The evolution of Co-mentoring Relationships: a Quest for Dialogue
My mentoring experience had marked one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences that I had ever undergone. I was hoping to extend a dialogue over a group of people who I had never before encountered, but I had not, under any circumstances, known the kind of mental dialogue that this would foster within me and the kind of relationships that I would inadvertently, and then very intentionally, develop.
By overcoming the frustration of an absence of knowledge through the proactive investment of time and energy, I had gone from a stranger in the classroom to a valuable asset, which a mentor should certainly be. The evolution of the relationships that have marked this experience had, thus, presented for me, the true meaning of mentorship, and, subsequently, co-mentorship.
In co-mentoring, the “‘co’ makes the mentoring reciprocal and mutual. This reciprocity means that over time the mentee and mentor roles may shift; no one is stuck in one or the other for the duration of the relationship” (Co-Mentoring as a Pedagogy). Unlike mentoring, which generally assumes a kind of hierarchical relationship, co-mentoring establishes a dialogue that allows the mentor and mentee to freely shift roles, teach one another, and learn at the same time.
The role of a mentor can be multi-faceted, and the mentor and mentee are capable of equal exchanges of knowledge. This gives the mentor a greater incentive to work with a mentee. Whereas traditional mentoring requires a hierarchical way of operating in which the roles are very rigid, co-mentoring insists that each person has a lot to put on the table.
But such relationships are NOT restricted to the classroom. You can find co-mentoring between children and parents, friends, and co-workers, among others. It is a way to give and receive in all kinds of settings, whether casual or professional. It is an open-minded embrace of different ideologies, an effort to connect them in some way, and produce a beautiful array of color where black and white was custom.
So the next time you find yourself in a mentorship, ask yourself:
- If you assume the role of the mentor: What can I learn?
- If you are the mentee: What can I teach?
Marina Tsipenyuk is a student at Rutgers University studying political science and finance. She is currently involved in a historical research project and mentors a women’s studies course. She hopes to go to law school and, eventually, become a lawyer.
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Photo by b_d_Solis
Posted by Marina Tsipenyuk in Leadership, Personal Development, Relationships | December 19, 2007 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 12 comments
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Such excellent points! Thank you!
Very good article. We all need mentors, especially children. There is a thing about when you surround yourself with high quality people, you become a better person.
If you flock with the turkeys, you become a turkey… Fly with the eagles, you become an eagle.
Mentors help elevate others. Good stuff, Marina.
Hi Travis. I agree with you 100% about surrounding yourself with high quality people. One of the quotes on my wallpaper reads “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.” I’ve seen this happen in my life in two parallel ways.
1) The more work I have done on myself, and the more I have become a “quality” person, the more quality people I have had come into my life (almost unexpectedly).
2) The more work that I have done, the more I have intentionally separated myself from those people that may be considered a “bad influence”.
The “co” piece makes mentoring mutually benefical - great concept.
Co-mentoring is a great idea. So it is not one sided and both parties will gain and not drain each other.
Excellent idea to implement
Best
Gamy
Thanks for the great insights. I couldn’t agree more with the basic premise: we all can learn something from each other, no matter our age/ career status, and hierarchy sometimes gets in the way.
Those questions serve as great reminder to open our minds to new experiences. Thanks!
I like the term “co-mentoring.” It’s impossible for everyone to know everything. However, by partnering with folks who know what we don’t know we can have a great synergy.
This happened to me while in college - I had a lab partner one semester that I sorely missed when the teacher ordered us to switch partners half way through. When I didn’t understand part of the lab, he got it. In return, when he didn’t get something, I did. Between the two of us, we figured out what we were supposed to do, and we both learned - both from the experience of working together, and from having that support to fill in the blanks in the lesson.
I agree. I think it’s important to be flexible in regards to the roles we play in a relationship. We can learn a lot from being on either side.
After spending several years as a personal trainer, there were still times when one of my clients would teach me a facet of how proper diet and exercise fit into their lifestyle in a way that I had not previously considered.
Just goes to show that the learning nor the teaching never ends, no matter which side of the table that you’re on.
Amazing what you can learn when you’re prepared to listen and learn. Co-mentoring is available to each of us every day.
I agree; I’m often amazed at the different perspective I can get when I wasn’t expecting it. I might have considered a puzzle from all angles, thinking that I’d anticipated any problems with a particular solution, then find out I missed something critical. Simply because I have a certain way of looking at the world, even if I try to break out of that way of thinking. By interacting with someone else, that other perspective expanded my way of looking at the world.
I like how this post points out that these conversations can be looked for deliberately, not just appreciated when they are chanced upon. Because no matter how hard we try, we can never live life from another’s perspective. There will always be more we can learn. And more than likely, that learning will be fun.