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Have you ever witnessed a conversation, where two people are talking at each other about two separate topics? It makes you wonder if they’ll ever get their points across. The chances are slim! Listening isn’t just for certain occasions, and it isn’t a skill you’re born with. Listening must be honed, practiced, and constantly applied to reap the full benefits of interactive relationships.

It is the province of knowledge to speak And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

Reasons Why People Don’t Listen

1. They’re distracted by something else in their thoughts or environment.
2. They’re too busy talking, or too busy waiting for their turn to talk.
3. They’re just not interested in the person, or the topic at hand.

Reasons To Listen Better

1. Make a deep connection with people, and have rapport.
2. Obtain and understand important information.

Being a Proactive Listener

What you don’t want to be doing is spending the whole conversation staring blankly at the speaker. This doesn’t mean that you need to step in every time there is a silence, because there is nothing wrong with letting it be quiet while the person gathers their thoughts. What it means is that you can use body language to let the speaker know you’re there, paying attention and getting it.

1. Make eye contact. This way they know you’re being attentive.
2. Position your body towards them. This way they know you aren’t out the door, and they have your full attention.
3. Same scenery position. This is a technique I use for approaching strangers. You walk up to them from the side, and face wherever they are facing while talking to them. This eliminates the tension of having to say something, and you can discuss what you see.
4. Facial expressions. Show your understanding by properly responding in this way.

Besides body language, there is more to being a proactive listener. As counterintuitive as this may seem, you will have to speak to be a great listener. The trick is in what you’re going to say.

1. Curb your reactions. Be attentive to how you react to what the other person is saying. If you throw up the “negativity vibe” you will make the person uncomfortable and they may lose interest in continuing their story.
2. Stay Open Minded. If you’re not open minded, you won’t be focused on the message. You will be too busy, inside your own mind, saying how much you don’t believe a word of what you are hearing. This will also help combat the fact that you aren’t interested, which we mentioned is a big reason why people don’t listen.
3. Ask questions. You will need to ask questions in order to steer the conversation in a certain direction. This works exceedingly well when you’re trying to learn more about a certain point, so you ask the person to elaborate.
4. Paraphrase. You will need to paraphrase what the speaker is saying every now and then. This will help you to achieve optimal understanding. If you paraphrase and you’re way off base, the speaker will have a chance to correct you, and you will be on the same page. This sure beats misunderstanding the information.
5. Message vs. Emotion. Sometimes what a person is saying is not as important as how they are saying it. There could be an emotional undertone that will lead you to the real information. Pay attention to it, and follow it when you have identified it.
6. Remove distractions. Stop what you are doing, and give the person your full attention. If you have decided to listen, give it your 100%.
7. Put them first. If you make it be about them, you’ll stop waiting impatiently for your chance to talk. This will open up your ears.

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P.S. This is post number 100. Very exciting!