Ask The Readers: Criticize My Presidential Speech
I ran for the position of Class Council President for my New York University School of Dentistry class – for our first year. I lost. While not every attempt can result in a win, I believe that we can learn from just about everything.
The sound quality isn’t the best, but it’s doable – I’m putting myself on the line for constructive criticism of my public speaking skills. That means don’t criticize my jet-black matrix looking outfit (I will only interpret it as jealousy, hehe), just let me know what you think about the delivery.
As you know I’m always into improving my skills, and I really want to become a master storyteller. I don’t expect it to happen overnight, but I do like to take advantages of opportunities like this where I spoke in front of about 120 people.
Some things you might want to comment on are: my movements and gestures, my tone and pitch, the feelings you got about the content, how persuasive did I come off, what turned you off about the speech, etc.
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Posted by Alex Shalman in Ask The Readers, Videos | September 26, 2009 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 5 comments
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Hi Alex, Nice speech. I think you did a good job overall. You did not move too much although you could have moved less, and had more direct eye contact (scanning the audience). Also, I couldn’t really tell if you had a mustache, but if you did….you should have shaved. A blue suit, white shirt, and a solid color tie would also have helped you.
The biggest thing I got was that your delivery was flat. You said all the right things, but your delivery was uninspiring, and didn’t grab the audience. Remember in the Landmark Forum when they asked if people were inspired after someone shared?? Are you inspired watching the video??
Also congratulations, I think it’s best you didn’t win. It will allow you to devote your time to more worthwhile causes to help people….like alexshalman.com
Thanks for being so open.
Marc
@Marc – Thanks so much for writing in, I really appreciate it.
I will work on more eye contact. Where I was standing, there was no option to move in location, only arms – it was a tight spot (literally).
I had no mustache, lol. Perhaps I will work on purchasing a more Presidential-looking attire for a future speech, the blue suit was not in my wardrobe.
I see what you mean about the delivery was flat. It definitely wasn’t a Landmark-style share. It was more of a sales-pitch!
You just want me to write more articles
not bad my man…. your eye contact was lacking in the first half of the speech… which would have made my eyes wander and make me think about the girl sitting next to me, or whatever else was on my mind at the time…
if you don’t look them in the eyes, you lose them…. it doesn’t matter what you say, it is how you deliver it and how you engage with the audience.
I would say it was a B- since you didn’t use notes, and you added some humor in there, but your vocal variety was lacking, and you had your hands kinda up the entire time… I didn’t feel the excitement as much as I would have liked to, but then again I don’t know what the other guy said so you might have blown it out of the water compared to him.
Good job though, probably better that you are not president right now so you can focus on dominating your work…. getting to know students better, then you will be ready to run for it next year.
good job my man! Keep hustling!
Alex,
As a fellow Toastmaster, I appreciate that you are putting your speech “out there” for others to comment / suggest improvements. Here are my thoughts…
- As was said in earlier comments… too fast without enough vocal variety. Next time (and I know there will be a “next time”), consider some strategic pauses, especially around your key points. [This will also reduce the number of "ah's" and "um's" you have since that was when most of them occurred.] Combine this with eye contact with people in the audience (one person for each point) and your speech will have much greater impact.
- It may be a minor point, but was there anything you could have stood on? The partition in front of you limited your audience visibility, at least for the video camera.
- I’m sure you already appreciate it (and there were some comments), but your clothing did not seem to match the desired position. Steve Jobs is an excellent speaker, but he is not an “elected” official for a Dentistry organization. What do the “authority figures” at the school wear? (Teachers, administrators, etc.) By simulating their attire, you would have projected more “authority” and your “campaign promises” would have held more weight.
Overall, your content was excellent, there was limited use of notes and the speech was well written.
As they say… When one door closes, another opens!” I know that you are not someone that gives up so I look forward to hearing about your future speeches!
d.Mark “Dave” Wheeler
District 53 Toastmasters
Lt.Gov.-Education & Training, 2009-10
Move Forward!
Definitely not enough skin being shown.