“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.”
~John Donne

No matter how much you’ve worked on your self-control you cannot deny that people in your life influence you. We happen to be the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with.

Spend one half of your time with your 4 friends and the other half with your spouse? It follows that you’ll be even more susceptible to influence from your spouse. This assimilation can lead to a blossoming healthy relationship, or take us into a downward spiral.

I’m personally not married, but I know how much time I spend with my girlfriend alone, and I observe how my parents and the parents of all my friends functions together. No where do I see couples where one person is super happy and successful while the other is depressed and miserable. Such couples do not last.

Let’s take a look at some ways your spouse may be killing you softly:

1. Taking Away Your Health. It is pertinent to your health that your health goals are aligned with those of your spouse. Since you’re going to find yourself assimilating into each other to some degree you don’t want to be the healthy person that gets brought down by a food slob.

It’s important that you are agreeable as to what type of food you will have in the house, what type of places you will go out to eat, and what your nutritional and fitness values are.

2. Digging Into Your Wallet. Is it possible for one person to be a frugal saver while their spouse is a frivolous hyper consumer? Sure, if the saver is saving merely for the spending pleasure of the spouse.

If there are more serious saving goals, such as mortgage, investments, children’s education, than the hyper consumer lifestyle will be a burden on the overall financial health of this family unit. That is why it is important to be agreeable on financial goals, and the type of lifestyle that each spouse could expect to maintain, together.

3. Taking Away Your Dreams. Everyone in life has dreams, aspirations, and goals to do something, become someone, or go somewhere. Unfortunately for some these dreams haven’t been alive since they were a kid- we’ll have to address that in a different post. For the rest of us dreamers, it’s very important to discuss them as part of your non-negotiables ^[1] before we even get into a serious relationship.

If you’re already in a relationship keep an eye on that spouse that bashes every vision that you dare to dream. The absolute pessimist that doesn’t let you breath. I’m not talking about the critical pessimist that won’t let you take the whole family saving and blow them on a hot stock. I’m talking about the one that won’t let you paint because they think you’ll never make something of yourself.

4. Taking Away Your Character. Do you consider yourself a nice person? What happens when day in and day out your spouse gossips, name-calls, and insults other people. Whether this is done in front of them, or behind their back, you are still being exposed to this type of mentality.

Whatever you resist persists, and if you let this behavior enter your mind, sooner or later you will also find yourself speaking like this.

What other areas of your life would you say your spouse is capable for ruining your life? Happiness, goals, values? I leave this article open for debate in the comments section below.

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Photo by tanakawho ^[2]

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