Tackle Happiness, Don’t Chase It

My whole life I wondered how it is that, all things being equal, two people in the same situation can be happy and unhappy, respectively.

It puzzled me how people gravitated toward happiness in dire situations, while others, who seemingly had everything, were constantly depressed.

Several months ago I stopped wondering and started searching by conducting what you all know as the Happiness Project, a series of interviews with 34 notable people about the subject of happiness. This snowballed into a venture in which over 60 people answered the questions for us using their own blogs.

I took a look at all of the responses, compared them to definitions of happiness within different cultures and religions, and attended a landmark education event called “creating happiness”. At this point my definition of happiness is as clear as it’s ever been and I’m very happy to be able to share it with you.

“Happiness is being the creator of your experience, choosing to take pleasure in what you have, right now, regardless of the circumstances, while being the best you that you can be.”
~Alex Shalman

If you go ahead and sit with this definition for a while I am very confident that you will see the simplicity of it. Keep in mind that it’s pretty easy to be happy when everything is going your way. It takes real strength and courage to be happy in the face of difficulties.

By becoming the creators we are taking responsibility for our own happiness. The essential step is realizing that we can be happy regardless of the circumstances or situations that we find ourselves in. It doesn’t take the right person, place, or thing in order to bring the happiness to us. It certainly does not take the right situation.

In fact, we can be happy without needing a situation to be happy for! By really getting present to the fact that we are the ones that put meaning to everything in our lives, we are able to put the meaning of happiness into our lives at will.

The simple fact that happiness is a choice means that making the decision to be happy means you are happy. If you’re too busy to make that split second decision, then you can receive happiness as a side effect of being the best you that you can be. The caveat is that both being happy and being the best you that you can be leads to an overall better life. You don’t have to choose between one or the other. Do both. Be happy and be the best you that you can be.

“When you’re working on being happy, you are the type of person that created the possibility that you are not currently happy.”
~Roger Smith (Landmark Education)

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Jennifer | Ask Dan And Jennifer

Jennifer | Ask Dan And Jennifer said on April 17th, 2008 at 8:32 am

Alex is so right! Happiness IS a choice.

It’s a choice that you make every moment of every day and goes hand in hand with gratitude. Feeling joyful and being thankful for what you have right now in this moment will create more reasons in your life for you to feel joy and happiness!

When I was younger, I could never understand how my grandmother could be so happy even when things seemed to be going so bad. She always told me that happiness is a choice – only in the last few years did that really sink in…
Adam Kayce : Monk At Work

Adam Kayce : Monk At Work said on April 17th, 2008 at 9:28 am

I think you’re right on, Alex.

When I was a kid, I read a series of sci-fi/fantasy books called The Thomas Covenant Chronicles. There was a prominent character in there (a giant) called Saltheart Foamfollower, and he was always laughing when the protagonist was upset, frustrated, and being quite the victim.

When asked why he was always happy and laughing, the giant said, “Joy is in the ears that hear.” I’ve remembered that my whole life, and I think it’s true as can be. It’s about what we make of life that counts, not how external events go, or don’t, according to our preferences.
Chris Cade | Spiritual Stories & Parables

Chris Cade | Spiritual Stories & Parables said on April 17th, 2008 at 12:18 pm

I really like that quote, Alex – I’ve added it to my “Quote of the Moment” script on my website along with a link back to your website. I am sure my readers will enjoy it, and hopefully learn to embody it if they don’t already.
Peg

Peg said on April 17th, 2008 at 2:19 pm

Thank you for this Happiness Project. I’m going through a really hard time right now and it is very inspiring. It’s not easy to be happy when so much bad stuff is happening. But that is what it’s all about. Happiness not the stuff. Gratitude is key too. I’ve recently learned a different way of reflecting on what you are grateful for it especially helps when your really down. It’s called the ABC’s of gratitude. A is for answering the phone and hearing my daughters voice. B is for Big Hugs. C is for my cat who brings me to a calm place.
And so on it really works. Thanks Again for the project.
Debo Hobo

Debo Hobo said on April 17th, 2008 at 4:21 pm

I was very please to take part in your Happiness Experiment on my blog. I have since then made sure that I remained focused on creating and maintaining happiness around me.

I think your definitaion of happiness is – right on!
Suzie Cheel

Suzie Cheel said on April 17th, 2008 at 6:58 pm

Hi Alex,

I like your definition, so true we do have a choice, I am also for surronging myself with happy people and doing what feels good.

The post I did as part of your happiness Experiment has been a popular post on my post- so there are more and more people looking for info on happiness,
MrPositioning.com (Stanley Bronstein)

MrPositioning.com (Stanley Bronstein) said on April 17th, 2008 at 10:23 pm

My experience is that most human beings like to have something to worry about or to complain about. That’s why they can be “happy” when bad things are happening to them.

It also explains why some people, who have absolutely no problems whatsoever, wind up getting so bored, that they start complaining about something, or creating problems, just so they can have something to be worried about.

For example, take a spouse who doesn’t have to work and can basically do whatever they want, whenever they want. Money is not a problem. Their health is not a problem. Having a crummy job is not an issue. They live a nice life. Basically, they live a life that 98% of the people on the face of this earth would love to have. Yet, despite all that, they complain, just because it gives them something to do.

People with problems are not bored. People without problems frequently get bored. Boredom makes them unhappy (as it would most people).

Stanley F. Bronstein
MrAchievement
Attorney, CPA, Author & Speaker
Official Guide to Achievement on SelfGrowth.com