AlexShalman.comPractical Personal Development

I’m addicted to personal development. One of my strongest core principles is that I will continue growing each and every consecutive day. This doesn’t mean I want to get wider and fatter, it means I’m committed to exploring the truth about myself and the world, fortifying my ethical and moral outlook, and taking to the next level my ability to be a productive, healthy, and loving human-being.

A long time ago I decided that in order to maximize the quality of my life I needed to have a balance in all the pillars of my life. When I say pillars, imagine the Parthenon, the tremendous Greek structure that has pillars (columns) holding up the roof of the structure. The pillars holding up the structure of my life are my health, family (and girlfriend), education (and growth), finances, and friends.

When completing my end of the year review of my life I noticed that I was neglecting certain areas of my life. The areas in review were physical, mental, work/career/finances, relationship, family, emotional, spiritual, social, personal development, and fun. I was excelling in certain areas, mediocre in certain others, and than I noticed one that wasn’t even on the radar.

I was completing ignoring spiritual growth, and thus putting the Parthenon of my life in danger. In a tremendously-heavy structure if a pillar is down, the whole structure is shaky. Obviously I didn’t want to be living a shaky life, and thus made a resolve to fortify the foundation by getting my spirituality goals way above my comfort level.

Judaism

I was born Jewish, but other than a couple of holidays here and there I had no real understanding of what that meant. It completely escaped me whether Judaism was a cultural, national, or religious phenomenon. I sneered at the idea of keeping up with Jewish tradition because it seemed unreasonable, prehistoric, and unpractical for me.

After reading hundreds of books and articles on personal development I began to get a better appreciation for optimal ways to live my life. Upon taking a deeper look at Judaism at the beginning of this year I was shocked to find that almost every commandment in Judaism had the underlying precursor of being a personal development concept. Each rule, no matter how hard it seemed, was designed to make someone a better person in a very practical way. It just took me learning personal development in order to appreciate and see personal development in this religion.

Did I mention I’m a personal development addict? I was hooked. I began exploring, learning, and characterizing things as ‘practical personal development‘ or ‘currently ambiguous and requires faith.’

RAJE- The Israel Trip

From the beginning of this year several of my friends and I enrolled in a Jewish learning program. It consisted of 10 Sunday learning sessions, followed by a 2 week trip to Israel. By the time Israel was coming to an end I had learned a lot, and was very open minded about learning more.

I realized that the Jewish people are absolutely crazy about networking, and the community is very strong amongst Jews of all religious backgrounds. I’m talking about support for total strangers as if they were family, on the spot dinner invitations when you meet someone, help with careers, or friendly advice about life.

At the end of the trip I was primed and pumped for more. The group leader in Israel noticed that my curiosity far surpassed anyone in the group and offered me an exclusive invitation to one of Israel’s most prominent Yeshivas. The promise was that this school would not only offer me an education, but that the alumni were all super successful professionals including some of the richest people on the planet.

Let’s get that straight:

• First class education in something I believed to be the ultimate form of personal development
• Networking opportunities with some of the most financially successful people on earth.

Sign me up.

Getting In

Earlier in the year I was told about a very cool learning program at a camp grounds in upstate New York. It now occurred to me that the headmaster of the Yeshiva that I was told about runs this upstate NY program, and that I should go see him in order to gain admittance to the Yeshiva. I went.

I’m pretty sociable when I need to be (okay, I love networking), and being the perfect candidate for the school by blood I quickly befriended the headmaster and obtained his approval to start at the school. Since the whole school only accepted 25 people per year (including first and second years), I must have gotten pretty lucky in order to get this spot.

During the 2 week learning session in NY I already noticed that some of the classes weren’t for me. It didn’t strike me as a red flag because I figured I’d deal with it, or learn to appreciate it as time went by.

I had applied for a very exclusive scholarship, and since I had known one of the members on the board of trustees I thought it would be an absolute certainty that I would obtain the scholarship. It would cover flight, school payments, and throw in $5000 spending money.

After finishing my masters in May I had run into some debt (you don’t have to tell me that’s a bad idea — I got it!). I had a plan to work for a year while applying to Dental school for next year, and it would have perfectly taken care of my debt. With the dreams of getting this scholarship, I would be able to pay off my debt, and spend the year learning and growing.

Israel 9 months, errr 2 weeks

When I set my sights on something I get it. I became determined to let nothing stand in the way of me getting to Israel. This meant going against by parents wishes and creating a huge ‘fight’, it meant not seeing my amazing girlfriend for 9 months, and certain other issues such as being a hassle to travel to dental school interviews in the states.

Then I got denied for the scholarship. Supposedly all the scholarships had already been given away. Now I was broke, yet determined more than ever to make it to Israel and continue on my spiritual journey. I even went as far as asking readers for donations in order to buy plane tickets to Israel (thanks guys, I sincerely appreciate it). I planned to figure out the rest of the expenses when I got there.

Upon arriving I realized it wasn’t as glamorous as I had expected. The decision to come had dawned on me, and I felt really out of place. It was a 3 story building. You sleep on the third floor, study/pray on the second, and eat on the first. Not much else going on, so there was not much leaving. The only internet access (and we all know I need me some internet access) was in a laundry room on a tiny table, that was meant to service everyone in the building. At one point there was wifi that I could access from my room (which I shared with 2 other people), but than the second year students decided they wouldn’t share it anymore, and turned it off. The food was awesome, but all other conditions sucked.

The conditions really didn’t have too much to do with me feeling out of place. I lost the big picture of wanting to become more religious, and it dawned to me that I was very happy back in my life in the US. My life was full of growth and joy. This made every moment of being there miserable.

At first I attended all the prayer services (3 a day) and classes (about 7 per day), but quickly grew bored of most of them. I didn’t like praying so much, I didn’t like learning about prayer, I didn’t like learning about Jewish ancient and impractical Jewish laws and customs. I liked the headmasters class, I liked the twice a week self-improvement class, and I liked learning Hebrew.

I stopped attending most of the classes, and realized that it was not worth staying there for the few things that I did like. I could continue learning what I wanted and what I liked from back home, whilst surrounded by the people I love. After two weeks of being miserable I decided religious Jewry was not for me, I booked the next flight out of town and came back to the states.

I realized that I really didn’t like what I saw of the orthodox Jewish lifestyle. I saw some really awesome and successful people, and I saw some people that I wasn’t impressed with at all. It’s not a nation of super-people walking around spreading an aura of light onto everything they touch. They’re just as human, with the same problems and character faults as anyone else. This solidified my resolve to continue the pursuit of conscious growth on my own terms; ones that resonate with me.

I’m back

On the ride back from the airport I secured an internship at NYU-Dental School, one of my top choices for next year. Then I secured a job dental assisting, something I’ve done since I was 15, which earns an honest living while, most importantly, honing my dental skills and motor-dexterous abilities. I’m going to have an advantage over other students in dental school due to these experience, if I ever make it there!

I’ve been back for two weeks now. No current interest in persuing any religious endevours, and ready to live life awesome. I feel very happy and fulfilled with every day of my life, even if it doesn’t involve God — and that’s being honest with myself.

Have you ever been so sure of anything, only to discover you aren’t anymore?