Alex Shalman . comPractical Personal Development

Like many of us Steve Olson is on a quest to find personal freedom. Since both Steve and his wife Christine are on this path, Steve often shares both of their discoveries. While Steve does not think personal freedom is necessarily a destination, through persistence the journey that he calls personal freedom can grow indefinitely.

Somebody once said to me when I was child, “You can’t just do your own thing, nobody can.” I believed that statement for over 20 years. Today I ask, “Why can’t I live life on my terms? Do my own thing? Why not?” Today I believe I can live life free.

Steve Olson is the Technical Manager at Ergotron, Inc. (http://www.ergotron.com) specializing in the Oracle eBusiness Suite and Custom Applications. He publishes his personal blog, People Pursuing Freedom at http://www.steve-olson.com.

1. How do you define happiness?

Happiness is an emotional state in which I feel a deep sense of well-being. I find it most when I help others. Soothing my sobbing 3-year-old. Deep concentration. Putting my soul into writing something helpful to others. Helping a new blogger by linking or offering my blog for a guest post. I find happiness in simple things like buying our Oracle Testing team pizza today. I find it playing Crash Team Racing with my 5-year-old or watching him bust his ass at Mixed Martial Arts.

I find happiness in knowing I’m being productive and helping create a better tomorrow. I can find happiness temporarily in material things like buying a new gadget or a new car, but it’s fleeting. The happiness I find helping others lasts much longer. Helping others isn’t the only place I find happiness, I also find it helping myself, reading and writing for my own pleasure. I find immense happiness in learning new things. Learning about other peoples lives. I find the process of self-education produces consistent lasting happiness. For me shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset produced a happiness miracle.

2. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your happiness now, versus when you were a child?

Until I was 7 I was an happy child. I loved people and learning new things. I’d rate ages 0-7 as a 10. Sometime in 2nd grade I lost most of my love of life and didn’t regain it for decades.

I’d rate my happiness from ages 7-25 at about 1 or 2. I was suicidal in the 2nd grade. That’s not to say I don’t have wonderful memories of that time. I do. I’d just say more often than not I was angry, hostile,or depressed. The most frightening emotional state is when you stop feeling. I have spent years of my life emotionally dead. I don’t know how many other people have been that far down the pit. It’s hard to tell in our culture because men don’t talk about their feelings. It’s a long story which I plan to write about someday.

From about 25 on, I have slowly worked my way out of a dangerous and destructive mindset. Today I’d rate my happiness at an 8 or 9, but staying there requires constant vigilance.

3. What do you do on a daily basis that brings you happiness? (and how consistent is the feeling of happiness throughout your day)

Giving creates the most happiness in my life. I gave my wife an iPod today, and it felt great.

Other things bring me happiness too.

Journaling, Reading, Playing with my kids. Schmoozing with co-workers. I spend most of my days in a happy state. But it comes and it goes. When I get down, I realize it quicker today, and I use countermeasures. Sometimes I have to stop everything I am doing and find a quiet spot and meditate or concentrate on gratitude. Other times the best thing to do is create value, anywhere. I look for something constructive to do, a place where I can push myself outside my limits. Another way I break a funk is to concentrate on empathy. You know, get out of my own feelings and my own head and concentrate on how someone else feels.

This can be dangerous though, I’ve used this method at it has pushed my mood even deeper into a pit, because when I’m feeling negative, there is little I can give to others, so usually need to work it out alone. Another thing I work on every day is acceptance. Acceptance of the reality of the moment. Centeredness. Sometimes the best thing to do is accept the negative feelings, feel them fully, and let them pass. I’ve also found recognizing and naming a negative feeling is a powerful exercise. It prevents me from reacting to my negative feelings and creating a downward spiral.

4. What things take away from your happiness? What can be done to lessen their impact or remove them from your life?

Distractions cause me a lot of pain. I find happiness in deep involvement and concentration on a task, event, conversation, or relationship. Distractions can quickly turn to anger. Thinking ‘I can’t get anything done with all these damn distractions’ can eventually lead to depression if I dwell on it long enough, so I try to accept distractions as part of my role as a manager, husband, father, and friend. But sometimes it’s hard, real effing hard. Acceptance is the key to minimizing the problem.

5. What do you plan on doing in the future that will bring you even more happiness?

I plan to focus on my purpose in life and try to stay in the moment and remain centered. To focus on being what I was meant to be, not what someone else thinks I should be. I plan to live in a near constant state of growth. I plan to acquire a never ending education, to keep an open mind, try new things, new methods, new systems. But mostly, I plan to better learn how to give and receive love.

(You know, while I was writing the last line about love, I started to make fun of it in my head, I started to feel a sense of shame, strange how our culture breeds that in us. That’s something else I am going to work on. How can one be happy if when you talk about love it results in feelings of shame?)

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To get more info about what the Happiness Project is and isn’t, please visit the Introduction Post. To see a running list of all participants, which I will be updating as things happen, please visit the Happiness Project Page.