I’m happy to see you’ve addressed the issue of selfishness, since it is an issue that’s often overlooked by personal development writers. And what’s worse is when they state (or imply) that selfishness is a bad thing!

I recently wrote an article on Why Selfishness is a Good Thing at my blog, which you might find interesting.

The direct link to the article is:

http://www.personalgrowthmap.com/2009/03/24/why-selfishness-is-a-good-thing/

We drew inspiration from the same person.

(If Peter Keating could actually say something like that he would not be a Peter Keating.)

Clint- I am so glad that the post has clarified the distinction between selfishness and self-centeredness. To tell you the truth, I was very worried that the post would be very difficult to read and distinguish. I am glad that you enjoyed it. I am also very interested in what you do and I hope to hear more about your relationship coaching business. Thanks so much for the comment.

I have recently begun re-reading some of the classics of my youth, including Ayn Rand. I am absolutely stunned at how different the experience is now that I am an adult. I first encountered Ayn in high school and I am now 41 years old. Funny how much of it went over my head and I never even realized it.

What’s more amazing is how heated my internal arguments get as I read.

I have also begun to re-read my Heinlein books and wow! I disagreed with him so much when I was young and now I find myself nodding vigorously while reading.

My point here is that it is not enough to read philosophy of any kind just once. We must read it at many different stages in our lives in order to get the most out of what we read. I really hated Sartre as a kid. I’m looking forward to giving his works another go, perhaps I will become a fan finally!

Monica- Thanks so much for the comment!!!!

Research has shown that no matter how individualistic we are, we all need community and connection to be content and happy in life. There is a loneliness epidemic today and part of it is due to our recent extreme ‘individualistic’ society.

Unfortunately, I do not believe the majority of people reflect on this distinction in their own life. I find individualism to be key in true happiness. We were all created unique so that as a collective society we will bring it to something great, based on our own talents, pleasures, ideas, drive, etc. If we are held back in any one area, whether by the self or societal criticism, then we have just done a disservice to the greater world. It’s a much larger way of looking at obligation. The obligation is to fill one’s own potential.

People who do not think in these ways find themselves stuck, depressed, lost, unsure. What would it mean to do everything short of flying? This world would be the fiction novel brought into reality.

Amazing job, Marina. The quotes and sources you used are just fantastic, and I am encouraged to go pick up The Fountainhead now. I hope that those who read this are encouraged to be a little more selfish today.

Raymond- I love that quote as well. I saw Azar Nafisi when she came to speak at Rutgers and she is absolutely fantastic. Thank you very much for your comment.

Stacey- I definitely agree with you. If you think to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, you can see how you can only fulfill one kind of need before thinking of another need to fulfill. Likewise, if you are not wearing your own oxygen mask, you are not able to help others to the greatest of your abilities. Great Analogy! And thank you for the comment.

I love this one

“Do not, under any circumstances, belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth.”

You are indeed correct – there are genetic factors for just about everything. And you are also correct in assuming that people can overcome them. The predispositions in your genes towards being selfish, happy, or a jerk are more like a range of possibilities rather than an absolute value.

Take height for example. The absolute maximum height you can grow to is genetically predetermined. If however you have a very poor diet during childhood, or even if your mother was malnourished while you were in the womb then you won’t reach that height.
Even a normal diet, with mixed amounts of exercise during development will tend to vary what height you will end up being. So despite your genetics you can end up having quite a range of different possible heights.

Though there isn’t hard science on this, I’d like to think that there is a maximum limit to being a jerk too

I’d certainly be interested in chatting with you more about guest posts, your site has some great content.

Patrick
veryevolved.com

@Justin – You’re right, there is a problem if someone spends ALL their time reading the 7 Habits, not instead of Kant or Digonese, but as well as them. Our personal growth has a learning from others phase as well as a learning from experience phase, the latter of which requires stepping away from the books, and ultimately taking action.

However, there is a difference from the “great philosophers” of the past, and modern classics such as Stephen Covey. Much like Marina mention, Covey gives us a practical approached, based on his life experience, while many of the philosophers give us theory, which is either practical or not. I believe people like Covey, and other self-improvement classics can shave years, no life times, off of our experience learning curve.

When this 50 year old man, happy, successful, and driven writes a 200 page book telling you how he did it, and the principles that he used, then you listen so that you can start applying what’s effective now, instead of being Young, broke, and even worse…. stupid.

@Patrick Now and then I come across more gene research stating that a link between X random behavior, physical quality, etc. exists. I’m pretty sure there is a predisposition for being tempermental, or a “jerk”. On the other hand, I think the beautiful thing about life is taking what we were given and reaching new heights of our potential despite of what we are given. I want to see the person with the biggest jerk gene being the nicest person I know. If everything is handed to us on a silver platter, where is the fun in that?

I’d love to hear more from you. Your site looks nice, let’s discuss guest posts

@JD All we have is questions, I like your approach!

Patrick- That’s too funny! When you find the cure for that jerk gene, please inform me!

Of course from a certain perspective it’s also selfish to want your friends/family/sports team/country to do better than everyone else, and this is also a very healthy driver of life.

When someone goes too far in being self centered then there is some natural push back from those around you – in theory the system should be self correcting to stop people going too far, but still, you get some jerks sometimes

I myself am a neuroscientist, so instead of looking for selfish genes I’d be keener to identify the jerk gene. Maybe we can invent a cream or pill to cure that.

Patrick

Will- I am so happy you enjoyed the post! I completely agree with you when it comes to there being too many Peters and not enough Howards. I do hope, however, that whoever has read this post will at least recognize any places in their lives where they are not living up to their full potential and use this as a resource to better their lives.

After all @Pete is right, she should have her own blog by now, but as long as I don’t help her make one, and keep her writing here, the more I get benefit

@Adam In the past couple of months I’ve read Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, then Marina read them, then her dad, and now her mom is finishing up the final book. They are all conforming to my library – this is either a good thing, or…. lol. Externally it looks like there are different kinds of selfishness. However, I feel that being the best you that you can be, and always reaching your full potential, will be good for everyone around you no matter what.

I think that’s what Marina means. A person that’s doing things that harm others around him might in fact be selflessly feeding into some kind of idealogy that has to do with society, or the environment that raised them. In this sense, they’re giving up themselves, and they’re giving up their full potential, in order to live into this vision. If you ask me, giving up yourself is pretty selfless indeed.

The selfish ones, the ones that go for their best, no matter what society, or anyone else says, will be the shining stars that we all looks up to.

Jennifer- I know exactly what you mean! We think from a point of “I do so much for someone else” and then resent ourselves because we do not have the strength to stand up for what we believe is right for us. Then we victimize ourselves and deny ourselves autonomy over our lives. Thank you for all your insight!

Peter- Thank you so much for your comment. I am very glad you enjoyed the post, and although I do not have my own blog yet, I am definitely looking into it and I have basically implanted myself as a resident writer on alexshalman.com so you will be seeing a lot of my work here. I like how you talk about “hacking out your own path” as being instinctual rather than selfish. I realize that selfish has a very negative connotation and it does not tend to be a celebrated trait.

Adam- Thank you for your comment. I am currently starting Atlas Shrugged. Do you have any other suggestions?