If you think we’re friends, and you don’t meet this criteria, then you’re my fan. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate my fans, but do differentiate them from friends.

I’m certainly not above making new connections – I pride myself on being able to make friends quickly and easily – I just don’t have the capacity to devote time to friends if everyone is my friend.

Friends Vs. Fans

With the advances in transportation, communication and now the popularity of social networking it’s never been easier to keep in touch. Become popular enough, or a social networking whore, and you’ll have no time for anything but entertaining superficial relationships with fans and strangers.

If you’re not popular enough – or don’t have enough exposure to new people – then you’re in danger of settling for friends that don’t meet your own personal criteria. Deep connections with the wrong people can be just as bad as superficial connections with too many right people.

As you can probably already tell a happy medium exists somewhere in the equation. Make no mistake, you don’t want to compromise on the quality of the people that you surround yourself with. What you do want is to have an amount of people in your life that you can devote enough time to in order to maintain deep connections.

Certain friends require more maintenance than others. I have friends that I can call once every couple of months, we catch up and empower each other on our journey, and then go about our separate lives. Then there are friends that I keep up with weekly or even daily.

When things are not totally reciprocal, such as when a person with less connections wants to make friends with a very connected person, a phenomenon known as “fan” happens. One person might respect and admire the other, while the other might not have had the pleasure to find this out about them.

It’s important to realize when you are being a fan. If you’re a fan of too many people, you might not have enough time left over to nurture deep friendships and  still get your work done.

The solution is time management (or possibly friend management) and is a two-step process involving honesty and assertiveness. Be clear with people that you cannot devote time to them because you’re working towards a very important goal. At the same time, make it a point to not only devote time to your friends but really be with them and listen.

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
~Walter Winchell.

They say that sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down. The real friends, the ones that aren’t just fans, will come-a-knockin regardless of whether you’re up or down.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

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“I believe the choice to be excellent begins with aligning your thoughts and words with the intention to require more from yourself.” ~Oprah Winfrey

You’ve heard about the power of positive thinking, right? Everyone’s raving about it. If you simply think positively, rainstorms will turn into rainbows, red lights will turn green, and your in-laws will suddenly turn into human beings. Right? Right?!

Well, it’s true… all except for the “simply” part. Because taming the wild stallion of your randomly rampaging thoughts is not really that simple and not really that easy.

Image by Martin Whitmore

I’ll tell you what you can control, though: your words. By making a few changes in your vocabulary, you can turn steaming piles of crap into 100% organic fertilizer. You can turn an inconvenient power outage into cuddle time with your sweetie. And you can turn obligations into opportunities. Words shape thoughts, and you’ll find that if you change your words for the better, your thoughts will change for the better too, and so will your life.

1. Should Have you heard the expression “Stop shoulding all over yourself”? Well, let’s clean that “should” off your pants and replace it with some organic fertilizer, because every obligation can be rephrased as a desire. Instead of “I should go to the store,” how about “I want to go to the store because I’m hungry and I want to buy some food”?

2. Ought “I ought to get this work done before I go to the party.” What do you want to do? Weigh your preferences. How good or bad would you feel about getting the work done first? How good or bad would you feel about leaving it undone? Figure out what you most want, and then do it. In any case, let go of the obligation. “I want to get this work done before I go to the party, because I’ll feel a lot better once it’s finished.”

3. Need to “I need to walk the dog.” How about instead, “I want our dog to be happy and healthy, and I want to have a nice, clean, poop-free house, so I’m going to walk the dog.”

4. Have to “I have to go to work.” Well, no. You don’t have to. It’s just that your actions have consequences. Even if you don’t enjoy the process of getting there, you might really want the end result. So maybe a more positive way to phrase it would be, “I want to make money, so I’m going to go to work.” Keeping your goal in mind can make the process of getting there better for you.

5. Must “I must go to bed now or else I’ll be tired and groggy all day tomorrow.” Okay, you got me, nobody actually talks like this. But you get the idea, right? “Must”, another obligation word, and again you can rephrase it positively as a desire. “I’ll go to bed now because I want to feel alert and awake tomorrow.” Doesn’t that take a weight off your shoulders and make you feel better about it?

Image by supermoving

For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.
~Ingrid Bengis

6. Can’t Enough of obligation words, limiting words are even more dangerous. How many times do we say “I can’t” when it’s not really true? “I can’t write well.” Maybe you don’t write well right now, but you can if you put your mind to it. If you wanted to, you could practice and learn and gain new skills. So how about “I’m not that great at writing yet?” “Can’t” closes a door. You can stick your foot in that door and prop it open by choosing other words.

7. Impossible “It’s impossible for me to be a professional athlete; I’m just naturally clumsy.” You know what? I’ve seen a one-legged man compete in a Dance Dance Revolution tournament — and win. Nothing is impossible, it just takes time, practice, and dedication. Talent is completely irrelevant in the face of determination. How about “It’s possible for me to be a professional athlete if I want to put in the time and effort.”

8. Never “I could never sing as well as her.” Again, you probably could. Even if today, the sound of you singing in the shower sends birds spiraling disoriented into the ground, that’s just today. You can improve, you can get better, and you can keep getting better for as long as you want to. She probably took hours and hours of voice lessons, so you’re not being fair to yourself. “I could sing as well as her or better if I put my mind to it.”

9. Smack In addition to limiting words, violent words can bring unnecessary negativity into your life. “I’m gonna smack you if you don’t shut up right now!” If that’s really true, then that’s cool, you’re speaking authentically. But I found myself saying this when what I really meant was, “I’m feeling upset and frustrated because I can’t concentrate with a lot of noise around. Could you please be quiet? I’d really appreciate it.” When I rephrased my vocabulary this way, the people around me felt a lot more considered and respected.

10. Kill Now this one I hope you’re not saying with authenticity. “I’m going to kill you if you leave the toilet seat up one more time!” That’s one way to express anger and frustration, but how about expressing it directly instead? “I feel angry and hurt when you leave the toilet seat up, because it seems inconsiderate to me, like you don’t care about my comfort or our shared space.” The “kill” phrasing is likely to lead to an argument, but the “I feel” phrasing is likely to lead to a conversation that might make things better.

These are just 10 of the many words you can rephrase to improve your life. It’s even easier and more fun with a partner. Pick a word that you’d like to rephrase, and ask your partner to let you know whenever you use that word. It can be challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding!

What other words can you think of that would improve your life if you rephrased them? Let us know in the comments!

Pace is a communication coach, personal development junkie, blogger, and entrepreneur. She and her wife Kyeli have just published a book entitled The Usual Error: Why We Don’t Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better. They blog at PaceAndKyeli.com.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

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“How can you have charisma? Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are making them feel good about you.”
~Dan Reiland

It was a beautiful Sunday night in Israel when we arrived at the party. It was being held at a multimillionaires loft in order to honor his sons accomplishment, and we were invited. I wasn’t very surprised to see Kelly (alias) there – after all she’s the best networker I know. On the other hand, when she said I’m known for my networking skills, and that she’s one to know, it got me thinking.

I never liked to look at networking as some skill set that I have. Instead I looked at it as putting together a couple of things I learned here and there, and just getting to know people. As my virtual Rolodex began to fill up, and my friends started to ask me more and more questions about networking, I knew I was onto something. I got serious about analyzing the things I was doing that were working for me, and the ones that would also work for my friends (and you).

One thing that you should know about me is that I’m an extroverted-introvert (I might have just made up that terminology). That means that I love time to myself to read, write, and exercise, while at the same time I really enjoy talking to people, going to large social gatherings, and being the center of attention when I need to be. You might be either an extrovert, or an introvert, and it’s important for you to know yourself so that you can work with your personal strengths.

1. Show Up Early. It seems that a lot of people these days tend to show up “fashionably late.” I personally hate when I’m late, so I always leave an abundance of time to get to my destination. I’ve noticed that when it comes to networking it really pays off to be early.

You’re at an advantage because you might stumble into the host, or whoever is your main networking target, and get them all to yourself for a few extra moments. You also have the opportunity to introduce yourself to more people, building rapport within the group, which could later convert to people putting in a good word for you.

2. Own The Building. When you walk into a building for a conference, or to meet someone for networking purposes, it’s important to remember that everyone is important. I call this owning the building, because I chit chat with everyone from the security, front desk, janitors, and employees.

By the time I get to my target I’m feeling confident, sociable, and might even have a couple of extra pieces of information or anecdotes to inject into the conversation thanks to my new friends downstairs. In general it’s a great idea to just be fun and sociable, and to enjoy life. Allow other people to experience the fun that you’re having in your own little world as well.

3. Feel Their Essence. I hate when people are overbearing and keep talking at me about things that are of no consequence to me. On the other hand I love talking to people, getting to know them, and hearing what they have to say. I take the fact that I hate overbearing types as a sign that other people like to do more talking then they like to listen; after all, the most interesting person you know is yourself.

I use this to my advantage by proactively listening to the people I’m with. I eliminate all distractions, and I listen for clues in their speech for what they really want to talk about. You could use this method to show up to a job interview, and to talk about everything else but the interview, and in this way gain favor from the interviewer as well as the job.

4. Passionate Curiosity. I’m infatuated with passion of all kinds. If I see a person that gets excited about something they have to say, I get automatically turned on to this conversation. I unobtrusively follow up with questions to find out more. Not only do I want to know what’s so interesting, but why it’s so interesting to them, and why they’re so motivated to disclose this information.

I’ve recently noticed myself utilizing this technique and in 20 minutes found out, step by step, how the man I was talking to created an insurance company that was making 40 million per year. The guy was absolutely fascinating to talk to, and I’ll definitely be calling the number he gave me for follow up conversations.

5. Speak Clearly. If you’re doing everything correctly, but you aren’t speaking clearly, you’re going to find that you’ve hit a bottleneck in your networking effectiveness. I know some brilliant, intelligent, and motivated people that have such amazing things to say that they say them all at the same time.

There’s no reason to rush, so relax, and speak clearly. Organize your thoughts, and say exactly what you mean, with as few words as you need to get your message across. It isn’t necessary to tell someone your life story to ask them where the bathroom is, so don’t get caught up in the non-essentials which may possibly turn people off to you and classify you as an excessive talker.

6. Track Your Target. I know this sounds a bit stalker-like, but I assure you it’s not. Whenever my friends ask me for dating advice, because they aren’t seeing anyone, I start off with one important piece of advice. I ask them to define exactly what kind of person they’re looking for, and what their non-negotiables are.

I then ask them to figure out what type of places this specific type of person would frequent. I’m talking about where would they shop, work out, read books, watch races, or whatever you’re person would be doing.

You then take this dating philosophy and apply it to networking. Where would the business professionals or customers that you want to network with be frequently found. Will they frequent a networking event, a business seminar, or eat at a certain place that is frequented by people in their field. Once you’re in a position to bump into someone, you’re much more capable of sealing the deal.

7. Find Other Networking Rockstars. This is called networking for lazy people. Actually, it’s more lke networking for smart people. Find someone that has already made leaps and bounds with their network in the specific niche that you’re trying to tackle. Ask them to introduce you to the other key players and work yourself out from this center.

I happened to have met some key figures in the finance industry in the New York City area. I happened to take interest in them as self-developed people, and really enjoy the conversations that we have. I personally have no use for them as a business contact, at least not at this time, because I’m nowhere near the finance industry. Enter my friends, many of whom are into finance, and I’m happy to introduce them to the right people and help their career along.

Then there is my rockstar personal trainer. The type of people in her network are world class athletes, iron men, and regular people in my area that are health & fitness enthusiasts. In this way I enjoy hanging out with her and her friends because they’re all really smart and take care of their bodies. I’m sure I’ll be learning a thing or two from them everytime we hang out.

8. Plug Yourself. Whenever you’re having a casual conversation with someone you meet, or catching up with an acquaintance, don’t be shy to throw in a sentence about what’s important to you at the moment. The worst case scenario is they’ll be bored by what you say. The likely scenario is that they’ll think it’s great, but it will end there. In certain cases they’ll remember something they heard, or a friend that might help, and they’ll help you to make the proper connection.

An example of this would be if I said that I’ve been really enjoying my writing sessions, and I would like to expand this area of my life from freelancing online to writing for print publications. I would be interested in writing about health, fitness, and any other area of self-improvement in a magazine or newspaper column. Now, if you happen to know someone in that industry, you should feel inclined to make the connection for us!

9. Be The Mirror. Every person exhibits their own unique energy at different times in the day. You might walk into an interview joyful and energized while the person at the other end of the table is in a more serious mood. You don’t want to go ahead and mess up your vibe, so the key is to tone yourself down and emulate them in the power of your speech, posture, and speed of your movements.

I find this to be a very useful technique. It creates an element of comfort and connection between you and the person you’re talking to. You’re basically appealing to their emotions, which relay to them that you’re on the same wave length as them, and that you’re just like them in general.

10. Be Accessible & Approachable. I’m pretty easy to get in touch with, especially when I want to be, and I’m rarely found without a business card to give away. This allows people to follow up with me, and opens the door for them to give me their personal contact information as well.

When you have an open mentality that screams “I LOVE PEOPLE,” you’ll notice more people coming up to you and being more open about what’s important to them. I try to look for what’s important to people, and to cater to that need if I can.

11. Live An Exciting Life. The way to live an exciting life is to do something that you’re completely passionate about. People will start recognizing you, and showing you respect, because you’re out there doing what you love and not letting life pass you by.

That respect comes from the fact that people recognize hard work, achievement, and like to take a moment to appreciate it. Once you have someones respect, you’re better able to leverage the relationship in order to create a mutually beneficially venture.

12. Be The Persistent Initiator. You never know when someone is too shy in order to make the first move. Sometimes their shyness can make someone appear cold, or unapproachable, which is just a safety mechanism so that they don’t have to risk getting rejected. This is another scenario that mimicks that of a dating situation.

At my internship I’m constantly pressing the director to “introduce me to some cool people.” This statement is somewhat unobtrusive, but it’s very clearly understood that I’d like to be introduced to the higher ups in the building for a networking opportunity. I guess asking every day makes me a pain in the butt, but I think persistence is key here!

13. Comfort in Speaking. You need to be able to feel just as comfortable in front of one person as you do in front of a small group of people. Often times life will put you as the center of attention, and you have to know how to casually pull it off, and not choke up, by saying the right thing at the right time.

I’ve spent a lot of time in social interactions such as night clubs, and dances, as well as professional settings, and small group events. I think it pays off to do some public speaking, because once you’re comfortable speaking in front of a small group of people that support you, you’ll be that much more effective in a 1 on 1 setting.

14. Serve Up Some Vanity. I already mentioned that the most interesting person to you is yourself. The same thing holds for the person to your left, and the person to your right. This is why you want to genuinely inquire about someone, and allow them the time and space to fully express themselves.

The other thing you want to do, although it might sound trivial, is to use the persons name often in conversation. For example, you could say “Oh Alex, that’s really funny,” or the one that never fails “Wow, Alex! You are so handsome!” — People like that!

15. The Power of Touch. This may not always be appropriate in formal situations, and you have to be careful that the person isn’t religiously against touching, but if you’re feeling comfortable you should go for it. If someone makes a funny remark, you can give them a light tap on their elbow or side of their shoulder.

This creates a bond and increases the comfort level between you and another person. We’re all here to connect with people and develop relationships, so what you’re doing is speeding up the process a bit.

The quote at the beginning of this article best captures the root of my networking approach. I do my best to pay attention to the person I’m speaking to. Without any gimmicks, or tricks, I simply look for what they need, what I can do for them, and what they’re all about.

If you like this article, please vote for it on StumbleUpon, I’d appreciate it.

Tell us your favorite networking technique in the comments below.

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“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
~Jerry Seinfeld

Important Bonus Information: This program officially launched last week, and all the bonuses were sold out after just two days, however, if you do want to get the great bonuses that come with the program, read the instructions at the bottom of this article.

If you’ve ever dreamed of possessing the ability to stand in front of a large group of people and have them listen, laugh, and clap then you aren’t alone. This is both the dream, and the worst fear of most people around the world.

No matter what anyone is going to tell you, being a world class public speaker is going to take some intense practice, failing, fixing, and practicing some more. You’re going to end up reading a lot of books on the subject, talking to a lot of people who may or may not be any good, and then putting together what actually makes sense in order to develop a routine and style for yourself.

Imagine not having to read hundreds of books on the subject, not talking to people that are going to steer you wrong with bad advice, and taking a short cut to getting the best possible information that you can. Disclaimer: This is not a substitute for practice. It’s the best information that will enable you to practice more effectively.

On With Get Applause Now

What you get with the Get Applause Now package is 4.5 hours of mp3 audio, a 64 page Get Applause Now pdf ebook, and video coaching sessions. The mp3 files are as follows:

• How To Write A Winning Speech (mp3)
• Free to Fee (How To Get Paid For Public Speaking) (mp3)
• Humor 101 (mp3)
• Get Applause Now (pdf)
• 10 weekly videos coaching you on public speaking

Who Made Get Applause Now

Get Applause Now is a collaboration between Andrew Rondeau and Darren LaCroix. They join forces to bring you this all inclusive public speaking program.

Andrew has spent the last 25 years as a Manager / Leader, and has worked and managed in numerous large companies and different types of business including Manufacturing, Retail, IT and Financial, managing teams from 10 individuals to 1000!

Darren LaCroix is the 2001 world champion of public speaking. He achieved this title by out speaking 25,000 professional speakers from 14 countries. He now spends his time public speaking, doing stand up, and coaching people in public speaking. The great thing is that Darren was not always a charismatic guy that owned the stage. He once was very timid, disorganized to the point that he would mess up reading flash cards on stage, and hardly got any laughs except when they were in leu of his mess ups.

I think it’s amazing that he was able to pull himself back on stage after being so bad. I think it’s also very good for us that he had to learn the hard way, because he’s able to be a great coach due to his systematic way of teaching himself.

Purchase Get Applause Now

How To Write A Winning Speech

This is a bit of a teaser of what this audio file has to offer. There’s much more useful information within. I really liked how the information is presented. It’s very easy to understand, and welcoming as it is in the form of a dialogue between two world champions of public speaking. They both share their special formulas for how to best accomplish the items I’ve outlined below. This is by far not all that is included, but meant to be a taste before you go on a buy the full version for yourself.

1. How to create a main message — a premise that the rest of our speech will be based on.
2. The most important part of a presentation — the thought process of the listener.
3. Organizing your speech
4. Tie your entire speech together
5. Organizing how you’ll use stage space in your speech
6. Winning speech formulas from 2 world champs
7. Formula for how to focus between yourself and listeners
8. How to open a speech and keep the audience captivated
9. Formulas for getting a laugh from your audience
10. Creating vivid images for your audience
11. The proper ways to get feedback on your speech
12. Defining the “cherry tree” effect
13. and much more!

Humor 101

I’m really excited about the humor mp3. I have a bit of a dry sense of humor, partly because I assume that people will understand the back story, or make the link to what I mean (or maybe I’m just too brilliant for my own good?) This mp3 helps me to set up situations better, and deliver more clearly, so that at the end of the day I’m not the only one laughing.

1. Coming up with original humor
2. Observational/Situational humor
3. Story files for humor
4. How to set up an audience
5. How to build expectation
6. The rule of 3
7. Expectations versus Exaggerations
8. Using tragedies for humor
9. and much more!

Free to Fee

1. How to Inventory your assets and liabilities
2. Speaking for free to generate sales leads
3. Finding a fund to sponsor your speaking
4. Using interviews to leverage yourself
5. Creating a one-sheet of talents
6. Finding the right audience
7. Joining party planning groups
8. The books and websites that will help you convert
9. and much more!

Purchase Get Applause Now

Here’s another video of Darren LaCroix speaking about the
number one thing that helped him get to the top.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Bonuses

I know Andrew, he is a good friend of mine. Last week he launched this new fantastic product, Get Applause Now! with a fantastic offer, which was sold out after only 2 days.

But…I have twisted Andrew’s arm to make you a very special offer for the next 72 hours only.

For the next 72 hours only, when you purchase Get Applause Now!, Andrew will personally send you the link for you to have private access to all the extra bonuses for no added cost.

So simply go to this link order the basic course and get all the extra 5 bonuses free…but only if you order within the next 72 hours.

And The Bonuses Are…

• Body Language Magic. An excellent ebook that will not only teach you to read other people’s body language, but how to improve what your own body says about you.
• Powerful Ways to Sharpen Your Memory. This ebook is full of tips and tricks on how to have a better memory.
• Unleash the Creative You. Creativity is one of the fundamental principles of success, and with this ebook you’ll learn how to unleash some of the creativity that’s naturally within you.
• Improve Public Speaking (Subliminal NLP). This audio system allows you to improve your public speaking skills by using affirmations, calming music, and binaural beats for a trifecta of improvement.

Parting Words

Get Applause Now is a great self-study system, there’s no doubt about that. It’s all inclusive, and can either be used all my itself, or in conjunction with other speaking systems. It’s true that nothing beats experience, especially when it comes to public speaking, but I say why reinvent the wheel.

You’ll still have to practice in front of people, that’s for sure, but this will drastically cut your learning curve as well as give you the need to know info on public speaking that would take you ages to gather on your own.The best part is that it’s available for instant download and there’s a 100% -60 day- money back guarantee if you aren’t satisfied (you can’t go wrong with that offer).

Purchase Get Applause Now

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

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After the successful launch of Get Applause Now I have been authorized to release the free ebook The Simple Steps To Deliver A Dazzling Presentation.

This powerful ebook serves as a taste of what you’ll find when you purchase the whole Get Applause Now system.

You might be wondering what Get Applause Now actually is. Get Applause Now is the definitive guide to public speaking by the world’s number 1 public speaker.

How can you determine whose number one? Isn’t that a matter of opinion? It is a matter of opinion, but you can still determine it by holding a contest in which 25,000 contestants from 14 countries compete for the title of the world’s number 1 public speaker.

Darren LaCroix: World Champion of Public Speaking

Getting there was no walk in the park either. Darren started out as pretty much the WORST public speaker who totally sucked. He admits that it’s amazing he even came back after his first time up on stage. Actually, there’s some video proof of just how bad Darren used to be.

Click here to view the embedded video.

As you can see Darren LaCroix went from somewhat of a public speaking dud to a person that has total command over his audience and stage. If you think public speaking skills are just for heads of company’s delivering hugely populated keynote speeches you’re wrong. What the free ebook The Simple Steps To Deliver A Dazzling Presentation will be able to do is identify many areas of work and life where your public speaking skills are essential.

Life Is Sales aka Public Speaking

Public speaking is part of daily life for just about all of us. I’ll foreshadow this by saying that all of life is about sales, because we’re always trying to sell ourselves to other minds in terms of ideas, products, and services. These sales are only possible through the utilization of language, and public speaking training insures a deeper comprehension and mastery of persuasive language.

Previously on this site I’ve written about Toastmaster International public speaking organization. A self study course will not replace a course like Toastmasters where you get the help and support of real people. Toastmasters allows you to obtain a mentor from within your club, and also has a systematic way to improve your skills greatly.

If you don’t have time to find a course, and make a commitment to drive to meetings and competitions on regular intervals, or if you want to improve your skills before testing them out in public, I would recommend investing in Get Applause Now. Get Applause Now will allow you to study at home, at work, or during your commute, and give you the practical tips that work without the fluff.

Don’t hesitate in downloading your free copy of The Simple Steps To Deliver A Dazzling Presentation. This free pdf will give you some great ideas about public speaking such as:

• Help You Create An Action Plan
• How To Store Captivating Stories
• How To Ask The Right Questions
• How To Structure Your Content
• How To Deliver Your Content
• How To Speak Passionately

Like I said, these things are available for free in the pdf below, so hit the big download button (or click this link).

Get Applause Now

Alternatively, you can go ahead and download the Get Applause Now (explanation page) course directly. Remember, it’s offered with a 100% money back guarantee, so you have nothing to lose by taking a look at this great program — and you’ll have everything to gain.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

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It seems that we are always searching for what is sensible, logical, and politically correct. The older we become, the more such formalities encompass our thoughts and, surely, become us—our identities and traits are unshakable, arguably as they were, have been, and always will be.

Perhaps that is why children are often advised by their elder counterparts to discontinue their illogical, irrelevant pursuits through the utmost peeks of their imagination, in favor of what we believe is “realistic”. Children are silenced, their questions ignored, and their brilliance shunned, for truly they are living in the real world and they are yet unaware of this.

My parents had come home to me and told me about their friends’ undisciplined children. “They kept asking all of these unwarranted questions! The parents didn’t even stop them!”, and yet they did not fail to mention how smart they thought the children were, how observant, how expressive. Though they were not disciplined in the conventional sense, their unmitigated ability to speak and to ask had manifested the most profound capabilities in the realm of self expression. For when children are hushed, they limit their questions to necessities. They reject abstractions to please us, but what they are completely unaware of is that so many of us are hitting the snooze button every morning, hoping to avoid the kind of pathetic reality that we are forcing on them!

But this approach is condemnation. What is it with us and our desire to complicate the world? Why is it that fun is equivalent to unproductive and productive consists of what is un-fun?

And haven’t we all been there? Haven’t we felt so alive drawing, singing, dancing, acting, and listening to some half witted grownup telling us that we must stick to those ways of the world that they think they know so well?

So why are children so happy and grownups so miserable? Surely they do not have to pay the bills, watch what they eat, and be independent, but when was the last time YOU looked out the window and just found the deepest pleasure in seeing a squirrel, fluffy and nimble, or knelt down to pick a flower in the springtime. When we find ourselves so concerned with everything else, we forget that once these were the phenomena of our waking days. Why should we be the arbiters of their desensitization when so much what they employ can help us so greatly?

“Grown-ups can never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to have to explain things to them always and forever” ~ Antoine de Saint Exupéry (The Little Prince)

So what is it that we can learn from children? To name a few things:

1. They are happy to get up in the morning

I have a question for you. When was the last time you stayed up and watched the sun rise? Last summer I remember sitting with my two best friends, watching the sun rise, and feeling so alive. It is a brand new day and a brand new you. Who knows what the day may bring? Don’t miss out on all of the amazing opportunities before you, and take them with gratitude.

2. They do not want to go to sleep at night

Just like the morning, the night has its wonderful mysteries and romantic stories. Whether you spend some time with your family, take a bubble bath, or make love to your spouse, do not go straight to sleep all the time.

3. They play games!

Yes, they love to pretend, and somehow, it always works for them. They live a new life every day, and that life is what they choose to make of it. We can think of life as anything, there is no ultimate truth. When was the last time you played hide and seek without getting frustrated? I did today with my phone! Make little mishaps into games!

4. They know that they don’t know everything…they always ask questions

Stop being Mr. Knowitall. You don’t.

5. They take pleasure in the little things.

I think that at one point we stop thinking of getting treats as exciting ventures. Why? Probably because everything, including ice cream is so accessible. Make it a point to limit such commodities in order to really feel their value. Don’t eat your favorite unhealthy food for a week and then go get it. It will be so great!

6. They appreciate the big things that we seem to ignore.

The seasons, for instance. Could you imagine how amazing it is when a child sees snow for the first time? And the next? And children long for the glistening snow to make angels, the sparkling rain in which they play, the sunny days that they can spend outside in the park. Don’t ignore the child within, and stare in amazement the next time you encounter one of nature’s pleasures.

And remember, adults are just big children.

If you like this article, please give it a thumbs up on StumbleUpon.

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I guess you could say it’s taken me a bit longer than I expected to become a member, but now that I’m in I’ve noticed a huge difference immediately. Before joining I used to say ‘I am afraid of Public Speaking’, and when I would go up in front of an audience I would feel my nerves and it would bother me. As soon as I joined something inside me clicked that says ‘No, I am not afraid…’ but I still feel my nerves. Only now I think of the nerves as a natural response of my body, and move forward without letting it hinder or paralyze me.

The Mission of Toastmasters International:

Toastmasters International is the leading movement devoted to making effective oral communication a worldwide reality.

Through its member clubs, Toastmasters International helps men and women learn the arts of speaking, listening and thinking – vital skills that promote self-actualization, enhance leadership potential, foster human understanding and contribute to the betterment of mankind.

It is basic to this mission that Toastmasters International continually expand its worldwide network of member clubs, thereby offering ever-greater numbers of people the opportunity to benefit from its programs.

I would say that not only is this mission statement ambitious, but it’s also well on it’s way to be realized.

Competent Communicator Manual

With entry into Toastmasters one is handed (or rather mailed) their very own manual for progressing from nothing to a competent communicator. It consists of 10 lessons, each one building upon the next.

1. The Ice Breaker.
2. Organize Your Speech.
3. Get the the Point.
4. How to Say It.
5. Your Body Speaks.
6. Vocal Variety.
7. Research Your Topic.
8. Get Comfortable with Visual Aids.
9. Persuade with Power.
10. Inspire Your Audience.

Upon completion of all 10 lessons you are able to choose your directions and pick up a number of advanced booklets. The interesting part about the booklets is that they come with instructions on how to evaluate the speaker. By following these instructions, anyone can be a good asset in helping you improve, even if they aren’t a master speaker themselves.

So far so good. I will keep you guys posted on my experienced with Toastmasters. If you are already a member of Toastmasters, please share the impact that toastmasters has had on your life, career, and self-esteem.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

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Not on purpose of course!

But because the world is full of a wide range of people with different cultural, economic and educational backgrounds, you’re bound to offend someone along the line because you said something or made a decision that didn’t sit well with them. Has that ever happened, despite good intentions?

Think about this for a minute. There’s talk going around in the blogsphere that if you are always playing on the safe side, afraid to offend anyone or concerned about potential backlash, then in my humble opinion, you’re playing it too safe.

Today I want to challenge myself (and you) to have the courage to step out and feel the freedom of saying what you want to say without worrying about how others might react.
This complements an article I once wrote at my blog entitled “What Others Think of You is None of Your Business!”

I know that having the courage to speak up is harder said then done because I would venture to say most of us want to be liked and respected. We don’t want others hating us for the choices we’ve made.

If there’s anything I’ve learned from my life, we’d never get anything done if we allowed ourselves to be paralyzed with indecision for fear of offending someone with something we did or said.

A case in point – about a week ago, I finally made the decision to move my Adversity University blog from Blogger.com to WordPress. For days I combed through a ton of different themes, wondering which one of them would make a good fit. On a couple of occasions, I caught myself thinking, “I wonder if they’ll like it.” As soon as I thought that, I found my stomach tighten in fear.

Here are 3 tips I used to help myself through the selection process:

1. Ask yourself – Am I truly coming from the heart with a win-win situation? I wanted the ability to expand Adversity University so that readers would have an opportunity to browse through the blog for older articles with ease. I also wanted to write about other topics outside adversity.Win-win? Yes!

2. Ask yourself – Do you think that you are inherently a good person from the deepest part of your soul? Only you know the truth to that answer.

3. Examine your emotions/feelings when making a decision that will affect others. Are you excited or do you feel terrible? If you answered each of the three tips favorably, then what does it matter how others perceive you? Their reaction is not your responsibility. The way they reacted was their choice, not yours.

For instance, after I moved to the new location, I had asked some people who were subscribers at the old location if they had signed up at the new blog. One man got offended and felt I was pushing him!

When I wrote to this particular subscriber, I felt that there was nothing wrong with asking if he signed up or not. I knew my intentions were good and that I was coming from my heart. Perhaps he reacted this way because of his inner beliefs that I was not aware of. We don’t know what set of beliefs others are operating on. My words “did you sign up” triggered an emotional reaction that had nothing to do with me.

What could I do?

I believe those whose energy and level of understanding are in alignment with yours, will be attracted to you. If they are already with you, they’ll stay. The rest will fade away easily and effortlessly.

Stephen J. Hopson is a former award-winning Wall Street stockbroker turned motivational speaker, author and the first deaf pilot in the world (yes, you read that right) to earn an instrument rating in 2006. This is a rating that allows him to fly as pilot in command through “bad” weather where radio use is actually required (how?? – email him at stephen(at)sjhopson(dot) and he’ll tell you!). He just moved his ” Adversity University” blog from Blogger to WordPress at www.adversityuniversityblog.com If you’d like to see him in action as a speaker, you could visit his professional speaking website at www.sjhopson.com.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

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Bringing the world together. Some would say it’s an admirable, yet foolish ideal. Why would we bother to even try? What are the benefits vs. risks of coming together with one voice?

Blog Action Day

What would happen if every blog published posts discussing the same issue, on the same day?
One issue. One day. Thousands of voices.

From one person, to thousands of bloggers, to millions of people; a viral message, a calling to change the world, would spread to the furthest corners of the globe. If you had one message, that you can get the world to hear, what would it be? This year, our message is the environment.

On October 15th, bloggers around the web will unite to put a single important issue on everyone’s mind – the environment. Every blogger will post about the environment in their own way and relating to their own topic. Our aim is to get everyone talking towards a better future.

Blog Action Day is about MASS participation. That means we need you! Here are 3 ways to participate:

• Post on your blog relating to the environment on Blog Action Day
• Donate your day’s earnings to an environmental charity
• Promote Blog Action Day around the web

Why the environment? Why not? Clearly the earth is becoming more and more polluted each year. Not only due to industry, but due to personal and automotive pollution. Together, as one, we are more than capable of finding solutions. Divided, we will be conquered. I don’t know, but the solution seems obvious to me; let’s work together.

Bringing the world together. Some would say it’s a foolish ideal. What would you say?

Update: Challenge me. Is there any specific environmental issue you would like me to write about?

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

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The quality of what you produce is directly related to the quality of the thoughts you allow into your mind.

Now I’m sorry to do this, but I’m only doing it to make a point.

I took a screen shot of a local news website tonight – many nights it’s much worse:

Why do I need to know this stuff? So I can stand in the cul-de-sac discussing murder with my neighbors? What is the reason to allow this negativity into my mind? None of these things are actionable, so they serve no purpose other than to anger, shock, or depress me. News gives people a distorted negative world view.

No wonder the traditional media is losing its market share. Why does news need to be violent and negative? Why not a PNN, a positive news network? Please, one of you ambitious entrepreneurs in this audience… start one!

For every one of these violent tragedies, there are a hundred stories about a people creating value and joy in other people’s lives.

Those are the stories I want to read. I want to read about people that overcame seemingly insurmountable odds to do tremendous things. I want to read about the guy who decided he wanted to golf every day, and made a business out of it. I want to hear about the woman who faced down the government regulators and opened a holistic wellness center. I want to hear about bloggers like you that are changing the world.

I don’t believe in avoiding everything that is negative, but if you can’t change something, it is better not to think about it.

For example, if you look in the mirror and see yourself as overweight, you could think about being thinner, imagine what it would feel like to be thinner, and then actively make a plan to exercise and eat healthy. You have the power to change you. If someone across the street is sick and needs you to watch their children, you can help. But watching negative news stories on television filling your mind with negative events which you have no power to change is dangerous and can lead to a sense of powerlessness and depression. Also the sensational feelings of fear these stories produce becomes addictive.

I was addicted to cable news for over ten years. I gave up news in September of 2006, when I began blogging. Occasionally I slip back (mostly reading Reditt or Stumble Upon), but mostly I learn about big news events through conversations with other people.

Scaling back consumption of news resulted in these positive things:

• More time listening to my kids
• More time listening to my wife
• Positive conversations
• Optimistic outlook
• More time to communicate with you
• Building a blog
• Building a deck
• Reading
• Writing
• Forming relationships
• Cleaning up my immediate environment – clearing the buckthorn from my property, which is an invasive non-indigenous plant

These are just a few of the results of giving up news. I don’t miss the news. It added nothing to my life or the lives of those around me.

I challenge you to give up the news for 30 days and then link back here telling us about the results. If it doesn’t create positive results, you can always go back to it if you wish, but I doubt you will.

By Guest Blogger Steve Olson – For People Pursuing Freedom

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No matter how hard you try in life, you are eventually going to come up against someone who disagrees with your point of view.

I know, I know – it’s hard to believe that anyone could possibly disagree with your infinite wisdom, but trust me, it will happen.

It is how you deal with that opposition, however, that will determine whether or not the outcome of that disagreement causes negativity in your life and in the lives of people around you.

Choice #1: Stand Your Ground

This is the “default” reaction for most people. After all, if you didn’t believe in your point of view, you would have never voiced it to begin with, right?

Or, even if you spoke out of turn and said something that you shouldn’t have, now your pride is on the line, and no one wants to look like an idiot by publicly removing their foot from their mouth.

Advantages: The biggest benefit to standing your ground is that you get to be right all the time. Go, you! Don’t forget to pick up your prize for being an insufferable know it all on the way out the door…

Disadvantages: Everyone involved in any given disagreement has just as strong of an opinion as you do. If you firmly refuse to concede that you might have been wrong or unclear in your delivery, then you will alienate people one at a time until the only friends you have left are also insufferable know it all’s…

Choice #2: Concede Defeat

Depending on who you ask, this is either the coward’s way out, or the wise man’s way out. However, in either case, you have to say those magical words that no one likes to say, but everyone loves to hear:

“I’m sorry. You were right and I was wrong.”

Ouch! That hurts just reading it, doesn’t it? However, being willing to take that pie in the face does have its benefits.

Advantages: You will likely make friends much more quickly than the aforementioned insufferable know it all. After all, everyone likes to hang around with people who continually tell them how right they are.

Disadvantages: You run the risk of losing any real credibility by continually admitting that you are wrong. If you keep saying or doing things, but then quickly admitting that you shouldn’t have said or done them, people will stop paying attention when you say or do anything. Except, of course, for the friends that you gain by continually telling them that they are right!

Choice #3: Compromise

Ah yes, the big “C” word that has the power to produce almost magical results in all manner of interpersonal relationships. Can it be applied to disagreements, however? After all, doesn’t one person always have to be “right” so the other person can be “wrong”?

Well, first of all, even using the stark concepts of right and wrong is…uh…wrong to begin with. Life is always about the point of view of the observer. The way that someone else sees any given situation is all but irrelevant compared to the observer’s point of view.

So, the key to a proper compromise that will keep the peace without turning you into a know it all or a “yes man” is to simply agree to respect the other person’s opinion.

I know, right? You were waiting for some grand Freudian revelation about how to magically manifest success in the face of adversity, and I come up with nothing more meaty than respecting someone’s opinion??

Well, the bottom line is that respect is all most people are after. Sure, everyone likes to be “right” and everyone likes to be considered an authority on any given topic. However, at the core of our being, people simply want to be respected.

If someone tells me something is black when I know it to be white, I’ll say that it must look black from where they are standing, and thank them very much for offering that different point of view.

If someone tells me something is cold when I know it to be hot, I’ll ask them how I can heat it up or cool it down so that they can get the most out of whatever it is that we are talking about.

If someone tells me that I’m an idiot when I know that I’m not, I’ll thank them for their point of view and then go ahead and do what I was going to do anyway. After all, whatever I’m about to do will either turn out okay, or I’ll prove that person right. Either way, I still get to do what I originally wanted to do anyway.

Bottom line to all of this?

I don’t personally think that opposition really “exists” in the world. Much like the vaunted emotional reaction “stress,” opposition is nothing more than our own reaction to any given set of circumstances.

Since we are the only person who can control our reaction, that pretty much puts us in the driver’s seat during every situation doesn’t it?

Life is just cool like that!

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Sincerity (Week 7 of 12)

Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly. During week 2 I covered Silence. During that week I concentrated on avoiding gossip and only speaking of things that were useful to myself or others. Sincerity takes on a bit of a different twist.

There were some people in my life that I looked down upon. I focused on the negative aspect of their character and let those factors define who they were. There really isn’t anything innocent or just about the way I was approaching these situations. I figured that I just had to “put up” with them and that was enough. Just being fake, forcing a conversation, all for the sake of someone else.

There were a couple of specific people that I had judged. (No names). one was seeing a guy who was in a relationship with another person for several years. I saw this as her being a home wrecker and infiltrating someone else’s territory and happiness. The way I saw it was that she was a person of low integrity and thus a bad person to be around. I mean god forbid it rubbed off, right?

The other person was a bit promiscuous, with a boyfriend and some people on the side. Always making errors in judgment when under the influence of alcohol. I looked at this person as someone who does not value themselves, and looked down on them. I did not want them to be in my reference group, and it showed through.

Who am I to judge? What was REALLY going on? The truth is this. In both of them I saw parts of myself, the way I used to be, that completely disgusted me. As a teenager, in my first real relationship I was the epitome of a bad boyfriend. I was abusive, verbally, physically, and emotionally. I cheated… with someone that HAD a boyfriend. It cost me so much in time, tears, and hurting other people. I HATED what I had done. Hated myself for it. I declared these traits my enemy. So, when I saw these traits in these girls, I rejected them. In reality, I was rejecting a piece of my past.

I’ve changed. I’m no longer abusive. Never cheat. I’m still too aggressive at times. Ever improving. Not yet perfect; meaning not yet where I want to be. I can now FORGIVE myself for these mistakes. I can now undeclare enemy on these traits.

Who am I to judge if someone finds love in a person that is in a relationship? There is nothing wrong with that. There is no correct way of dealing with the emotions of love, you just sort of let it happen. I wish I took the time to REALLY get to know this person, for who she REALLY is. I’m sure she’s really amazing, funny, spontaneous and crazy (in a good way).

Who am I to judge if someone makes mistakes? If they get drunk sometimes, do some things that they regret? Oh what, I haven’t done that? Oh, I have. I understand this person, I feel their pain, it hurts me too. Why can’t things just be perfect? I know. I wish I got to know this person, the real her. Sarcastic, hilarious, smart, motivated… brutally honest.

Sincerity. Think INNOCENTLY and JUSTLY. What a great lesson to learn in life.

Next time, from now on, before I make a judgment, before I speak, I will consider why I feel a certain way about a person. Is it because I see myself in them? Next time, consider that the person isn’t a nuisance, isn’t an annoyance, but really a wonderful person, that has their own unique history and the wonderful opportunity to grow.

Don’t put up with them, instead get to know them, get to love them. Let them grow without judging. Just love them. Hope that they’ll understand sincerity, and won’t judge you. You, the person reading this right now, that also makes mistakes you would like to be forgiven, or not judged for. Extend that to another human being.

Becoming Outstanding Series

• How To Become An Outstanding Person In Twelve Weeks

• Week 01 – Temperance

• Week 02 – Silence

• Week 03 – Order

• Week 04 – Resolution

• Week 05 – Frugality

• Week 06 – Industry

• Week 07 – Sincerity

• Week 08 – Justice

• Week 09 – Moderation

• Week 10 – Cleanliness

• Week 11 – Tranquility

• Week 12 – Chastity

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The article I wrote was titled Ten Secrets to Creating a Magnetic Blog. I’ll give you the break down, but I want you to go read the actual article over there – and make sure you comment. Wendy told me I get $1 for every comment left to my guest post (just kidding!).

This list is based on what I get from my favorite blogs and these are the reasons they keep me coming back. You may have your own reasons – if you’d like to share them please go over to the article at Wendy’s blog.

Comments will be closed for this post.

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Before you continue, ask yourself:

1. Is ignorance bliss or is truth the way to salvation?
2. Can you handle the truth?

Find out how to pick out a liar.

1. Body Cues. The key here is to look for deviations from the norm. Certain common cues to look out for are:

• Facing their body away from you or sideways
• Placing an object between the two of you
• Keeping arms close (i.e. crossed) to feel more secure
• Sweat forming around neck
• Touching face, neck, ears, nose and mouth
• Heart rate increases, causing blood to be withheld from hands, making them pale
• Hiding the palms of hands from your view (i.e. put in pockets)

2. Other Cues .

• A person uses sarcasm or humor to avoid the issue
• A good article about Visual Cues that I won’t recite.
• Upon changing the topic the guilty person will follow conversation while the innocent will revert back to get to the bottom of the accusations.

3. Intuition. The average person is not capable of consciously recognizing quick facial expressions and non-chalant body cues. If it was so easy than I wouldn’t bother writing this article because it would have already been absolete. Tests have been done by filming peoples reactions and using slow motion to expose these split second micro expressions. Do not be completely discouraged, you still have a great tool in your arsenal. Your mind will be able to pick up these visual/emotional cues subconsciously and bring them forth via a flash of intuition. Trust your gut for these situations.

4. Comfort test. This step is done before any accusations. You take the situation that you want to find truth about, and you present it to the liar in question as a story that happened to someone else. You say, “you know, my friend had this problem, the person she was dating lied to her about so and so situation and I think it’s a shame – I’m glad we don’t have such issues.”

This is where you pay attention, carefully. You watch for the body cues that I’ve mentioned and you listen to your intuition. Are they feeling uncomfortable about the topic? Are they over exagerrating in saying how awful that is? Are they exhibiting their normal nervous signals? Are they listening really quitely and not giving any feedback?

Use your best judgement, but do not jump to conclusions.

5. Accuse them. Before you go around accusing people, it is wise to have a good reason, or some evidence. Do not accuse someone by laying all your cards on the table and saying, so and so told me something. You save the goods for later.

The best way to accuse someone, after you had performed the comfort test, is directly. Look them in the eye and say something to the tone of:

1. Did you cheat on me?
2. Do you have something you want to come clean to me about?
3. I’m missing something, did you take it?

Watch the person here. Are they trying really hard to keep eye contact and are staring at you. Are they looking away too much? Anything that deviates from that persons “normal” behavior should be a red flag. This does require knowing the persons “normal” behavior.

There are obviously many situations that someone could be lieing about. Like I said, you should be careful in your approach to make sure you do not offend an innocent person and hurt your relationship with them.

On the other hand, if you know something, and you are just trying to get them to admit it, make sure you know what your intention is before you pursue this topic. Are you going to break up with your partner? Fire an employee? Discipline a child? Lose a friend? Consider if the topic is small enough that you could just let it go and not break ties, or if you are going to be teaching them a lesson. Consider, if your facts are really rock solid, to just break off ties without giving them closure.

A couple of references that I found useful.

• 5 Signs for Detecting a Liar by Tristan Loo
• How to Detect Lies by blifaloo.com

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This site deals with personal development and takes into account the experiences of successful people of the past and present; helping you to achieve the future that you desire.

One such successful person presents himself as a self proclaimed “dot com mogul” and I do not oppose him in his claims as he is truly a great example of successful viral marketing.

In this day and age, people are so saturated with advertisements that anything that resembles a marketing gimmick is usually taken as an obstruction of privacy and deemed as a pestilence. Today I tell you the secret of marketing success, and present you with a great example of such a person.

It’s easy to see why certain people are naturally successful, when you meet them in person. They’re tall, handsome and blind you with their charisma. You know that someone is vibrating on all the right frequencies and resonating with success when you can’t even see them, yet you can feel their charisma ooze out and touch you through their writing.

The person I speak of does not have any extraordinary talents and his secret isn’t really much of a secret; its his undeniably service to his readers. While at first glance you may see him as a door to door salesman, rambling on about reviews, technology and blogging, it won’t take you any further than a single post to see that he is much more. That is a challenge.

His carefree demeanor allows him to emit a high level of stress relief, while he sweeps us away from our daily routines and entertains us. All the content is fresh due to his knack for capturing the latest buzz, but its his presentation that keeps you curious and is what keeps you coming back on a daily basis.

You can go to his site, or not, it doesn’t matter to me. The point that I want you to walk away with is that when you are truly passionate about someone or something than you’ll love waking up and will greet each day as the precious gift that it is. That is the magnetic force that attracts people to you. However, if you are curious about this example of viral marketing, that has spread even to me, then you may visit him at John Chow dot com.

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A typical example of a personal development addict

You have a library full of books, an ipod full of audio CDs and you’ve been to a few seminars, but you still feel empty inside. You try positive self talk and almost convince yourself that you are capable of living the life of your dreams and spend hours pursuing your studies of personal development.

You won’t give up your search for enlightenment and strive to gather that one piece of information or advice that will make you feel whole, allow you to live the life you deserve or make you quit smoking, lose weight, be richer, closer to your family or just be you happy.

Maybe your life is wonderful but you got this itch to make just one area of your life better; you just don’t know how. You evaluate yourself and are certain that you are an achiever trying to get from a nine to a ten and you just have one loose end to tie.

You have to be honest with yourself

Whether your eating habits have made you fat and you’re heading for a heart attack or your pack a day smoking habit is taking you rapidly towards lung cancer with a detour at emphysema, you have to admit to yourself that you have this imperfection.

These problems aren’t like your friends and family; they won’t go away if you ignore them. Why is your marriage heading for a divorce and your children hate you? Is it because you are a workaholic and you never make time for them? Or is it because you are an alcoholic and your behavior is intolerable? Whatever the reason is, you know it, so be honest with yourself.

Stop making excuses and feel the pain

Like I said, you don’t need a psychiatrist or anybody else to tell you what’s bothering you. You know the reason, but you choose to avoid it or sugar coat it.

Instead of admitting to yourself that you over eat and don’t exercise you blame society for your eating habits and justify that you don’t have time to eat and you aren’t even THAT fat. You blame your family or your job for causing you stress, so you smoke or drink, just so you can feel normal. You get accustomed to your “situation”, which erradicates the burning desire to change.

The sooner you stop consuming the illusionary pain killer you will shock your body with the hunger, stress, and pain. The shock will force your body to find an alternative solution to your emptiness. Expect this process to be excruciatingly uncomfortable to undertake and for the results to propel you to a greater level of love, life, and consciousness.

Stop constantly seeking advice and approval

That’s why you’re here isn’t it? You thought you could find that one piece of advice that will explain what is wrong with you so that you can make a change. Here’s a shocker; there isn’t anything wrong with you.

Believe it or not, every person is born perfect and stays perfect until they die. Life is just filled with circumstances that give people unique outlooks which cause them to take certain actions and fit somewhere around the social norm.

When you are constantly seeking to make yourself perfect you are looking outwards for perfection. You should be seeking inwards to find your own perfection and bring it out, instead of being addicted to personal development and other charging you up to make you feel good.

Alter your paradigm

Your paradigm is the lens through which you see the world. You can see the world as good vs evil; maybe you prefer abundant vs. scarce. Whatever your outlook, just realize that you own it and have the power to change it. It’s the difference between seeing yourself as okay to be overweight, in an abusive relationship, or as a addict and seeing yourself as the type of person that would never succumb to these things.

Stop the pattern

You took the first step and realized there is still hope for you. You changed your paradigm and wonder what’s next? You need to stop the pattern that you have been habituated to. If you truly did change your paradigm than your current situation is bringing you a lot of pain that you do not want to live with. Don’t get rid of that pain, let it fuel you and be your changing force.

Take massive action

You didn’t just learn to communicate and you haven’t been living in a cave, so you’ve heard most of this before. Anything you ever hear and read again will be completely USELESS to you unless you ACT NOW.

From this point forward, if you don’t hear from me again and forget my name, just remember one thing, stop being addicted to seeking personal development and start doing personal development.

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Let me begin by telling you what I consider to be outstanding. It is not a measure of success, wealth or popularity among your peers. Outstanding is a measure of a person’s character. Character can be both good and bad, but everyone knows just how to achieve the former so we will explore the latter in more detail.

Virtue as defined by Wikipedia:

Virtue is moral excellence of a person. A virtue is a character trait valued as being good. It is “habitual excellence”. It is something practiced at all times. The virtue of perseverance is needed for all and any virtue since it is a habit of character and must be used continuously in order for any person to maintain oneself in virtue.

Now we are clear that virtue is the core of your personal development to become an outstanding person and provides the foundation for your success. Benjamin Franklin created an excellent easy to follow system for achieving the moral standard that you set for yourself. But first, here are his twelve virtues.

Benjamin Franklin’s Twelve Virtues

1. Temperance . Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2. Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3. Order. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4. Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
5. Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
6. Industry. Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. Justice. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. Moderation. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
11. Tranquility. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
12. Chastity. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.

Benjamin Franklin’s system was based on the principle of replacing old-bad habits with new-good habits. The key word being habits. When motivation and desire fade away or take a leave of absence our habits automate us in a preprogrammed direction. The question is are you programmed for success or failure? Allow me to steer you in the right direction.

This is my excel replica of Benjamin Franklin’s journal page as per his autobiography, which I previously mentioned in my money management article.

So here’s the system. In your journal mark up twelve pages with one virtue heading each page. Each week you concentrate on following one virtue, while allowing the rest to take their natural course. Record all the times you stray from a virtue, for each virtue, on a daily basis. The idea is that if you can stick to a virtue for one week you will have forged a habit and it will be your virtue to keep. Follow up each consecutive week with a new virtue until you go through the list. If at the end you feel a little shaky about having committed all these virtues to habit than repeat the entire list, it’s worth it.

Remember, the only way to get any use out of this guide is if you start, now.This post is the beginning of a series of self improvement exercises. Below is a list that I will be updating weekly until the self improvement exercises are complete. You can think of it as gaining domestic discipline and branching out into the world.

Becoming Outstanding Series

• How To Become An Outstanding Person In Twelve Weeks

• Week 01 – Temperance

• Week 02 – Silence

• Week 03 – Order

• Week 04 – Resolution

• Week 05 – Frugality

• Week 06 – Industry

• Week 07 – Sincerity

• Week 08 – Justice

• Week 09 – Moderation

• Week 10 – Cleanliness

• Week 11 – Tranquility

• Week 12 – Chastity

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