Selfishness: The Cure to Your Philosophical Hangover
Editor’s Note: This article is written by the brilliant, amazing, and selfless Marina Tsipenyuk.
Those who have ever valued liberty for its own sake believed that to be free to choose, and not to be chosen for, is an unalienable ingredient in what makes human beings human. ~Isaiah Berlin
Though I generally procrastinate when it comes to reading long fictions, last summer, and due to a twentieth century Russian literature class that I have taken this Fall, I have been inundated with countless philosophies.
I was astounded by so many of the recent novels that I have read, ranging from Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead and Mikhail Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita, to pieces in the style of Socialist Realism and those opposing it. It was in this context, the context set particularly by The Fountainhead, that I quite suddenly came to discover the countless contradictions surrounding social philosophies.
The problem is not vested in finding the ultimate philosophical answer to how everything works. It is, however, the question of “how should I live to optimize my experience of life“?, a question that is not only relevant but entirely subject to our beliefs about ourselves.
This is something we may wonder from time to time along with the notions of love, interconnection, and social responsibility. And it is no wonder that such questions are juxtaposed because it is so difficult for us to separate ourselves from our circumstances.
For this reason, rules that we establish for ourselves may come with contradictions. For instance, if you proclaim to be a utilitarian, then ideally, you will save two people from a burning building rather than one. In practice, supposing that you have the power to save either two people who are unconnected to you or your child, I would argue that you would save your child, regardless of your position on utilitarianism.
So although I like utilitarianism in theory, if I were to be asked which philosophy would be the most suitable for me and for others, it would be that of the rational egoist, the individualist achiever who is thwarted only by his own rational understanding of the world that he inhabits.
Selfishness vs Selflessness
“That’s the trouble with victims – they don’t even know they’re victims, which is as it should be, but it does become monotonous and take half the fun away. You’re such a rare treat – a victim who can appreciate the artistry of its own execution…” Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead
There is nothing wrong with being selfish, in the respect that I will further explain. If we are to examine all of our actions, we will see how selfish they really are, even if we hope to receive no praise or glory for them at all, and even if we end up feeling victimized.
The state of feeling victimized is, itself, a selfish feeling. When you feel victimized, you separate yourself from the world with the excuse that another, or others are the cause of this separation. When you feel victimized you experience selfishness that is rooted in selflessness, perhaps the most dis-empowering feeling that a human being can expose himself to. Selflessness, in this respect, is the relocation of the responsibility of the outcome of your fate upon another person, a product of a person’s giving up his or her “self”. This happens when we allow another person or group to form our opinions for us mindlessly, when we relinquish our fate to the will of others, and when we settle for what society believes is right above our own best judgment. It is easy to be selfless, and through a person’s attempt to simplify his life by blinding himself to personal reality, that person is still selfish in a way that can hurt him.
This concept is illustrated in The Fountainhead, in which people are faced with the society’s glorification of mediocrity and the extent of effect of the spoken word on people’s beliefs. People within the society do not necessarily value talent, but rather the acknowledgment that comes from shameless conformation to the whims of the chosen arbiters of opinion. The society is geared toward “selflessness”, not only in refusing the pleasure of true art and form, but in refusing a personal opinion and a self-motivated goal.
It is, therefore, hardly a wonder that every attempt at socialism is an attempt to oust the individual out of existence. It is an unnatural way to keep people under control, and for that reason, Soviet authors (who only know this notion too well) employ commentaries within their works to serve as extreme facets of the ultimate vision. Andrei Platonov, in The Foundation Pit, for instance, writes how even groups of horses collectivized their hay. In Envy, Yuri Olesha characterizes the new, advanced man, as one who lives for the society, and not for himself, a machine devoid of unnecessary emotions. These are the ultimate forms of selflessness, not only because they are acts that further a society, but because they deny people of self.
Selfishness does not necessarily mean denying help, love, or greatness to others because of an extreme love for oneself and unwillingness to share glory, though this too can be selfishness. What I speak of is individuality and responsibility to oneself above all, even if this responsibility to oneself translates into the responsibility to others. This definition works particularly because a selfish person can acknowledge that even acts of love are selfish because they start from a desire to love.
Argument for Individualism
“I often think that he’s the only one of us who’s achieved immortality. I don’t mean in the sense of fame and I don’t mean that he won’t die some day. But he’s living it. I think he is what the conception really means. You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they’re not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict–and they call it growth. At the end there’s nothing left, nothing unrevered or unbetrayed; as if there had never been any entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they have never held for a single moment? But Howard–one can imagine him existing forever.”~ Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead
This was Peter Keating, a mediocrity who thrived as a leech on the perceptions of others, talking about Howard Roark, a talented individualist who’s work had the intrinsic value of the art of a master. In the above quote, Peter recognizes that the liberty with which Roark works assures his immortality. Unlike Keating, whose talent was a manifestation of the whims of others, Roark lived for himself and his work was timeless. He allowed no one to tell him what to do or how to do it, and he lived with his principles, neither attacking nor desiring to be a part of society.
This is to say that being an individualist is very difficult, and those who choose the path may suffer tremendous criticism at the hands of others. People may not understand their reasoning and their zeal, just as people did not understand why Roark refused to take certain commissions as an architect. At the same time, individualists are free because they take responsibility for their own lives and they stop at nothing to do what is right by their own standards. This is selfish, but it is also liberating.
There may be millions of people out there who took the path of someone else, who blinded themselves to clear signals, and who immersed themselves in life’s little nuances and steered themselves away from their dreams. These people may be living in the world today, though they may already be dead by way of spirit.
What does this mean for us?
“Do not, under any circumstances, belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth.”
— Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran
Where do we fit in? The novel, sadly, is far from the only place in which we see people relinquishing rights they have over themselves to others who do not seek and will not nurture the responsibility precisely because they too are merely worrying about looking good and not looking bad. Millions of people, at best, victimize themselves in their situations, and at worst, forge completely unfulfilling goals and live unfulfilling lives because of their own fear of themselves. It is in these cases that we may need to stop and ask ourselves where we are being selfless and why we are doing so. Why should we allow ourselves to live the cookie cutter versions of what we may perceive acceptable instead of the great lives that we can potentially be living?
I now call on you and ask you to tell us in which cases you believe we should be selfish? What are the implications?
Thank you to Marina Tsipenyuk, for writing this great article!
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Posted by Marina Tsipenyuk in Book Review, Character Building, Personal Development, Thinking | January 8, 2009 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 33 comments
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Great post! This is something that I’ve actually been working on personally for the few years…
Until about a year ago, I always found myself in a state of “I do all of this for you and you do nothing in return!”
Many women find themselves in this position with their partners because they give so much of themselves with the expectation that their significant other will return the effort. This is not fair to your partner nor to you.
About a year ago, I began to focus more effort on healthy boundary setting and love for self not only with Dan, but with my children, friends, and family. I began to ask “what is better for me in this situation” rather than “how can I please others”.
What I’ve learned is that if I take care of my own emotional and physical needs first – I’m in a much better place to love and give to others…
So in this area of our lives – love and caring of self – we must all be absolutely selfish!
First off, what an amazingly lucid & well written post. This is probably my favorite part…
“This is to say that being an individualist is very difficult, and those who choose the path may suffer tremendous criticism at the hands of others.”
I feel the same way, though at the end of the day, there is a certain fulfilling freedom with hacking out your own path in life. I don’t look at it as being selfish. I look at it as being instinctual. As for the criticism, i take it as a positive, cause it is others expressing the walls that stand in the way of their path, walls which I am almost hurdled over.
With such amazing writing, I am shocked that you do not have a blog of your own. I hope you share some more in the near future.
I loved reading Ayn Rand’s books. I agree that selfishness is not necessarily a bad thing…only when it is misguided selfishness. Having a purpose that helps the individual out while helping others is by idea of good selfishness.
I thank everyone for reading this post. It means a lot to me.
Jennifer- I know exactly what you mean! We think from a point of “I do so much for someone else” and then resent ourselves because we do not have the strength to stand up for what we believe is right for us. Then we victimize ourselves and deny ourselves autonomy over our lives. Thank you for all your insight!
Peter- Thank you so much for your comment. I am very glad you enjoyed the post, and although I do not have my own blog yet, I am definitely looking into it and I have basically implanted myself as a resident writer on alexshalman.com so you will be seeing a lot of my work here. I like how you talk about “hacking out your own path” as being instinctual rather than selfish. I realize that selfish has a very negative connotation and it does not tend to be a celebrated trait.
Adam- Thank you for your comment. I am currently starting Atlas Shrugged. Do you have any other suggestions?
@Jen, Thanks for writing in, I think Marina needs to work on being more selfish as well. We don’t want me walking all over her, and making her my blog writing slave.
After all @Pete is right, she should have her own blog by now, but as long as I don’t help her make one, and keep her writing here, the more I get benefit
@Adam In the past couple of months I’ve read Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, then Marina read them, then her dad, and now her mom is finishing up the final book. They are all conforming to my library – this is either a good thing, or…. lol. Externally it looks like there are different kinds of selfishness. However, I feel that being the best you that you can be, and always reaching your full potential, will be good for everyone around you no matter what.
I think that’s what Marina means. A person that’s doing things that harm others around him might in fact be selflessly feeding into some kind of idealogy that has to do with society, or the environment that raised them. In this sense, they’re giving up themselves, and they’re giving up their full potential, in order to live into this vision. If you ask me, giving up yourself is pretty selfless indeed.
The selfish ones, the ones that go for their best, no matter what society, or anyone else says, will be the shining stars that we all looks up to.
Fantastic post Marina. The Fountainhead is one of my favorite books of all time. But I’ve never been able to quite articulate its principles as clearly as you have. Sadly enough, the world has too many Peters and not enough Howards. With TV dumbing us down 24/7, the evils of collectivism are probably stronger now than ever before.
Alex- So this is your evil plan! Well, you were tricked. You thought you were keeping me on your sight against my will when I secretly love writing on this site and have made myself a permanent!
Will- I am so happy you enjoyed the post! I completely agree with you when it comes to there being too many Peters and not enough Howards. I do hope, however, that whoever has read this post will at least recognize any places in their lives where they are not living up to their full potential and use this as a resource to better their lives.
Socrates once said that a unexamined life is one not worth living. Though while I some what agree with your thinking of selfishness, I have a slight problem with it as someone whose extremely political.
When I pick my elected official I never think to myself “how is this guy going to help me.” Instead I ask myself “how is this guy going to help all of us.” Niche once said “a person is smart, people are irrational and stupid.” That’s the reality of the world. What might be great tax wise for me is going to screw someone making far less. I feel as if when we all do well, the individual does well.
Some call this “socialism,” but I call it what it actually is, a republic. “To the republic for which it stands, once nation, under god…” We live under the blanket of what’s best for ALL of us. Not just some.
Personally I don’t believe in isms. To quote one of the best philosophers of our time, a Mr. Ferris Bueller “I don’t believe in isms…I just believe in me.” That’s the reality…that if I lead by example that maybe others will follow. I’m not the answer. Hell I don’t believe anyone actually knows the question and that introspection as a general rule is healthy, but when one spends all their time reading “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” instead of reading Kant or Digonese then there is a problem.
Want philosophy..go to the great thinkers of our time. Don’t get buy a book from the self help section of Barnes and Noble.
From an evolutionary perspective a little selfishness is a great survival advantage. There’s a great book (the selfish gene) which goes into this in a lot of detail of how the drive to pass on your genetic information is the reason any species (ours in particular) still exist.
Of course from a certain perspective it’s also selfish to want your friends/family/sports team/country to do better than everyone else, and this is also a very healthy driver of life.
When someone goes too far in being self centered then there is some natural push back from those around you – in theory the system should be self correcting to stop people going too far, but still, you get some jerks sometimes
I myself am a neuroscientist, so instead of looking for selfish genes I’d be keener to identify the jerk gene. Maybe we can invent a cream or pill to cure that.
Patrick
Justin- Thank you for your post. I too, believe that we can look to the works of great philosophers in order to see how interconnected our worlds truly are. I, however, disagree in that self help books can be extremely useful if read for the purpose of motivation to do actions to improve one’s life. Although great philosophers may have delved through many different realms of thought, I believe that a good personal development book can establish a practical step by step process by which people can improve their lives, something more relevant to the context of our lives now. So thank you very much for the input.
Patrick- That’s too funny! When you find the cure for that jerk gene, please inform me!
> “how should I live to optimize my experience of life“?,
What a well-framed question … and I’m a fan of a question-driven life.
J.D- Thanks for the comment. I completely agree with you. As a firm believer in the law of attraction, I find that when you start to ask yourself questions, you will get answers. Many people jump into defense mode every time they approach a problem and make excuses as to why they cannot solve this problem rather than asking themselves the necessary questions about their situation in order to find a rational way out. This gives me an idea for a new post! Thanks!
Thanks for all the comments everyone. I think Marina just learned a valuable lesson as to where article ideas come from. One place is definitely from within the conversation that takes place in the comment box.
@Justin – You’re right, there is a problem if someone spends ALL their time reading the 7 Habits, not instead of Kant or Digonese, but as well as them. Our personal growth has a learning from others phase as well as a learning from experience phase, the latter of which requires stepping away from the books, and ultimately taking action.
However, there is a difference from the “great philosophers” of the past, and modern classics such as Stephen Covey. Much like Marina mention, Covey gives us a practical approached, based on his life experience, while many of the philosophers give us theory, which is either practical or not. I believe people like Covey, and other self-improvement classics can shave years, no life times, off of our experience learning curve.
When this 50 year old man, happy, successful, and driven writes a 200 page book telling you how he did it, and the principles that he used, then you listen so that you can start applying what’s effective now, instead of being Young, broke, and even worse…. stupid.
@Patrick Now and then I come across more gene research stating that a link between X random behavior, physical quality, etc. exists. I’m pretty sure there is a predisposition for being tempermental, or a “jerk”. On the other hand, I think the beautiful thing about life is taking what we were given and reaching new heights of our potential despite of what we are given. I want to see the person with the biggest jerk gene being the nicest person I know. If everything is handed to us on a silver platter, where is the fun in that?
I’d love to hear more from you. Your site looks nice, let’s discuss guest posts
@JD All we have is questions, I like your approach!
Everyone should experience individualism at some point in their lives, even if only for a short time. Each person has a bowl of keys in their life; they don’t know where any of them belong, but by not settling for what makes them content and trying new things in life, they can expect to find where those keys go and truly live.
@ Alex,
You are indeed correct – there are genetic factors for just about everything. And you are also correct in assuming that people can overcome them. The predispositions in your genes towards being selfish, happy, or a jerk are more like a range of possibilities rather than an absolute value.
Take height for example. The absolute maximum height you can grow to is genetically predetermined. If however you have a very poor diet during childhood, or even if your mother was malnourished while you were in the womb then you won’t reach that height.
Even a normal diet, with mixed amounts of exercise during development will tend to vary what height you will end up being. So despite your genetics you can end up having quite a range of different possible heights.
Though there isn’t hard science on this, I’d like to think that there is a maximum limit to being a jerk too
I’d certainly be interested in chatting with you more about guest posts, your site has some great content.
Patrick
veryevolved.com
You’ve convinced me that I need to read more of these classics. I think your writing is great, and you should keep writing here at Alex’s site.
Thank you for sharing and writing this post.
I love this one
“Do not, under any circumstances, belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth.”
I think practicing the art of being selfish is self nurturing. Putting yourself first is important to be able to serve others. I stand firm behind the airplane/oxygen metaphor…you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.
Nathalie- Thank you so much! I am so glad that you enjoyed the post and that it motivated you to take on some of these great readings.
Raymond- I love that quote as well. I saw Azar Nafisi when she came to speak at Rutgers and she is absolutely fantastic. Thank you very much for your comment.
Stacey- I definitely agree with you. If you think to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, you can see how you can only fulfill one kind of need before thinking of another need to fulfill. Likewise, if you are not wearing your own oxygen mask, you are not able to help others to the greatest of your abilities. Great Analogy! And thank you for the comment.
Dan- Thank you for the thoughtful comment.
This is an incredibly sophisticated and thoughtful piece.
Unfortunately, I do not believe the majority of people reflect on this distinction in their own life. I find individualism to be key in true happiness. We were all created unique so that as a collective society we will bring it to something great, based on our own talents, pleasures, ideas, drive, etc. If we are held back in any one area, whether by the self or societal criticism, then we have just done a disservice to the greater world. It’s a much larger way of looking at obligation. The obligation is to fill one’s own potential.
People who do not think in these ways find themselves stuck, depressed, lost, unsure. What would it mean to do everything short of flying? This world would be the fiction novel brought into reality.
Amazing job, Marina. The quotes and sources you used are just fantastic, and I am encouraged to go pick up The Fountainhead now. I hope that those who read this are encouraged to be a little more selfish today.
I agree that making sure you are happy, whether you’re being selfish or not, is beneficial to those around you. The happier you are, the more you are able to give.
Research has shown that no matter how individualistic we are, we all need community and connection to be content and happy in life. There is a loneliness epidemic today and part of it is due to our recent extreme ‘individualistic’ society.
Leigh- Thanks for your comment. I just wanted to clear up a misunderstanding that I think you may have had. When I speak of individualism, I do not speak of people who are antisocial, but rather following through with a vision. Selfishness, too, as I have defined it here in the article, is a very natural way to operate and is not limited to only thinking about oneself. When we do good things for others, we can recognize ourselves as still being selfish because doing something for another person requires either a desire to do so, or a means to look good or avoid looking bad. So although there may be a loneliness epidemic due to extreme individualism or selfishness, I believe that the distinctions within the article free it from those bounds. Thank you so much for writing, and I hope this cleared that up.
Monica- Thanks so much for the comment!!!!
This was so beautifully written! I agree that you really should have your own blog
I have recently begun re-reading some of the classics of my youth, including Ayn Rand. I am absolutely stunned at how different the experience is now that I am an adult. I first encountered Ayn in high school and I am now 41 years old. Funny how much of it went over my head and I never even realized it.
What’s more amazing is how heated my internal arguments get as I read.
I have also begun to re-read my Heinlein books and wow! I disagreed with him so much when I was young and now I find myself nodding vigorously while reading.
My point here is that it is not enough to read philosophy of any kind just once. We must read it at many different stages in our lives in order to get the most out of what we read. I really hated Sartre as a kid. I’m looking forward to giving his works another go, perhaps I will become a fan finally!
Wonderful post. The Fountainhead is my favorite Ayn Rand book. I appreciate the quotes. In my opinion selfishness is an inherent trait of all human beings. I believe people confuse selfishness, an internal drive for self-improvement and survival, with self-centeredness, a fear based drive to convince others to be like you. The two are not the same. You explained this well and I hope you continue to write more wonderful articles.
Melissa- Thank you so much. I am really looking forward to starting my own blog in the near future. My parents have both read The Fountainhead recently. They were telling me the same thing; that when you are older and reading the novels in the context of your experiences, you see them in a completely different light then you did when you were in your twenties. Again, thank you so much for the comment.
Clint- I am so glad that the post has clarified the distinction between selfishness and self-centeredness. To tell you the truth, I was very worried that the post would be very difficult to read and distinguish. I am glad that you enjoyed it. I am also very interested in what you do and I hope to hear more about your relationship coaching business. Thanks so much for the comment.
Objectivism is the name of the philosophy of Ayn Rand, and you can read more about it at aynrand.org. Here’s a link to a summary page
http://www.aynrand.org/site/PageServer?pagename=objectivism_intro
Just a quick correction: it is Steven Mallory, a brilliant sculptor and Roark’s close friend, who is quoted above about Roark achieving immortality.
(If Peter Keating could actually say something like that he would not be a Peter Keating.)
Hi Marina,
I’m happy to see you’ve addressed the issue of selfishness, since it is an issue that’s often overlooked by personal development writers. And what’s worse is when they state (or imply) that selfishness is a bad thing!
I recently wrote an article on Why Selfishness is a Good Thing at my blog, which you might find interesting.
The direct link to the article is:
http://www.personalgrowthmap.com/2009/03/24/why-selfishness-is-a-good-thing/
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