AlexShalman.comPractical Personal Development

Thanks to my friend Brian Tracy for inspiring this idea!

“Everyone tries to define this thing called Character. It’s not hard. Character is doing what’s right when nobody’s looking.” ~Albert Einstein

Today more than ever people want instantaneous results. It’s hardly a matter of finding the shortest line from point A to point B anymore. It’s now a matter of blinking and getting what we want.

This is why the idea of fast forwarding to become the ideal person has so much appeal to people. It’s a promise of instant results- just the way we like it.

The principle that the best way to get rid of bad habits is by replacing them with good habits also applies to negative and positive character traits. The problem is that we don’t always see our own negative characteristics and that is where we could use a little assistance.

This is my take of an exercise I learned from Brian Tracy. I’ve personally used this exercise and gathered some interesting evidence on myself. Some was obvious, but some came as a big surprise. Let’s first take a look on how you get gather some ‘evidence on yourself as well’ – keep reading.

Constructive Criticism Exercise

The point of the exercise is to gather a list of negative characteristics about ourselves in order to step up our character and become a better person. What we’re going to do is ask people in our life, that know us, to give us a little feedback as to how they perceive us.

Here’s a basic sample of how I ask for feedback:

I’m doing a self-improvement exercise and I would love it if you could help me out by answering one question. Could you tell me one characteristic about ‘me’ that you believe is holding me back in life, or any other way. What’s the one biggest thing? I’m really asking for it here, so don’t hold back- it’s like free punches

General guidelines:

1. My personal experience tells me that many people will want to participate in this exercise right as you tell them about it. They will give you feedback and say “ok now tell me something negative about myself”. So before you talk to someone make sure you are ready for them to ask that question and that you are comfortable with answering them. It wouldn’t be fair if you didn’t reciprocate.
2. Upon hearing their feedback you are not allowed to explain yourself, nor are you allowed to get defensive. You need to accept that what they say is legitimately the way THEY perceive you. Ask yourself, why is it that I am perceived this way. If you great negative feelings from their response, ask yourself why this is and if you getting angry or upset too easily is one of your negative characteristics.
3. You are allowed to ask two questions:
   1. “Could you please give me an example?”
   2. “Would you please tell me more?”
4. If people cannot think of anything, ask them to take some time and get back to you when they can. Do not pressure them to tell you negative characteristics, because not everyone is going to be comfortable with this.

Who To Ask?

1. Family. Your family are the people who know you the best and will likely not sugar coat your negative character traits. They’ll be honest, so be prepared.
2. Friends. Not all your friends will be up front with telling you what’s “wrong” with you. However, the few that will indulge you will reveal some great things for you to work on.
3. Co-workers. They see you everyday, sometimes even more than your friends and family, so they’ll be able to treat you to some negative characteristics about yourself.
4. First Impressions. After meeting someone for the first time, go ahead and ask them for an honest first impression of you. Tell them you’re doing a self-improvement exercise in fixing up your first impression and would like to know how you’re doing.
5. Exes. This wonderful group of people definitely know your negative characteristics. They’ve been going around talking about them to other people since you broke up. If you’re willing to open up that can of worms, than you have an endless pit of negative characteristics to work on from this group.

After Evidence Is Gathered

Congratulations! You are now a proud owner of a list of ways in which you suck at life. Aren’t you excited? I remember just how excited I was. It is the opportunity to take these little nuances about yourself and completely replace them with positive winning character traits. You can even use the principles laid out for you in Life Design Experiment (LDE) in order to guide you through the whole process.

The one thing you will notice about this exercise is that some things that were told back to you were just so obvious. It makes you wonder how come you didn’t just make these changes all by yourself? The reason is that most of us have little blinders on to how we are being, and it often takes an outsiders perspective to get us going.

“Let us not say, every man is the architect of his own fortune; but let us say, every man is the architect of his own character.”
~George D. Boardman quotes

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