Tuesday is Dating & Relationships ^[1] day at AlexShalman.com

There is a prevalent myth out there in the world about relationships. Many of us buy into this myth. We think that we need to go out there and find the one person in the world who will “complete” us, make our lives worthwhile and solve all of our life issues.

If we can just find that one special person our lives will be full and complete.

One of the problems with this kind of thinking is that it puts all of the responsibility and pressure on the other person within the relationship. Most of us have our own issues, our own problems, our own stuff that is part of our package. We all own the responsibility of keeping our own lives together, finding happiness and fulfillment. It is not the responsibility of your significant other to make you happy or to fix all of your problems. That is your job. And on the flip side it is not your responsibility to make your partner happy and fix their problems either. That is their own job.

When a person looks for a relationship from a place of “need” as in “my life won’t be complete, I will be unhappy forever, I have to have this relationship” or even worse “I have to get married, I have to have you! If I can‘t have you nobody will”(ever hear the word “stalker” ugh!) they are radiating the energies of neediness and desperation. With that kind of energy they tend to repel the very people with whom they could build a happy and healthy relationship. They also tend to attract the kind of people who will co-create a unhealthy and chaotic relationship, if they attract anyone at all since needy and desperate energy is not very attractive. If you think about it you have probably met some people like that, you know, the exterior package is pretty, they look good, but something is missing, it doesn’t feel right and there is just no attraction!

When a healthy and strong individual with many interests and activities going on in their life looks for a relationship it is not to “complete” their life but rather to “enhance” their life. Like attracts like. It is not often that someone with a high self-esteem and a healthy sense of self-respect is attracted to a doormat.

When you become the best you that you can be, you will attract the kind of person who can be a full, complete and equal co-creator to a magnificent life.

The person who can do that with you is also the person who can do it without you. Strength of character is a sexy trait for anybody.

That kind of relationship is an equal partnership. It is the kind of relationship that your soul yearns for.

If you don’t “need” a partner but you “want” a partner to enhance your life you reach for and create the best relationship and the best life that you can have.

You do not need another person to “complete” you. You are a whole and complete, wonderful and unique individual all by yourself. If you want to attract a great, healthy and wonderful relationship the best thing you can do is to work on yourself. Find things that make you happy and bring you joy in your life. Improve yourself on every level. Find things that you love and enjoy and do them.

Don’t wait for a relationship to make a life.

The best relationships are the ones with two healthy and happy individuals who are independent and autonomous human beings but together they form a wonderful, healthy and joyous co-creative experience. Life if better because they have each other, but it is not based upon need or obsession but rather it is based upon love, mutual respect and joy for life. Together their lives are enhanced because they are able to love and support each other, help each other reach their dreams and bring joy and happiness to each other.

A great relationship does not “complete” your life. It enhances your life. It can make your life better and sweeter and adds joy and happiness but you can have a great life without a relationship and if you realize that you are more likely to attract and create a healthy, loving, long-term relationship.

The wonderful paradox of relationships is that the healthier and happier you are alone, the better the life is that you build together.

This is a guest post by Karen Lynch ^[2]. Karen, who was once in a miserable marriage and non-ideal life has an amazing story of how she turned her life around. Learn how Karen took control of her life and obtained the life she has always dreamed of at Live The Power ^[3].

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