Feeling Good, Irregardless of the Circumstances!
Editor’s Note: This article is written by Dmitry Kuzinets
“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.” ~Anthony Robbins
Following a few basic principles I am able to feel good, irregardless of the circumstances or what’s going on around me. This ability is based on a few assumptions, and by taking actions accordingly. Living in a constant state of feeling good sure beats feeling bad! Here are the requirements for feeling good all the time:
Assumptions:
- It is possible to control what I think and how I feel. (Take Control of Your Life With One Thought)
- It is always better to feel more pleasure, as opposed to feeling bad.
- My perception and reaction to the outside world does not have to be correlated to the pleasure or pain my body feels.
- My emotions are not something I can always rely on to tell me what’s happening. Since they aren’t 100% accurate, I will choose not to use them in decision making in order to be most effective.
- The automatic feelings that fluctuate in response to external stimuli have most likely been created when I was very young, and have been controlling and shaping my life since then. However, relying on them severely limits getting what I want in life because I am often acting on input which does not reflect what’s really happening.
Actions:
1. View reality based on what’s happening.
For instance, if someone is looking at me a certain way, it doesn’t necessarily mean what I’m used to thinking about me, them, or the world. If someone looks at me and frowns, it could mean they don’t like me, it could mean they have indigestion, maybe they thought about how I might not like them, or any other chain of thoughts that a person could think. Despite the fact that people are socially conditioned to assume a limited amount of explanations for this frown, the actual possibilities of what the frown really meant are limitless.
While there is an actual reason for why something is happening, it is based on a collaboration of thoughts and assumptions that have been self-created and kept in existence by habit.
This is why is it so important to focus on what’s actually happening, in reality (time, space, distance) moment-to-moment.
2. Catch yourself if you start to go into a mental conversation about what is happening.
Realize that it’s a conversation in your head, and focus back on what’s actually happening outside of you. This is what I believe is meant when people talk about being Present.
3. Use all your knowledge at every moment to evaluate what’s going on.
The way to get the result you want is to act on reality. Reality to you is everything you have knowledge of. Use that to choose your conclusion and next action instead of any ONE particular thing. Consider everything, at every moment, to get the best results.
4. Separate feelings from outcome
Instead of playing one game of making myself feel good and accomplishing a goal I play two games. One game is where in every moment I am making myself feel as good as possible. The other game, that I play simultaneously, is me getting what I want, at every moment. By separating these tasks, and not having them depend on each other, I am able to work on each one individually.
5. Give up “there is something wrong here”
Anytime “there is something wrong here” pops up in your mind, throw it out. Perceive things as, ‘this is what’s going on’ instead of associating wrongness to it.
Life is not scripted, and what happens at every moment is created by what I do. This is why I see such importance in using all my faculties, without basing my actions on emotions. It is important to realize that to be able to act most effectively and get what you want, you must act based on reality.
This article is written by Dmitry Kuzinets. He is a real-estate mogul, landmark forum graduate, and one of the most ’self-improved’ people I know and most importantly one of my best friends. 
Posted by Alex Shalman in Personal Development | March 13, 2008 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 23 comments
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Hello Dmitry
I like this one:
5. Give up “there is something wrong here”
Anytime “there is something wrong here” pops up in your mind, throw it out. Perceive things as, ‘this is what’s going on’ instead of associating wrongness to it.
You have made a good point here.
I would like to add this:
We tend to question ourselves more then we question others sometimes. Learn to ask constructive questions instead of just questioning ourselves what is wrong. Perhaps a better question is
“Is there any lessons to learn here?” or “How can I make it better?”
Blessings
Gamy
Thanks for commenting Gamy. I like “Is there any lessons to learn here?”, but I’m iffy with “How can I make it better?” for this situation, because it again implies that something is wrong. This is all subjective though. I’d like to hear what others think as well. =)
My pleasure Alex,
Well, I tend to look at this question “How can I make it better?” as a positive question
Cos in everything that we do, there is always room for improvement, and not necessary
that it has to be something wrong.
Cheers
A great positivity post Dmitry. This is a great post for teenagers…I’ll have to send it to my son who I had a similar conversation with when he got a bad haircut…
Nice upbeat article, but ….irregardless is not really a word, although it is commonly used in casual speech. Try regardless.
Lol, I stuck that one in there =)
Good points. I like the the statement at the end: “Life is not scripted, and what happens at every moment is created by what I do.” Absolutely correct! Life is what we make of it. There is no pre-determined order of things or feelings. What we do and how we feel are controlled by the individual.
A lot of Alex’s posts would be great for teenagers, most of whom go through difficult spells and experience a wide range of emotions.
It’s interesting that you guys say that. I’m not sure, but I think most of the readers here are older and well educated individuals… =)
Good morning Alex and Dmitry
Nice post. So true!
Bringing the focus back to understanding and accepting that we create our reality moment by the beliefs, attitudes and assumptions we project into our perceptions. Being able to separate the facts (of what is) from the storie (and dramas) we create in our heads is key to being the victim of our circumstance or the hero of our own life story. I wrote about storytelling and drama in a recent blog post: http://www.powerfull-living.biz/blog/2008/03/06/stories-dramas-what-are-you-manifesting/
Cheers,
Lorraine
http://www.powerfull-living.biz
Woa! I got one great nugget from this one REGARDLESS of what the rest say! Ooops… Haha I just wanted to use the word regardless properly.. lol I’m a man of immediate action, it’s a habit!
“By separating these tasks, and not having them depend on each other, I am able to work on each one individually.”
I’ve never thought of this one really.. Thanks for this Dmitry! I’m gonna use this tactic! =)
Oh Alex! The unexpected book came in the mail today! THANK YOU SO MUCH! It’s been a long time since I last smelled a fresh new book!
To CANI,
SaiF
The World’s First Teen
Personal Development Video Blogger
This tells me you need to spend less time watching TV and more time reading. =)
Great post, thank you so much.
Another great tool that I use all the time, that my mentor David Neagle taught to me is this:
Whenever something “undesirable” is happening, literally take a step to the side and say to yourself: “Isn’t this interesting.”
When use this technique, it puts me an an objective frame of mind, and I can look at the situation more closely as an “outsider”, which allows me to breathe, and observe what the greater lesson is.
I decide to take responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens in my life - good, bad or indifferent - and recognize that whatever happens from one day to the next I create for my own growth.
Anyway, not to ramble on - I enjoyed this post, and I thank you.
With blessings,
Erin.
Erin Thoms Melnick
Modern & Millions
http://www.crosscountrytour.com
“Irregardless” is improper English and the usage lowers the integrity of this article.
i feel better about things just from reading this article! it’s such a great way to view life- just looking at it instead of judging everything and everyone including yourself.. it’s like that all is right with the world philosophy.. and it makes so much sense.. i mean getting all worked up about things doesn’t even do much half the time.. just stresses us out more.. so great advice! thank you for the reminder! (p.s my favorite part of the article was the indigestion LOL)… next time someone frowns at me i’ll just chalk it up to that hehe
Awesome, I’m glad you got something huge out of this article. Dmitry is awesome =)
Alex, just FYI, “irregardless” isn’t actually a word. It’s a weird hybrid of “irrespective” and “regardless” that gained slang popularity at some point. It’s actually an illogical word formation, because the prefix means “not” and the suffix means “without” so it’s a double negative.
Please know this is NOT intended to be mean-spirited. I grew up saying this word (my mother uses it to this day!) and it wasn’t until I was an adult and then some that someone pointed out that I was using a poorly formed and self-contradictory word. Oops!
I’m going to start making more spelling/grammar mistakes. Apparently it encourages comments =)
Use all your knowledge at every moment to evaluate what’s going on.
That is something I “attempt” to constantly practice. Successful people see things that other people do not see and act in ways that unsuccessful people are not willing to do. It’s just that simple. SO, if you want to be successful, you should actually “think” about what is going on at every moment (or at least as often as possible). That’s where your knowledge comes in.
Evaluation is the key. The better we become at evaluating, the more successful (and happy) we will be.
Take care
Mr Positioning (Stanley F. Bronstein, Atty, CPA, Author and Professional Speaker)
Now, now Alex . . .
Those comments will keep coming, WITHOUT the mistakes.
Take care
Mr Positioning (Stanley F. Bronstein, Atty, CPA, Author and Professional Speaker)
Detaching perceived outcome from emotion is key to feel good regardless of circumstances. Remember, it is not the circumstance that makes us to react, it shall be our controlled reaction to the circumstance that makes our character. If someone is trying to overtake me on the fast lane, my normal reaction is of anger but If I knew that his father is on the death bed and he is rushing to the hospital, all of sudden my reaction becomes that of compassion. So, we do not know why someone act in a certain way until we know all the facts.
Irregardless??? aaarrrrrgggghhhhhhh!
I agree that point 5 is one of the most important things to keep a relation honestly and avoid the common snowball effect.