I’m Stuck On A Deserted Island, With Just Myself

Friday is Thinking day at AlexShalman.Com

Here comes a big confession from me; one of my biggest fears is being completely alone. I’m not talking about not being in a relationship, or in an empty house, I’m talking about being the last person on earth type of alone. Luckily I’m pretty sure that I’ll never have to worry about that, so let’s talk about the more practical type of alone. Just you and your thoughts, for an extended period of time.

Solitude can be a scary place for many individuals, and I think this stems from a lack of knowledge about how to best handle these situations. As with all of our time, we want solitude to be as pleasant and productive as possible. For this we need we need to have a system in place. If we don’t know how to use this time properly, there’s a good chance that we’ll either get bored, or have anxiety about being alone. This could potentially lead us into counter-productive activities, or attract us towards non-ideal companions.

A person who does not know how to use his mind productively will flee from the state of being alone. But when a person has learned how to think, he will greatly appreciate the moments when he is by himself, for then he will be able to utilize those moments for intellectual and spiritual growth. – Gateway To Happiness

Things to Think About in Solitude

Your life outlook. Explore and refine what your philosophy on life is. Remember, I told you why I think life is a game. What does life mean to you? Which paradigm of life would give you the most fulfillment?
Your time value. Consider if you are using your valuable time wisely, or squandering it away on frivolous activities. What could you minimize or eliminate that is taking up the precious moments of your life?
Try to remember. Exercise your brain, and try to remember situations from your childhood and early life that have made you exceptionally happy. Who were you with, and what were you thinking about during this stage of your life?
Positive people. Think about positive influences on your life. Who are the first people that come into your mind? What kind of value have these people brought to your life? How have they helped to shape who you are now? How can you spend more time with these people, or others that have similar interests?
Your Mission. You might not be 007 on a mission, but you’re you, and your life has a very special purpose. If you have the freedom and opportunity to be whatever you want, or do whatever you want, before your time is up, what would it be?
Social Value. Every body has a value within society, but not everyone has the same value. A doctor that saves lives, has a higher value than a murder who kills good people (no overpopulation comments please =). Consider what you’re bringing to society. What is it about you that helps people to have an easier, happier, or better day? How can you do more of that?
Nothing. See how long you can sit in complete silence, while pushing out all the noise that your mind creates. Once you have achieved silence within, you’ll likely experience a “eureka moment”. This could come to you in a form of a fresh idea, or an answer to something that’s been on your mind.
Analyze Your Self-Talk. When you think about the future, and goals that you have to overcome (or at least begin), do you find yourself saying “I can do it!”, or “This will never work!”. Your self-talk is a great predictor of your success. This is the perfect time to catch yourself, and turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk.

What do you find yourself pondering about when you’re all alone?

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Never the Same River Twice

Never the Same River Twice said on October 5th, 2007 at 10:13 am

Thanks for this post, Alex. An occasional stretch of solitude can be one of the most spiritually fulfilling experiences if you approach it with the right attitude. I’ve been toying with the idea of a weekend of solitary camping to do some meditation and journaling. So many of us need to take time to think!
Alex Shalman

Alex Shalman said on October 5th, 2007 at 1:47 pm

It’s true Maria.. in today’s world it’s often hard to find a minute to just be alone with yourself. It’s really important to find that time though.
Anna Kravtsov

Anna Kravtsov said on October 7th, 2007 at 12:08 pm

mm whole foods.. pick one up for me while you’re at it
Alex Shalman

Alex Shalman said on October 8th, 2007 at 7:01 pm

Go get your own! =)
Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk

Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk said on October 10th, 2007 at 3:33 pm

I learned long ago that I needed alone time to keep in touch with the deepest part of me. If I didn’t get some during the day, I would get it in the middle of the night, when everyone else was asleep. So, in the interest of staying sane, I worked it into my schedule. This is one area of my life that’s non-negotiable.

Thanks for asking!
Alex Shalman

Alex Shalman said on October 10th, 2007 at 5:16 pm

Jean, I really get that. Sometimes you just need to be alone with the most interesting person you know!
Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk

Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk said on October 10th, 2007 at 5:46 pm

Well put!

This post resonated with me, because when I was a teenager one of my greatest fears was the idea of being all alone in the universe. Not that I expected it to happen, but the idea that I couldn’t cope with a situation like that. I clearly needed to work on my “inner core,” whatever that means. So I did.
Alex Shalman

Alex Shalman said on October 10th, 2007 at 6:11 pm

Now you aren’t afraid of being the only person left on the planet? I still wouldn’t like it!
Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk

Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk said on October 10th, 2007 at 6:41 pm

I’d be bored and lonely if that were to happen. The point is the fear indicated some inner work I needed to do. Once I did that work, I stopped worrying.
Tina Su - Think Simple. Be Decisive.

Tina Su - Think Simple. Be Decisive. said on October 19th, 2007 at 12:10 pm

This used to be my greatest fear as well.. when I discovered many past relationships rooted on this fear, I decided to change. I started doing date nights with myself and spiritual days of doing nothing.. and spending the day alone. It’s been amazing personal growth through this practice of being completely comfortable with myself and being by myself. Great post Alex!
Alex Shalman

Alex Shalman said on October 19th, 2007 at 12:13 pm

I would be interested to hear in what you’ve done on these date nights with yourself and spiritual days.
Tina Su - Think Simple. Be Decisive.

Tina Su - Think Simple. Be Decisive. said on October 31st, 2007 at 6:35 pm

Thanks Alex for the comment and for inspiring me.

Keep in touch!

Love & Gratitude,
Tina
Think Simple. Be Decisive. ~ Productivity, Motivation & Happiness