Alex Shalman.comPractical Personal Development

Tuesday is Dating & Relationships day at AlexShalman.com

Have you ever wondered what would make a perfect gift for the person you love? What your significant other would absolutely love to get? If we take a quick look at why we give gifts in the first place, than we can understand what the perfect gift really is.

Why Give Gifts?

In the purest, non-egoistic sense of gift giving we give in order to instill a sense of value and appreciation in the recipient. We want them to feel special, and we are often willing to go through great lengths to make that happen.

The best types of gifts come from an understanding of who the recipient is, and reflect their personality, history, special interests, as well as the unique relationship that you possess with them. Keep in mind, that not all gifts need to be material, and certainly not expensive.

The Perfect Gift

The perfect gift is not the one that you give to commemorate a special occasion, birthday, or anniversary. The perfect gift is the one that keeps on giving continuously, and the one that makes the recipient happy.

The perfect gift comes from within, and is powered by a feeling of love towards the recipient. The perfect gift, in my humble opinion, is to truly accept the person you love.

Accept everything about your loved one, including:

1. Personality: Accept both the similarities and differences in their personality. You already love them, and that’s regardless of what is displayed on the surface at times.
2. Decisions: Whether you want to remain sedentary with the family, or pick up and travel the world for a few months, accept the decision of your loved ones.
3. History: Perhaps your loved one has made a mistake that caused them to be incarcerated, perhaps their past is even darker than that. You love who they are now, don’t you? Accept them.
4. Quirks: Do they snore? Do they leave the toilet seat up? Do they call you, and than talk to the people in the room next to them? Accept them.
5. Interests: Whether your loved one likes to blast the radio first thing in the morning, watch TV while you’re trying to sleep, or they have a weird hobby blog that they update and research for daily (anyone here? hehe), just accept them.
6. Physically: Whether it’s a physical feature, handicap, or choice of ensemble – accept them.

Not Everything Should Be Accepted

I just want to clarify that not everything should be accepted. If your loved one is abusive towards you, or genuinely someone that you cannot be around, than you don’t have to accept them. It’s better to walk away, than to be around someone you do not accept.

Whatever you resist persists. So you hoping that their negative qualities will some day change is just that, a hope. The only thing you can do is work on your own qualities, character traits, and habits which may very likely rub off on the people around you.

If you look at the next fifteen years, and realize that being around this person will ultimately have a huge net negative affect on your life, than perhaps it is better to consider your “escape options”, rather than submit to a life of aggravation, or turmoil.

You should not feel guilty for leaving, or “abandoning” a person in such a situation. What you “should” feel bad about is remaining in a relationship where you aren’t fully engaged, or with a loved one that you do not completely accept.

Once you have established, and made the decision, that you can in fact live with the person, than give them the gift of unconditional acceptance.

What Acceptance Will Do For Them

When a person is unconditionally accepted, they can feel it in every fiber of their being. Some of the positive benefits that will be forged inside them will be:

• High self-esteem: they will know that someone out there appreciates who they are. It can be what they think about when in a tough situation, or the last thing before they fall asleep.
• Lowered anxiety: things won’t seem as scary, or so bad, when they know that someone out there will stand behind their performance and their decisions.
• Confidence: when they know that someone is in their corner, just for the sake of it being them, they will grow and stretch beyond their comfort zone.
• Trust: being accepted will enable them to feel a sense of trust, towards you, and perhaps towards humanity in general. You never know which doors this can open for the person.
• Contagious: Once they experience unconditional acceptance, they will be able to pass this gift on to someone else.

Let’s change the world by creating a cascade of acceptance. Start with just one person.

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