Alex Shalman.comPractical Personal Development

“Let’s face it, the type of relationship you’re in can positively make or break you. Financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually the quality of your significant other can uplift and inspire you or rub your face into the dirt.”
~Alex Shalman

By the time you’re thinking about a break up the issue is staring you dead in the face. You’re heart is possibly wrapped in a noose, and you’re off planning your great escape. The problem occurs when you realize it’s not as easy as you thought to walk out that door. Powerful factors like guilt, fear and the risk of being on your own are burning in your chest. All very bad reasons to stay by the way.

If you were to ask me for my advice I might tell you that the best thing to do is go ‘cold turkey’, pack up your bags and leave without looking back. However, I’d be a bit if a hypocrite if I told you that, because I’ve had a couple of big break ups and that’s not exactly the method that I used. I know, it’s often much harder than it sounds.

Before we even begin discussing the awesome strategy that I have developed to end a relationship, and end up on the other side with your heart intact, I’m going to give you a powerful reason why you might want to leave for good. The number one reason to leave your sucky relationship is that the person that is absolutely perfect for you is out there, you just have to create them first.

The Perfect Partner: From Your Mind Into Your Arms

The person that would be the absolute perfect match for us, and be all that we desire lives within our imagination. This person can be manifested into reality as long as we make some powerful distinctions. This means we have to create a very vivid and precise image of what we want. In order to do this, take out a pen and paper and write down everything you’re looking for.

Here are some suggestions for categories:

1. Physical Appearance. While looks may not be number one, we’d be lieing to ourselves if we said we want to be with someone we aren’t attracted to. Write down the height, hair color, eye color, skin color and whatever else that you find yourself attracted to. This is your type and may vary as you have more than one.
2. Dominance. This is really important in relationships. Decide what you are and what you’re looking for.

“If you want real passion, you need a ravisher and a ravishee; otherwise, you just have two buddies who decide to rub genitals in bed.”
~David Deida (The Way of The Superior Man)

3. Finances. Not one of the most important things on my personal list, but everyone is different. Make sure you define if you want your ideal mate to be well off financially, struggling, dirt poor, or on the start of an ambitious journey.
4. Personality. Define if you want them to be easy to get along with, hard headed, responsible, virtuous, of high moral stature, or whatever else you prefer.

For a bigger list of things you might want to consider, look at the list of non-negotiables. By considering this before hand you can attract the person into your life that already has all the qualities you’re looking for. Remember the point is to make this person ideal for you, your tastes, and your deepest passions.

Once you’ve got this perfect person on paper, you can be certain they’re out there somewhere in the world. For me this was a compelling enough reason to leave, so it made the next part of this exercise much easier. Let’s take a look at check lists for getting out of that old “not-good-anymore” relationships.

Get Rid Of Your “Insignificant” Other: Pros and Cons on Steroids

So have you played that old game of taking out a sheet of paper and jotting a line down the center? You know, the one where you write the pros of staying with this person versus the cons of leaving them? You probably have used this method, and you aren’t the only one. I’ve been in this boat as well, and if you’re anything like me you’ve failed a few times with this process.

I’ll tell you why the traditional pros and cons list fails for getting out of a relationship. When you fill up the pros column with reasons to stay with the person, and the cons column with reasons to leave, it doesn’t really matter which list is bigger. What matters is that you will always tell yourself that you will find some way to overcome the cons in order to help the pros survive.

Did you just get that? That’s the psychological secret behind this method. In order to use it to your advantage all you have to do is reverse the order! Place the reasons to leave into the pros column, and the reasons to stay into the cons column. This way you’ll find yourself making more and more reasons in your mind how you can overcome the cons, in order to make the pros happen. Once you’ve convinced yourself, the actions follow.

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