Happiness Project: Jay White of Dumb Little Man
Editor’s Note: This is an autobiography from Jay White himself.
My name is Jay White and I am nothing more than 32 year old family man from Chicago. I work for a living just like most of you and have the same pains – raising a family, housing costs, stress at work, etc. However, the difference may be that I have an passion (nearing addiction) for finding a better a way to live each day. I don’t believe there is a master of everything nor do I claim to be one. However, I do enjoy sharing what I learn, the pitfalls to watch for, and the lessons learned.
I started Dumb Little Man on an absolute whim one night. To be honest, it was after realizing that my time had literally disappeared with the birth of my second child. I had to learn to become more efficient if I had any real desire to satisfy all of the moving portions of my life.
As the audience of this blog grew, I decided to ask readers for their tips and advice. Surely, this site would be much stronger and valuable to you if several people were sharing their experiences as well. Today, the majority of our articles come from people that started out as readers.
Whether it was budgeting at home, starting a business or trying to lose weight, you will find ideas on Dumb Little Man. If there is something that is really stumping you, let me know and I’ll do what I can to cover it.
In a nutshell, that is what Dumb Little Man is all about…sharing tips to make life easier. Since then, I also started Diethack.com.
1. How do you define happiness?
I suppose my definition of true happiness can be equated to complete peace. That is probably the corniest thing I have ever typed but as you read the answers to the rest of your questions, you’ll probably understand my angle.
In order to achieve peace (for me at least):
- There can be no grudges
- No regrets (mistakes are OK, regrets are bad)
- I must have a healthy, happy family
- I must know that I did ALL I could that day to support my family (I didn’t slack at work, demotivate, etc.)
If I go to bed each night satisfied that those items are in tact, I am happy.
2. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your happiness now, versus when you were a child?
My happiness level today is a 8. I removed 2 points simply because I cannot spend more time with my family. If I were able to spend all day every day with my wife and kids, I would be at a 10. Unfortunately, the bills need to be paid. However, I am fortunate to be in a position that will allow my wife to stay home with the kids. She is excellent with them and I occasionally peak around the corner and just watch them for a few minutes. She is just great. So, aside from that, there is absolutely nothing else that I would change in my life.
When I was a child, my happiness was probably a 3. It’s odd how life changes. Back then I did have all day to spend with my family and yet the experience and environment was so unhealthy, that I would have done anything to get away from it. When the time was right I moved on, forgave and eventually prospered.
3. What do you do on a daily basis that brings you happiness? (and how consistent is the feeling of happiness throughout your day)
When you mention daily basis my first inclination is to direct this question to Monday-Friday, the work week.
I hate to be generic with this answer but my answer is simply “work hard”. I have a job for a reason and it’s to ensure I can support my family. If I end the work day satisfied that I accomplished what I needed to, I am happy. In the beginning of my corporate life, I would actually create a list each Sunday night. The list was called T3 (or Top 3) and it listed 3 things I could do that week to further my career (online and/or off). As I went through the week, I would check things off. It is a very simple way motivating and congratulating myself several times each week.
4. What things take away from your happiness? What can be done to lessen their impact or remove them from your life?
Conflict. I cannot stand conflict with the people that I am close to. When my wife and I get into a disagreement that lasts more than 15 minutes, I do get upset about it. Often times, I also get upset with myself in my reaction to such conflicts. There are times, when the disagreement gets heated, that I lose my temper (verbally) and I have to do a better job controlling that.
The happiness factor goes down when I see people I love making silly decisions that will harm them. I have no control over people though, so while I’d love to control them, I know I can’t.
In terms of removing these items from my life, I can’t. Conflict is part of human nature and while I can eventually learn to control my temper (which would make me happy), there is no way that I am going to stop voicing opinions that may incite conflict. Although introverted, I speak my mind versus letting something build up and bother me. That is healthier than avoiding conflict altogether.
5. What do you plan on doing in the future that will bring you even more happiness?
Since I have defined my true happiness and spending time with the family, I am going to do what I can to increase that. At this point, the quickest means to doing so is to continue growing Dumb Little Man and my other sites. The plan at some point would be to work with my wife on the sites while the kids are in school and then hang out with the kids all night until bed. That would be excellent.
____
To get more info about what the Happiness Project is and isn’t, please visit the Introduction Post. To see a running list of all participants, which I will be updating as things happen, please visit the Happiness Project Page.
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Posted by Alex Shalman in Happiness Project | February 25, 2008 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 17 comments
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Very thought-provoking post! Today I touched upon the subject of happiness on my own blog, so I enjoy reading different perspectives such as this one.
Hey Brenda, I’m glad you like it. Feel free to answer these questions on your own blog as part of this group writing project =)
Jay has made a great name for himself by claiming to be just another “Dumb Little Man.” His replies to your questions prove once again that he is anything but that!
With his success, I’m sure he’ll be spending more time with his family very soon.
Another wonderful interview. I love love love the Dumb Little Man. I’ve been reading it for a good while now – but I can tell you that Jay is anything but dumb.
I can sympathise when he says he hates seeing people he loves making mistakes that are going to be harmful to them. It’s tough to deal with. On the one hand you know that you’ve got to let them make their own mistakes, but a big part of you wants to try to stop them.
Thanks for another great interview Alex.
I loved the simplicity of his answers Alex
I especially liked his answer on conflicts and decisions; realizing they are difficult to experience and witness, they are also part of life experience that challenges us to grow.
Thanks for introducing me to Jay and The Dumb Little Man. He’s new for me!
Cheers,
Lorraine
http://www.powerfull-living.biz
Yes, Jay is awesome. I will be writing for him at least once a week now, so go on and check him out =)
Props to Jay, DLM and all the folks out there realizing and supporting the notion that living a gratifying life starts within. Thanks also to the Happiness Project.
My 2 cents on happiness, if I may:
1. Happiness = the freedom to determine your own reality
2. Similar to Jay’s answer: 3-5 as a child vs. 8-9 now. I think my initial melancholy motivates me to live life to the fullest.
3. Help people (karma), stretch for 20mins b4 bed (sleep much better) and take naps (outside if possible). Eat right, exercise and lots of good sex (even manually, if need be)!
4. “I can’t” … You CAN ~ you just have to decide if you’re willing to pay the price. When people waste time (notably mine). We only have one shot at this life… remember that next time you watch ‘Idol.’
5. Absolutely everything.
I recommend the book: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siddhartha_(novel) I was forced to read it in high school, but now that I’m ancient at 27 it’s all much clearer. Thanks all!
That my friend would be excellent. If I could only convince my wife…
Hey Catherine – thanks a lot for the nice comments.
On occasion I put myself into the other person’s shoes to try and understand their motivation for doing something that I’d deem silly or careless. It doesn’t work for everything but many times you’ll be able to draw a line straight to something that occurred in their life and they are either masking it, over compensating for it, etc. Once I know that, I can determine how to act/react.
If it’s my child though, I just tell them to stop!
This line caught my attention:”In terms of removing these items from my life, I can’t. Conflict is part of human nature…” That’s a great line. Happiness is a great state to be in, but it’s not worth sacrificing integrity.
Al, do you think you can be happy if you sacrificed integrity?
I’d say my values are similar to Jay White, where I cherish those I care about the most (family, friends).
If a situation calls where sacrificing my integrity will better them somehow, that might be the only way that integrity is worth sacrificing. It’s hard for me to think of a situation where that could happen though (unless it’s some sort of a reality TV show and I’m not sure how that could create such a situation as well).
One thing stood out for me in this interview was:
“I must know that I did ALL I could that day to support my family”
I think that insight is rather powerful in trying to eliminate procrastination and laziness.
That’s one thing that I would start practising – to know that I did all I can to move myself closer to my goal! Thanks Jay! =)
To CANI,
SaiF
The World’s First Teen
Personal Development Video Blogger
Good article, thanks for sharing!
I think this is a high level of taking objective of achieving happiness.