Most money management articles tell you how to eliminate your debt, but I’m going to take the experienced wasters approach to showing you how you can waste, waste, waste! The more knowledgeable we are about wasting money, the better our chances of being able to avoid and save.
If we don’t know where we’re going wrong, it’s difficult, if not impossible for us to correct our mistakes and stay on course. This applies not just to money management, but to every facet of life. So let this slightly amusing piece serve to open up your minds, and allow all of us to ask ourselves:
Where else might I be blind to the mistakes I am making? In relationships? Business? Family? Physical body? Spirituality? Discipline?
The art is not in making money, but in keeping it. ~Proverb
The other day I did an ‘Ask The Readers’ post to find out what your best tips to WASTE money were and boy did you deliver. I’m very grateful to have such an amazing group of readers. You guys are so knowledge and so active in your participation and this article is all thanks to you! Based on your input, this is what we have come up with.
100 Ways To Blow Your Debt Through A Wall
“Wouldst thou shut up the avenues of ill,
Pay every debt as if God wrote the bill.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
- A Starbucks a day, keeps the girls away. Must get those $5 coffee, what’s the point of making our own, or even worse, quitting the coffee habit and getting healthier with water. Look at the bright side, coffee might rot our teeth out, and we’ll save by not having to go on dates!
- Eat complex meals. Instead of having a simple fruit dish, consisting of a couple of apples and bananas, have 10 different items, from 10 different stores and spend that extra money to get them all.
- Eat Out, Always. You’re doing a community service by making sure your neighborhood diner does not go out of business!
- Super Size It. Did I mention that there just isn’t enough sugar, fat, and grease in a regular fast food meal? That’s why someone, I don’t know who, but clearly someone smart invented SUPER SIZE!
- Buy Groceries Daily. “I’ll just stop by the store on the way home while I’m hungry to grab something for dinner.”
- Bottled Water. Who cares if the tap water is just as healthy? The bottled water has zero calories!
- Snack Machines. $1 a day, $365 a year… 1 package of 365 at Costcos $10-hmmmmm.
“Creditors have better memories than debtors.” ~Benjamin Franklin
- Leave on all the lights. Whenever you leave a room, don’t bother to turn on the lights. What’s the point? You’ll eventually be back in the room and needs the lights, so why not just save time and leave the lights on.
- Buy DVDs. You’re only going to watch this DVD once, but it’s nice to know that you have it.
- Rent and keep DVDs. Forgot those late fees and penalties. Just keep all the DVDs you rent, they’ll never find you!
- Impulse spending. You love it, so buy it, what’s need got to do with it?
- Leave the windows open. You’re basically doing a good deed by air conditioning and heating the whole neighborhood!
- Don’t plan. Whenever you need something for the house, just go out and get it. Much simpler than having a plan!
“Today, there are three kinds of people: the have’s, the have-not’s, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have’s.” ~Earl Wilson
- Forget Interest. Interest? What interest? They’ll get the money when you’re good and ready, and not a moment sooner.
- Buy On Credit. Buy now, buy later. This is a magic card reserved for special people. Not everyone can get one, but whoever does gets the benefit of free stuff forever!
- Play Lottery. Sure they may call it the “stupid tax”, sure your chances of winning are one in 50 billion, but who cares. Just think of all the ways you can waste that money!
- Paid checking. Why would anyone bother to have a free checking account??
- Any ATM. Use any ATM you want, and don’t worry about the service charge.
- Do not collect. If they owe you money, there must be a very good reason. So don’t bother collect debts, just treat it as gifts.
“Another way to solve the traffic problems of this country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars be allowed to use the highways. ” ~Will Rogers
- Make sure you drive. Drive everywhere instead of taking public transportation. You might be wasting gas, spending money, and putting miles and strain on your car, but at least you’ll get to plug your ipod into the car speakers instead of listening through a microphone.
- Fly First Class. The power, the luxury, and best of all the people in first class don’t talk to you. You wouldn’t want to sit with those smelly people in business class, would you? Spend spend spend!
- Buy A New Car. Forget depreciation- you must be seen in the newest, best, most luxurious vehicle in the land!
- Buy A Used Car. It may be so old it falls apart at every stop sign, but at least it’s a classic!
- Travel To Europe. With the Euro valued in at 2,300% to a Dollar, it just makes sense to travel there!
- Speed. Going 25 miles over the speed limit will save you about 5 minutes of driving time! A $500 ticket and court fees is a perfectly reasonable amount to pay to save 5 minutes!
- Lease the car. The payments are lower, so who cares if you’re giving the car right back to them when you’re done?
- Gas Station Choice. Go with the gas station with the biggest name and the biggest price. Avoid cheaper, avoid saving hundreds per year!
- Popular Insurance. The popularity of the insurance, and the cartoon they use on their commercials, is way more important than finding the cheaper one.
- Get new, keep old. Double up on insurance premiums. It’s good to get double coverage, right?
- Avoid Cash Down. Do not put any money down, or even think about paying things off in full. That would be smart- we don’t want that.
“When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage.” ~Bill Balance
- Dress For Each Occasion. You must buy a new outfit for each and every date that you go on, because God forbid someone sees your repeating an outfit, that would be a sin, right?
- Pay For Every Dinner. Just in case she realizes I don’t have a personality, at least she’ll get a free dinner out of it!
- Flowers- daily. Just in case she doesn’t like me, these dozen roses I get her on a daily basis will make her think twice before she breaks up with me and loses all these great benefits.
- Expensive gifts. Who wants sentimental gifts anymore? Secure your position as the sugar daddy by buying expensive gifts all the time.
- Plastic surgery. Surely the price of such a quick and easy operation is going to make the relationship with your spouse so much better!
“One of the greatest disservices you can do a man is to lend him money that he can’t pay back.” ~Jesse H. Jones
- Buy those books. But don’t read them, and if you do, don’t take action!
- Buy every eBook on the ‘net. They’re only $9.95, right?
- Avoid the library. They’re offering free info, reading, magazines, newspapers, books, videos, dvds, books on cd and cassette, kids puzzles, games, puppets, reading and math kits and so much more. For free? It must be a scam!
- Avoid free. The library offers free computer use, word processing, internet and classes on how to use all of this stuff. Free? Another scam!
- Choose an expert. Use an expert for travel, book groups, writing groups, foreign language, sign, language, crafts, health, taxes, cooking, etc. instead of becoming one by visiting your local library!
“Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.” ~Winston Churchill
- Get this seasons styles. As soon as your favorite store puts out a new line of clothes, replace every article you have so that you look great in the newest fashions. Who cares if you’ll look just as good in the clothes you already have, without spending another dime?
- Upgrade That Gear. Whenever a new model comes on the market don’t forget the magic rule “Out with the old, in with the new.”
- Big Brand Names. Sure you can get a plain white tee for $1, but the plain white tee from Versace will make you sexier and it’s just $159.99!
- Designer Cloth The Kids. You want them to look like royalty right? Put them in the highest fashions, even if they will grow out of it in 2 months.
“He who promises runs into debt” ~Talmud
- Get Every Package. No sexual innuendo here, just a reminder that when things are offered in a package, and you can get much more stuff, always get much more stuff!
- Get Laid Off. Forget about bills, do what you always wanted, and stay home and watch TV!
- Sam’s Club Your Life. Make sure you buy everything in bulk. Bread, fruit, milk… you know the perishables. You’ll have to take your eating level up a notch, so it all works out, right?
- Think? No, buy. Why bother to find out what that do-hickey, thinga-majig is for? Just buy it and sort that out later.
- Get That Gym Membership. But don’t go.
- Subscribe. When buying a magazine, ezine, newspaper and membership site, make sure you make your long term commitment with a long term subscription.
- Self-image. Become obsessed with what others think. 90% of your purchases stem from this one idea, while 10% are to make sure they don’t find out.
- Smoke. You definitely need a place to burn that extra cash into. Besides, if you die sooner, you’ll spend less.
Can you think of any tips that are not on this list? Share them in the comments below.
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