7 Ways To Effectively Delay Hanky Panky
While hanky panky can be a fun, intimate, and even orgasmic experience, it can also be your demise if you have a deadline to complete, need some rest, or some quality alone time. This is why, for the sake of productivity, I have carefully compiled a list to help you stay on point, and keep the girlfriend at a distance.
1. Backup your database. We all know this sounds like an easy task, but really it can take up to half a day. Plenty of time to keep the girlfriend salivating for hanky pank.
2. Tell her the truth. We all know honesty is the best policy, so when she asks, honestly tell her that her shoes are ugly. Ok, actually this might permanently delay hanky panky.
3. Going out with the boys. When she asks how come you go out with the boys so much, tell her they’re more fun. 9 times out of 10, she’ll reply with “then let the boys sex you up!”
4. Go to the gym. If you work out hard enough, you’ll be too tired for hanky panky, and at least you’ll have a good excuse.
5. Eat 2 cloves of garlic. Garlic is a healthy vegetable that fights off bacteria, viruses, and even fungi. Current research shows that it also wards off several strands of hanky panky.
6. Rent sexy and the city. Put on a marathon of sex and the city in the living room. This will keep the girlfriend pre-occupied for several hours, giving you plenty of time to get things done, and ultimately delay hanky panky.
7. Shower schedule. By making your personal shower schedule be once a month, you will likely make the likely hood of being afflicted by hanky panky also be once a month. These are great monthly bursts of productivity, without the girlfriend interrupting.
This post was inspired by Nate Whitehill. Nate delays hanky panky for months at a time in order to maintain a clear mental state and steady profits. Thanks to John Chow for contributing to the list.
Posted by Alex Shalman in Relationships | January 29, 2008 | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumble | Print | 9 comments
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Interesting list - I may even try some of these
Alex
Don’t worry, this is safe. Between Nate, John, and myself, all of these techniques have been tested thoroughly. I forget which one of the boys does number 7… =)
Alex,
You’re sick. I’m convinced now.
And all along I thought you were already enrolled into that possibility =)
…delaying hanky panky? a guy? …must be getting more than you need!
funny list.
I’m sure it would be fun to come up with more.
Who the hell would ever delay hanky panky? You should complement this with a ‘7 ways to get hanky panky’. It’ll be much more popular!
Haha! Here a couple more “techniques” to add to your list:
1) Chew tobacco - nothing turns a woman off more than a man with a big ‘chaw in his mouth and a plastic cup full of spit!
2) Invite all the “boys” over for a night of video games, beer and Taco Bell. Ahh, the romance…
3) Never change your sheets. Use your own imagination.
Thanks for the laugh, Alex, and good luck with your projects.
Well…you asked for it! You got it!
I guess I should add “Flying 3,000 miles away” to the list.