I got a little lost in what you were saying there, is that all geared to me?

I’m not sure why you’re assuming relationship advice, but it’s about analyzing your container.

I suppose you could think of your relationship as a container, but other containers would be your work, where you live, your tribes, or your even your metaphors or labels (is life a dance, an epic, a comedy, a tragedy … etc.) I’m using the “where you live” example when I use the saying “you can’t be a preacher in your home town,” for obvious reasons.

A gut check is good, but limited. Round out your thinking with Six Thinking Hats.

I don’t follow why your fear or chances or making assumptions points, unless it’s simply your chance for cliche, or it’s a demo of imprecision and inaccuracy. Either way, you’ll improve your mental model for life’s challenges by reading The Dip. You can’t beat Seth’s model for when to lean in versus when to find a new Dip.

As an ancillary point (and I won’t add the cliche that you should take the bull by the horns), but if you read de Bono’s Tactics, you’ll build a better foundation for success based on more than 50 reference examples, and you’ll realize why it’s a numbers game, but a “success mindset” is a differentiating factor. All the more reason to choose your Dips wisely.

Hope that helps!

You are the fool for not trying and assuming things after.
Remember ASSUME…making an ASS of U and ME

On the logic level, that’s true, but there’s more to it.

Here’s the why behind the saying … It’s meant to point out how although you may change yourself and you may be an entirely different person than your younger years, people you grew up with may have you labeled a certain way. That’s where the Pygmalion effect comes in.

The Pygmalion effect is where, “you get what you expect.”

In other words, you may act completely different, but people see you through their filter. So no matter what you say or do, in their eyes, you can do no right. Of course, the positive side of the Pygmalion effect is the Halo Effect, where you can do no wrong. In this case, people see you through Rose Colored Glasses.

What it boils down to is distinguishing between your situation and you. If the container is limiting you, it might make more sense to test another container. It’s very difficult to change people’s perception, so it’s really an ROI call. Is it worth trying to change the perception or is it better to start fresh without baggage? Just asking this is a good start because it’s a sanity check. If you’re making all the right moves, but you aren’t making progress, it might not be you … it might be the container. I’ve seen some people fail in one situation, but massively succeed in another. Some people that ignore the impact of their container, don’t get to unleash their full potential because the environment just doesn’t support them. I used to make the assumption that you can turn around any perception. Regardless of whether that’s true, it still comes down to ROI and many people massively succeed by taking their game to the right forum.

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

I have myself been only making good friends with people that i feel are adjusted to my liking. Sure it may seem like I am selfish but I don;t see it that way.

Sure its great having friends but I have come to a point where i got to ask myself.

Am i going to serve my friends full time? If so, when will it be my time to serve myself?

@Success Professor: You’re right. Physical environment can play an important role. A less cluttered environment will allow you to be more focused.

@J.D. Meier: The phrase “you can’t be a preacher in your hometown” peaked my curiosity. I was watching the movie Lakeview Terrace the other day and one cop said to the other “you can’t be living in the same town where you’re arresting people.” That makes sense, since they may not have the most benevolent feelings towards you, but you would think a preacher would be a respected member of their town. What do you think?

The Dip is one lens for analyzing containers.

You can’t be a preacher in your hometown

I love your thoughts on the environment you are in. The way that your experiences, friends, and books influence your environment and ability to achieve is very well explained.

I also find that my physical environment plays a big role. If I surround myself with distractions, I’m much more likely to take advantage of those distractions. If remove distractions from my physical environment I’ll likely stay focused longer.