Ask The Readers: What’s Your Suicide Story?
The topic of suicide is very much a taboo, one that most people shy away from. Despite the proclaimed anathema, suicide continues to be a huge problem, whether we think about it or not. I’m shocked to see some of the statistics for teenage suicide, as well as for adults.
“Anyone desperate enough for suicide…should be desperate enough to go to creative extremes to solve problems: elope at midnight, stow away on the boat to New Zealand and start over, do what they always wanted to do but were afraid to try.”
~Richard Bach
After writing the article 10 Simple Ways To Commit Suicide, thousands of people have come to this website looking for easy ways to kill themselves. I never realized it was such a problem until the statistics showed a constant flow of people, increasing consistently, looking for these search terms.
Although I’ve personally never entertained the thought of killing myself, I did date someone who occasionally threatened to commit suicide several years ago. She never did do it. While 1 out of 1 is a 100% success ratio, this does not by any means make me an expert in the field.
What I’m looking to do is to start an interactive discussion. If you’ve attempted suicide in the past, if you know someone who has attempted or committed suicide, and certainly if you’re entertaining the thought I’d like to invite you to share your story.
Hopefully this discussion will allow people to get certain things off their chest, and allow others to shed light on the negatives of suicide and hopefully turn people off from this decision.
Who
- If you’ve attempted to commit suicide
- If you know someone who attempted suicide
- If you know someone who killed themselves
- If you’re thinking about committing suicide
What
- If you have a story to share about how attempted suicide or someone killing themselves has impacted your life
Where
- Use the comments area below this post
When
- This is an ongoing discussion and you can jump in at any time.
Why
Why do people entertain the thought of killing themselves? From the comments on the previous post, and the e-mails that I have been receiving, here is what I think — feel free to add anything else you can think of.
- Eating Disorders
- Abuse, Rape, and Molestation
- Substance Abuse
- Love Gone Wrong
- Financial Problems
- Confusion and Indecision
- Ongoing Depression
- Unbearable Stress
- Chronic Illness
Why do I choose this topic? I feel like it’s important to bring more light to this topic. If even one person feels better from this post, gets inspiration from this site, then I feel like I’ve done my part in the world.
How
- Bookmark this page on your web browser or on del.icio.us and come back often to keep up with the conversation. This will make following the conversation much easier.
- Use the subscribe to comments button in order to get an e-mailed copy of the lasted comment right to your e-mail box. This will also make following the conversation must faster and easier.
Subscribing to this blog is definitely one thing I can think of that’s better than committing suicide (and don’t forget to Stumble this article to spread the word.) In the mean time I’m doing more research about this topic. I’m looking for a suicide center nearby where I can receive training and volunteer.
Keep the comments clean!
![[Post to Twitter]](http://www.alexshalman.com/wp-content/plugins/tweet-this/icons/tweet-this-small.png){kind=icon}
Posted by Alex Shalman in Ask The Readers | September 25, 2008 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 82 comments
Pingbacks / Trackback URL
- 10 Simple Ways To Commit Suicide | Alex Shalman . com - February 13th, 2009
LinkedIn
YouTube
Twitter
Digg
I would encourage you to ask yourself one question each and every day. What’s good here?
The truth about how our mind works is that whatever we think about expands. This just means that when we think about something, we start to think about it more and more, and to us it starts to appear that whatever we’re thinking about is the only thing that exists.
If you live in a town where everyone is much shorter than you, and you never leave the town, you’ll start to believe that you’re the tallest person on the planet, even though this might be very far from truth. In the same way, if you concentrate on the negative aspects of your life, the whole world will seem gloomy and bad.
The bright side is that concentrating on the good aspects of your life will take over your mind in exactly the same way. By appreciating and showing gratitude for the great things in our life, no matter how small, we’ll soon be thinking about everything in a much more positive light, and whatever pain we’re experiencing will be much more bearable.
Many years ago, at age 23, I tried to commit suicide and came dangerously close to succeeding. Having survived it and after extensive soul searching, I went on to law school, a successful private practice, built a family and am now an inspirational speaker and Life Coach. When I speak to groups about attempted suicide, I always note that people who try it don’t really want to die. They just temporarily misplace Hope. And with Hope misplaced, it feels like the suffering will never end. In reality, its your unexpressed creative energies, all bottled up inside you, that are the cause of the suffering. Once you learn how to find them and release them, Life will become everything you always Hoped it would be. Never give up.
I fully agree to that. I too attempted suicide on the 25th of July 2008 thank God I too did not succeed imagine if I did I would not have had the opportunity to share my experiences with anyone let alone be able to talk and motivate someone else in not even considering this option. I went through a rough patch in my life and it was hectic , things are still a bit unbalanced art the moment but the thing is I was given a second chance to life and this time I decided that I would live my life to the best way I know how. No one said it is going to be easy but that I am alive is so much more of a blessing than anything else. Life has it’s challenges but it is up to us as individuals as to how we choose to live it! I love life and take it each day as it comes. I am glad Alex brought this article into place as it will help many of us to console one another and to encourage each other not to even think about suicide for a minute.I hope many of us will find this to be alot more easy and it helps to share and talk to others.
“Suicide is a final solution to a temporary problem”
Dear Bob
I don’t know you we never met but one thing is for sure I understand your pain I was once there but choosing suicide is a selfish thing to do not to other people but to yourself the fact that you have granted who ever hates you the opportunity to benefit from your suicide is really not a smart move. YOU HAVE TO REMIND YOURSELF ABOUT WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD AND DON’T SAY SUICIDE PLEASE! if you still on this website please answer me on this article I think it would be great if you and I spoke I think this what you need this is what we all need to talk to someone. What do you say? Lets see if I can convince you not to kill yourself please talk to me I am waiting upon your reply please.
Like a lot of people, I have a story and some thoughts. Also, like a lot of people, I am unsure that I want to share that story non-anonymously. Jot just for my comfort, but for that of some of those close tome as well. It appears that this posting will be non-anonymous. That may substantially skew your reuslts, and it will certainly limit the responses you get.
One thought I will share: The list of why’s that you have akll share a commonality — fatigue. I’ve come to the conclusion that the drain of personal energy that goes into any of these situations leads to both a fundamental, bone-crushing fatigue and a conclusion that “of this is all there is, I’m just too weary to deal with it anymore.” Note that this last is an internal thought withoout the insight that the individual hasn’t really ‘dealt’ with ‘it’ yet.
Yours is a valuable blog. Kudos.
Follow-up: forgive my fat fingers! I didn’t realize there wouldn’t be an edit opportunity before posting!
Lloyd I am not trying to be funny but I really don’t understand what you just said! Are you saying you do not wish to speak about suicide? Cause this is all for a good cause I think it is A fantasic Idea people should not shy away from this cause this is happening where we are making big mistakes by trying or killing ourselves. We need to be able to help eachother not say no this too embrassing to talk about as this really is taking place why not help instead of being so negative?
Sadly, in today’s society, negative sites that give instructions on how to commit suicide. So a post with a title like yours just drew them in like moths to a light.
I read this today and wanted to share it. I have not attempted suicide but I did have a friend who attempted it successfully. One nite we were partying and I had talked to him earlier that nite and he seemed very angry, perhaps I should have asked why, but I didnt. At about 2:30 in the a.m there were four of us partying at his apt. He pulled out this gun that he always carried with him it was a derringer .32 caliber. He started playing with it he pointed it at me and the the woman that was next to me, she started to cry. I asked if it was loaded he pointed it at my head, I guess to see my reaction. Let me just add that I am not a brave person, at this point in my life I didnt care about anything and this was not the first time a gun had been pointed at my head. So to me it didnt matter if he shot me so I just looked at him and shrug. He smiled pointed it to his head and said it ain’t loaded he pulled the trigger. It was loaded looking back I believe if I had shown fear or alarm he would have tried to scare me more and pulled the trigger while he had it to my head. In that one second he impacted my life tremendously. I was going to be a Lawyer but after that I chose to become a teacher, I wanted to help youths, I didnt want to see another one die. I am currently working as a counselor. I see children who have witnessed suicides and death. Although I know that it doesnt matter sometimes I think what if…… I thought of him earlier this week he would have about 26 years old. He was 18 years old when he did it. Suicide is a very selfish thing to do it always leaves questions for the family, because no one wants to believe their loved ones would be capable of doing it.
I always told my students there is always tomorrow, hang on, tomorrow you could win the lottery, you could meet the love of your life, someone may give you your dream car. Ok chances are it will not happen, but you will never know until tomorrow. It could happen but you have to be around tomorrow to see if it does.
It is difficult to understand why someone would commit suicide, unless you’ve been in an enveloping darkness that feels suffocating and you lack hope that there will be a change. Once you get to a point where ending your life seems like the only alternative to stop the sadness or hopeless feelings, it is difficult to turn back. We may no longer want to live for ourselves, but imposing the burden of suicide onto parents, spouse, children, friends, is something that should be considered before ending it all. In a darkened state of mind, our best decision is incomplete. If you contemplate suicide, make sure you give the contemplation of living life just as much thinking and feeling time. Suicide is usually well thought out and planned. That same energy it takes to end your life can be put into continuing on with life and finding a way out of your current state. Suicide is the only choice that you may see at the moment, but given time other options will unfold if you are willing to have hope and be patient. It is a lie that you subscribe to if you believe that no one feels the same or understands. Believe me, others know these feelings. If you are contemplating suicide, contact any of us who have commented that may sound like we have some idea of what you’re going through. Exploring your feelings with others and not staying isolated is part giving your life an equal amount of consideration.
I’ve been depressed and very, very sad at different times in my life but thankfully
never to the point of wanting to end my life. I am lucky I guess to have
a strong will to live through whatever is bothering me at the time and to
know that tomorrow is indeed another day and everything will
be alright, that ‘this too will pass’
……I’ve got through enough heartbreak to know
that one day it is all black and crap and then the next day or next week or
next month all is okay again.
I knew a girl Cathy who struggled with clinical depression in the form
of Bipolar who killed herself and a guy I went to school with, Franco killed himself
recently the day after his mother died…..his father had killed himself when Franco
was 21 and he told many people he would kill himself in the same way his
father did when his mother passed away which is exactly what he did.
He was very, very close to his mother, never married and had no children so
I guess he didn’t see any reason for living once his mother was
no longer around.
I share this with everyone here because the reasons people kill themselves
are complex. As in Franco’s case he decided over 20 years
ago he would take his own life and in Cathy’s case she’d considered suicide
many times before actually making the decision. Perhaps if she was
on different medication at the time she might still be alive today,perhaps married with a family of her own.
I also want to mention fellow Australian Michael Hutchence, lead singer of INXS who took his own life after a long night of drinking alcohol and taking other drugs,
there’s a very long and complex story behind this but all I want to say about
his case is he was indeed ’stuck in moment’ exacerbated by alcohol, other
drugs and no sleep and due to ongoing hassles with his partner’s ex husband
he couldn’t see there was any hope things would be different. He was also suffering depression which no doubt was influenced by the rock star life he lead, booze, pills, & the constand media intrusion in his life.
Had he not been off his face at the time alone in his
hotel room in Australia I’m sure he wouldn’t have killed himself.
There are so many reasons why people kill themselves.
Suicide rates in Australia are highest in rural areas but depression rates
are the same in the city and rural communities so from this one has to
conclude that depression and suicide do not necessarily go hand in hand.
Thankfully only a small percentage of depressed people kill themselves,
however untreated depression is a major risk factor for suicide.
It appears more men kill themselves in rural areas here because they are afraid to
say they are depressed therefore they do not seek help or do not
know where to seek help and their depression remains untreated.
In Australia we have a fantastic organisation Beyond Blue who work to
help people who are having difficulties with depression and mental disease.
They are very active in bringing awareness to the community about all aspects
of mental disorders, depression, anxiety and substance misuse disorders
and addressing the associated social stigma attached to these problems.
http://www.beyondblue.org.au
Life is so precious I hope anyone who comes here looking for some support
finds it, we are all in this world together and we really must realise how
important community is and start to get back to basics, look out for each other and
ask someone who looks like they’re lost or doing it tough if they’re okay.
Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to tell someone no I’m not okay I feel so sad,
everything feels like it’s too much for me and I don’t know what to do about it.
And please if someone says this to you don’t tell them to pull themselves
together, ask them, how can I help? Sometimes all we need is someone to listen,
not give advise but having said that there’s nothing wrong with directing
them to a wonderful website like Beyond Blue where they will find the support and
answers they are more than likely looking for.
I am extremely depressed. I think there is no point to life. I think saying that if you don’t suicide that you may hit the lottery tomorrow or meet the love of your life is validation that without those things it is pointless, and the chance of either thing happening is remote. At times when clients call I have wanted to tell them I’ve died. Religion is stupid. The body decays. Nothing makes sense. Spirituality holds some promise — but in a strange impersonal way that doesn’t care about little things. What is good here? Toilet works. Running water. Electricity is paid for through the end of the month. Fresh fruit. The ocean. A U.S. passport. 911.
I’ve never tried to commit suicide but there was a period two years ago, when I was 14/15, where it was the only thing I thought about. It was the build up of a lot of things.
I had an eating disorder. I was going through a binge/purge cycle that I thought would never end. Going to school was hell because I couldn’t concentrate on anything but food, and my weight and how thin everyone else was. It is so hard to describe unless you’ve been through it and know what it’s like, otherwise it probably sounds shallow or selfish. I started to hate myself, and lost all my friends through my negativity. I felt like I didn’t deserve anyone because I was so disgusting and ugly and fat.
Another part was I found out my dad was having various affairs with other women. My mom knew, but he’d threatened her to keep it quiet from me and my brother. I know people are going to ask why my mom didn’t leave, but that in itself is another complicated story. We are an Indian family, so if they divorced, my mom would be disgraced. My dad had been married before and he knows he couldn’t get divorced again. My mom broke her nose a few years ago, apparently after falling down the stairs. I found out last year it was actually because she found my dad and his girlfriend in bed together. They thought she would be at work. The other women punched my mom after a confrontation. He didn’t even try and help her.
There were other little things but it felt like everything had exploded in my face. I was so depressed; all I thought about was dying. I contemplated ending it so many times, but I was too cowardly to do it.
Then I started thinking about my mom and how brave she is in all this. I could never leave her. So even though I was still depressed and ugly, I knew I was too cowardly to kill myself.
I’ve never told anyone this before. I get scared people will just dismiss me as being whiny, and will tell me I need to grow up and stop complaining, which is what I imagine my family would do if I ever told them this. I get so ashamed thinking about their reactions.
I’m sorry if this is too long and a waste of time for you to read, but I saw this post and felt like I should say something, even if it doesn’t contribute to the actual topic.
Dear M
You have come to the right website and what you said is everything to do with this topic it is okay say what you feel and why we are all here from different parts of the world to encourage eachother and sometimes we tend to think we are the only ones feeling pain ,but if you look around you carefully you would notice just how many people are suffering depression,pain and sorrow. We all in this together and we need to find a way to help one another so really your story is not a waste of time it just gives me and many others more of and understanding that when you think you alone in this world with your only problems don’t turn to suicide rather find a hobbie or something that can keep you busy and focused I am glad you never did what what you could have done. And as you can see many of us have come forward to share our stories and this makes me glad. Thank you for coming forward but if there is anything you need to talk about please don’t hesitate. Keep moving forward and love yourself
I am seriously contemplating ending the pain that haunts me and consumes my spirit
I am a 20 year old student at Morehead State University. Some people may say that I have my life in order: full academic scholarships, a 4.0, the secretary of her sorority, an easy-going view of life, and a sense of humor. It is easy to put on a happy face and pretend like life is fabulous.
I was just released from ICU two days ago due to an attempted suicide. I took a severe overdose on Tylenol…not exactly the most intelligent choice I’ve made in life…obviously. Luckily I realized what a terrible choice I had made and called a friend over…who in return forced me to the ER. Having a massive tube shoved down your nose and having your stomach contents pumped out for hours on end isn’t exactly the most pleasant experience. The charcoal that was pumped in didn’t set to well either.
Sitting alone in ICU gave me a chance to do a lot of thinking. I want to experience life…the good and the bad. Not only that, but I don’t want to hurt my family and friends. A good friend of mine had passed recently, and I didn’t want everyone to go through that pain…again. I feel selfish and ashamed, but thankful to be alive.
To say that I am void of pain and “those thoughts” would be nice…but they aren’t…and won’t ever be. I am now on medication…fun fun…and have to meet with a counselor when I go back on campus…hopefully they will take the dry humor well. Life goes on…I just need to work on my coping skills. Why I did it…who knows…supposedly “giving up on life” isn’t understandable…I’ve found my humor and am staring to go on…once you stop laughing you stop living…not literally…but yeah…
Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticizm..still, its too much effort to commit suicide
been dealing w/ mental illness 4 over 20 years…so tired. I have little to no help. I can’t work and I was top of my class at a top university….it has been downhill since. I too am too much of a coward to OD consciously…tubes, yuk! I’m an all or nothing kinda woman. Thought this site might help….so confused.
I came upon this website in search of the last thoughts of a person before they tried to end their life. My husband, Bill, DID commit suicide on October 24, 2008, at 12:28 in the afternoon. I know this because I was on the other end of the phone when he shot himself in the head with a 45 calibur pistol. Being a survivor of suicide has changed me forever. Bill and I met 23 years ago, feel in love immediately and have been together since, until his death. Married 20 years, 1 month and 9 days, we went through many ups and downs. He had a horrible childhood; abuse, adopted out to family, told how he wasn’t wanted, etc… I came from a stable family, but my Dad was a pilot in the Air Force, so he was gone a lot, and aside from having to move all the time, my life was pretty good. Bill and I were such opposites but we loved each other. It was us against the world. In all the years we were together, he talked about suicide over 100 times, easy. He attempted at least twice that I know of. He even altered a regular bullet into a hollow point and said, “This is my bullet”. He would sometimes joke that “a little lead poisoning” would fix everything. He battled alcoholism for 21 years; was in and out of rehab, and was diagnosed as bi polar. Bill was a great and wonderful man, but I truly believe he did not want to be ‘labeled’ with a mental illness, as his ‘real’ mother was a ‘nut job’. He would not take meds and if he did, it was always more that prescribed; he was pedal to the metal. Please, anyone that ever feels that suicide is the answer, THINK AGAIN!!!!!! It really is a permanant solution to a temporary problem. I have used myspace as kind of a diary of my feelings since this has happened and am saddened to find out there are soooo many people like me out there. Everyone is loved, a lot of times we forget to say it.
Please visit http://www.myspace/no2suicide.com just to see how suicide causes emotional turmoil in the ones that love you. DON’T GIVE UP! This too shall pass…
I just want to say that killing yourself is not the answer. Unless your answer is lowering the human population on this planet. I’ve been going through unbelievably rough times these past six years because of a brain tumor I had. I have been in terrible pain for those six years and it has made me completely disabled. But I’m still here. My eyes may be in excruciating pain 24 hours a day, but I still haven’t snuffed my light out. I’ve had to drop out of college three times because of the pain I experience, but I’m still here. I feel like committing suicide sometimes, but I don’t because I know what it would do to my family. I’m not about to put them through that kind of pain. Sure, my physical pain may be terrible, but I’m not about to inflict my pain on others by deciding to end my own life. I want people to hear this because even though everything was taken from me by brain cancer, I am still standing and not giving in to the easy way out. I am posting under a pseudonym because I try and hide the pain I experience from everyone. Not for me, but for them. If people knew the amount of pain I was in, they would pity me and I don’t want that. Good luck to all of you
Thise of you that are thinking about suicide? Are you considering your family members. Do you care about the inbelievable grief that they will endure for the rest of their lives. Have you thought about the fact that you will ruin their lives. Your children,parents, spouse will forever be tormented by your death. Do you realize that you are passing your misery on to these people? Do you even care about these people?
For about 3 year now I have struggling to go on. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t feel like living. Nothing interests me, nothing makes me happy and the more sad I become. It’s so hard to explain. I try to force myself to see the good side of things but all I feel is a constant, draining discouragement. It all got worse when about 2 months ago, I started having constant nightmares and started hallucinating. I keep thinking I can smell things (usually really upsetting things) when no one else can and i get really paranoid.
Last year, I tried to kill myself. I took an overdose of pills but then I panicked, went to hospital and survived. I am glad I survived because I don’t want to die. I just wish I knew what was wrong and could feel better.
Unfortunately, suicide is not something you can just forget about. I think about what I did nearly every day and sometimes I’m tempted to try again. Because living is like torture for me. Every one around seems so happy. I keep thinking: what’s wrong with me?
I have always been reluctant to get help because to me it seemed week and because I don’t really believe anyone can help.
Last week however, I finally forced myself to go and see a psychiatrist. I was terrified and completely panicked in the waiting room. I was scared he would tell me stop being stupid and pull myself together or on the contrary send me to a mental hospital.
But actually he was really nice. I was really terrified and had trouble speaking to him but he was very gentle and understanding and really seemed to understand and care about what was happening to me. He asked me lots of questions but respected the fact there were some I felt too emotional to answer.
After only one meeting, I can’t explain how much better I felt. Just having someone who seemed really caring and willing to help makes a huge difference. For the first time in absolutely ages I actually feel hopeful. I am going to see him again soon to talk more things through and see what could be done.
I would really encourage anyone out there with any mental health concern to get help. Keeping it to yourself doesn’t work. You don’t get better. You just feel worse and worse. It is a big step getting help. It can seem terrifying and humiliating, especially if like me you hate opening up to others as you think it’s none of their business. But jut imagine feeling really good about yourself. Isn’t it worth the effort? I never expected to feel such a relief after just an hour of talking to someone but it really does happen.
if you dont have a purpose in life then what is life? what is life worth… if you have no purpose but to live for the people who love you? thats what they always say…”what about the people who care about you?! what about them?!” well… what about them? they mean nothing after soo much pain. the drama and problems with life isnt worth it in the end… im better off dead…
P.S. i learned how to make a noos yesterday… the possibiblities are endless…
in response to alice…
thanks but no thanks ive tried that road… but im so messed up they did send me to a mental hospital!! it was like hell… it was more like a prison than a hospital, seriously! we couldnt do anything and i didnt even talk to anyone! they kept me in a room with two other mental guys and kept me there for a week. maybe it was the hospital though… it was penninsula. somthing like that. talking to people doesnt help, they never understand ANYTHING!!! it makes me really really mad. but look im glad that you are making progress in your life. im just saying it dont always work… im only fifteen years old and already i seem to know more about this depression than most adults. there are times for me however when i do forget about my problems and everything is fine… in those times im happy, im actually a good, kind-hearted guy… but other than those rare moments i dont even get peace in my sleep. my dreams haunt me with what i cant have… always the things i cant have… its very emotionally draining. and ive been called emo, faggot (im bisexual), and pretty much everything you can be called to make a person feel bad… but its funny how that stuff can all go in one ear and out the other… when one word that would mean nothing to someone else can set me off horribly. people tell me im sick… after about three years of this im really starting to see what theyre saying and im starting to agree… just a little psycho-pathic, twisted, lunatic, arent i?
oh and to scotia. no.
i lost my wife to suicide 10/24/07. First i would like to respond to those who say if you try suicide and dont complete it you are not serious. ANYONE who tells you something like this has no clue whatsover what they are talking about. and those of you who have lived through this know what i mean.2nd mental health hospitals and care are disgusting in this country. you are treated worse then a convict if you have a mental disease.and the drugs ? omg the side effects from the so called cures would never ever be tolerated in the regular health field.its ok to mental health workers that your meds cause diabetes gross overweight and countless other side effects that are truly med evil. also the stereotype that people who commit suicide are depressed. no not all people that do this are depressed.
i lost my wife to a disease that killed her. that is how i look at it. just the same as a cancer patient. how can i say that? i lost my first wife to cancer. my 2nd to suicide. neither one of them chose there illness. and neither one wanted to die. if anyone would like to talk about there loss you can email me anytime. johnjjds44@aol.com or if i am online shoot me an im.
I’ve been thinking about commiting suicide these psat few days. People say that you should think of your family and your friends and what the impact will be on them. I HAVE thought about the impact that my death will have, and I honestly don’t give a damn. If people are sad when I’m dead, it there problem not mine.
The reason that I want to commit suicide is that the person that I love hates me now. She blocked me from all her sites. She won’t talk to me. She won’t even just accept my thousands of apologies. I can’t count how many times I’ve apologized to her for what I did, honestly over 50 times. She is the only thing in this entire world that I care about. My family my friends my possesions… they are meaningless to me. She is the only thing that I’ve ever loved. When you only love one thing in the world, and you lose that one thing, what do you have left? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You might call me selfish or ungrateful or cruel to my family and friends but…. without her I just don’t care.
Life is nothing but bullshit! I mean you wake up in the morning and ask yourself: “What the hell is good about my life?” Maybe some of you don’t say it but I do. I am 20 years old now. When I was 19 I almost died because I took a serious overdose of prescription pills. Things were looking good, until my mom found a bunch of pills on the floor. Oh shit! i THOUGHT. gODDAMIIT. She took all the medicene away from me and gave some nasty syrup so I would throw up. Damn. An oppurtunity lost. I tried to do away with myself because I feel into a deep depression when I was about 17, pretty cool huh? Anyways, so I wanted to also create a new identity for myself. I used to smoke like a godamn chimney, but I don’t have enough cash to do that anymore, since I have to go to godamn college, which turned out shitty, I new it would anyways. Anyways, my depression started when my best friend/ grandmother died January 6, 2006. Since then, I vowed I would die after her. After she died and was no longer a part of my life, I had dreams about her, I looked at old pictures, I cried constantly, all my dreams before were shattered, I forgot the friends I did have and apparentely didn’t want to have. I would sit in my room late at night in the dark with my haunted items of the past, I wish i COULD HAVE DIED INSTEAD OF HER. I miss her. And I vow to join her very soon, wish me luck, I’ll be dead before i’m 25, and that’s a promise.
Farewell.
I am a 15 year old girl. 5 feet 7 inches
my life is pathetic.
I can honestly say, i cannot remember the last time i felt happy. I have never once woke up (that i can remember) and felt happy that i have to live for another day. I cry every night, im guessing i suffer from deppression. Every night i go to bed, wishing and hoping that it will be the last time i will ever have to wake up again. I am overweight, and have been for almost my whole life. But in summer of 2008 i had to get my toenails ripped out and my toes burned so they wouldn’t grow back. I couldnt walk for a week, and after that my feet were very tender. I had gotten that surgery 4 times before, but this one was the most painful. I have had in-grown toenails for about 10 years out of 15. I could never jump, or run. Everyday after school i would have to rip my socks off because the blood and puss from my toes would be dried, still attached to my toe and sock. It hurt so bad. They would bleed over walking to the fridge. So i never really had excercise when i was a child. All i could do was swing on the swings.
After the surgery i gained about 20 pounds.
Then i went into grade 10.
Which brings me back to the overweight problem. I am almost 200 pounds. about 197 at the highest. I grew up in a broken home, and sadly am still living here. My father smokes weed everyday, non-stop. He doesn’t think i know, but i’ve known for about 6 months. When he doesnt smoke, he gets very aggresive, physically and mentally. Everyday he tells me how im not pretty, and how im too fat. Its gotten to the point where i just avoid seeing him. When he comes home from work i hide in my room. Yesterday i said how my hands are really big (i do have a big bone-structure) and he yelled at me and told me to start running. He went on to say Thin Is In ( he is about 110 pounds. hes so skinny its gross ) I have nothing but pure hatred for him.
My mother has always suffered from deppression, but ever since my brother moved to British Columbia its been alot worse. My brother is a doctor, he always cleaned his room and the house, did his laundry.. he could do no wrong. He was the popular kid in highschool, he got married to his highschool sweeheart. My mother would do anything for him. But i am nothing in comparason. My mother is ashamed of me. She wont take me anywhere because she thinks people are starring.
My self-confidence is REALLY low. Non-existant as you can imagine.
I have never had a boyfriend.
I have pretty much given up on that.
I am always extremely lonely. I long for human contact. I have plenty of friends but i just have SO MUCH hate built up inside of me, i cant bare to actually care about someone. I hate everything about my life. I know i sound like a whiney teenager, but i genuinly HATE everything. I am always sad. I just cannot stand to look in a mirror. It physically HURTS my heart. All i see is FAT, nothing else. I do have an eating disorder. I binge and emotionally eat. I have tried numerous times to starve myself. But i always fail myserabley. I always joke about my weight, But i have to. Fat people HAVE to be funny. I have SO MUCH built up rage and sadness and anger inside, IM JUST GOING TO EXPLODE.
I have been planning since october that when i reach 200 pounds i am DONE. i am NOT HAPPY. i hate my family. and i hate me.
I AM THE REASON I HATE EVERYTHING.
IF I WASN’T SO FAT I WOULD HAVE CONFIDENCE.
I WOULD HAVE A BETTER LIFE.
I AM DONE.
Every night i search new ways to commit suicide on the internet.
Infact thats what i was doing when i stumbled upon this page.
My plan is to overdose.
I have done my share of researching.
and i want a quick and painless way to go.
I have suffered enough.
i need help.
the only thing i can turn to is annoynemous websites.
i cant bare to tell any of my friends.
– sorry it was so long.
im Jessica
im 14..and as you know i have many challenges that i will face in my lie..some that i will even have to face alone…but on 5/30/08 i tried to kill myself by overdosing..luckily i didnt die..but it truly made me appreciate ever second i have…lifes to short top be un-happy…i was depressed and let what people say get to me..i had lost myself at the time..and i wish i had just waited and talked to someone because then i wouldnt have brought my family in my overwhelming deprsion..anywyas..if any1s reading this..you just have to hold on…there is a tomorrow..and you are stronger..just hold on…and if u want u can talk to me..or add me on my myspace
http://www.myspace.com/jj94punkqueen
have a good day darlings
=]
Jenna, I understand what you are going through; I was in a similar situation at your age. I never thought anyone would love me or find me attractive, but when I was seventeen, I found my first boyfriend, now my husband, and he is amazing–compassionate, smart, funny, attractive–nothing like what I could have ever imagined. Unfortunately I still depressed and considering suicide, thus, I found this site, so there are definitely more pieces to the happiness puzzle, but if your concern is not finding companionship, keep looking; I assure you the perfect person is out there, even if it seems impossible today. I’m sorry for your pain, and I hope your quality of life improves.
I really have been thinking about ending my life. I’ve hit rough patch after rough patch for years, my whole life. Job to job and state to state. Now once again I lost my job and I’m out of money. I’m having serious trouble getting a job, typical I know I’m not the only one. I feel useless, when I was younger it felt like I had so much potential, my dreams were bright although I have fought depression before. I’m not going to go into detail but I started to accomplish my dream and then blew it. I screwed up my one chance.
I found this site by looking up ways to kill yourself, I don’t know if I can really do it but I have thought of it. I just wanted to comment on here because I’m in my 30’s and I noticed a lot of young teens. I want to say to them, that life doesn’t start in high school or even college, there is potential and if you concentrate on what you love you can get there. I lost focus with my dream, that’s why I lost my dream.. NEVER lose focus and concentrate only on what makes you happy, if you do that the money will follow.
I’m going through 2 months of misery and depression but honestly, I’ve had over 30 years of solid happiness. Life is hard sometimes and you’ll be constantly tested throughout your life, but follow what you love to do and the rest will follow.
weather you think it or not there are people who love you, even all the people here, and suicide will only hurt the ones you love, and waist your chance to follow your dream. Life is really fun when you make it fun. See, I’m already feeling better, I know I’ll get through this, and you will too.
hi guys,
hmm where do i start…. well im 14 years old and cant take life anymore, you may all be thinking why so young? because from the day i was born my life has been miserable from my brothers farther touching me and doing stuff he shouldnt for 2 years EVERYNIGHT to my older step brother doing the same…Now heres the thing from them days on i have been ‘the girl who acts differently to others’ thats when in 4th grade i started getting bullied by my whole class and 1 ring leader who would push me so hard i felt like breaking but i couldnt because im the quiet girl and wouldnt do Anything to get into trouble and try my best to make others happy. after year 5 mum had enough of me coming home crying with brusies on me so in year 6 she pulled me out and put me into a smaller school of 28 kids altogether i was the only girl in year 6 and 2 other boys.. 1 boy gave me a hard time there but because it was only a small school he wouldnt of done anything he would of regretted…in year 6 i could not focuss on my work and i became dumber and dumber each day because of the past…. in year 7 i moved to a huge school with thousands of kids and me being the only girl from my school to move there with no friends no nothing, id just sit there and eat my lunch and hide in the libery waiting for the bell to ring i did that for 6 months until my mother decided to homeschool me 2 years from now my life is still the same, i will have never been outside expect for docters oppiments and to see siciatrist about my depression and anxioty from this day on i havent been anywhere, my health is ill, i have no social life, no friends, a stuffed past and forward onto my mothers new boyfriend frank who constantly abuses the shit out of me and my mother and makes my life even more miserable… my real farther Brett doesnt want any contact with me…..My family dont like me because im shy and non sociable apart from my mother and my brother cody…i just want to end my life, im ugly, im scared to go out, my past is fucked from now on my life is still fucked, i JUST WANT TO END MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!, ive tired it 6 times but 1 thing i wasnt going to forget to mentsion is keeping me living right now is my boyfriend Joel, weve been together for 6-7 months now ONLINE hes from canada and im from australia we are a strong couple, but sometimes it seems when i tell him this he doesnt care but i know he does deep down….i need help guys… what should i do? keep living my past or rest in peace and keeping others happier by doing that..?
I have worked so hard in life to achieve any kind of success, and even though I was successful in high school and college, I have reached my breaking point. It’s not fair that I have to work so hard to just barely keep up with everyone else. I have to struggle for everything in my life… good grades, respect from my peers, a good relationship, health, a reasonable weight. I’m trying so hard to keep going, but I hit new obstacles at every turn. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of feeling tired. I’m tired of feeling alone and abandoned by God. I’m tired of trying to be good to people who aren’t good to me in return. I’m tired of feeling like an outcast. I’m tired of feeling like a fraud. I’m tired of feeling like a failure. I’m tired of being fat. I’m tired of worrying about the future. I’m tired of wondering how my life is going to turn out. I’m so tired of all of it that I just want to end it, just to end my despair and suffering. If anyone knew how much I was hurting on the inside, they’d understand why I sometimes wish I was dead. It just seems like nothing can take away this pain. And no matter what, my circumstances aren’t going to change overnight. Tomorrow, this sucky life will still be there. And it will be there the day after. And the day after. So what’s the point? Things aren’t going to get better. Why hang on to it? I picture myself blowing my brains out or jumping in front of a bus, or just laying down to sleep with a belly full of pills. People who say not to end it are not feeling the way I am right now. They don’t have that gut-wrenching pain that stems from my stomach when I am crying because it hurts so much.
I have been suicidal for more than half of my life. I am only 30 and I have not had a hard life. I have one previous attempt after which I did not feel lucky to be alive, just a failure for taking the wrong pills. I know it is not a cry for help because the only real thing stopping me is knowing my loved ones will hurt and won’t understand why. In point 5 of your article you state that “we can convince ourselves of anything and live accordingly” and this is the source of my problem. When I grew up I realised I had spent my whole life lying to myself. Then I looked around and saw that most people were doing the same thing; convincing themselves of something that suited them, and then living accordingly. but funnily enough, when things were bad it was always someone else’s fault, not due to the fact they had deluded themselves! This world is built upon people lying to each other and to themselves, and look where it has got us!! I don’t want to live in a world like this; where we accept horrific negatives and pacify ourselves with shallow, empty positives. I want to built my life on TRUTH, but can’t seem to find it anywhere. It seems like everyone is able to believe what suits them, then they forget it’s just something they ACCEPTED as ‘fact’. I was raised as a devout christian, so I ‘believe’ that people who take their own lives are damned. I was also taught that humanity can never heal itself but must instead wait for the coming of the Messiah to fix everything for us – this I do not believe. I believe in my heart that these teachings are elitist ploys created to disempower humans and keep us in mental slavery. But you see my dilemma: by simple definition, this makes me a NON-BELIEVER. So whichever way I turn, I’m f***d: If I kill myself I’m damned. If I live I’ll be damned on judgement day. If I live according to my beliefs I’ll be isolated by society and I’ll hurt my family anyway. And yet, I still can’t find a delusion to live for, nor can I find a truth that will get me out of bed in the morning. And for any christians reading this – yes, I have taken it all to God. I have prayed, begged, cried, meditated and even threatened… so far I’m still waiting. There is no help for me. I have decided finally to disappear and end myself in another country where my body hopefully won’t be identified. that way my family can ‘convince’ themselves that I’m still alive out there somewhere. Thank you for this article and for the chance to get it all out.
I would like to say to Kim Carlson;
You are 14, which means that barring an accident you still have a long time to live.
My advice to you, (which you do not have to take) is this;
This world is full of people who are only concerned with their own feelings.
DO NOT WAIT FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO COME ALONG AND MAKE IT BETTER FOR YOU – THEY ARE ONLY WAITING FOR YOU TO MAKE IT BETTER FOR THEM. Don’t play the game of life.
When you wake up every morning, look in the mirror and say to yourself “I am in charge of ME. ME, and ONLY ME”
Realise that you do not have to tolerate anybody, or anything, else unless you choose to.
Realise that some things are only bad because of how we look at them.
Be grateful that at least (if we are wise) we will learn and grow stronger when we overcome hardship.
Then realise that some things are hardship and somethings are just sh!t that needs to be cleared out of your life.
If your mom cannot find the right school, YOU must find a school that’s right for you.
If people won’t be your friend, YOU must find the friends that are right for you.
People will always tell you how to live, but YOU must create the life that’s right for you.
Decide today what kind of person you want to be, then BE THAT PERSON EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE. It may not make you truly happy, but whatever happens, you will know you did your best. This world is trying to make you relinquish your power (to authority, to men, to people we think are better) before you are old and wise enough to even know you have any power. That is why you are suffering now; you think you are powerless,but YOU ARE NOT. The next time someone hurts you, try to understand (look for evidence) that it’s not about you. People mostly hurt others when they are hurting themselves.
And remember, If you do not try, then maybe things are not as bad as you think. I wish you all the best.
Jenna, please don’t think for a minute here I’m being patronising, but you could generally be suffering from chemical depression stemming from your food addiction. What I’m saying is, unlike others who simply require a state of mind, I think you need more than simple willpower. you sound to me like an intelligent and determined young lady and most of your frustrations are aimed at things beyond your control. If I may point out;
1) If your mother suffers from depression you may have inherited it, either genetically or simply from observing her behavior as a child
2) if your father is smoking weed you could be passively smoking it which would probably give you second-hand symptoms
These two things added to your feet surgeries means you already have several setbacks against you, therefore it is reasonable to say you will need specialist help to lose weight and be more active, but you are certainly not beyond help, which your doctor really should have recommended. Go back and demand help and don’t stop till you get it!
In the meantime,
Don’t compare yourself to your brother. You may have grown up in the same household, but you have had totally different experiences, and you have simply coped with them in different ways
Go to youtube and wikipedia and research a sweetener called ‘aspartame’ you will begin to understand that the food you are eating is doing more to you than just making you fat.
Research how animals are farmed for consumption, (battery hens, abbatoirs) this will hopefully begin to change your relationship with foods, and the rest will follow.
Finally give yourself some major props for putting up with as much as you have this far!
hey…i’m a 14 years-old kid
i want them to feel the pain i feel…i know this is bad but help me out…n if u guys have a painless way of suicide tell me plz
right now i want to kill myself so bad…
for me i believe in the harsh brutality of life…
sometimes i want to kill everyone
I’m 35 years old. I have no children. I have no career. Even at my age I still haven’t figured out what I’m at good at and hoe to also make a living our of it. I have jobs so i can keep a roof over my head and not be a burden to anyone. I’ve always been a bit of a people pleaser, but I enjoy being kind. I love animals. I’ve had depression and anxiety for most of my life and I’m just tired now. I’ve tried therapy, lots of it, different doctors and pschiatrists and nothing has helped. I’m one of those really pathetic fragile people that most Americans despise. The truth is, I just don’t want to be here anymore, I’ve nothng to offer. I’m currently building up a lethal stash of drugs that will kill me out right, though I don’t take drugs myself. I can’t get my hands on a gun and it’s very messy for someone to clean up. Same with the wrist slitting thing.But I’m done here. My chilhood was made up of an abusive drunk for a father and a very unhappy woman for a mother who died of cancer when I was 16. We were all still at school so it was a tough time. I know there’s people who suffer worse, and my heart bleeds for them. But whatever happened to me just broke me. As soon as I have a mony for the funeral costs I’ll do it.I can think og maybe 2 or 3 people who might be a bit sad, but they’re strong people and they’ll be ok.
Thanks for thevsite, I hope you do well.
I’d like to say to EmptyHeart,
You said that you do not have to tolerate anyone or anything that you don’t want to. In all due respect, you’re very wrong. You HAVE to tolerate the law, and teachers, and your parents, or else you get screwed. Sadly enough, those are some of the people that are the hardest to tolerate.
Oh and just to let you all know, I was wrong about my old post. I’m not suicidal anymore. I’m definately quite social phobic, but’s that’s it. I’m over my little rough patch.
I’m not a suicidal person technically speaking, but I have to admit that sometimes life can seem pointless. The purpose of life is to end isn’t it? We spend so much time living and bleeding and sweating for a world that is neither appreciative or caring, and then we have it all torn away in death. What’s the point of living if you end up dead anyways?
Thank you for your comment Albedo it was extremely helpful and also very constructive. Since you are feeling better perhaps you should go and cheer someone else up and leave the rest of us who feel like we have real issues to deal with them.
None of us should have to tolerate these things! The law, teachers and parents are all there to control us and mold us into something we were not meant to be. The sooner we all wake up and realise that we are born to be free individuals the sooner the world will be a better place. Most people feel suicidal when they are feeling trapped and powerless – the exact opposite of the true nature of humanity! You on the other hand, are simply a selfish person looking for attention.
I am broke, jobless (and unable to get a job), losing all my friends, and just losing sight of every thing i used to care about. to make things much worse, my girlfriend broke up with me on the weekend, and i know a big part of why is because she thinks im just so apathetic towards the world…every day, i am tempted by mass amounts of alcohol in my house, as well as a bottle of 16 oxycoden pills in the drawer beside me…
Here’s the thing. I read the article you wrote, titled 10 simple ways to commit suicide, and after researching this topic thoroughly myself, I have yet to see anyone address the significant problems which contribute to suicidal thoughts. Not one psychologist, psychiatrist, clinical therapist, or opinion writer has anything meaningful to say about it. It’s nothing but a constant, contrived series of subjectivistic “be positive” garbage that has no bearing on reality.
The one singular problem which exists, that contributes directly to suicidal thought is the overwhelming fact that reality itself is so much larger than you. When you confront a problem that you cannot resolve, because of other problems you have to resolve, and it presents a never-ending series of problems in your life, the thought of suicide is a natural occurrence. I’ll give you an example; you have to work for a living, and you get a job working in a position you are very good at, and you show a great deal of aptitude over that of your peers and you understand the reason is that you focus on quality in your production while others do not. So you work; then you face a problem where you must fix issues of a legal sort in order to continue driving your car to and from work, or risk being thrown in jail over stupid technicalities. Now, most people will simply look at that and think “Oh God, now I have to take time off work and go to the DMV.” But you? No, you think “OH God, now I have to drive to work illegally because there is no possible way for me to schedule time off of work without the place collapsing in my absence.” Which is true, and based on an overwhelming level of past experience.
Also, in the same situation, you have to make a steady paycheck to pay off student loans, which have absolutely no value, because when you were young and stupid you enrolled in a diploma mill and sank yourself so deep in debt that you’re expected to pay $600 or so a month just to cover the interest on the loans. You know better now; but that doesn’t help anything.
Conversely, you have to spend all of your time and energy doing things which you are growing to hate and resent, because there are things you want to do which you cannot do without avoiding or neglecting your responsibilities. So your life becomes consumed with the stupidity of legal pedantry and work. Then, out of the blue, some moron tells you; this is society, deal with it. So the true problem IS society and the stupidity of mass populations and political corruption.
It’s too bad you’re stuck living in such a reality. It would certainly be nice if the perception of such global stupidity would have any bearing on it’s reality, but unfortunately, the world objectively exists apart from any valuation of it you may make at a subjective level, and it will always be horrible for those of us who understand this fact.
Hi guys I 12 yer 12
Im a little depressed
1. My parens are split up
2. MY dad has moved to another county
3. I getting bullied
wat shall i do
I think im goiing to slit my neck and bleed to deaath i was born in pain and i should die in pain to
Wat do you think
If i dont commrt back
im probly DEAD
x Buy
Im going to do it now
I’ve done a lot of soul searching since my last post because I decided that I’d at least explore all avenues of life choices before checking out. I agree with ij that nobody really looks at why people WANT to commit suicide. I asked myself that question many times and I realized that ending my current life feels easier than achieving the life I want and becoming the person I want to be; which feels like a humongous task. I have always felt that life should not be this difficult, and that something besides me is making life harder than it should be. I feel that’s true for most people I know and the ones that cope are either the ones who earn more money, or the ones who are good with paperwork and stay on top of their day to day business. Even religious people I know, few are actually content. They still battle with day to day life, but blame their problems on ‘the devil’. Just think about it; we can change ourselves, but we still have to survive in a systemic world that is designed to make us FAIL face facts – it is. Look at suicide itself; It’s illegal and socially unacceptable. How can somebody take away my right to live freely, and then take away my right to die when I choose? Just who is this someone anyway? And why do they get to decide they way things are?It’s my life, don’t I get a say? How come I don’t get answers from God until AFTER I die? that doesn’t seem fair or helpful, especially if there’s no reincarnation! If quantity of life is important, surely quality of life is more important?? I simply cannot accept that ‘this’ is the best humanity has to offer. If we can conceive a heaven, we can create one! But sadly I think we live contrary to this ethos. I truly believe that suicidal thoughts are born out of a subconscious realization that the way society operates now is destructive and leading to our physical and spiritual degradation.
I found a blog that really helped me spiritually and I’d like to share it for anyone who’s interested; http://consciousflex.blogspot.com/
Salvation begins by asking questions. it is sometimes more important than finding the answer. Pain comes from ignorance, healing from understanding. Emotions are for a reason but we have to be more honest about how we feel.
ij – After I read your post I received this, it touches on exactly the things you spoke about, but elaborates into who’s behind it and what can be done.. There are others who see things this way, and perhaps something CAN be done if enough of us feel the same way.. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts if you read it; http://thecrowhouse.com/Documents/mary-book.pdf
I am alone. I hate my lonliness but I can’nt shed it away.
No one ever loved me in all 24 yrs of my life, no one cares for a single damm thing.
I just wish to die. I just want to end this life… I really don’nt know why exactly i am writing this to you, may be sumthing attracted me to open this website. I even want to delete this but I don’t know y exactly I am writing this..
Not able to understand any thing… no direction ahead me…
Selfish? Jesus H. Christ, what’s your problem? I give you some advice and that somehow makes me selfish? Some of you people really ARE useless. Geez.
ya i know that… we people feel that and that is the only reason for ending up.
I don’t know if this article is still active but even if it isn’t I’d like to share what I’m feeling.For the past couple of years my family has been in a whole financially and emotionally, all of us.My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and when we found that out it seemed like it was the beginning of the end for me when I think about it now.I go to school and resent my existence mostly because I think everyone talks bad about me calling me fat, ugly and other things of the sort.I don’t like to go outside because I feel that if I do I will be put into an uncomfortable situation.My dad drinks a lot and has had a *few* altercations with my mom all of which I had to intervene.At this point in my life I keep thinking that nothing is worth showing compassion for, there are days that things seem to go up but in the end something bad always happens. and it kills me.I have an eating problem as well which probably adds to my depression.This thing called suicide seems like a solution at the moment and whenever I’m alone it’s all I think about.What prompted me to write this is this dream I had where everything was perfect for me and I was happy for once in my life, but then I woke up with tears in my eyes staring up at the same dreary ceiling that I’ve woken up to for the past 10 years.I just wish I could be in that dream world where people don’t avoid me or simply hang around me due to pity.I don’t know any solutions except for the “s” word and trust me I wish I did know some.Again I don’t know if anyone reads this article anymore but I just wanted to share this because I guess it makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well I am reading this N, and I’m sure other people are. It may help if you read the other posts as there are some wise words here… I wanted to respond, so you wouldn’t feel that no-one cared; our feelings are important and it’s important that we address them. Lives, unlike dreams, doesn’t often have happy endings. Or middles. Or beginnings for that matter! And as long as you keep looking to other people to make you feel good, you will always be disappointed. It’s time to wake up to what is really going on around you; People are selfish! But as you are starting to see, selfishness does not result in happiness. It isn’t all bad; suicide is one of many options open to you, and each option is only easy or difficult depending on how you look at it. I’m very sorry your mother is sick.. God forbid, if she dies, who will put your needs first? Can you make the decision to learn to do this for yourself? If not, you will be at the mercy of your (irresponsible) father… What then? If he cannot do right by you, will you do right by yourself? Or will you just give up?
Don’t be afraid of what I’m saying here, I’m not trying to scare you in any way. Understand that you are unhappy because you feel there is nothing you can do to change your situation. Once you start looking at the ways you can improve on yourself how you feel will slowly change. I wish you all the best for the future.
I don’t think much. I try not to think. I want to commit suicide. I know when I get my nerve up I will succeed. I am used up and death would be the ultimate rest for me. No happiness, love, respect, nothing positive in this life. blaaaa
I am 17. I was beside my best friend when she drowned. Though we were underwater, I literally felt the peace and watched the life leave her eyes. It’s been a little over one year now since her death. My family thinks I am perfectly happy. I can’t hurt them by leaving, but it’s hurting me so much just to get up and wear my mask each day. I can’t do this. I just feel so numb to life anymore. I just can’t kill myself either, there is still so much left to my dreams. Instead of what I am doing wrong, someone help. Someone please give me the next step. I want a reason to stay.
Life is too heavy to carry the weight of anymore. I am too numb to care. I’ve set the date.
You guys also need to stop saying sorry for your posts being “too long”. It feels good right? Don’t feel sorry for HELPNG YOURSELVES. That’s the problem in the first place. :O Be yourself..
You guys also need to stop saying sorry for your posts being “too long”.. It feels good right? Don’t feel sorry for HELPNG YOURSELVES. That’s the problem in the first place. :O Be yourself..
Are you still with us Evil Genie?
This is a nice post.Keep your stories coming in.
We are listening.
Kudos to Alex and team.
Well, life brings you to such a point that… nothings seems to be going anywhere.. nothing works.. all is falling apart… and when you loose total control of your life and any situation.. WHAT DO YOU DO?
Can’t even think about it!!!!!
When you know.. even if things get better still it will cause you pain and sufferings all through your life… or may be it will get worse?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
I’ve had never thought of suicide .. I always thought it was cowardly and a way of escaping… but … somehow.. it seems the only choice left for me now..
Is there any other choice… to be honest.. I am afraid…. I am afraid.. what if I fail? What would the transition be like… if I fail to properly kill myself.. then what? It will be even worse..
Am I trying to choose an easy way out – or is it the ONLY way out?
Well, I have a date in mind.. should I? By date I mean a deadline.. within that date certain something HAS TO HAPPEN… or else… bye bye world… What will I do THEN? Oh.. gawd… why me?
I’ve attempted to commit suicide… countless times. My first attempt was in 2008, by gashing my wrists. My friend caught me though and immediately took me to the hospital, where I stayed for a month. After I healed, I tried again about two months later… This time, by an overdose. I took about half my bottle of sleeping pills… and passed out as I walked down the stairs. I hit the ground and my downstairs-neighbor heard, so they came to check. I still had the bottle in my hand, so he knew what I had done… he knew I was very suicidal. He called an ambulance and poison control or whatever. I almost died. I was revived after being dead for about five minutes. I will tell you this, death is peaceful… I told them as soon as I regained conciousness… that I wish they had left me dead. Due to that I was put in a hospital for the mentally unstable for about a year… I got let out in the beginning of ‘09. I don’t have too many tendecies anymore, but I still think about it every so often… by the way, my reason for this is being gang-raped… abusive parents… molested by my best friend… Extreme Eating Disorder.. Mental illness…. the list goes on and on. The worst part is I’m only 13.
hey guys
plz temme sum ways 2 kill myself widout any pain
my lyf is miserable.
..n don’ wana live in dis hell
im very suspicious lyk PARVEEN BABI
i think da’ nobody in earth luvs me(except 4 ma dad n momy)
m afraid da’ itz sum sort f mental depression
plz……….reply me
Suffering is universal, compassion is our salvation. Someone wrote about the person they love hating them now, it appeared in AdBusters, where I noticed what might be a root cause of their strife in that relationship.
Over and over the author refers to their hateful partner as the only “thing” that matters to them, even after fifty apologies. It’s pretty obvious to those of us who know the term “objectification” that women aren’t lovingly referred to as “thing”. That suggests that their unique personality is reducible to a material body and ignores the larger portion of that individuals psychological life.
That problem is really common in societies with a patricentric heritage. It’s up to each of us to decide that “it ends with me”. If we are persistent, patient and persuasive among ourselves, then uprooting such lingual apparatuses of inequality should be achieved.
Animals suffer because of similar “objectification” and the book “The Sexual Politics of Meat” by Carol J. Adams gives us insights from observing the parallel commodification of non-human animal’s bodies.
I am a victum of being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic father. He was a drunk my whole childhood who blamed me for everything…why i still don’t know. I have tried and tried since he has been sober to mend a relationship, but my efforts seem effortless. Then for my sisters wedding i was unselfish and faced my own blood head on. ONE OF THE BIGGEST REGRETS I WILL HOLD. On this day i realized that all the feelings that i have surpressed for so long about my father have finally came out and can no longer be hidden from those whole truly love me. My father once again humilated me on my sisters wedding day, how low can he truly get. Now i can not even get out of bed, a week has passed and i just am done, i will never have the one thing in this world that i have always truly wished for…the love of my own father. I want to die. I have tried and almost succeed before, so what is stopping me now. I warned my closest friends that i feel so numb inside, the once i finally left my home after 5days, i was told that my appearence was not the look of numbness it was the look of being completely lifeless. Now the truth has came out and the pain is to much to bare, i am almost there and this time i will succeed if i shall follow through…i simply just don’t have feelings that can show, i am just numb from my head to my toes…maybe now is truly time for me to just go.
i jsut turned 25 last week, i feel like a robot. a cog in the machine of industry and am thinking that suicide may be a way out. im a web developer and i have a decent life. i tend to fall in love with girls easily. o yea, four days before my birthday this year, this girl who had jsut said yes to being my girlie girl, decided to break up with me. i thought everything was going fine. we both liked each other alot – or so she says anyways. im sitting in my office right now debating the fact that i dont really wanna go home. its monday, i spent the weekend at a friends’ house. it seems like everyone i know is so wrapped up in their own struggles, there is nobody to talk to really. every girl i have ever dated says the same thing – “one day you are goign to make someone very happy, its just not going to be me”. i was a foster child from 4-10, there is no more record of my birth in the USA. i was adopted at 10 but my single adoptive mother died when i was 16. at that point in time, none of her family liked me enough to take me in because i was just a foster kid so it didnt matter to them. so i have no family. upon entering the department of children and families, everything i had was stolen from me. i tried so hard to just carry on going from living in an upscale area to living in a modern day ghetto. im amazed ive even made it this far. i have tried to kill myself 8 times. ive been in a coma, ive come really close to death but i always make it back to this side. all throughout my life, i have always been a sad person. there have been times of happiness, but they never last long at all. i try to see the bright side of life and then something always happens to make it all go horribly wrong. ive been arrested twice, never charged with anything though mainly because i was jsut follin around – never hurt a single soul. i played sports all throughout school since im a huge guy. six five two fifty pounds. i cant play pro football because of my knee injuries – i will never make an injury report. so i decided to pursue being a pharmacist. i did two years and switched to interactive media design which is just a fancy term for web developer. recently i began to live with a room mate who i find out is a total cunt and woke me up on several occaisions (including this past bday) screaming at me. some of my friends think she likes me, i know better. my friends keep their distance from me and each other. theres never any closeness i feel with anyone. i feel so alone and lonely all the time. its not that i need someone to fill some sort of void or that im dependent on others, but i have been alone for a very long time. for those of you who feel alone, imagine never having a solid family at all, always having to adjust to new everything, never having anything of your own, surrounded by people who wanna hurt you or rob you and generally jsut dont care about you at all in any sort of good way, constantly worrying about what street you walk down because you are white in a black neighborhood – correction a poor black neighborhood where people stay out on the streets at night to deal drugs, are drunk, and are looking for whatever they can put their hands on. you will never know the apathy of knowing that if you fell dead on the street the only people who would miss you are your co-workers. sometimes i feel like if i did die, nobody would even notice until days after. this feeling of being a robot exudes over my skin much like sweat on a hot day and permeates my thoughts as though it were a lost love. but there is no air cold enough to cool me and there is no love there awaiting me, rather just more void to begin storing more and more sorrow and sadness opposed to whatever chance and hope i may have at feeling like a whole human. so, now its about time to go home and i dont want to still. i feel like carving a piece of earth out from under me and crawling into it and pulling it back over like a blanket. perhaps this can give you a clue as to jsut how a mind warps when it becomes suicidal jsut as mine has become.
I see so many of you here don’t get it. You say “Don’t kill yourself, it will hurt your family and make everyone so sad.” The problem is that many of us who consider suicide have reached a level of self loathing that makes us believe that our family would be better off without us.
I am a mid 30’s male with a wife and three children. I have struggled with mental illness my entire life and it has had a devastating effect on my marriage. I have tried to deal with the depression and have been on meds that were helping. Unfortunately the early arrival of crappy weather here led to some struggles with SAD, and my wife was very unhappy that I was sleeping quite a bit as I worked to get the symptoms under control. It is obvious that I just can’t make this work.
I believe that I am just worthless and too f’d up to continue living. I truly believe that my family would be better off without me. My wife is a wonderful woman who deserves someone better than me, and my kids certainly didn’t do anything to deserve a crappy father like me. Unless you have been here you can’t understand what it is like to believe in your heart of hearts that the world would be a slightly brighter place without you in it.
I have purchased a gun that is in the trunk of my car. I am planning to take a bottle of Captain Morgan’s to a secluded spot this weekend and finally do what I haven’t had the guts to do all these years. It is time.
“Sadly, in today’s society, negative sites that give instructions on how to commit suicide.”
Really i couldn’t find any.
seriously ive been looking for hours now
Wow, i’ve just read each and everyone of this comments. It’s very easy to determine where I am compared to these people and how serious some of these cases of mental illness and suicidal thoughts are.
I am only young, but I too, suffer from mental illness. Chronic major depression, anxiety, ednos, and the list goes on…
I have attempted suicide and am currently being hospitalized. I am under 18, so I am in the child-care system so the psychiatric ward is not as bad as others. I’ve finally started to open up about my life of abuse by my father and brother, being raped when I was 12, and my struggles with depression and thoughts and anxiety. I’ve been out of school for 2 months and I’m slowly transitioning back, and it’s hard. But it was worth being out of school for 2 months to do all this work, and I can tell you straight up, it was definitely not easy. Anyone for someone with mental illness in there family, you really have to sit down and think, you have to help.. you can’t just say there is no hope, there is no way I can help, but simply just being there and being ..nice about it is a tremendous help. Doing this alone is terrible, and I finally have my family supports and it is wonderful. My family has came such a long way, and even though my parents are separating now.. I think it is for the better.
Even though I am still very depressed and suicidal, I am trying so hard to tell myself there is hope.. there is happiness ahead of me. I feel sometimes like attempting suicide is the only way I can get help or people will understand how serious I am.. It’s a shitty feeling but you have to stay away from that temptation and voice your feelings, or you’ll simply get nowhere.
Hope? Hope of what exactly? Getting better at dealing with the sh!t in your life doesn’t make the sh!t go away. You are young so possibly you still believe that things get better with time but they DON’T. How will you cope when you are older and have to support yourself financially. The difference between (some) people on this post and ‘normal’ people is that we don’t ignore the negatives we face everyday, and we don’t kid ourselves that there’s some positive aspect out there that makes it all worthwhile. Not one post on this board has suggested a solution or cure besides “getting on with it” or “learning to cope”. When you start to look into what those phrases mean, you may start to understand where hopelessness really comes from. People always put the blame on suiciders because it’s easier than admitting that WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS THAT ARE TOO BIG TO FIX ALONE. but this world creates new problems everyday, and solutions are slow in coming. So again I ask, hope for what exactly??
Im 13 years old, i have attempted suicide everyday for 2 months with a knife shaver and razor.
It was 2 days before the Esperance Show and my mum and dad were constantly fighting over money and me and bronte my twin sister. and i’d just became really close to my dad since he has been living here and when he left it was really really horrible, it was 10 times worse then the last time cause i had to go through it all over again btw he has left 2 times. I dont know when i will next see him but i havnt heard from him in over 2 months and i got really emotional cause of my period and stff. I think the next time i see his is the july holidays and its to far away. if u get me.
Wednesday night i couldnt stop crying and i dont even know why i just knida forced myself to stop cause im jst over reactiing coz my life aint bad. and i had a shower and thats when i cut myself with raozor blade and shaver. I shut my eyes placed the razor on my arm/wrist and just went randomly slashing and i didnt look and when i opened my eye there was a decent amount of blood. I didnt try to stop it i let it bleed even when i got out. i always wear long sleves to bed so. it wasnt hard. For my first time it wasnt bad. But it got much much worse!
I always keep a knife in my room.
then thursday night before the show i felt really really down and i hadnt really been active in school getting out of class to go to the sickbay and i just got the razor and did it. this time it was really really bad and a lot more blood it took yonks for it to stop. no one saw the blood coz i hide in my room everyday. I started writing really deep shit about my abusive past and writing another few songs a night and this time there was no PATD inspiration. i started drawing in my school books and writing the word red. thats how i got the idea to write a song called red red red all over my body. and i drew a lot at night and everytime i hurt myself i would take a photo of the blood on me. i never take my phone to school anymore just incase someone sees.
I didnt stop cutting myself for a long time, i was obsessed with these ‘emo’ pictures, and animation of people hanging themselves. I was desperate to hang myself but i had no way of doing it. Cutting myself makes me feel better and it doesnt hurt as much anymore. I got addicted to cutting myself within days.
People see my scars and ask me. i tell them the truth. where i live. things get out within days so quickly and they already knew the truth. I told the wrong person and thought i could get support and i just got bullied more
I like the look of blood. i want to start again but i cant because if my family finds out i might has well have been dead at the time. They’re not supportive they are mean and judgmenal. I went through a pretty tough time in primary school, i had one friend and still have her
But i got badly bullied because i was dark skinned and dark haird. not tall enough for anyone to like me. i was different. im an individual today though. I couldnt think of any other way to help myself. I cut myself for many reasons. my beautiful family is torn apart. high school is living hell and primary school was just as worse but its more harder to get out shit in high school. There are more rumours and more bullying. My parents used to abuse me. but not anymore they have changed just like me and they are better now. though my i still dont feel loved and i never have. Tonight i believe i was being cyber bullied by one of my friends who thought i was lying about the truth! telling me to be human and that i always start fights and make everyone elses life harder. I got very upset because this friend was a good friend i have known her since i was born. literally. and it hurt me so bad i couldnt stop crying. I cry a lot and i cry at school when i go the sick bay alot the teachers and principal found out about the self harm but didnt mention names. it was horrible knowing that they knew i had tried to kill myself.Trust me i tried very hard.
I had to think hard about stopping. it was very hard. i dont talk to anyone about this but i thought maybe i coudld open strongly but as i am typing i am getting very emtoional and feel like crying more.
Someone i thought i knew added me on facebook but she is just using the name of a friend to bullying me and call me a lot of bad names like whore, slut. bitch. cunt and basically every mean word there is and teling my boyfriend that he doesnt like me and never has…
it hurt a lot. i cried so hard.. i cried myself to sleep a lot
Some of my friends think i should see someone pro. and see if i am depressed
but my family doesnt know so they wont agree. its hard for me to tell my fmaily anything. i cant even tell my mum the grade i got in an exam, also some of my friends think i have depression but i dont know
advice?
People think i am depressed. am i
i will commit suicide b4 or after the new year Everyone likes to say try to think positive, it’ll get better and so on and so forth And truthfully, it can….for CERTAIN SITUATIONS But some situations have u COMPLETELY stuck And u r helpless 2 do anything about it Unfortunately for me, i fall n2 the latter category I just wish i could see everyone’s reactions after i do it I’m getting stressed at worlk AND home I don’t have any friends Only my brother and well….that’s another story There’s some things i’ll regret like leaving my son But everyone treats me like i’m the lowest filth they have ever seen So i have 2 also become a jerk instead of the sweet guy that some ppl call me and jump 2 my death I’m not scared of dying as long as it’s quick and not to painful I tried therapy, trying 2 spak to ppl to help mitigate the issues but no cigar I’m gonna keep good on this promise Everyone’s gonna b surprised and then move on with their lives
Good bye , lifes useless full of depression . and for that reason i put myself out of my misery.
…I’ve never commit suicide, and i’ve never seen anyone commit suicide. I think about it everyday, but it doesn’t seem fitting yet. I just need a place where i can talk about this, have no one i know hear it, and move on. So that’s what i’m gonna do, so if you want skip reading this, for i am just explaining what i’ve screwed up in my life.
Well this all started when i was 11, i made my first 100 on a test, after that you would think that i was a good student. Well I am. On my next test I made a 97. Before the second test my mom said that if i made less than a 100 now, she knew i wasn’t trying. When i made that “oh so great” grade mother said What happened to the other 3 points? I signed up for the school robotics team the next year as a 6th grader, became leader of the programming team, and we made 5th place my first year. “why didn’t you get first?” the next year i did it to make her happy, we got 4th “why didn’t you get first?” 8th grade year we were so sure that we would make first that i knew mom would love it… we came in 2nd “Why the hell didn’t you get first? you spent 3 years in this and you can’t even get a trophy?” that same 6th grade year i tryed out for science bowl, and we made it to nationals (we placed 3rd) the next year i somehow didn’t make the A team, and we placed 7th at regionals. “Why couldn’t you at least get 2nd or 3rd? you have no competitive drive in you!” Same with other things i tryed out for. Our school sponsored a race, so I ran in the competition. I didn’t place and mother said “We spent 40 bucks on this race, and you didn’t even win anything to show for it?” After a while i realized I couldn’t ever make her happy, so i stopped trying. My grades are slipping, my friends think I’m a queer since I haven’t had a date in 4 years, I get bullied, and I think if anyone will cry when I’m gone. Please someone help me, I’m trapped in this meaningless life of death.
To ISeeTheAngels…
Someone is listening. It’s good advice to read the other comments on this page so you can see that how you are feelings is not as unusual as you might think. What I am going to say might shock you but please read carefully and consider my words.
You are not suicidal, you are SCARED. Scared of your mother because you put so much value in her opinion of you. You are allowing her to control you, and then complaining when she continues to do so. If you stop taking her seriously, her nagging will be futile and she will eventually stop. This will be difficult at first, for you because you have been obeying her all your life, and for her because she will fight to keep her influence over you and possibly even will emotionally blackmail you into conforming to her will. But if you can learn to be independent and stop relying on her for guidance, you will in time earn her love and the love of others by being a mature individual.
Your high grades are spelling out to you that you are intelligent enough to excel in the world. You may already be smarter than your mother at your age, but you are still letting her rule as the authority in your life. This is the source of your unhappiness. Growing up is about living by the rules and standards you set for yourself, not bending to the will of others. The inner you is telling the outer you that it is time to learn how to be independent.
Hi!! I,m Pinki..
I totally agree to Holly’s advice given to ISEETHEANGELS.
I’m not a suicidal person.. But sometimes situations are so that they lead me to think about commiting suicide.. But if u jst giv urslf smtym u’l understand its not the way to get rid of ur problems..
I also thought to suicide But i know it wasn’t because i was hvin problms it was because i was scared.. Scared of my mom, dad, society….
I’m thinking of starting a ‘death’ blog… not unlike the movie, Julia & Julie, except this one would not cover a cooking diary but rather a death diary. Either I get better by expressing myself via this blog, or I don’t. We shall just have to see… I will begin with my first entry, either later on today or tomorrow morning.