more blog feed to have to wade through in my Bloglines. I’ll look you up in a few years, though - see if your maturity and common sense have caught up with your ego.
It is a shame you’re using ‘evolution’ as a basis for your argument about the male/female relationship. You’ve totally contorted and contrived the complexity of this dynamic and introduced it to modern day relationships. This commentary brings nothing to the conversation other than the taste of sour grapes in a relationship gone awry.
There are genetic and evolutionary components to the male/female relationships: quantifiable studies that give credence to the ’selection’ process, unconscious, primitive choices a woman will make that have more to do with procreation and protection than ‘be my lord and master.’
It’s a shame you committed such a faux pas and let loose on your blog like this. Your credibility tanked one thousand fold.
Adios!
Hi Alex:
You know, I generally admire your work, but, I must say, I was unpleasantly surprised to read the pre-historic point of view in this post. There’s no right answer to the question “what women want”, but I really can’t agree with what you wrote. There’s much misconception in this post about what a “real man” is and what women appreciate. I hope you come back to your senses and the 21st century soon.
All my best to you,
Hueina
> The question you pose at the end is interesting. This is because who I REALLY am is constantly evolving. As I get older, wiser (i’m hoping, right?), better shape, richer, etc. I am constantly improving. A person that might not have been attracted to me 2 years ago may be attracted to me now because I have increased my value.
I have no reason to believe that you won’t get wiser as you get older because you seem motivated to learn and improve.
So what is your answer to the question based on who you are today? Would you rather be with someone who sees and is attracted to you for who you are?
When I was younger the answer was no. I wanted to be attactive to people who were attracted to the person I wanted to be because that would serve as validation that I was become the person I wanted.
More recently the answer changed to yes. What caused the change was the realization that I wasn’t ever going to know why people were attracted to me because I am never going to be another person.
Hmmm… a rather polarizing blog entry.
You may have muddied the waters somewhat with the ‘historical’ perspective, which ignores the times when society was matriarchal rather than patriarchal.
What a person wants in a relationship will always be unique to who they are, but we all want someone who is independant - regardless of whether they are a man or a woman. We want someone who knows who they are, and does not compromise their core values - i.e. can not be manipulated.
I might also venture to point out that what someone wants in a relationship is not always what they need… and as it could be argued that relationships exist to allow us to grow and evolve… sometimes we don’t get what we want, but from a higher perspective we may be getting exactly what we need to grow.
As for me… I am a woman… and what I want more than anything else in my relationship is my equal.
That’s all.
Much joy,
Kara-Leah
Hey Alex, from reading your post, it is clear that you recently went through some heavy and emotional relationship.
However, I was shocked to see this article…as it is definitely is out of character from what I normally read here.
I am assuming that what you ***meant*** to say was that men need to stand up, be confident and be completely open and honest in order for a relationship to work.
If that is the case…I totally agree with you. However, it didn’t come through clearly in this post at all.
I’ll keep reading your stuff. You got a great perspective on life and I’m looking forward to seeing you learn and grow.
Ravi in Seattle
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