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	<title>AlexShalman.com &#187; Character Building</title>
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	<link>http://www.alexshalman.com</link>
	<description>Practical Personal Development</description>
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	<itunes:summary>This Podcast is dedicated to helping you achieve a happy, healthy, and productive lifestyle. Everything from simple lifehacks, relationship advice, goal setting, and happiness. There will also be interviews with interesting and high profile individuals in the field.</itunes:summary>
	<itunes:author>Alex Shalman</itunes:author>
	<itunes:explicit>no</itunes:explicit>
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		<itunes:name>Alex Shalman</itunes:name>
		<itunes:email>Alex@AlexShalman.com</itunes:email>
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	<managingEditor>Alex@AlexShalman.com (Alex Shalman)</managingEditor>
	<copyright>2006-2008</copyright>
	<itunes:subtitle>Practical Personal Development</itunes:subtitle>
	<itunes:keywords>personal development, self improvement, health, fitness, self help, networking, dating, relationships, goal setting, productivity, time management, happiness, lifestyle</itunes:keywords>
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		<title>AlexShalman.com &#187; Character Building</title>
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		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/category/character-building/</link>
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		<itunes:category text="Self-Help" />
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		<item>
		<title>The Most Meaningful Thing You Hope to Accomplish In Life</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2011/01/16/the-most-meaningful-thing-you-hope-to-accomplish-in-life/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2011/01/16/the-most-meaningful-thing-you-hope-to-accomplish-in-life/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 16 Jan 2011 16:21:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Development]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=2466</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Meaning, and &#8216;most meaningful&#8217;, are all very subjective terms. Pretty much everything we see, hear, and feel is open for interpretation, and skewed by our past experiences. I believe it&#8217;s the meaning that we choose to place on things, whether deliberately, or without thought, that is the driving force to why we make all of [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Meaning, and &#8216;most meaningful&#8217;, are all very subjective terms. Pretty much everything we see, hear, and feel is open for interpretation, and skewed by our past experiences. I believe it&#8217;s the meaning that we choose to place on things, whether deliberately, or without thought, that is the driving force to why we make all of our daily and long-term decisions.</p>
<p>Knowing this, it&#8217;s just a matter of really deciding what our values are, and then basing our decisions based on these core values. The quality of our life from day to day, as well as where we end up in a year, five years, or even ten is going to be greatly altered. The satisfaction that we have with our life will also greatly increase if we&#8217;re acting from our core values.</p>
<p>The Academic Dean of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/08/18/nyu-dental-school/">NYU Dental School</a>, Dr. Andrew Spielman, one of my mentors, suggested a topic for our mentee group to discuss at our next meeting. <strong>Think big, think about the reasons, no BS, just total honesty, were the instructions.</strong> Knowing my love of personal development and introspection, you can only imagine the glow in my eyes when I heard this question.</p>
<p>There are so many things I hope to accomplish in life, and I&#8217;m frequently adding and subtracting from that list as I learn more about myself, what I value, what I respect, and how I envision the design of my life.</p>
<p>At the present time, the most meaningful thing I hope to accomplish for myself is not a thing. Having the right car and house seem rather insignificant to me in the grand scheme of the way I look at life. I&#8217;m not saying I won&#8217;t have these things in the future, just that they&#8217;re not the MOST important.</p>
<p>Being with the person I love, having a loving family and children, and a career I&#8217;m totally engaged with are way up there, but still not the MOST important thing&#8230; I mean, if I had to pick. They&#8217;re a bi-product of the most important thing though; a lovely side effect if you will.</p>
<p><strong>The most important thing I hope to accomplish in life is to be the person that I set out to be.</strong> I know that if I am that person, then everything else I desire in my life will be within my reach, and I&#8217;ll create the energy, courage, and resources to get the rest. The person that I&#8217;m talking about, the one that I want to grow into, is the one I&#8217;ve written my mission statement for.</p>
<h3>Mission Statement</h3>
<p>A mission statement is less about where we were, and more about who we&#8217;re becoming, based on where we&#8217;re striving to be. It&#8217;s a moral backbone that will give us integrity, guide us, and allow us to draw wisdom towards every decision that we make. Here&#8217;s mine:</p>
<ol>
<li>I am an outstanding human being in every respect</li>
<li>I am honest, kind, loving, loyal and true &#8211; to my family, friends and everyone who knows me</li>
<li>I am a positive, optimistic, confident, warm, friendly person who is admired and respected by everyone</li>
<li>I am an excellent parent, a fine employer and I do my work in an upstanding fashion every time</li>
<li>I uplift, encourage and inspire everyone I meet &#8211; everywhere I go</li>
</ol>
<p>This list makes me uncomfortable, because it&#8217;s a stretch and a growth from where I am right now. Some days I&#8217;m some of these things, some of them I haven&#8217;t been able to achieve yet, but all of the things on this list are pointing me into a certain direction. In a way, they color my perceptions of people, places, and things. They skew my decision making mechanism every day. They&#8217;re bringing me a step closer to MY most important thing.</p>
<p>I believe it&#8217;s very important to earn the greatest things in life. To become the type of person that can acquire them, and handle them, without letting them go sour or slip through our fingers. It&#8217;s like people that win a tremendous sum of money, or become overnight celebrities, but then encounter a downward spiral and end up broke and addicted. We hear this all the time, and it&#8217;s because they weren&#8217;t prepared for it, they did not build themselves up as a person to control such a situation. <strong>To me it seems that becoming an outstanding human being is the foundation for the other great things in life.</strong></p>
<p>You have to remember, this is my opinion, and it happens to be right for me. For you, according to your core values, something else might feel right and is totally and equally just as acceptable. <strong>What&#8217;s the most important thing you hope to accomplish in life? </strong>(I promise to respond to all comments ASAP)<strong><br />
</strong></p>
<p>###</p>
<h5>Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alicepopkorn">Alicepopkorn</a></h5>
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<td>Go through the <a href="http://alexshalman.com/blog/archives">archives</a>.</td>
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<td><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2007/11/07/zen-to-done-ebook-review/">Zen To Done</a></td>
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<tr>
<td><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/advertise/">Advertise</a> on the site.</td>
<td><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/r/MHCY">Make Her Chase You</a></td>
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<tr>
<td>Get the free <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/newsletter/">newsletter</a>.</td>
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<div>©2008 by <a href="http://alexshalman.com/">Alex Shalman</a>.</div>
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<p><strong>Attention:</strong> Don&#8217;t forget to download my free ebook, <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/download/how_to_get_a_girlfriend.pdf">How to Get a Girlfriend</a>!!</p></p>
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		<title>Homeless for the Holidays</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2010/12/23/homeless-for-the-holidays/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2010/12/23/homeless-for-the-holidays/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 23 Dec 2010 21:40:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=2437</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#8220;Charity is not a luxury, it&#8217;s a necessity.&#8221;
~Jane Panitch
Last night I decided to watch a little bit of Hulu. The movie Homeless for the Holidays, starring Matt Moore as Jack Baker (who IMHO resembles Adam Sandler), was up on the popular list, so I went for it.
Spoiler alert: 
The Baker family was in trouble financially, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p>&#8220;Charity is not a luxury, it&#8217;s a necessity.&#8221;</p>
<p>~Jane Panitch</p></blockquote>
<p>Last night I decided to watch a little bit of Hulu. The movie <a href="http://www.hulu.com/homeless-for-the-holidays">Homeless for the Holidays</a>, starring Matt Moore as Jack Baker (who IMHO resembles Adam Sandler), was up on the popular list, so I went for it.</p>
<p><strong>Spoiler alert: </strong></p>
<p>The Baker family was in trouble financially, and Jack went to the minister to ask for a loan so that his house would not get repossessed by the bank. He mentions the Feed the Needy fund that their local church has every year as a way to dip into some money for the time being.</p>
<p>The minister said:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;We continue to do that year after year more as a way of teaching our children how to give than making an impact in the community. This year, we only raised $72.00&#8243;</p></blockquote>
<p>Throughout my life I always wandered why people stand outside supermarkets and collect money for their causes. To me it seemed counterintuitive to raise money in such an inefficient way, when they could have just gone to work and donated a part of their salary.</p>
<p>However, this movie made me think differently. People might be out there for different reasons, such as raising awareness for the cause, connecting with people in their community, and giving people the opportunity to feel good about giving back.</p>
<h3>Selfless Giving</h3>
<p>I have to admit that I don&#8217;t believe there is such a thing as selfless giving. I think <a href="http://twitter.com/joewaters">@JoeWaters</a> of <a href="http://selfishgiving.com/">SelfishGiving.com</a> would agree with me, when I say that all people contribute and give for their own selfish reasons, and that&#8217;s a good thing.</p>
<p>Selfish is not the opposite of Good. In fact, in my opinion, as long as good is coming out of contribution and charity, that it doesn&#8217;t matter that people are all doing it for selfish reasons. I should note, that I define selfish as doing something in a way that will somehow benefit oneself.</p>
<p>That doesn&#8217;t just include doing something because you&#8217;ll profit from in monetarily or because it brings you fame. It can simply mean that it gives you a good feeling, that it helps you fulfill a promise, that it aligns with your values, thoughts about religion or humanity. Even if you do something you don&#8217;t want to, it probably means you&#8217;re doing it to avoid the feeling of guilt, which is another positive motivator.</p>
<h3>Group Giving</h3>
<p>Another form of giving that resonates with me, is when go-getters put together events that are fun for the participants. I&#8217;ll actually be going to one such event later tonight, which is being put up by my old friend Jane Panitch.</p>
<p>This is what she had to say:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;My goal is to do something really fun, and really different, to bring out people from different crowds and different areas, who are from the same heritage but scattered because they stay away from the negative stereotypes of cultural events. I try to come up with something that is interesting and unique that will make it almost impossible to not come out, and the extra push of feeling that you&#8217;re giving back at the same time, makes them feel like they&#8217;re a part of something that can be a huge help. The goal is not only to raise the money, but of giving back, and not thinking that giving back is some kind of awful unpleasant labor. As long as everyone is on the same page it can be amazing and very effective.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>I think she&#8217;s doing a great thing, and I&#8217;m very proud of her. She had a touching moment when visiting a woman&#8217;s shelter in Israel, that made her realize that people out there need help, and that her unique set of talents can be used to help people. Now she is known for giving back and putting on great events amongst our community. I can&#8217;t wait to see all that she&#8217;s going to accomplish through her life.</p>
<p>Not everyone has to be a leader, or take massive action, in order to contribute. That&#8217;s because there are already a lot of great organizations out there, to serve different needs throughout the world. It doesn&#8217;t necessarily have to be a competition, one could join an already existing effort, or contribute some of their time and resources.</p>
<p>One site that I admire is <a href="http://volunteermatch.org/">VolunteerMatch.org</a> which allows you to find a nearby location to volunteer, based on your interests.</p>
<p>###</p>
<p>Image by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/blatantnews/">BlatantNews</a></p>
<p>I&#8217;m always inspired to write, but as you guys know, when it comes to school, I put 150% of my focus there. Finally, during winter break, inspiration hit me at the same time as availability, and it feels nice!<br />
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<div>©2008 by <a href="http://alexshalman.com/">Alex Shalman</a>.</div>
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<p><strong>Attention:</strong> Don&#8217;t forget to download my free ebook, <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/download/how_to_get_a_girlfriend.pdf">How to Get a Girlfriend</a>!!</p></p>
<div class="tweetthis" style="text-align:left;"><p> <a class="tt" href="http://twitter.com/home/?status=Homeless+for+the+Holidays+http%3A%2F%2Fis.gd%2FltbU51" title="Post to Twitter"><img class="nothumb" src="http://www.alexshalman.com/wp-content/plugins/tweet-this/icons/en/twitter/tt-twitter.png" alt="Post to Twitter" /></a> <a class="tt" href="http://twitter.com/home/?status=Homeless+for+the+Holidays+http%3A%2F%2Fis.gd%2FltbU51" title="Post to Twitter">Tweet This Post</a></p></div>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Volunteering: hot chocolate for the blue soul</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2010/11/02/volunteering-hot-chocolate-for-the-blue-soul/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2010/11/02/volunteering-hot-chocolate-for-the-blue-soul/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 02 Nov 2010 21:55:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=2394</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Since NYU Dental School is part of the larger New York University, we get a lot more opportunities trickling down to us by association. One such opportunity is the Reynold&#8217;s Social Entrepreneur program that features great speakers and also has a scholarship to help students get started on this path.
Just as all the ideas of [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Since NYU Dental School is part of the larger New York University, we get a lot more opportunities trickling down to us by association. One such opportunity is the Reynold&#8217;s Social Entrepreneur program that features great speakers and also has a scholarship to help students get started on this path.</p>
<p>Just as all the ideas of volunteering and social entrepreneurship have been bouncing around in my brain, I got an offer for a guest post from Elysabeth Teeko on this topic. Elysabeth loves everything that has to do with technology and frequently blogs about it. She&#8217;s a homebody who enjoys the finer things&#8230;like electronics and interior decorating.</p>
<h3>Enter Elysabeth</h3>
<p>When you think about volunteering you probably think about how this benefits society. However, it can also help the actual volunteer physically, mentally, and in relationships. A good title for the advantages would be &#8220;Volunteering: hot chocolate for the blue soul.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>Health Benefits</strong><br />
The <a href="http://www.nationalservice.gov/">Corporation for National and Community Service</a> published a study called the &#8220;The Health Benefits of Volunteering.&#8221; The study develops a phrase called the &#8220;volunteer threshold.&#8221; This is the level at which volunteering becomes beneficial. The study finds that it took over 100 hours a year to make a significant difference in both mortality and heart disease. The good news is that this comes out to around two hours a week which isn&#8217;t as overwhelming as it sounds at first.</p>
<p>&#8220;Beneficial than Receiving It: Results from a Prospective Study of Mortality&#8221; by SN Brown found that volunteers get more long-term benefits than the people they help. There was no change in the receiver’s health but there was in the volunteer’s.</p>
<p><strong>Mental Health</strong><br />
Older adults over age 65 seem to get the most mental health benefits from volunteering according to a study at the University of Texas called &#8220;Volunteering and Depression: the Role of Psychological and Social Resources in Different Age Groups.&#8221; Volunteering gives a purpose and provides interaction which can counteract depression.</p>
<p><strong>Job Benefits</strong><br />
According to the <a href="http://www.peacecorps.gov/">Peace Corps</a> you can learn a new language and job skills. It can also help you out with eligibility for federal government careers. The Peace Corps also has systems in place to help you find a job when you finish your service.</p>
<p>Even if you just volunteer on a local level this gives you the chance to network and make contacts. When facing periods of unemployment you can call on your support network for job leads or references. It also helps you develop new skills that you can add to a resume. Prospective employers might look at how current your experience is and volunteering allows you to stay sharp in your field. One of the most important <a href="http://www.elearners.com/guide/researching-and-applying/work-or-volunteer-experience/">benefits of volunteering</a> is helping unsure students decide on a career path to follow by exposing them to a variety of fields.</p>
<p><strong>Hobbies</strong><br />
There are a lot of different methods of volunteering. Finding the right fit for you ensures that it&#8217;s fun. You can reap all of the health and job benefits while enjoying it. You can find an opportunity to serve that corresponds with whatever is important to you such as:</p>
<ul>
<li>If you love to read then contact your local library. You could shelve books or run a story hour for kids.</li>
<li>Pass on knowledge of sports to younger generations by coaching a soccer team.</li>
<li>Use your sewing knowledge to create or tailor costumes for a theater group or school play. Artists can help paint scenery.</li>
</ul>
<p><strong>Relationship Value</strong><br />
Serving others can help you in your relationships. It gives you perspective and insight into your own problems. It&#8217;s also a chance to teach your own children about the importance of building a community and giving. Try a family outing to a soup kitchen where you can serve meals.</p>
<p>Volunteering can help with depression in older adults. There are also studies that show it reduces the risk of heart disease and increases longevity.</p>
<p>There are endless benefits of volunteering – from health to work to just doing something new with your free time – plus, a chance to serve can be fun too. Lift your spirits, and give your time.</p>
<p>###</p>
<p>You can follow <a href="http://twitter.com/elysateek">Elysabeth </a>on Twitter.</p>
<p>###</p>
<p><strong>Odds and Ends:</strong></p>
<p>If you&#8217;re interested in doing some volunteering as well, I also  recommend <a href="http://volunteermatch.org/">VolunteerMatch.org</a></p>
<p>I&#8217;m very humbled to have been featured in the December 2010 edition of SUCCESS magazine. If you don&#8217;t already subscribe to it, it&#8217;s an excellent magazine, I recommend it. I&#8217;ll be writing a story in the near future about how that feature came to be.<br />
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<td>See whats new at the <a href="http://alexshalman.com/blog">blog</a>.</td>
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</tr>
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<td>Go through the <a href="http://alexshalman.com/blog/archives">archives</a>.</td>
<td><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/r/todoodlist">Todoodlist</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Become a <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/contribute/">guest writer</a>.</td>
<td><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2007/11/07/zen-to-done-ebook-review/">Zen To Done</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/advertise/">Advertise</a> on the site.</td>
<td><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/r/MHCY">Make Her Chase You</a></td>
</tr>
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<td>Get the free <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/newsletter/">newsletter</a>.</td>
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</tr>
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<td>Free podcast on <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/r/iTunes">iTunes</a></td>
<td>&nbsp;</td>
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<div>©2008 by <a href="http://alexshalman.com/">Alex Shalman</a>.</div>
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		<title>Building Self-Esteem (or, Why Are You Worth Feeding?)</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/10/21/building-self-esteem/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/10/21/building-self-esteem/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:00:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Self-esteem is NOT what you think. It&#8217;s not really the &#8216;I feel good about myself&#8217; emotion. If you would have asked me a year ago, I wouldn&#8217;t have guessed that such interesting topics would be taught in dental school, but here I am learning about them.
My favorite class in school right now is Dentist-Patient-Relationship. Here [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Self-esteem is NOT what you think. It&#8217;s not really the &#8216;I feel good about myself&#8217; emotion. If you would have asked me a year ago, I wouldn&#8217;t have guessed that such interesting topics would be taught in dental school, but here I am learning about them.</p>
<p>My favorite class in school right now is Dentist-Patient-Relationship. Here we learn about the interactions we will encounter, and the kind of <em>mental maneuvering</em> we have to do in order to deliver optimal treatment and prevent the patient from standing in the way of their oral health.</p>
<p>One way to do this is the concept of interpersonal contracts, of which I won&#8217;t get into too specific details right now. They&#8217;re basically an understanding between the doctor and patient that both parties are working to meet each others expectations.</p>
<p>In one of our recent classes, Dr. Hittelman the Psychologist who teaches this course, made an interesting distinction about what self-esteem is. We already know it&#8217;s not just the &#8216;I feel good about myself&#8217; emotion. Rather it&#8217;s a feeling that you are a valuable human being by possessing a quality that makes you such. This could be for a number of reasons, including but not exclusive to, having a skill, talent, job, relationship, helping people, being attractive, etc.</p>
<p>I think Dr. Hittelman put it best though when he said that<strong> self-esteem is the answer to the question &#8216;why are you worth feeding?&#8217;</strong> Sitting down with a blank text file, heading the paper &#8216;why am I worth feeding?&#8217;, and unleashing your mind to write freely might create a new awareness for you.</p>
<p>Although this wasn&#8217;t an exercise recommended by Dr. Hittelman, and I can&#8217;t say it&#8217;s a valid Psychological exercise, I do think that there are a couple of valuable things that will come out of such an exercise for you.</p>
<p><strong>1. You&#8217;ll realize why you&#8217;re already worth feeding.</strong> You might become aware of something that is valuable about you, which you might have overlooked before. You&#8217;ll be able to then focus in on this worth, do more of it, and use it to raise your self-esteem. Being proud of yourself, for one reason or another, will color your days a different color as you move forward through life. By doing this exercise, you&#8217;re allowing yourself to choose the colors.<br />
<strong><br />
2. You&#8217;ll realize why you think you&#8217;re not worth feeding.</strong> Whether or not this it will come down to your personal opinion is arbitrary, but perhaps you really aren&#8217;t being a very valuable person at the moment. By doing this exercise, and self-actualizing about where you think you are lacking in this department, I believe you could create positive forward-bound momentum in your life. If you&#8217;re already at rock bottom, that means you have the whole world to expand and improve into.</p>
<p>Regardless of where you stand, there is always room for improvement. You can make a list of things you&#8217;d like to improve upon in yourself, and slowly but surely take action towards being a valuable person.</p>
<p><strong>Here&#8217;s your chance. </strong>In the comments below, answer the question, &#8216;why are you worth feeding?&#8217; &#8211; Don&#8217;t think of it as bragging, you have full rights here to say what you think. You could do just one, or list several, it&#8217;s up to you.<br />
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		<title>Sleeping in My Trunk (The Drunk Driving Story)</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/05/18/sleeping-in-my-trunk-the-drunk-driving-story/</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 18 May 2009 18:29:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=1847</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Long story short, I slept in my trunk so I wouldn&#8217;t have to drive under the influence of alcohol. What follows is the full story, details, and reason behind this &#8220;strangeness.&#8221;
I drove to a BBQ on Friday evening, where I met up with Marina and some of our friends. There was a bit of beer [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span style="color: #999999;"><em>Long story short, I slept in my trunk so I wouldn&#8217;t have to drive under the influence of alcohol. What follows is the full story, details, and reason behind this &#8220;strangeness.&#8221;</em></span></p>
<p>I drove to a BBQ on Friday evening, where I met up with Marina and some of our friends. There was a bit of beer drinking on my part, and I made a quick detour by walking over to the nearby bar in order to buy my friend and myself a couple of shots for his 21st birthday.</p>
<p>It wasn&#8217;t a long BBQ. We hung out there for a couple of hours, went to a Middle Eastern cafe for some food and hookah, after which it was time to go. Marina left, as did everyone else, and I walked towards my car.</p>
<p>I was fully aware that after approximately 5+ units of alcohol my blood-alcohol limit would be above the legal limit. On top of this, I was tired, and I hate driving tired since I fell asleep driving several years ago (by an act of God my car spun out of control in a 360* turn <span style="text-decoration: underline;">and I didn&#8217;t hit anything</span>). Of course I don&#8217;t want to injure myself, nor any innocent bystanders.</p>
<p>Last semester when I was volunteering at NYU, Dr. Eric Ploumis, an orthodontist and an attorney that specializes in dental law all wrapped up into one pretty awesome human being gave an interesting lecture. As a side note in his lecture, he stated that if a dentist is to get a DUI, even if he had half a glass of wine more than he should have, the Dental Board will take away his license.</p>
<p>A dentist without a license is not able to pay back the massive 6 digit school loans, the money he took out to finance his office, and the money for the house and cars that he no doubt financed. He&#8217;s also not qualified to get another job with a salary that is even close to what he was making as a dentist. I&#8217;m actually not sure how this affects someone that isn&#8217;t a dentist yet, but a perspective dentist, and if this would prevent a person from receiving their dental license in the future. Regardless, the risk versus reward of this situation is overwhelmingly high in favor of the risk.</p>
<p><em>Had I been Tyler Durden, a fictional character from the book Fight Club, and had nothing to lose, I&#8217;d probably purposely crash my car into the police station</em>. <em>Alas, I&#8217;m not, and I like police officers, and my life, and my freedom, so I wouldn&#8217;t do that!</em></p>
<p>So when faced with such a situation, what&#8217;s one to do but go camping in their own car? BTW, as far as I know, you aren&#8217;t allowed to stick your keys into the ignition of your car if you&#8217;re intoxicated, because then you are technically &#8220;operating&#8221; your vehicle (instant DUI).</p>
<p>The weather was perfect. I put down my back seat, so that I could lay down fully stretched out with my head inside the trunk and my feet on the back seat. My review: More comfortable than sleeping on the bare ground in the woods, safer than <a href="http://www.freedom-artistry.com/blog/homeless-experiences-sleeping-outside">sleeping under a park bench</a>, but less comfortable than sleeping in my own bed at home.</p>
<p>It was about 1:15am when I decided to go through with this. I did have other options, like sleeping over Marina&#8217;s friend&#8217;s house, but I didn&#8217;t want to bother. I could have taken a cab home for approximately $20, and then back again in the morning for another $20 to catch my 10am class. The class was only 2 miles from where my car was already parked.</p>
<p>With my book bag already in the car (perhaps I was expecting this?), I went car camping. I put my head-end in the trunk, and the legs-end on the back seat because it was darker, and felt safer in the nook of the trunk.</p>
<p>I woke up around 7am, evaluated if I was sober, and found myself to be as fresh as a cucumber. I headed over to Dunkin Donuts. I cleaned up, got my coffee and breakfast, and parked my butt there for approximately 3 hours to study and prepare for class.</p>
<p>If I had to do it again, maybe I&#8217;d pack a pillow or something. Maybe I&#8217;d even try to arrange a place to sleepover, or a ride home in advance, as I&#8217;ve done many times in the past. The experience was interesting, and totally out of the box.</p>
<p><strong>The moral of the story is that even if you have to go &#8216;car camping&#8217;, there&#8217;s never a good reason to drive drunk.</strong> Also, I just found this article on <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_4998030_sleep-car-comfortably.html">How to Sleep Comfortably in Your Car</a>, which leads me to believe that I&#8217;m not the only one (<em>see #5</em>), lol.</p>
<p><em>Dear readers, have you ever had a similar experience? Have a story with a good moral? Just a plain old drunk story? Share!</em></p>
<p>Don&#8217;t forget to get your <em>free copy</em> of <a href="http://www.illuminatedmind.net/2009/05/15/the-liberation-manifesto-its-time-to-cut-the-cubicle-umbillical-cord/">Liberation Revolution: It&#8217;s Time to Cut the Cubicle Umbilical Cord</a>, by Jonathan Mead.</p>
<p><em>I created a new review site yesterday. If you&#8217;re interested in having the freedom to do whatever you want in life, you&#8217;ll be interested in reading the <a href="http://www.projectmojavereview.com/">Project Mojave Review</a></em>.<br />
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		<title>Selfishness: The Cure to Your Philosophical Hangover</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/01/08/selfishness-the-cure-to-your-philosophical-hangover/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 08 Jan 2009 15:47:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Marina Tsipenyuk</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[Editor’s Note: This article is written by the brilliant, amazing, and selfless Marina Tsipenyuk.
Those who have ever valued liberty for its own sake believed that to be free to choose, and not to be chosen for, is an unalienable ingredient in what makes human beings human. ~Isaiah Berlin
Though I generally procrastinate when it comes to reading long [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span style="color: #0000ff;">Editor’s Note: This article is written by the brilliant, amazing, and selfless </span><a href="http://twitter.com/msipen">Marina Tsipenyuk</a><span style="color: #0000ff;">.</span></p>
<blockquote><p>Those who have ever valued liberty for its own sake believed that to be free to choose, and not to be chosen for, is an unalienable ingredient in what makes human beings human. ~Isaiah Berlin</p></blockquote>
<p>Though I generally procrastinate when it comes to reading long fictions, last summer, and due to a twentieth century Russian literature class that I have taken this Fall, I have been inundated with countless philosophies.</p>
<p>I was astounded by so many of the recent novels that I have read, ranging from Ayn Rand&#8217;s <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0451191153?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=alexshalcompr-20&amp;linkCode=xm2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creativeASIN=0451191153"><em>The Fountainhead</em></a> and Mikhail Bulgakov&#8217;s <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0679760806?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=alexshalcompr-20&amp;linkCode=xm2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creativeASIN=0679760806"><em>The Master and Margarita</em></a>, to pieces in the style of Socialist Realism and those opposing it. It was in this context, the context set particularly by <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>The Fountainhead</em>,</span> that I quite suddenly came to discover the countless contradictions surrounding social philosophies.</p>
<p>The problem is not vested in finding the ultimate philosophical answer to how everything works. It is, however, the question of<em> <strong>&#8220;how should I live to optimize my experience of life</strong></em><strong>&#8220;</strong>?, a question that is not only relevant but entirely subject to our beliefs about ourselves.</p>
<p>This is something we may wonder from time to time along with the notions of love, interconnection, and social responsibility. And it is no wonder that such questions are juxtaposed because it is so difficult for us to separate ourselves from our circumstances.</p>
<p>For this reason, rules that we establish for ourselves may come with contradictions. For instance, if you proclaim to be a utilitarian, then ideally, you will save two people from a burning building rather than one. In practice, supposing that you have the power to save either two people who are unconnected to you or your  child, I would argue that you would save your child, regardless of your position on utilitarianism.</p>
<p>So although I like utilitarianism in theory, if I were to be asked which philosophy would be the most suitable for me and for others, it would be that of the rational egoist, the individualist achiever who is thwarted only by his own rational understanding of the world that he inhabits.</p>
<h3><strong>Selfishness vs Selflessness</strong></h3>
<blockquote><p>“That’s the trouble with victims &#8211; they don’t even know they’re victims, which is as it should be, but it does become monotonous and take half the fun away. You’re such a rare treat &#8211; a victim who can appreciate the artistry of its own execution…” Ayn Rand, <em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Fountainhead</span></em></p></blockquote>
<p>There is nothing wrong with being selfish, in the respect that I will further explain. If we are to examine all of our actions, we will see how selfish they really are, even if we hope to receive no praise or glory for them at all, and even if we end up feeling victimized.</p>
<p>The state of feeling victimized is, itself, a selfish feeling. When you feel victimized, you separate yourself from the world with the excuse that another, or others are the cause of this separation. When you feel victimized you experience selfishness that is rooted in selflessness, perhaps the most dis-empowering feeling that a human being can expose himself to. <strong>Selflessness, in this respect, is the relocation of the responsibility of the outcome of your fate upon another person, a product of a person&#8217;s giving up his or her &#8220;self&#8221;. </strong>This happens when we allow another person or group to form our opinions for us mindlessly, when we relinquish our fate to the will of others, and when we settle for what society believes is right above our own best judgment. It is easy to be selfless, and through a person&#8217;s attempt to simplify his life by blinding himself to personal reality, that person is still selfish in a way that can hurt him.</p>
<p>This concept is illustrated in <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>The Fountainhead</em></span>, in which people are faced with the society&#8217;s glorification of mediocrity and the extent of effect of the spoken word on people&#8217;s beliefs. People within the society do not necessarily value talent, but rather the acknowledgment that comes from shameless conformation to the whims of the chosen arbiters of opinion. The society is geared toward &#8220;selflessness&#8221;, not only in refusing the pleasure of true art and form, but in refusing a personal opinion and a self-motivated goal.</p>
<p>It is, therefore, hardly a wonder that every attempt at socialism is an attempt to oust the individual out of existence. It is an unnatural way to keep people under control, and for that reason, Soviet authors (who only know this notion too well) employ commentaries within their works to serve as extreme facets of the ultimate vision. Andrei Platonov, in <em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Foundation Pit</span></em>, for instance, writes how even groups of horses collectivized their hay. In <em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Envy</span></em>, Yuri Olesha characterizes the new, advanced man, as one who lives for the society, and not for himself, a machine devoid of unnecessary emotions. These are the ultimate forms of selflessness, not only because they are acts that further a society, but because they deny people of self.</p>
<p>Selfishness does not necessarily mean denying help, love, or greatness to others because of an extreme love for oneself and unwillingness to share glory, though this too can be selfishness. What I speak of is individuality and responsibility to oneself above all, even if this responsibility to oneself translates into the responsibility to others. This definition works particularly because a selfish person can acknowledge that even acts of love are selfish because they start from a desire to love.</p>
<h3><strong>Argument for Individualism</strong></h3>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-1549 aligncenter" title="Enjoying the sun" src="http://www.alexshalman.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/individualism.jpg" alt="" width="425" height="282" /></p>
<blockquote><p>“I often think that he’s the only one of us who’s achieved immortality. I don’t mean in the sense of fame and I don’t mean that he won’t die some day. But he’s living it. I think he is what the conception really means. You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they’re not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict–and they call it growth. At the end there’s nothing left, nothing unrevered or unbetrayed; as if there had never been any entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they have never held for a single moment? But Howard–one can imagine him existing forever.”~ Ayn Rand, <em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Fountainhead</span></em></p></blockquote>
<p>This was Peter Keating, a mediocrity who thrived as a leech on the perceptions of others, talking about Howard Roark, a talented individualist who&#8217;s work had the intrinsic value of the art of a master. In the above quote, Peter recognizes that the liberty with which Roark works assures his immortality. Unlike Keating, whose talent was a manifestation of the whims of others, Roark lived for himself and his work was timeless. He allowed no one to tell him what to do or how to do it, and he lived with his principles, neither attacking nor desiring to be a part of society.</p>
<p>This is to say that being an individualist is very difficult, and those who choose the path may suffer tremendous criticism at the hands of others. People may not understand their reasoning and their zeal, just as people did not understand why Roark refused to take certain commissions as an architect. At the same time, individualists are free because they take responsibility for their own lives and they stop at nothing to do what is right by their own standards. This is selfish, but it is also liberating.</p>
<p>There may be millions of people out there who took the path of someone else, who blinded themselves to clear signals, and who immersed themselves in life&#8217;s little nuances and steered themselves away from their dreams. These people may be living in the world today, though they may already be dead by way of spirit.</p>
<h3><strong>What does this mean for us?</strong></h3>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Do not, under any circumstances, belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth.&#8221;<br />
— <a class="authorNameRegular" title="view all quotes by Azar Nafisi" href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5151.Azar_Nafisi">Azar Nafisi</a>,<em> <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Reading Lolita in Tehran</span></em></p></blockquote>
<p>Where do we fit in? The novel, sadly, is far from the only place in which we see people relinquishing rights they have over themselves to others who do not seek and will not nurture the responsibility precisely because they too are merely worrying about looking good and not looking bad. Millions of people, at best, victimize themselves in their situations, and at worst, forge completely unfulfilling goals and live unfulfilling lives because of their own fear of themselves. It is in these cases that we may need to stop and ask ourselves where we are being selfless and why we are doing so. Why should we allow ourselves to live the cookie cutter versions of what we may perceive acceptable instead of the great lives that we can potentially be living?</p>
<p><strong>I now call on you and ask you to tell us in which cases you believe we should be selfish? What are the implications?</strong></p>
<p><em>Thank you to <a href="http://twitter.com/msipen">Marina Tsipenyuk</a>, for writing this great article!</em><br />
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		<title>Perseverance &#8211; The Virtuous Human</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/10/07/perseverance-the-virtuous-human/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/10/07/perseverance-the-virtuous-human/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:00:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/?p=1004</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This article is part of The Virtuous Human Series.
This is a guest post by Sid Savara. 
&#8220;With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.&#8221;  ~Thomas Foxwell Buxton
Perseverance &#8211; to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement
As has been written previously here in Failure plus Persistence equals [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This article is part of <a href="../../../../../2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/" target="_blank">The Virtuous Human Series</a>.</p>
<p><em>This is a guest post by <a href="http://sidsavara.com/" target="_blank">Sid Savara</a>. </em></p>
<p>&#8220;With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.&#8221;  ~Thomas Foxwell Buxton</p>
<p><strong>Perseverance</strong> &#8211; to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement</p>
<p>As has been written previously here in <a title="Permanent Link to Failure plus Persistence equals Success" href="../../../../../2008/07/03/failure-plus-persistence-equals-success/" target="_blank">Failure plus Persistence equals Success</a>, &#8220;[...]failure is one of the greatest keys to success.&#8221;  It&#8217;s a point I agree with -  by failing, we make progress towards our eventual success by receiving feedback on where we have gone wrong, and thus we have information to correct our course.</p>
<p>Imagine you are working on your golf swing for example.  Your skills aren&#8217;t where you want them to be, so you go to the driving range and hit a few balls.  You notice that you consistently hook the ball to the right &#8211; that&#8217;s fantastic news!  You now know where your failure lies, and how to correct it.  You can build on this information, and push forward, correcting your mistake.</p>
<p>Now consider how much harder it would be if you had no feedback at all, and had no idea what you were doing wrong.  While it is difficult to persevere in the face of failure, it is also difficult, and virtuous, to persevere when you don&#8217;t know whether failure or success is around the next corner</p>
<p>One of the best examples I can think of is writing a book, or starting a blog.  It&#8217;s a lonely road writing or blogging when you are not sure anybody is reading.  You wish for any feedback &#8211; you would even welcome someone coming and commenting on your site, telling you that everything you do is wrong.   At least you would know where you stand.  And yet, many writers and bloggers struggle in obscurity &#8211; always wondering whether they are any good.</p>
<p>How many unpublished novels do you think are out there, halfway finished, that never even make it off the author&#8217;s desks?  These writers never receive any feedback for their work, and never fail &#8211; because they never have the chance to.</p>
<p>Or consider those who aim to improve their health by hitting the gym. Every year, how many people start workout programs, but don&#8217;t follow through on them? Did they stop persevering because they failed?  I believe it is because many (though not all) stop persevering because they never continue long enough to see any results.  Unsure of whether it is doing any good, they literally throw in the towel.</p>
<p>Let&#8217;s bring it back full circle, and consider why it is important to persevere even when we have no feedback.</p>
<p>What is it to be virtuous?  &#8220;Morally excellent.&#8221;   And character? &#8220;Good repute.&#8221;  Perhaps it will come as no surprise to readers then why I believe it is important to carry on, and persevere in the face of, well, nothing &#8211; as I am sure many readers are familiar with the following quote:</p>
<p><strong><em>&#8220;</em></strong>Character is what you do when you think nobody is watching<strong><em>&#8220;</em></strong></p>
<p><strong> </strong></p>
<p>True perseverance is not just pushing onward through failure &#8211; true perseverance also involves continuing ahead, when you have no indication whether you are succeeding or not.</p>
<p><strong> </strong></p>
<p><em>Sid Savara writes about personal development and productivity at <a href="http://sidsavara.com/" target="_blank">SidSavara.com</a>.  If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy his recent article <a title="More Important than Money - Paying Myself First With My Time" href="http://sidsavara.com/personal-development/more-important-than-money-paying-myself-first-with-my-time" target="_blank">More Important than Money &#8211; Paying Myself First With My Time</a>.</em></p>
<p>This post is part of <a href="../blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>. There will be many articles in this series — make sure you <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/AlexShalman">subscribe</a> so you don’t miss a thing! If you&#8217;re interested in submitting a guest article, <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/contribute/">click here</a>.<br />
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		<title>6 Ways Children Trump Adults At Life</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/08/22/children-trump-adults/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/08/22/children-trump-adults/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:19:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Marina Tsipenyuk</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[Editor’s Note: This article is written by the brilliant, amazing, and true Marina Tsipenyuk.
It seems that we are always searching for what is sensible, logical, and politically correct. The older we become, the more such formalities encompass our thoughts and, surely, become us&#8212;our identities and traits are unshakable, arguably as they were, have been, and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span style="color: #0000ff;">Editor’s Note: This article is written by the brilliant, amazing, and true <a href="http://twitter.com/msipen">Marina Tsipenyuk</a>.</span></p>
<p>It seems that we are always searching for what is sensible, logical, and politically correct. The older we become, the more such formalities encompass our thoughts and, surely, become us&#8212;our identities and traits are unshakable, arguably as they were, have been, and always will be.</p>
<p>Perhaps that is why children are often advised by their elder counterparts to discontinue their illogical, irrelevant pursuits through the utmost peeks of their imagination, in favor of what we believe is &#8220;realistic&#8221;. Children are silenced, their questions ignored, and their brilliance shunned, for truly they are living in the real world and they are yet unaware of this.</p>
<p>My parents had come home to me and told me about their friends&#8217; undisciplined children. &#8220;They kept asking all of these unwarranted questions! The parents didn&#8217;t even stop them!&#8221;, and yet they did not fail to mention how smart they thought the children were, how observant, how expressive. Though they were not disciplined in the conventional sense, their unmitigated ability to speak and to ask had manifested the most profound capabilities in the realm of self expression. For when children are hushed, they limit their questions to necessities. They reject abstractions to please us, but what they are completely unaware of is that so many of us are hitting the snooze button every morning, hoping to avoid the kind of pathetic reality that we are forcing on them!</p>
<p>But this approach is condemnation. What is it with us and our desire to complicate the world? Why is it that fun is equivalent to unproductive and productive consists of what is un-fun?</p>
<p>And haven&#8217;t we all been there? Haven&#8217;t we felt so alive drawing, singing, dancing, acting, and listening to some half witted grownup telling us that we must stick to those ways of the world that they think they know so well?</p>
<p>So why are children so happy and grownups so miserable? Surely they do not have to pay the bills, watch what they eat, and be independent, but when was the last time YOU looked out the window and just found the deepest pleasure in seeing a squirrel, fluffy and nimble, or knelt down to pick a flower in the springtime. When we find ourselves so concerned with everything else, we forget that once these were the phenomena of our waking days. Why should we be the arbiters of their desensitization when so much what they employ can help us so greatly?</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Grown-ups can never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to have to explain things to them always and forever&#8221; ~ Antoine de Saint Exupéry (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0156012197/103-3164587-7927045?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=alexshalcompr-20&amp;linkCode=xm2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creativeASIN=0156012197">The Little Prince</a>)</p></blockquote>
<p>So what is it that we can learn from children? To name a few things:</p>
<p><strong>1. They are happy to get up in the morning</strong></p>
<p>I have a question for you. When was the last time you stayed up and watched the sun rise? Last summer I remember sitting with my two best friends, watching the sun rise, and feeling so alive. It is a brand new day and a brand new you. Who knows what the day may bring? Don&#8217;t miss out on all of the amazing opportunities before you, and take them with gratitude.</p>
<p><strong>2. They do not want to go to sleep at night</strong></p>
<p>Just like the morning, the night has its wonderful mysteries and romantic stories. Whether you spend some time with your family, take a bubble bath, or make love to your spouse, do not go straight to sleep all the time.</p>
<p><strong>3. They play games!</strong></p>
<p>Yes, they love to pretend, and somehow, it always works for them. They live a new life every day, and that life is what they choose to make of it. We can think of life as anything, there is no ultimate truth. When was the last time you played hide and seek without getting frustrated? I did today with my phone! Make little mishaps into games!</p>
<p><strong>4. They know that they don&#8217;t know everything&#8230;they always ask questions</strong></p>
<p>Stop being Mr. Knowitall. You don&#8217;t.</p>
<p><strong>5. They take pleasure in the little things.</strong></p>
<p>I think that at one point we stop thinking of getting treats as exciting ventures. Why? Probably because everything, including ice cream is so accessible. Make it a point to limit such commodities in order to really feel their value. Don&#8217;t eat your favorite unhealthy food for a week and then go get it. It will be so great!</p>
<p><strong>6. They appreciate the big things that we seem to ignore.</strong></p>
<p>The seasons, for instance. Could you imagine how amazing it is when a child sees snow for the first time? And the next? And children long for the glistening snow to make angels, the sparkling rain in which they play, the sunny days that they can spend outside in the park. Don&#8217;t ignore the child within, and stare in amazement the next time you encounter one of nature&#8217;s pleasures.</p>
<p>And remember, adults are just big children.</p>
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		<title>Obedience &#8211; The Virtuous Human</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/08/04/obedience-the-virtuous-human/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/08/04/obedience-the-virtuous-human/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:29:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/08/04/obedience-the-virtuous-human/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This article is part of The Virtuous Human Series.
Obedience &#8212; Willingness to obey, to be controlled when necessary, to carry out orders.
&#8220;There is no shame in taking orders from those who themselves have learned to obey.&#8221;
~William Edward Forster
There exists a special dynamic between a master-servant, leader-follower, and dominant-submissive. In order to be effective at wielding [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This article is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Obedience</strong> &#8212; Willingness to obey, to be controlled when necessary, to carry out orders.</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;There is no shame in taking orders from those who themselves have learned to obey.&#8221;<br />
~William Edward Forster</p></blockquote>
<p>There exists a special dynamic between a master-servant, leader-follower, and dominant-submissive. In order to be effective at wielding power one must have a clear understanding of what it&#8217;s like have to none.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s clear, to me, that the world would not be built if there were no followers. Too many chiefs and not enough Indians would ultimately disable the ability to have a joint venture, or cooperative progress.</p>
<p>History has shown that any virtue could be used or abused. Obedience is no different. It can be put to proper use to improve ones condition and contribute to the world or  exploited for the wrong ideals.</p>
<h3>The Dangers of Obedience</h3>
<p>The virtue of obedience does not come without a price. Blind obedience has caused many deaths, the fall of empires, and much pain and suffering.</p>
<p>Take the Holocaust as an example. Some Nazis, like Hitler and Eichman, were complete monsters, as were many of the Nazi soldiers. Others were people with docile minds, too weak-minded to use their free will to make a choice that embraces morality.</p>
<p>Our definition of obedience clearly states <strong>to be controlled when necessary</strong>. This is a judgment call. How could one brother join the Nazi party, while another help the Jewish people to escape certain death? How can one southern landowner captivate and exploit the African people for slavery while another aids their journey to freedom?</p>
<h3>Correct Obedience</h3>
<p>Obedience is proper when it involves the greater good of the world, while upholding a strong moral character. Obedience can be correct in the harmony of a construction site, the workability of a corporation, and the agreeableness of a family unit.</p>
<p>This same obedience is what creates things like the American constitution, democracy, and peace. A good leader is obedient to the greatest good of his subordinates and is a slave to doing what&#8217;s right. In this way, may you also find it within yourself to be obedient, when the time and place serves the greatest good of all.</p>
<p>This post is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>. There will be many articles in this series — make sure you <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/AlexShalman">subscribe</a> so you don’t miss a thing!<br />
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		<title>Love &#8211; The Virtuous Human</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/28/love-the-virtuous-human/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/28/love-the-virtuous-human/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:00:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/07/28/love-the-virtuous-human/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
This article is part of The Virtuous Human Series.
Love (noun) &#8211; A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
Love (verb) &#8211; To give of oneself, and ones time, energy, and resources fully to another person [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="margin-top: 10px; margin-left: 10px; float: right"><img src="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/virtuoushuman.jpg" alt="virtuoushuman.jpg" /></p>
<p>This article is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Love (noun) &#8211;</strong> A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.</p>
<p><strong>Love (verb) &#8211;</strong> To give of oneself, and ones time, energy, and resources fully to another person in the mental, physical, and spiritual sense.<span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em"><span></span></span></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.&#8221;<br />
~William Somerset Maugham</p></blockquote>
<h3>What love isn&#8217;t.<strong> </strong></h3>
<p>When I close my eyes I can picture our first date, as vividly as if I was still there with her. The world looked like a tunnel, and the only things in it were her, me, and the awesome peanut butter shake in between us.</p>
<p>Outside of us all I heard was white noise, which was the buzzing of the other patrons in the restaurant. She looked so beautiful in her white dress and her platinum blond hair. Her eyes sparkled like Swarovski crystals.</p>
<p>When she talked each word penetrated me deeply. When I talked, she hung onto every syllable. The communication was full of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2007/08/14/proactive-listening-should-be-your-first-social-skill/">proactive listening</a>, coupled with a perfect understanding, and a deep desire for one another.</p>
<p>As beautiful and memorable as this moment is, it isn&#8217;t love. This moment is the realization of a perfect evening as a beautiful work of art, created by two resonating entities. The evening was perfect, but love isn&#8217;t about pink colored glasses, champagne toasts, and cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles.</p>
<h3>What love is.</h3>
<p>In the opening of this article I defined love as both a noun and a verb. In order for one to achieve love the noun, one must perform love the action. As with any action, love is also a conscious choice that we are all capable of.</p>
<p>Rabbi Burger of Aish HaTorah made a good point when I was in <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/07/23/israel-the-holy-origins-of-personal-development/">Israel</a>. He said that we pick people with whom we will be together with for purely selfish reasons. Whether we are attracted to them, they have money, are kind and compassionate, or share our goals &#8212; we pick for selfish reasons.</p>
<p>However, after the choice is made, and the marriage is finalized, the only way to continue workability is to love. Love being an unselfish giving of oneself to the person we&#8217;re married to.</p>
<p><strong>A tangent on marriages.</strong></p>
<p>Up until very recently in human history marriages operated as a prearranged union. People were introduced and married in a short span of time, at which point they began their life and learned to love each other. This method was much more effective in keeping couples together as compared to the modern day methods and rampant divorce rates. Even in relationships that we would deem less than ideal the couples put in the time to make it work and ultimately stayed together.</p>
<p>I know this is a gross generalization and there were likely many couples without workability that stayed together because divorce was not an easy option. It&#8217;s the easiness of the option to divorce that prevents people from putting in the work, and putting in the love, in order to co-create a relationship that transcend moments of anger, doubt, and frustration.</p>
<p>I would imagine that there are more couples that currently divorce on a whim as compared to couples that used to be together without workability. That discipline, and stead fastness, that requires a person to make things work out is the stuff that love is made of.</p>
<p><strong>Remember:</strong> Love is a conscious choice, so if you&#8217;re missing the love in any of your relationships, you have the option to love consciously. We don&#8217;t just fall in love, unable to get up again. Rather we are able to control it, and channel it towards the people that we deem worthy of it.</p>
<p>This post is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>. There will be many articles in this series — make sure you <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/AlexShalman">subscribe</a> so you don’t miss a thing!<br />
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		<title>Honesty Vs. Truthfulness &#8211; The Virtuous Human</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/16/honesty-vs-truthfulness-the-virtuous-human/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/16/honesty-vs-truthfulness-the-virtuous-human/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:57:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/07/16/honesty-vs-truthfulness-the-virtuous-human/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
This article is part of The Virtuous Human Series.
Just getting back from Israel I&#8217;ve learned some incredible lessons from some of the worlds most renowned Rabbis. Unlike the birthright trip to Israel that I went on last year, this wasn&#8217;t about sight-seeing, it was about having a spiritual experience and acquiring ancient wisdom.
Honesty &#8212; Truthful; [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="margin-top: 10px; margin-left: 10px; float: right"><img src="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/virtuoushuman.jpg" alt="virtuoushuman.jpg" /></p>
<p>This article is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>.</p>
<p>Just getting back from Israel I&#8217;ve learned some incredible lessons from some of the worlds most renowned Rabbis. Unlike the birthright trip to Israel that I went on last year, this wasn&#8217;t about sight-seeing, it was about having a spiritual experience and acquiring ancient wisdom.</p>
<p><strong>Honesty</strong> &#8212; Truthful; sincere; not lieing or cheating.</p>
<p><strong>Truthfulness</strong> &#8212; Corresponding to reality; true.</p>
<p>What I&#8217;ve learned is that honesty and truthfulness are two distinct terms, and honesty is only the proper choice if it is upholding truthfulness at the same time. When honesty goes against truthfulness, it takes away from the essence of who you are, and serves as a hindrance in your personal growth.</p>
<p>It might seem counter intuitive at first glance that giving up honesty could possibly be a good thing. Furthermore, it might seem paradoxical to give up honesty for being truthful. Aren&#8217;t these two words synonymous?</p>
<p>While honesty is the act of not lieing, truthfulness involves upholding a deeper level truth, even if it takes some lieing to make it work. This is a lesson I learned from Rabbi Tversky in Jerusalem, and I&#8217;ll give you a couple of examples.</p>
<h3>When Lieing Is Truthful</h3>
<p>The first example he gave was of a Jewish man renting a room in the apartment of a Christian woman during the holocaust. The Nazis&#8217; were going around from house to house looking for Jews to arrest and kill. Sometimes when a non-Jewish person opened the door it was enough for the Nazis&#8217; to hear &#8220;there are no Jews here&#8221; in order for them to move on to the next house.</p>
<p>Sounds easy enough. The Jewish man and Christian woman were on very amiable terms. There&#8217;s no reason for her to become a conspiritor in his murder. Wrong. The woman said &#8220;I am an honest Christian, I have never lied in my life, and if the Nazis&#8217; ask me if there are any Jews in my apartment, I will have to tell them about you.&#8221;</p>
<p>As you can imagine the Jewish tenent was very distraught upon hearing this from his landlord. It meant certain death for him. Thinking quickly on his feet he came up with a solution that would work for the both of them. He told the woman that since he was renting the room it was technically his, and if the Nazis&#8217; were to ask, she could safely say that &#8220;there are no Jews in MY apartment.&#8221; And so she did, and the Jewish tenant was safe. This truthfulness, to being a good person, and not a conspirator in the Nazi murder went above and beyond honesty.</p>
<p>Another example that I heard from Rabbi Jonathan Shippel is of breaking the news to someone in bad health. Particularly telling an elderly sick person about a calamity that is occuring with someone near and dear to them. At one point Rabbi Shippel was faced with a situation where a doctor was to tell a 93 year old woman of her husband&#8217;s cancer. To make a long story short, she died two days after hearing the terrible news, while her husband lived for several more years in good health.</p>
<p>The doctor had basically killed this woman by communicating this information to her, against what the Rabbi had advised him to do. The doctor was just doing his job, and being honest, but he wasn&#8217;t being truthful to the greater cause, which is making sure people are living healthy.</p>
<p>When honesty fails to be on the same wavelength as truthfulness it must be abandoned. In this way, a lie will be the truth.</p>
<p><em>If you have any stories of where you had to tell a lie to uphold truthfulness please share it in the comments below.</em></p>
<p>This post is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>. There will be many articles in this series — make sure you <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/AlexShalman">subscribe</a> so you don’t miss a thing!<br />
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		<title>Strength &#8211; The Virtuous Human</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/08/strength-the-virtuous-human/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/08/strength-the-virtuous-human/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 08 Jul 2008 10:00:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/07/08/strength-the-virtuous-human/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
This article is part of The Virtuous Human Series.
Editor&#8217;s note: This is a guest post by Lewis Howes.
 &#8220;It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more &#8216;manhood&#8217; to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="margin-top: 10px; margin-left: 10px; float: right"><img src="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/virtuoushuman.jpg" alt="virtuoushuman.jpg" /></p>
<p>This article is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>.</p>
<p><font color="#0000ff"><em>Editor&#8217;s note: This is a guest post by <a href="http://www.linkedin.com/in/lewishowes">Lewis Howes</a>.</em></font></p>
<blockquote><p> <em>&#8220;It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more &#8216;manhood&#8217; to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.&#8221;</em><br />
~Alex Karras</p></blockquote>
<p><strong>Strength</strong> &#8212; Capable of exerting great force. Something or someone that gives one strength or is a source of power or encouragement; sustenance.</p>
<p>The normal conception may be to relate the word ‘strength&#8217; to a few things: muscular, powerful, overbearing, or even the younger juiced up Arnold Schwarzenegger.  In the ideas of Alex Karras, relating to individuals instead of over powering them demonstrates strength more than anything.   WHAT?!?!?  You mean I can exude strength without displaying the gun show? (My biceps that is <img src='http://www.alexshalman.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>Yes ladies and gentlemen, that&#8217;s right; it takes more strength to control your mind over being able to bench press 1000 pounds.  Karras says that toughness lies in the soul and the spirit, not merely in your muscles and definitely not in an immature mind.  If you can understand that strength is much more than mere physical nature, rather how you portray your true light about yourself and others in a positive manner, then you are well on your way to living a life of POWERFUL strength!  There are a few things you can do daily to gain this inner strength.</p>
<h3><strong>3 ways to show your strength (internally):</strong></h3>
<ol>
<li><strong>Be Accountable-</strong> Be accountable for the mistakes you make.  Not being accountable is insecurity, and by hiding our mistakes or blaming others for something that was our fault does not showcase our inner courage.  Instead, be willing to accept the blame for something and show how accountable you can be, others will see this courage you possess and appreciate the strength it takes for you to do this.</li>
<li><strong>Understanding-</strong> You don&#8217;t need to stick out your chest, raise your voice, or puff up your cheeks to be more powerful when in a dispute with others.  The more you are able to relate and truly take the time to understand a viewpoint from the other persons shoes, that person will ultimately appreciate the strength it took to listen to their opinion and find a way to have a mutually beneficial conclusion.  It is better to resolve a conflict than to start a war; the person who resolves it before there are casualties is the real hero.</li>
<li><strong>Continue to Give-</strong> Teaching, sharing your knowledge, time, or your money is a way to show inner strength.  So many of us (I am to blame as well) are scared to give up our time or other physical possessions because we are uncertain about the future.  In reality, the more you give, the more you will receive in return, and the more lives you will be able to impact.  Strength is about lifting others to their highest sense (not lifting weights), and what better way than to give them something (physical or mentally) that can help them find their own inner strength.</li>
</ol>
<p>This post is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>. There will be many articles in this series — make sure you <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/AlexShalman">subscribe</a> so you don’t miss a thing!</p>
<p><font color="#0000ff"><em>This is a guest post by <a href="http://www.linkedin.com/in/lewishowes">Lewis Howes</a>.</em></font><br />
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		<title>Patience &#8211; The Virtuous Human</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/07/patience-the-virtuous-human/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/07/patience-the-virtuous-human/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:00:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/07/07/patience-the-virtuous-human/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
This article is part of The Virtuous Human Series.
Editor&#8217;s Note: This is a guest post by Marina Tsipenyuk. 
&#8220;Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow &#8211; that is patience.&#8221;
Patience &#8211; an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with [...]]]></description>
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<p>This article is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>.</p>
<p><font color="#0000ff">Editor&#8217;s Note: This is a guest post by Marina Tsipenyuk. </font></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow &#8211; that is patience.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong>Patience &#8211;</strong> an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.</p>
<p>We can look to the Book of Job in the Old Testament for one of the greatest examples of the virtue of patience. God and Satan lay a wager, testing whether a pious man, Job, will continue to have faith in God after suffering continuous evils for no wrongdoing of his own.<br />
God allows Satan to make Job sick with an intolerable skin disease; He burns his house down, kills off Job&#8217;s livestock, and even all of his children. Job is left utterly alone, sick, and miserable. And why? Why would God inflict such wrath upon an innocent human being? And how could such a human be patient through it all, live through it, and still pray to God?</p>
<p>I have always struggled with the Book of Job, and I cannot tell you exactly why it is included in the Old Testament, but if we are to take this analogy and use it in our own lives, we can reason that life is not always fair. Crimes are not always justly punished and merits are not always rewarded. Our goals do not appear effortlessly, and the people in our lives can nag at us incessantly.</p>
<p>The bottom line is that we always give ourselves a reason for NOT being patient. But when we really evaluate situations, the nagging is not reason enough to explode. The duration with regard to our goals is what keeps us so eager to achieve them. And things are not always fair, so complaining is counter-productive. What Job can teach us is that we can live through difficult circumstances, not let them tear us down, and still have hope. We can do this through patience!</p>
<h3>Five Ways to Become More Patient</h3>
<ol>
<li><strong>Breathe.</strong> Allow yourself to breathe, even in the most difficult moments. This allows you to take the situation in without overwhelming yourself. I was once in a situation in which I could not find my car in a parking garage. I was so scared and confused that I began to hyperventilate and lose focus of the situation. The moment I began to regulate my breathing was when I caught hold of the situation and was able to deal with it.</li>
<li><strong>Wait Your Turn.</strong> One of the best ways to practice patience is when you are in line. We are in line for something constantly, for instance, in the grocery store or at the bank. And you can always hear myriads of complaints, &#8220;God, this line is unbearable&#8221;. Instead of getting annoyed that the line is too long, too hot, and completely a waste of time, think less of the line and more about your goals. This is a perfect time for you to think&#8212;patience can make you an optimist!</li>
<li><strong>Listen.</strong> When in conversation, we are often so eager to speak that we forget to listen. Be patient. Allow the other person to speak, even if you think they are nagging you or that you already know exactly what they are going to tell you. Humans tend to operate in such a way that we listen to everything in terms of what we already know. If something sounds familiar, we put it into a category, when really, we may not be experiencing the essence of the conversation because of this. By being patient, you may learn something new.</li>
<li><strong>Speak softly, don&#8217;t yell.</strong> When we are fed up by a situation, we may, at times, lose our patience and explode. By conscious of what you are speaking at any given moment. Do not lose yourself in your anger and let it overpower you. Patience is, in many ways about being free from the power of your emotions.</li>
<li><strong>Endurance.</strong> Like Job who endured the fact that life was not fair, we often must endure difficult situations. There are some things in life that we have no control over, and we can only do what we can to be the best that we can be in those situations. If we are to accept that, then we can be powerful, at least over ourselves, in every situation.</li>
</ol>
<p>This post is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>. There will be many articles in this series — make sure you <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/AlexShalman">subscribe</a> so you don’t miss a thing!</p>
<p><font color="#0000ff">This is a guest post by Marina Tsipenyuk. </font><br />
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		<title>Failure plus Persistence equals Success</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/03/failure-plus-persistence-equals-success/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:00:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[
Editor&#8217;s Note: This is a guest post by Bill Riddell. 
It seems extremely counter-intuitive, but being a failure is one of the greatest keys to success. The power of persistence is just as vital, fail then try again until success takes hold.
Rather than my thoughts on the issue let&#8217;s look at some of the world&#8217;s [...]]]></description>
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<p><font color="#0000ff">Editor&#8217;s Note: This is a guest post by <a href="http://billriddell.com/">Bill Riddell</a>. </font><br />
It seems extremely counter-intuitive, but being a failure is one of the greatest keys to success. The power of persistence is just as vital, fail then try again until success takes hold.</p>
<p>Rather than my thoughts on the issue let&#8217;s look at some of the world&#8217;s most successful people and their words of wisdom.</p>
<p>In the realm of business <strong>Richard Branson</strong> epitomizes this equation for success. Branson has endured his share of failures. His Virgin group has controlled hundreds of businesses, the vast majority lose money, have been closed or sold – despite them he once said &#8220;<strong>&#8230;the challenge of learning and trying to do something better than in the past, is irresistible.</strong>&#8221;</p>
<p>Indeed from those hundreds of companies Branson has a pretty bad track record where only a handful of them have enjoyed great successes, yet he is worth approximately US$8 billion. Who would have thought being such a monumental failure could be so rewarding?</p>
<p>Being a politician is an incredibly difficult position, particularly as a countries leader.</p>
<p><strong><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/05/19/4-lessons-from-the-life-of-winston-churchill/">Winston Churchill</a></strong> was undeniably England&#8217;s greatest Prime Minister and did so during the nation&#8217;s toughest period in modern history. His predecessor had appeased Hitler and buckled under pressure losing support of his people as WWII erupted, Churchill was the man they turned too.</p>
<p>Before leading his country he first overcame a terrible stutter and lisp to become one of history&#8217;s greatest speakers, his words as much as his policy leading his people through the hard times of WWII. Amongst his many great quotes comes, &#8220;<strong>Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.</strong>&#8221;</p>
<p>Another leader, <strong>Calvin Coolidge</strong>, the 30<sup>th</sup> American President singled out persistence as the most important attribute you can have.</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan &#8216;press on&#8217; has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>Few other sports stars have been as successful as <strong>Michael Jordan</strong>, yet by his own admission he has been a huge failure.</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot&#8230; and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why&#8230; I succeed.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong>Pablo Picasso</strong> was mocked by critics and other artists for his art. He is also believed to have been his own worst critic. When asked by others which of his paintings was his favorite he would typically reply &#8220;<strong>&#8230;the next one.</strong>&#8221;</p>
<p>He answered his critics and inner doubts about his talent by continuing to paint and striving to improve. Had he stopped painting he would have proved the others right.</p>
<p>In the realms of science and invention there are probably none more prominent then Einstein and Edison.</p>
<p><strong>Albert Einstein</strong>&#8216;s explanation for his successful discoveries was &#8220;<strong>&#8230;not that I&#8217;m so smart, it&#8217;s just that I stay with problems longer.</strong>&#8221; By persisting with a problem, often for years, he would make discoveries that eluded so many others. <span> </span></p>
<p><strong>Thomas Edison</strong> was one of the most prolific inventors with over 1000 patents. Despite the fact that so many were flops he continued, leaving as a legacy the light bulb, X-Ray technology, the microphone, the phonograph (the first true form for recording and playing music) and more.</p>
<p>&#8220;<strong>Many of life&#8217;s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up,</strong>&#8221; Edison once said. This summarizes things perfectly.</p>
<p>Failures are simply people who have given up on themselves before reaching success. The only way you can truly fail is to stop trying.</p>
<p>So get out there and start failing, success can&#8217;t be far away.</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p><em>Bill Riddell is 22 year old from Australia, beginning a career as a freelance journalist and blogger. Having overcome serious illness in his teens he now pursues his dreams and goals. His passions include reading, writing, car racing and self improvement. His recently launched blog can be found at <a href="http://billriddell.com/" target="_blank">http://billriddell.com/</a>.</em><br />
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		<title>Bravery &#8211; The Virtuous Human</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/01/bravery-the-virtuous-human/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 01 Jul 2008 10:00:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[
This article is part of The Virtuous Human Series.
&#8220;The brave man is not he who feels no fear, For that were stupid and irrational; But he, whose noble soul its fear subdues, And bravely dares the danger nature shrinks from&#8221;
~Joanna Baillie
Bravery &#8212; A quality of spirit that enables you to face danger of pain without [...]]]></description>
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<p>This article is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>.</p>
<blockquote><p><em>&#8220;The brave man is not he who feels no fear, For that were stupid and irrational; But he, whose noble soul its fear subdues, And bravely dares the danger nature shrinks from&#8221;</em><br />
~<strong>Joanna Baillie</strong></p></blockquote>
<p><strong>Bravery &#8212; </strong>A quality of spirit that enables you to face danger of pain without showing fear.</p>
<p>This virtue, like many others, has an inherent value in being kept private. It is not the man who runs around saying &#8220;I am the bravest&#8221; who is truly virtuous. The man who is virtuous is the one who performs when the time is right.</p>
<p>As Joanna Baillie mentions, if a man does not sense any fear, the man is not brave. For example, it would not be a problem for me to squash a spider. For someone else who has Arachnophobia, an irrational fear of spiders, squashing it may be the biggest ordeal they have ever had to overcome. In this case I am not brave, I am merely accomplishing a task, but our scared friend is truly brave.</p>
<p>Joanna also mentions that if one does not know to be scared, when they clearly should be, they aren&#8217;t brave, they&#8217;re just stupid. If someone is pointing a loaded gun at your head, and you try to run at them from 10 yards away with a knife, you are clearly not mentally stable.</p>
<p>There is no magic trick to obtain bravery because bravery is within each and every single one of us. Even those people you know that are completely spineless have the inherent capacity to be brave. Even so, there are a few simple things you can to to may help to bring you bravery out a bit from it&#8217;s hiding spot.</p>
<h3>5 Ways To Bring Bravery Out of Hiding</h3>
<ol>
<li><strong>Believe in yourself.</strong> It&#8217;s very important to know just how special and unique you are. Whether you know it or not you bring something very valuable to this world. You said something to someone who said something to someone who made a huge change in the world, and it&#8217;s all thanks to you. I&#8217;m sure this type of thing has happened to you without even realizing. Keep growing and developing yourself and your time to be brave will come and you will be ready!</li>
<li><strong>Constant and Never Ending Improvement.</strong> Personally I get a lot of bravery from getting better at something on a consistent basis. To set goals bigger than I think are possible and to work towards them, slowly but surely, every single day allows me to overcome goals that are seemingly impossible at first.</li>
<li><strong>Just Do It.</strong> Over thinking a situation could lead to you talking yourself out of taking the next step. Imagine standing at the tip of an Olympic height diving board getting ready for your first ever dive. The conversations going through your head could potentially talk you out of the jump. To just walk up there and jump, to just do it, is the perfect way to get over your fear and be brave.</li>
<li><strong>Optimism.</strong> A great attitude about what you have to face will get you pumped up, motivated, and ready to break through the obstacle which you are facing. Our minds are very much operated by our self-talk, but instead of leaving our self-talk to irrational subconscious fear we could interject with talks of bravery, optimism, and results.</li>
<li><strong>Greater Cause.</strong> Often times, when inspired by a great cause, such as the life of a loved one, we are pushed beyond our comfort zone and percevere past fear into the realm of courage and bravery. I had a fear of public speaking, but right around the time that I joined <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/16/toastmasters-international-becoming-a-competent-communicator/">Toastmasters</a> I realized that the message I have is too important to not tell the whole world about. This helped me to get over that fear really quick.</li>
</ol>
<p>This post is part of <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/">The Virtuous Human Series</a>. There will be many articles in this series — make sure you <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/AlexShalman">subscribe</a> so you don’t miss a thing!<br />
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		<title>The Virtuous Human Series</title>
		<link>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/</link>
		<comments>http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:00:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex Shalman</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Character Building]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/06/30/the-virtuous-human-series/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Each post in this series will focus on just one virtue. I&#8217;ll mix it up with some definitions, quotes, virtuous people, and why I think the particular virtue is important.
You can look through all the virtues, decide which one you already are and which one you would like to take up.
Do to high volumes of [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="margin-top: 10px; margin-left: 10px; float: right"><img src="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/virtuoushuman.jpg" alt="virtuoushuman.jpg" /></p>
<p>Each post in this series will focus on just one virtue. I&#8217;ll mix it up with some definitions, quotes, virtuous people, and why I think the particular virtue is important.</p>
<p>You can look through all the virtues, decide which one you already are and which one you would like to take up.</p>
<p>Do to high volumes of new readers, subscribers, and comments during previous &#8216;series posts&#8217; I have determined that you guys really enjoy this style of writing. Your wish is my command!</p>
<p><strong>It is my belief that as we chisel away at ourselves we will reveal the perfect character.</strong> The most virtuous man, or virtuous woman, lives within all of us. Practical personal development provides you with the tools, motivation, and support to chisel away and discover the virtues, whether they&#8217;re close to the surface or hidden deep within you.</p>
<p>After awhile this series will contain a very serious list of virtues. It will give all of us, both you and I, an opportunity to look over the virtues list and reflect upon ourselves. What can we do to become a better version of us, a more virtuous human?</p>
<h3>Virtue List</h3>
<ol>
<li><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/07/01/bravery-the-virtuous-human/">Bravery</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/07/07/patience-the-virtuous-human/">Patience</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/07/08/strength-the-virtuous-human/">Strength</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/2008/07/16/honesty-vs-truthfulness-the-virtuous-human/">Honesty vs. Truthfulness</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/07/28/love-the-virtuous-human/">Love</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/2008/08/04/obedience-the-virtuous-human/">Obedience</a></li>
</ol>
<h3>Virtue Quotes</h3>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0000ff;">Confucius</span></strong></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have neighbors.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0000ff;">Ralph Waldo Emerson</span></strong></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0000ff;">Marcus Aurelius</span></strong></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><span style="color: #0000ff;"><strong>Buddha</strong></span></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Just as treasures are uncovered from the earth, so virtue appears from good deeds, and wisdom appears from a pure and peaceful mind. To walk safely through the maze of human life, one needs the light of wisdom and the guidance of virtue.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0000ff;">Aristotle</span></strong></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0000ff;">Socrates</span></strong></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Virtue does not come from wealth, but. . . wealth, and every other good thing which men have. . . comes from virtue.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0000ff;">Benjamin Franklin</span></strong></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Search others for their virtues, thy self for thy vices&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0000ff;">Blaise Pascal</span></strong></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;The power of a man&#8217;s virtue should not be measured by his special efforts, but by his ordinary doing&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0000ff;">Lao Tzu</span></strong></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;By accident of fortune a man may rule the world for a time, but by virtue of love he may rule the world forever&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0000ff;">Henry David Thoreau</span></strong></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Do not be too moral.  You may cheat yourself out of much life so.  Aim above morality.  Be not simply good; be good for something.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<h3>Your Participation</h3>
<p>The fate of this series lies in your hands. Feel free to comment on any of the articles within the series, vote them up on various social sites, e-mail them to friends, or blog about them.</p>
<p>If you want me to write about a specific virtue that I have no covered yet, disagree with me, or want to take on the specific virtue you can always let us know in a comment.</p>
<p><span style="color: #ff0000;">I will be updating this post each time I post a new virtue, so take this opportunity to</span> <strong>bookmark</strong> <span style="color: #ff0000;">the page and</span> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/AlexShalman">subscribe</a> <span style="color: #ff0000;">to the blog.</span><br />
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