Comments on: Ask The Readers: Criticize My Presidential Speech http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/09/26/ask-the-readers-criticize-my-presidential-speech/ Practical Personal Development Wed, 01 Feb 2012 10:29:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Yuriy B http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/09/26/ask-the-readers-criticize-my-presidential-speech/comment-page-1/#comment-129597 Yuriy B Tue, 29 Sep 2009 16:57:11 +0000 http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=2152#comment-129597 Definitely not enough skin being shown. Definitely not enough skin being shown.

]]> By: d.Mark "Dave" Wheeler http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/09/26/ask-the-readers-criticize-my-presidential-speech/comment-page-1/#comment-129426 d.Mark "Dave" Wheeler Sun, 27 Sep 2009 15:56:01 +0000 http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=2152#comment-129426 Alex, As a fellow Toastmaster, I appreciate that you are putting your speech "out there" for others to comment / suggest improvements. Here are my thoughts... - As was said in earlier comments... too fast without enough vocal variety. Next time (and I know there will be a "next time"), consider some <b>strategic pauses</b>, especially around your key points. [This will also reduce the number of "ah's" and "um's" you have since that was when most of them occurred.] Combine this with eye contact with people in the audience (one person for each point) and your speech will have much greater impact. - It may be a minor point, but was there anything you could have stood on? The partition in front of you limited your audience visibility, at least for the video camera. - I'm sure you already appreciate it (and there were some comments), but your clothing did not seem to match the desired position. Steve Jobs is an excellent speaker, but he is not an "elected" official for a Dentistry organization. What do the "authority figures" at the school wear? (Teachers, administrators, etc.) By simulating their attire, you would have projected more "authority" and your "campaign promises" would have held more weight. Overall, your content was excellent, there was limited use of notes and the speech was well written. As they say... When one door closes, another opens!" I know that you are not someone that gives up so I look forward to hearing about your future speeches! d.Mark "Dave" Wheeler District 53 Toastmasters Lt.Gov.-Education & Training, 2009-10 Move Forward! Alex,
As a fellow Toastmaster, I appreciate that you are putting your speech “out there” for others to comment / suggest improvements. Here are my thoughts…
- As was said in earlier comments… too fast without enough vocal variety. Next time (and I know there will be a “next time”), consider some strategic pauses, especially around your key points. [This will also reduce the number of "ah's" and "um's" you have since that was when most of them occurred.] Combine this with eye contact with people in the audience (one person for each point) and your speech will have much greater impact.
- It may be a minor point, but was there anything you could have stood on? The partition in front of you limited your audience visibility, at least for the video camera.
- I’m sure you already appreciate it (and there were some comments), but your clothing did not seem to match the desired position. Steve Jobs is an excellent speaker, but he is not an “elected” official for a Dentistry organization. What do the “authority figures” at the school wear? (Teachers, administrators, etc.) By simulating their attire, you would have projected more “authority” and your “campaign promises” would have held more weight.

Overall, your content was excellent, there was limited use of notes and the speech was well written.

As they say… When one door closes, another opens!” I know that you are not someone that gives up so I look forward to hearing about your future speeches!

d.Mark “Dave” Wheeler
District 53 Toastmasters
Lt.Gov.-Education & Training, 2009-10
Move Forward!

]]> By: Lewis Howes http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/09/26/ask-the-readers-criticize-my-presidential-speech/comment-page-1/#comment-129424 Lewis Howes Sun, 27 Sep 2009 15:13:35 +0000 http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=2152#comment-129424 not bad my man.... your eye contact was lacking in the first half of the speech... which would have made my eyes wander and make me think about the girl sitting next to me, or whatever else was on my mind at the time... :) if you don't look them in the eyes, you lose them.... it doesn't matter what you say, it is how you deliver it and how you engage with the audience. I would say it was a B- since you didn't use notes, and you added some humor in there, but your vocal variety was lacking, and you had your hands kinda up the entire time... I didn't feel the excitement as much as I would have liked to, but then again I don't know what the other guy said so you might have blown it out of the water compared to him. Good job though, probably better that you are not president right now so you can focus on dominating your work.... getting to know students better, then you will be ready to run for it next year. good job my man! Keep hustling! not bad my man…. your eye contact was lacking in the first half of the speech… which would have made my eyes wander and make me think about the girl sitting next to me, or whatever else was on my mind at the time… :) if you don’t look them in the eyes, you lose them…. it doesn’t matter what you say, it is how you deliver it and how you engage with the audience.

I would say it was a B- since you didn’t use notes, and you added some humor in there, but your vocal variety was lacking, and you had your hands kinda up the entire time… I didn’t feel the excitement as much as I would have liked to, but then again I don’t know what the other guy said so you might have blown it out of the water compared to him.

Good job though, probably better that you are not president right now so you can focus on dominating your work…. getting to know students better, then you will be ready to run for it next year.

good job my man! Keep hustling!

]]> By: Alex Shalman http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/09/26/ask-the-readers-criticize-my-presidential-speech/comment-page-1/#comment-129421 Alex Shalman Sun, 27 Sep 2009 13:04:12 +0000 http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=2152#comment-129421 @Marc - Thanks so much for writing in, I really appreciate it. I will work on more eye contact. Where I was standing, there was no option to move in location, only arms - it was a tight spot (literally). I had no mustache, lol. Perhaps I will work on purchasing a more Presidential-looking attire for a future speech, the blue suit was not in my wardrobe. I see what you mean about the delivery was flat. It definitely wasn't a Landmark-style share. It was more of a sales-pitch! You just want me to write more articles ;) @Marc – Thanks so much for writing in, I really appreciate it.

I will work on more eye contact. Where I was standing, there was no option to move in location, only arms – it was a tight spot (literally).

I had no mustache, lol. Perhaps I will work on purchasing a more Presidential-looking attire for a future speech, the blue suit was not in my wardrobe.

I see what you mean about the delivery was flat. It definitely wasn’t a Landmark-style share. It was more of a sales-pitch!

You just want me to write more articles ;)

]]> By: Marc http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/09/26/ask-the-readers-criticize-my-presidential-speech/comment-page-1/#comment-129413 Marc Sun, 27 Sep 2009 11:26:24 +0000 http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=2152#comment-129413 Hi Alex, Nice speech. I think you did a good job overall. You did not move too much although you could have moved less, and had more direct eye contact (scanning the audience). Also, I couldn't really tell if you had a mustache, but if you did....you should have shaved. A blue suit, white shirt, and a solid color tie would also have helped you. The biggest thing I got was that your delivery was flat. You said all the right things, but your delivery was uninspiring, and didn't grab the audience. Remember in the Landmark Forum when they asked if people were inspired after someone shared?? Are you inspired watching the video?? Also congratulations, I think it's best you didn't win. It will allow you to devote your time to more worthwhile causes to help people....like alexshalman.com Thanks for being so open. Marc Hi Alex, Nice speech. I think you did a good job overall. You did not move too much although you could have moved less, and had more direct eye contact (scanning the audience). Also, I couldn’t really tell if you had a mustache, but if you did….you should have shaved. A blue suit, white shirt, and a solid color tie would also have helped you.
The biggest thing I got was that your delivery was flat. You said all the right things, but your delivery was uninspiring, and didn’t grab the audience. Remember in the Landmark Forum when they asked if people were inspired after someone shared?? Are you inspired watching the video??
Also congratulations, I think it’s best you didn’t win. It will allow you to devote your time to more worthwhile causes to help people….like alexshalman.com

Thanks for being so open.

Marc

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