How To Deal With Criticism
This is a guest article by Vincent Tan. You can follow him on Twitter.
We will receive our fair share of criticism in our life. It is hard to stop criticism from coming because there are too many people with different views and opinions, which may result in disagreements.
There are a few reasons why people criticize and here are some of them.
- Disagreeing with you.
- Angry.
- Upset with what you had said.
- To prove they are right.
- Just out to piss you off.
Whenever we receive criticism, it certainly affects our mood. Instead of feeling down, you should actually use the chance to try to get the most out of it.
Vincent’s Story
When I just started out blogging, everything was going fine and I love the positive comments that I had received from my readers. Reading the positive comments never fail to brighten up my day. But one day I received a comment from someone whom I do not know and he criticized about my articles.
He thought that it is not appropriate for someone of my age (I am 22 at that time) to be writing personal development articles. He thinks that someone who is at that age can’t possibly go through enough challenges in life to share with others.
I felt sad about it and self doubts started to appear in my mind. I did not know how to handle the criticism at that time and it affected me greatly. I thought of shooting an email back to him and trying my best not to be sound like a jerk but it is harder than it seems.
I held back from sending the email and sought out some advice from some of my friends that I had made through the blogosphere. Talking to them brought me back to my calm state of mind which I am then able to think more clearly. Following their advice, I decided to just ignore the guy, picked up valuable lessons from the criticism and just move on from there.
How To Deal With Criticism – Step By Step Guide
It can be hard to deal with criticism, especially from people that you don’t even know, but most of the time we can pick up something from the criticisms we received. Here are the steps that I used to deal with it.
1. Listen
Whenever others are criticizing us, don’t be defensive immediately, listen to what they have to say. Being defensive at the very moment means that we will not be able to evaluate whether the criticism is of any help to us. Being defensive may also cause us to make unwise decisions or choose the wrong words to reply as we are not in the right state of mind to think clearly at that moment.
2. Create Space
As I had mentioned it is hard to make wise decision at the very moment when people are criticizing you. Create space for yourself to think about it by walking away. The space created acts like a buffer which can give you more time to think clearly. People who try to make decisions without adequate amount of time and space can increase their chances of making unwise decisions that they may later regret.
3. Evaluate
You will need to evaluate the criticism and think whether there are any lessons that you can learn from it. Sometimes people criticize because they see your flaws which you had failed to see. This is a good thing as they help to point out something that you can improve on.
Try to see their criticism with an open mind and think whether what they had said was true. If what they had said was true, acknowledge your flaws and work on it. However if you think that the criticism is just out to bring you down without any truth in it, just ignore it and move on with your life.
4. Seek 2nd Opinion
A neutral party can see the whole picture much more clearer than you do. Seek someone else that you trust and ask them what do they think about the criticism. Determine whether the criticism is valid or it is just some ramblings by others who have nothing better to do.
5. Move on
After you acknowledged the criticism it is wise to just move on from there. Some people are stuck to their criticism for days or even weeks. They can keep thinking about the criticism until it start to affect all areas of their life. Do not commit this mistake as the time spent brooding over it will only make you feel miserable. Once you had already picked up lessons from the criticism, work on your flaws and just forget about it.
Parting Words
I found out that there were some truth to the criticism that I had received from the guy. It is true that I am young but I do not agree with him that I have nothing to share with others. I believe everyone have their own unique experiences that they can share and no one is alike in this sense. Criticism is just parts and parcels of life and everyone have their fair share of it. The important thing is to know how to deal with it instead of trying to avoid it.
Vincent writes on the subject of Personal Development at HealthMoneySuccess.com. His site’s main aim is to help people to be more productive, happy and achieve more in life.
If you’re interested, I’m currently accepting guest posts from talented writers.
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Posted by Alex Shalman in Uncategorized | May 7, 2009 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 16 comments
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Great article Vincent. I think all of us bloggers can relate to your comment story, and the rest of us can relate to criticism in general. Your tips are all on point, and you are wise beyond your years.
Keep studying personal development, and keep growing
Hi Alex,
Thanks giving me a chance to post a guest article here. I believe most people have received some criticism in their life and I hope this article can help them learn how to deal with it.
Cheers,
Vincent
Vincent,
Nice advice!
I always remember the old showmanship quote: you can never please all of the people all of the time. This is especially true for blogs.
I’m 49 years old and I realize I can learn useful things from everybody regardless of age. Heck, my young sons taught me many things about life.
Hi, Vincent! Thanks for this post. As a fellow blogger I know JUST what you mean… everyone has an opinion about what we’re doing and how we’re doing it. The kudos are great, and reassuring. The complaints are so frustrating… almost enough to make one quit.
I guess, like Roger said, you can’t please everyone so the key is to be able to move on and keep going (your point #5).
Congrats on the guest post!
Hi Roger,
It is really true that it is impossible to please everyone in life. Doing that will only cause us to feel miserable.
Hi Lisis,
Great to see a fellow blogger here! I believe knowing when to move on is really important. If we are stuck on that single piece of criticism dealt out by someone that we don’t even know, we are going to make ourselves miserable.
Cheers,
Vincent
It taks a mature, open and growing individual to handle criticism correctly. One has to be willing to look within and if it fits grow from it. If the criticism doesn’t fit let it go and move on.
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby
Nobody has ever achieved pleasing everybody – not Jesus Christ, not Muhammad, not Buddha.
There’s always going to be people who love you, and people who hate you. This is the reality of life which you have to accept.
Don’t have to beat yourself up just because not everybody loves you or you realise there are people who dislike or even hate you. The most important thing is to love, respect, and accept yourself for who you are.
Cheers~
Mark
I am a psychotherapist and deal with this issue every day. These are some very concrete thoughts helpful ideas which are useful. Thanks
Hi Tess,
“If the criticism doesn’t fit let it go and move on.”
This is one important sentence we need to remember whenever we receive a criticism. Thanks for the point.
Hi Mark,
Thanks for your great insight. Loving, respecting and accepting ourselves is definitely more important than thinking of how others look at us.
Hi Karen,
Thanks for your comment. You definitely have some great ideas to share with us. It will be great to know more about what you think about this topic too.
Cheers,
Vincent
Hey Vincent! Thanks for sharing your story
It’s great to know you picked yourself up from this incident and learnt something from it. I get negative feedback sporadically on some of the more provocative articles I write and it’s a good alternative viewpoint so I can better reach out to people I want to help. Most of the time, the feedback is more reflective of the frameworks/beliefs the person is coming from rather than ourselves. Comments, whether positive or negative, should be turned into sources of feedback to forward us. Keep up with your great work at HealthMoneySuccess! 
Hi Celes,
“Most of the time, the feedback is more reflective of the frameworks/beliefs the person is coming from”
I agree with what you had said. Most likely provocative articles that challenge their beliefs will cause them to be defensive and thus the negative comments. You are doing well too at Embrace Living. Keep up the good work.
Cheers,
Vincent
Lots of my associates agree: it’s not good to get upset by what others say. But the difference I sometimes note is in the little self-talk they share…
“Yeah, no sense getting upset. There will always be a__holes in life…”
“Oh it doesn’t bother me. Why would I listen to anything THAT jerk has to say?”
But they’re not always a__holes and jerks, are they? Sometimes (as you indicate in your post) their criticisms have value–not matter how delivered.
I was glad to read your comment: “I held back from sending the email and sought out some advice…I decided to just ignore the guy, picked up valuable lessons from the criticism and just move on from there.”
Good for you.
Hi Vincent,
Thanks for these tips – they are great reminders! I think we can learn from everyone, no matter how old they are. If we look closely, we can even learn from babies, and animals too – especially how to live in the present.
Thanks for posting this Alex.
blessings,
Gina
Hi Jonathan,
“But they’re not always a__holes and jerks, are they? “They may seems like jerks or a__holes but sometimes they do provide valuable information even though the way they deliver it is not the way we like it to be. The key is to know how to distinguish whether the criticism is valuable or it is just a way where people are out to trash you.
Hi Gina,
I agree with what you had said. We can learn from anyone and even babies can teach us the the importance of fascination and innocence.
Cheers,
Vincent