Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Mike Salara ^[1].

One of the worst things in the world is regret. You feel bad you pushed that old lady out of the way to catch that cab in the rain, don’t you? Well then don’t do it. Easier said than done. Sometimes people act in a way that they think is best at the time, but upon further reflection they really wish they could take it back. Here is a simple list of ways you can avoid the dreaded regret and have a clear conscience.

1. Think Before You Act

You need to know yourself pretty well before this tip can become effective. Look at a situation and the possible outcomes before you take action. If you do option #1, this will be the likely result and you will feel a certain way. If you do option #2, there will be a different result and you will correspondingly feel different.

It is hard to predict exactly what the result will be when you act in a certain way. However, in most situations, people can make an educated guess about their action will impact others and themselves. For example, you are paying for your items and the cashier give you change for a $20, even though you only paid with a $10. What do you do? A lot of people would just walk out of the store and count themselves lucky for the extra $10. They reason that it is a big store with plenty of money, they will never miss $10, and I spend enough money in there anyway. Well did you think about the cashier getting paid some paltry hourly wage that may get fired because his/her drawer was $10 off? I’ll bet that job is much more important to that person than $10 is to you. Besides, don’t make bogus excuses to make yourself feel better for knowingly pocketing money that did not belong to you. You will regret it later.

I have personally been on both sides of this scenario and I will tell you that I always regretted walking out with the money, even if it was a few dollars. I do not do it anymore and I feel a whole lot better. I even go back to the store to return the money if I do not realize it until later. It is a small price to pay for a clear conscience.

2. Do What You Love

How many people are out there going to a job they hate, staying in a relationship in which they are unhappy, or doing things for some reason other than because that is what they want to be doing. Most people do this to some degree because we cannot ALWAYS do what we love. This is more of a general recommendation. If love to write, you should start a blog or a journal. If you love to snow board, volunteer at a ski lift in exchange for a pass. Money is no excuse for not doing what you love. There are ways to do what you love and feel fulfilled, you just have to summon the motivation.

If you spend your time doing things you do not like, you will look back after some time and realize you are unhappy and regret that you did not do more of the things you loved.

3. Spend Time With Important People

I have never heard of someone declaring on their death bed “I wish I spent more time at work.” People who look back on their lives with regret, usually wish they spent more time with their families. It sounds corny, but life really is about spending as much time with your loved ones as possible. If it makes you happy to spend time with your friends, carve out some time to do that often enough so that you do not lose those ties that bind.

I work at a job that some people let overtake their lives. I do not. I have always looked at work as a means to and end. It allows me to buy things so that my family and I can live, but I only do enough of it so that we can be comfortable and I can spend as much time with them as possible. I also have two best friends for about the last 15 years that I am very close with. I try to carve out some time with them every so often between work and family responsibilities because I want to maintain those friendships and because spending time with them makes me happy.

Don’t blow off your friend’s birthday or a family cook out to do work that can wait. Go be with the people that are priorities in your life. This is almost an instant regret. You will probably regret not spending time with these important people even while you are somewhere else doing something non-essential. You won’t even have to wait and look back on this one.

The bottom line is that you need to fulfill your need for personal relationships. Don’t regret the time you missed out on with YOUR important people.

4. Be Genuine

The worst people when it comes to social interaction are those that are fake, or insincere. Don’t be one of those people that says something to someone’s face and then turns around and says negative things about the same person to someone else. Why would you do that? Are you afraid of telling the person how you really feel. That is understandable. Maybe you don’t want to actively hurt their feeling and you probably don’t like confrontation. Or maybe you just enjoy degrading people to puff yourself up. Either way, that is a short sighted solution to a long term problem. The shortness is that you make yourself feel better by bringing others down or avoid an uncomfortable confrontation, but the long term problem is that your insecurity is causing you to degrade others. You need to stop being fake and just act the way you really feel.

I am not saying to confront every person who gets on your nerves. You probably hate the person who leaves a tiny bit of coffee in the pot at work and does not just pour the rest out and rinse the pot. You might even know who that person is. Don’t throw the rest of the coffee on them the next time they do it! But if it really bothers you, say something.

I used to be the kind of person that would not say anything when something bothered me and I would stew about it for days and maybe weeks, even years later I would think about it. I should have done this, or said that. Now, when I feel something bothers me, I address it in the most appropriate way I know how. Does this create some confrontation and uncomfortable situations? You better belief it. But it feels so good not regretting that I did not say or do something when that thing was bothering me.

By standing back and doing nothing when something bothers you, you are not being genuine. Act and talk based on how you really feel and you will have much fewer regrets than if you had said or done something less than genuine.

5. Do Things For Yourself, Not Others

There are so many people out if the world you just do things out of a sense of duty, or loyalty or obligation. Of course there is a place for that in all of our lives. You may not want to go to your parents’ house to help clean out the basement, but you do it because you feel obligated. That’s fair, but don’t let it overtake your life. I know people who do virtually everything because that is that they think others expect or want them to do. That is no way to go through life.

I do not advocate complete selfishness by any means, but altruism has it’s limits. You need to think about what you like to do and do it. At the end of the day, you need to look at yourself if the mirror and be at peace with what you have done and said. You don’t want to resent the people you think you are pleasing because you feel they are somehow preventing you from doing things you would like to do. This happens a lot with child/parent relationships. How many people out there resent their parents because they did what they thought would make their parents happy only to find that it did not make them happy?

I started writing posts because it makes me happy. I find it fun and cathartic to write things I believe in and am passionate about. There is something inherently selfish about that, but that’s okay. Some selfishness is required to feel fulfilled and avoid regret.

When you call it a life and look back on your time, the last thing you want to have is regret. Follow these simple tips to help avoid it.

BIO:

Mike Salara writes personal development articles for intellectual thinkers at his site mikesalara.com ^[1].

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