Would You Be Friends With Yourself?
Consider having an out of body experience. Imagine walking along and meeting yourself, the way you are now. Would you be friends with yourself?
If your character and actions are not congruent with what you think makes up a good friend, then perhaps its time to start lowering standards of friends, or raising standards of yourself.
What do you look for when considering who you will accept as a friend? Do you need them to be nice, intelligent, outgoing, good looking, fashionable, or perhaps settle for anyone that’s willing to talk to you? Seriously, would you be friends with a liar and a thief just because you’re lonely and in need of companionship?
To me integrity and compassion are at the foundation of a good person, and friend. I also like to surround myself with people that I can learn from about life. I enjoy the company of intelligent people that are positive, optimistic, and motivated. I love it when my friends have a special talent, unique philosophy, and other outstanding characteristics. Basically, I like to become friends with people I admire, and I admire the people that are my friends.
The strategy is to raise the standards of what you expect from yourself. If you wouldn’t be friends with a person that is just like you, then perhaps you aren’t living up to your potential, and you aren’t really satisfied with who you are. It’s fine to say that whoever you are is perfect, but it’s not practical.
I believe that the journey is more important than the destination. I do not believe that a person is ‘imperfect’ until they achieve something or other. Are you aware of your philosophies and behavior? Are you the type of person that you would consider being friends with?
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Posted by Alex Shalman in Personal Development, Relationships | December 23, 2007 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 6 comments
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What you’re talking about in your post is very true. I wish more people would stop and think about these things. Thank you for commenting on my blog! Happy holidays!
Good introspective question!
The quick answers yes
(I learned long ago to be your own best friend and to treat others as you’d have them treat you)
More thoughts … Opposites attract; similarities bind. I think the core of most friendship is similarities in values, beliefs and rules / personal standards. I think what gets in the way a lot of times is conflict in rules (style or expectation differences) I think it helps a lot to have more tools and lenses for understanding the differences (for example, NLP meta-programs http://thebookshare.blogspot.com/2007/12/meta-programs-and-intrinsic-values-in.html and lens of human understanding http://thebookshare.blogspot.com/2007/12/lens-of-human-understanding.html)
Hey Alex, Great post — and yes, I can finally say I’d be friends with myself! Actually I have always been a good friend to others but for me it was liking myself enough to say I’d want to be friends with myself! (Does that make sense?) The golden rule in my house is “treat others as you want to be treated” and luckily my children have taken that to heart. I think anyone would be lucky to have them as friends. Wanting yourself as a friend is a great guideline and I hope others take it to heart. Congrats on your year anniversary — you have accomplished quite a lot and are an inspiration to a young blogger as myself! I wish you tons of success for 2008! Gratefully, Jenny
Thanks for the kind words Jenny. All the best to you and your wonderful family in ‘08!
Btw, Platinum rule is treat others the way they want to be treated.
Very true! I think what they say about not liking in others what you dislike about yourself is true to a certain extent.
Great post!
Thank you for stopping by Mary.
I agree with you. We often tend to judge others harshly, based on their having a characteristic that we see vile in ourselves.
A great thing is that when we recognize this, we get to work on ourselves, to make whatever adjustments we please.