Throughout this time, this blog has given me the opportunity to meet thousands of wonderful people. Sharing and connecting with others has become one of my favorite hobbies, and I intend to keep doing this indefinitely. I would like to share with you some great opportunities for you to meet like-minded people as well.

Facebook: Personal Development Group

If you’re a Facebook user like the hundreds of millions of other people online, then you’re aware of its tremendous presence, and its power to connect with people from all over the world in an instant. Image having a separate little world within Facebook, where the conversation is all about personal development.

People sharing personal development articles, inspirational videos, favorite quotes, motivational books, mastermind ideas and much much more.

This group is starting to pick up in the double digits, and has earned it’s very first media coverage by Monica Rozenfeld on BustedHalo.

When I share a link, I personally like to talk about how it impacted me, what I got out of it, or what distinctions I made from this information. People comment and add their own point of view. Others just observe, occasionally express interest by ‘liking’ the status updates, and that’s okay too.

Join: Personal Development on Facebook

LinkedIn: Personal Development Group

This personal development group connects users in more of a professional setting, based on the nature and user-base of LinkedIn. This group has over 700 members, and it hosts a large number of discussions daily.

I find that most of the people in this group are financially invested in personal development. Many of them share their own articles, in hopes of attracting people to their products or services, including books, informational products, and coaching.

Join: Personal Development on LinkedIn

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If you love to learn, share, and engage with great company, then join these groups today. We look forward to getting to know you better.

Photo by linhngan

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” ~Mark Twain

Now that the second year is behind me I get about a minute to breathe as I transition into clinic and start studying for the board exam.

My idea of using that minute is spending time with good friends, having laughs, eating really healthy food, learning, and meeting interesting people.

This past Thursday I decided to go out and meet two more interesting people, Tim Ferris and Ramit Sethi, who were doing a ‘Meet the Authors’ event at the SOHO Apple Store in NYC. They’re both really smart guys, produced very useful best-selling books, are entrepreneurial as hell, and really pride themselves on putting out high quality value.

For me going to the speech wasn’t about capturing every single word that was said. Although, Jim Rohn would say ‘bring a journal, and get all the stuff!’ I feel pretty comfortable with what I already learned from Tim’s book, so what I really wanted was to get one great piece of information, and just meet the boys face to face.

On Protein

So the gem that I took away was about protein consumption. I’ve had success following Tim’s protocol in the 4 hour body, as it pertains to weight-loss, while slighting modifying it to be more primal. Tim encourages the consumption of 30g of protein within 30 minutes of waking up.

This is the same advice I passed on to a few friends as well. However, when they began protein consumption, their weight-loss slowed down, they became discouraged, and stopped the protein intake.

Due to a great question from an audience member, Tim put this problem in very simple terms. Most people are walking around being protein deficient. When they start protein consumption, their muscles finally get enough, and they start to grow. So while they’re losing weight, they’re gaining muscle, their body composition is changing, but their weight is not going down all that quickly.

This is why in my current 21 day challenge I’m running for myself, I’m only weighing myself when I start and on the last day, same with body fat, while keeping track of my inch measurements weekly.

On Guilt

When I spoke to Ramit, I told him that I’ll be coming out of school with about 400k in loans. My 4 year dental school program costs 65k a year. Then there’s the living expenses. It adds up real quick.

Ramit told me what he tells all his friends. There is such a thing as good debt, and paying for a dental degree definitely fall into that category. Sure, it’s different from car debt, gambling debt, or even mortgage debt.

I agree with Ramit on this. That’s why I took it on!

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To learn more, you can check out Tim Ferriss at FourHourBlog.com and Ramit Sethi at IWillTeachYouToBeRich.com

What do you guys consider to be good debt? Which author that you read would you like to meet?

“Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire.” ~William Butler Yeats

Last night I had the honor of meeting one of my long time heros Mark Sisson. I think of this man every time I eat, literally, and he’s responsible for lightning a fire for me, many of my friends and family, and many of you guys as well.

Since Mark is in town for Book Expo America (BEA), to promote a new cookbook (which I use several times a week – spaghetti squash omelet is heaven!) to go with his brilliant book Primal Blueprint, he decided to meet up with a few locals to chat about Primal health and answer some of our questions.

Thanks to the help of John Durant for organizing the event at Black Box crossfit gym and Mark drawing crowds from as far as Boston and Philadelphia, there were 175 or so people in attendance.

There were several things that really impressed me about Mark:

Walk the Walk

Looking back at pictures from a few years ago, Mark Sisson at age 56, had a six-pack and overall muscle tone. In person the man looks even more chiseled and healthy, and the same could be said about pictures of his wife and kids, who also follow the Primal lifestyle.

While this blog is mostly about my growth experiences, and what I’m trying to do next, or learn now, I’d hardly consider myself more expert in growth than the average person that focuses on this part of their lives.

In fact, during the past year of school, my time management might have been enough to succeed in school, but definitely fell short of allowing any life balance. On a scale of 1-10, my life balance has been a 3. School took precedence over health, most of my relationships, and writing on this site, as I gave 100% to just one area of my life.

With Mark you can really see that he is the epitome of health. I think this is really important. You know the stuff works.

Eloquent Articulation

I’m always impressed with great speakers. Mostly because it’s something I aspire to be better at — and realize how difficult it can be.

Mark Sisson’s talk was titled The Metabolic Paradigm Shift, based on a long time of information brewing in his mind as well as a more recent blog post. What I like is that his speech was captivating, interesting, and informative, without alienating his audience.

Since what Mark focused on is evidence-based science, it would have been easy for him to spew out so much jargon that the average person’s eyes glaze over as they fall into a coma. That’s not what Mark did though. His goal of making this healthy lifestyle as mainstream as possible shows, because he’s able to tell his story in a way that a person with a lower health-literacy can keep up, yet he’ll incorporate scientific terms as an aside to let others that have a higher health-literacy keep engaged as well (take note my medical and dental colleagues!)

It makes sense. Knowing about the SERC1 gene and it’s anti-aging effects, for most people, is less important than knowing the general concept that eating a grain based diet will make you fat. That grain based diets gives you insulin spikes that make you fat, so you have to run more on the treadmill, but then you deplete your glycogen storage and eat more grains to replenish them – but then have to run more – so on and so forth.

Judgement Free

A lot of experts out there are very judgmental:

• If you don’t save money the way they want – you’re a loser.
• If you’re not hitting the gym as hard as they say -  you’re a loser.
• If you haven’t found your motivation to go through with something, yet – you’re a loser.
• If you don’t observe religion as closely as them – you’re a loser.
• If you don’t know as much about politics as them, you’re ignorant, and – you’re a loser.

I disagree with this approach. In many ways, and for most people, it’s counter-productive, and  it speaks so much to said experts insecurity.

During the Q&A session, with a big grin on his face, Mark responded to someone that if they eat grains he’ll still be their friend. To me that was very genuine, touching, and should really be an example for us to learn from and apply to our own relationships with people.

I’m probably one of the most judgmental people that I know. It’s my defense mechanism to avoid being around people that hurt me, disappoint me, or make me feel bad in some way or another. In many ways it works, it keeps me away from those people, but it does come at a price. Sometimes I get carried away, and so my heart is filled with negativity, and that’s really not who I am as a core person.

With Mark, you can tell that you’re in the judgment free zone. It makes you feel comfortable. That’s what a true leader should look like, and someone we can model ourselves after.

At the end Mark quoted The Breakup when Jennifer Aniston said, “I don’t want you to do the dishes, I want you to want to do the dishes.” It’s not about having expectations of someone, it’s not about dropping information on people and expecting them to catch it like a bucket. It is about walking the walk, being able to eloquently articulate your ideas, and without judgment, being able to light a fire in a person that will inspire them to get out there, think for themselves, and change their lives!

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Dennis Charles recently pointed out that “All top performers have a teacher/coach or mentor. The notion of doing things on your own is seen as ludicrous from the perspective of a top performer.” I have to say that I strongly agree with this statement.

If you’re looking for a mentor on health and nutrition, evidence based research that strives to disprove conventional wisdom, as well as a community of great people, I recommend checking out MarksDailyApple.com.

Also as a side note – my second year of dental school has come and gone – and now in just a couple of days I will start seeing patients at NYU Dental School. It’s not only an opportunity to practice dentistry, but to very thoroughly help people. That’s because NYU Dental School has us do a very comprehensive health check, has systems in place to refer patients to get further care, assist patients with smoking cessation (the #1 changeable cause of major diseases), as well as nutritional counseling for those patients that need it. I’m excited!

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

Knowing this, it’s just a matter of really deciding what our values are, and then basing our decisions based on these core values. The quality of our life from day to day, as well as where we end up in a year, five years, or even ten is going to be greatly altered. The satisfaction that we have with our life will also greatly increase if we’re acting from our core values.

The Academic Dean of NYU Dental School, Dr. Andrew Spielman, one of my mentors, suggested a topic for our mentee group to discuss at our next meeting. Think big, think about the reasons, no BS, just total honesty, were the instructions. Knowing my love of personal development and introspection, you can only imagine the glow in my eyes when I heard this question.

There are so many things I hope to accomplish in life, and I’m frequently adding and subtracting from that list as I learn more about myself, what I value, what I respect, and how I envision the design of my life.

At the present time, the most meaningful thing I hope to accomplish for myself is not a thing. Having the right car and house seem rather insignificant to me in the grand scheme of the way I look at life. I’m not saying I won’t have these things in the future, just that they’re not the MOST important.

Being with the person I love, having a loving family and children, and a career I’m totally engaged with are way up there, but still not the MOST important thing… I mean, if I had to pick. They’re a bi-product of the most important thing though; a lovely side effect if you will.

The most important thing I hope to accomplish in life is to be the person that I set out to be. I know that if I am that person, then everything else I desire in my life will be within my reach, and I’ll create the energy, courage, and resources to get the rest. The person that I’m talking about, the one that I want to grow into, is the one I’ve written my mission statement for.

Mission Statement

A mission statement is less about where we were, and more about who we’re becoming, based on where we’re striving to be. It’s a moral backbone that will give us integrity, guide us, and allow us to draw wisdom towards every decision that we make. Here’s mine:

1. I am an outstanding human being in every respect
2. I am honest, kind, loving, loyal and true – to my family, friends and everyone who knows me
3. I am a positive, optimistic, confident, warm, friendly person who is admired and respected by everyone
4. I am an excellent parent, a fine employer and I do my work in an upstanding fashion every time
5. I uplift, encourage and inspire everyone I meet – everywhere I go

This list makes me uncomfortable, because it’s a stretch and a growth from where I am right now. Some days I’m some of these things, some of them I haven’t been able to achieve yet, but all of the things on this list are pointing me into a certain direction. In a way, they color my perceptions of people, places, and things. They skew my decision making mechanism every day. They’re bringing me a step closer to MY most important thing.

I believe it’s very important to earn the greatest things in life. To become the type of person that can acquire them, and handle them, without letting them go sour or slip through our fingers. It’s like people that win a tremendous sum of money, or become overnight celebrities, but then encounter a downward spiral and end up broke and addicted. We hear this all the time, and it’s because they weren’t prepared for it, they did not build themselves up as a person to control such a situation. To me it seems that becoming an outstanding human being is the foundation for the other great things in life.

You have to remember, this is my opinion, and it happens to be right for me. For you, according to your core values, something else might feel right and is totally and equally just as acceptable. What’s the most important thing you hope to accomplish in life? (I promise to respond to all comments ASAP)

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Photo by Alicepopkorn

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

That really takes a toll on a person, but at the same time it’s made me capable of accomplishing things I wouldn’t be able to before. It’s given me tremendous focus, much more patience, and the absolute do-or-die need to become even more efficient.

So one of my adaptation strategies for about a month has been to create a new routine through out my day. As opposed to staying up studying until 4am some nights, and then getting up at 7am for lab, and then taking random naps in the day. This unhealthy trend made me crave too many cups of coffee each day (which I usually had with milk and sugar). All of this led me to gaining a bunch of bodyfat, and walking around like a zombie for weeks on end. Not a bad temporary state to be in considering this is me grinding towards my life goals.

However, I’m trying to see if there’s a healthier way. A way to get even more focus and more efficiency out of my days, keeping my body healthy and regular, increasing my daily energy. This seems like a mirage in a great big desert of what some say is the hardest semester of dental school.

The Routine

For about a month I had been going to sleep at 10pm and waking up at 6am, so that I get 8 hours of sleep. This has been working out great, and it’s not just the fact that it’s 8 hours, but the same 8 hours. There have of course been nights where I’ve stayed up a bit later, but rarely, which leaves me with a good reserve of energy to not get tired throughout the day, as long as I get it right the following night.

In order to make 6am mean something to me, I’ve had to look at all my school schedules. Most of the time I either have lab or lecture at 8am, but if I don’t, I know that no matter what, by 8am I am to be studying (either home or library).

The first 30 minutes. Within 30 minutes of waking up, I’m on a schedule. I know I have to weigh myself, check my bodyfat, enter it into an excel, do a quick burst of exercises, and drink a 30g protein shake. For me this is time sensitive, so I don’t have the luxury of hitting the snooze (not that I need to, I feel energized). I believe that it’s good to get that food in within 30 minutes, but even if it’s not as time sensitive as I think, it’s awesome for starting the morning with a rapid pace.

After that I have to go through the process of getting ready to go somewhere, which means I hop in the shower, shave, put on my clothes, and be ready to get out there door by 7 if I needed to be.

The Turkey Agreement. My girlfriend and I have an agreement that whoever gets out of bed last is the Turkey, and has to make the bed. For weeks she was the turkey, now she jumps up same time as me, so we had ‘double turkey’ and made the bed together. I know it’s corny, but, it’s a hack that really works. This one action has served to obliterate any afterthought of wanting to hit the snooze. I realize that this might not be for everyone, but I hope it shows you the type of creative problem solving one can take to hack their mornings.

By the way, I really had to explain this one to Marina, and get her to agree to it in order for it to work. You can’t force someone to be a part of your crazy little plans, but many times when you explain the benefits, make it fair and fun, and give them a tincture of time, they’ll come around.

Getting good sleep. There’s a number of things that you can do to get better sleep. Better sleep means you’ll be better rested and have higher energy. Being regular in your sleep schedule is one thing, keeping your room on the cooler side is another, and just making sure you’re hydrated is yet another. I’m sure you can think of a few more, just make sure your sleep counts.

There’s even a little device called the Zeo that monitors your sleep patterns for you and helps you figure out what’s going on with your cycles. I’m actually a bit curious about it, so if anyone has had experience with it, please share.

You can also take a look at the latest post on Life Optimizer 25 Ways to Wake Up Earlier, which has some tips for getting better sleep. I was actually just commenting there, and because I left a rather long comment, I decided to turn it into a post of it’s own here. Also I wrote the Ultimate Guide to Getting Great Sleep in 2008.

Eating well, and regularly. Aside from being regular, it’s my diet that’s keeping my energy levels up these days. I eat by a very similar mesh of Mark Sisson’s Primal Blueprint Diet in combination with some hack’s from Tim Ferris Four Hour Body, Slow-carb diet (which btw is mostly Mark Sisson’s Primal/Paleo principles and recipes, with a few differences in principle). I eat between 10am-11am, then again between 4pm-5pm, then again if I’m really hungry or just need a healthy snack between 8pm-10pm. The reason I pick these times is that it makes sense for me with my schedule, and keeps me from being hungry throughout the day.

In my opinion, it’s all about the morning routine, if you’re interested in having a great day and working toward your bigger life goals. It helps if you have a schedule like work or school to be at, and if not, create a ‘fake’ starting time to your day, that you can duplicate each day. Then see what you can get done in an hour, or two hours, that will take you closer to your life goals. BTW, I wrote about my morning routine for 2008. In some ways it’s very similar to what it is now, except now I wake up earlier.

It’s helps to record and keep track of the morning routine. There will be days when you won’t be able to help but be thrown off (like today, because I got really into writing this article that I wanted to see it through), but don’t let that be an excuse to stop it all together. Just get back to your routine the very next day, and automate your success.

Perhaps you want to be in better shape, well then do some exercise and get a high protein healthy meal in first thing (try for within 30 minutes). Do you want to become knowledgeable in something? With just 10 pages a day, you’ll read about 1 book a month, and 12 in a year, which will get you a SIGNIFICANT amount of knowledge about a subject.

What else can you get done? Just automate it and make it your reason for living.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

Right after the first semester of dental school, in December of 2009, Marina and I were at the airport on our way to a cruise in the Caribbean. A little getaway after what was undisputedly the hardest I’ve ever worked in my life. At the airport I was perusing one of the bookstores/magazine shops, and to both my shock and amazement I discovered SUCCESS magazine sitting there on the shelf.

As an avid enthusiast and promotor of personal development I heard of most the big name authors and speakers in the field, so I was shocked at myself for not learning about this magazine earlier… newbie mistake. However, I was still amazed at the style and content of the magazine, a gem in a world of negative news and sensationalism.

I read the thing over on the plane as if I was going to be given an oral exam on it when we landed. Seriously, I really wore the thing out. I remember turning to Marina and saying “This is great! I want to be in SUCCESS magazine one day!” Being my number one advocate, she said “you will be.”

The actual story about how it happened is simple. I started following the magazine on Facebook. They often post up their articles, and inspirational messages. I started taking the time to read them, and because I really enjoyed them and found them thought provoking, I left comments that I put some time into. I guess enough people hit the ‘like’ button on the comments that an editor who was writing a related piece decided to interview me about what I said for an article she way writing.

Could this all be coincidence, law of attraction in action, or benefit of leaving detailed thoughts as feedback? I don’t now, but I like it. Makes you think, what can happen to you in just one year if you put some positive energy into it.

Now mind you, I thought I’d be on the cover with Oprah and the Queen, but I guess I’ll just have to wait until I do something a bit more world shaking with my life, lol!

Anyway, don’t try to find the magazine in local stores, chances are I’ve been there, bought up all the copies so that I can display it in my dental office, for the next 45 years. Just kidding, go out there a get a copy!?

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

Imagine someone who lives an awesome life. A rock star, a millionaire, a professional surfer, a monk, a bestselling author — whatever comes to mind.

Photo by TravOC

What do they have that you don’t? More importantly, how did they get it?

All the awesome people I know got there by following these 4 steps.

The bad news: They’re not easy.

The good news: They’re doable. They’re skills you can practice and master.

Step 1: Know Yourself

Awesome people have lives full of what they want, and devoid of what they don’t want. The first step to getting there is to know yourself, so you can figure out what you truly want, and how to get it in a way that works for you.

Accept yourself as you are. This allows you to know yourself as you truly are instead of as how you wish you were.

Learn how to access your subconscious desires and fears, so you can know your whole mind, not just your conscious mind.

Start to notice repeating patterns in your life. The first step to changing something is to become aware of it.

Practice choosing your reaction to events instead of simply letting them happen to you. Focus your awareness on the point where you choose your reaction — make it conscious instead of subconscious.

Forgive grudges that you’re hanging on to. Not for others’ sake, but for your own. Let go of the weight you carry.

Step 2: Trust Yourself

Awesome people, once they know what they want, act boldly on it. They don’t constantly second-guess themselves. Most of us haven’t had a lot of practice at trusting ourselves, but it’s something we can all improve at if we try.

When you’re afraid, ask yourself “How will this hurt me?” until you get to the bottom of your fear. This can turn a huge-feeling fear into a manageable one.

Make up a random opinion instead of saying “I don’t care, we can do whatever you want.” This sounds silly, but it really does help build your self-confidence muscles.

Ask for what you need, and say no to what you don’t want in your life.

Practice handling criticism from a place of self-confidence instead of insecurity. Even if you’re not a self-confident person, you can borrow that feeling of self-confidence and paste it on to the criticism. Confidence is a learnable skill, not a personality trait.

Step 3: Communicate

No one, no matter how awesome, is an island. Everyone achieves their goals with a little help from their friends. Communication is the bridge between yourself and others.

Realize that everyone is acting from their own reality, and that their assumptions might not match up with yours. This is the root of most miscommunications, and knowing it gives you the ability to fix things when they go wrong.

Learn the two reasons people communicate, and how to tell them apart. If you try to help someone solve a problem when they just want to feel heard, you’ll both end up frustrated.

Find common ground, even with someone you view as an adversary. Starting from common ground can turn a fight into a win/win situation.

Rephrase your vocabulary to practice being happier and more empowered every day.

Step 4: Take Meaningful Action

Many productivity gurus make the mistake of helping people get to where they’re going faster without helping them figure out where they want to go in the first place.

Illustration by onlypencil

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”
-The Cheshire Cat, in Alice in Wonderland

After practicing knowing yourself, trusting yourself, and communicating with others, you’re ready to take meaningful action in the direction that’s right for you.

Arrange your environment in a way that helps you achieve your goals, so you don’t have to motivate yourself every single day.

Create systems that help you remember things, so you can stop worrying about them and focus on what’s most important to you.

Learn about the 80/20 rule, and apply it in all aspects of your life.

Find your best creative time, and honor it. Block it off and keep it sacred; keep your commitments to yourself just like you would keep your commitments to someone else.

That’s it!

4 steps. Simple but not easy. If it sounds like a lot, you’re not alone. You can’t just read a blog post and suddenly start living an awesome life. (If you disagree, please comment with a link; I want to read that blog post!)

But the good news is that there’s no gaping chasm between you and that awesome life you imagined. Just 4 steps.

It’s up to you to take the first one.

Pace Smith is the co-leader of the Connection Revolution, teaching people how to change the world through connection. She and her partner Kyeli created the 52 Weeks to Awesome e-course for people who want to live an awesome life, and are willing to take 52 baby steps to get there.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

In this life I am free. How is that possible? How can that be when the laws of government and gravity, and the need for food, love, and oxygen bind me? The freedom lives in a place called my mind – boy doesn’t that sound weird?

“Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom… The power to choose, to respond, to change.”
~Stephen R. Covey

Free Yourself In Seven Ways

1. Freedom from food. Delectable pastries, succulent flavors, and savory foods of all kinds keep us at their mercy. Even the ones that don’t taste so good, but are necessary for our survival induce us into a slave-like dependence. It doesn’t have to be so.

Solution: Great men by the likes of Gandhi and Buddha were masters of the fast. They would be able to go days, weeks, and even months without food. One time, Gandhi changed the course of peace in India, and the history of the world as we know it, because his mind allowed his body to endure a fast. He was free.

2. Freedom from money. Clothes, cars, houses, jewelry, and gadgets are all interesting little items that people are willing to directly exchange for their freedom. Credit cards expedite this process by holding us accountable, and thus slaves, to the money that we’ve spend before we had.

Solution: Buy only that which is essential. Better yet, live off of the land. When you stop desiring and consuming, and you start living and producing, you quickly lose money as a personal oppressor and begin to use it, instead of it using you. Being a valuable person, and creating value for the world will take you far.

3. Freedom from government. They can control our education system, our taxes, and our economy, but it is our choice if we hand our freedom over to them – our government.

Solution: One solution would be not to vote, but it would be more useful if it were a unanimous decision. One in which each person decided to do what’s right, live in harmony, peace, and use their natural-born-morals to govern themselves.

4. Freedom from love. Love can really put a choke-hold on an individual. Most people have experienced, or have seen a clingy relationship in their life. One where one person “cannot live” without the other. Bards have sung songs as such, and epic battles have been fought for such love.

Solution: Freedom from love comes when we let ourselves truly experience and accept it. It is as natural as drinking water, and when we allow ourselves to love another human being, truly, and to love ourselves, truly, we disregard our capability to be a slave to love. Instead, we become a vehicle of love, and love itself.

5. Freedom from guilt. This powerful emotion can lead us to do just about anything. Guilt has been known to create marriages and break them. Seen to make people overeat, do drugs, and become violent. In the worst of times man has taken his own life due to feelings of guilt.

Solution: It’s going to take you feeling the pain of the guilt, fully embracing it, and then letting it go in order to rip of the shackles of this emotion. It’s helpful to concentrate on what you can do right now, versus what has happened and what is not an option for you.

6. Freedom from oxygen. The need for oxygen, and our subsequent lack of freedom due to our dependence on it, is based on the concept that we are afraid to die. Death is an integral, unavoidable, and lasting part of our life cycle.

Solution: Freedom comes when we embrace that death will come, accept it, and live our life to the fullest while it is still within our ability to do so.

7. Freedom from ignorance. Perhaps the worst restraints that we can experience in life are those imposed on us by our own mind. The only thing holding us back in life, really, is that which we know. Those opinions and viewpoints that we have established at some moment define how we think and the methods that we use to interpret what we experience.

Solution: Educate yourself. Pick up as many books as you can, read them all, and don’t believe a word of it.

“Man is free at the moment he wishes to be.”
~Voltaire

Freedom: Is it practical?

Is freedom practical? No, not if we’re looking through the eyes of society, our consumerist group-think collective. Society would have trained you to think that what I am saying is wrong, ludicrous, or even disgusting.

Such is expected. By being a mindless drone of the collective, one is suppressing their ability to think freely, consciously, and individually. That’s fine, I accept that for you, and you can too. However, if you choose to be a proactive person of freedom, liberty, and justice – both for yourself and for all – than perhaps putting your self-thinking-cap on will be the greatest gift you can ever give yourself.

“To know how to free oneself is nothing; the arduous thing is to know what to do with one’s freedom”
~Andre Gide

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To get into a state of feeling winning confidence, you need to form a foundation of successes for that confidence to lean on. A person who feels hesitation or weakness to implement a plan, or to ask for something, would be smart in building up a package of successes, of any size, and then conquering their desired mission.

You can get to a point where you feel nearly invincible, as I do at times in public, by adding another success, and another, until you start to feel like you are meant to take the biggest risks. Although I agree with the concept behind “fake it until you make it”, the concept I am presenting here is more about making it small, over and over, until you can’t help but make it big.

Piano Playing Example

The focus here is to build up your confidence. Let’s say you are nervous about playing piano in front of a larger audience than you normally play to. This method would then work for you. You can boost your confidence to a level where the audience will be more than manageable, by creating a package of successes.

Maybe you are fearful about the audience as a whole, but are more than glad to talk with other piano players. What you then want to do is start becoming more social and connected with the other piano players you hear or know of, or who will also be at your big event, until you feel like the whole scenario is a small item to you. By doing this, you are not removing the source of the fear, which is the audience, but are building your confidence up over that level, rendering the fear unable to grip your thoughts.

This technique is very powerful, but takes a lot of effort on your part. The main foundation-building in the example I provided is the talking and interacting with other piano players. This could take a lot of time and effort, but it is the only way to overcome your fear threshold using this method, which is all it is for.

Research Position Example

Let’s say you were, or are, a student wanting to get into a research position with one of a few professors. It may be the case that you are not applying to a position because you aren’t sure if you can handle it, or if you will be accepted, and so you postpone the attempt out of fear of potential rejection or incompetence. This is another example where you can build up ample confidence to overcome the threshold of this fear.

One way to do this would be to start to get to know other student researchers who work with the professors you might want to work with, and find out what they specifically do. This is less intense than directly applying for a position, and gets you some headway into the process. You could start to get know one student researcher after another until you are so involved with many of them that they start trying to influence you to join. Each extra success you make in connecting with a person doing something you are interested in brings you a step closer to taking the action you weren’t ready to take(for one reason or another).

Another way to build up successes in this example would be to start reading research papers. You could set a goal to read a research paper every day until you asked a professor or two to start working with them. You would learn about new experiments, through some source like PubMed Central, building up confidence due to being directed towards a goal, and would eventually see the fear or worry as unable to hold you back from asking for a position.

Your Successes Don’t Have To Relate To Your Desired Action

While these two examples both involve building up successes in relation to the action you want to build up confidence and energy to perform, this does not have to be the case. You can also build up successes in unrelated activities. You can build up confidence to set up a business deal by taking notes on business books for one hour every day, or you can build that same confidence by approaching and talking to 5 random people each time you go to your local bookstore.

The main thing is to prove to yourself, little by little, that you have what it takes to do larger things. After a certain point of doing enough small things, you will feel like the tough action to take is brought down to a manageable level. Then, it will only be a matter of time before you conquer it.

Armen Shirvanian writes words of wisdom about mindset, communication, relationships, and related topics at Timeless Information. You can follow him on Twitter at @Armen.

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My thoughts going into this experiment was that I would have different types of exposure to the material, be able to stay on top of it without falling behind, and be more immersed within the school environment. The alternative to going to class is to watch the recorded podcast video of that same lecture from home (generously uploaded to our iTunes, within 2 hours, as a courtesy from our school- NYUCD).

However, instead of using this method as an alternative, I went to every class without exception, and listened to most of the podcasts to see if there was anything I missed during lecture. The following is my personal experience and account of my perfect attendance at NYU Dental School.

1. Capturing information. While attending class, it is virtually impossible to capture everything a teacher says. Either they spoke too fast, weren’t clear, or you felt tired and spaced out momentarily at which point you missed something significant.

The solution for this is to go to the podcasts, and to re-listen to the lecture. However, lecture time to podcast time is not a 1:1 translation in terms of time spent studying. A 2 hour lecture could easily take 5 hours of podcast study, because you often stop and go back, in order to take notes, look something up, and make sure you do not miss any facts.

Had you skipped class, and listened to the podcast at a time and location of your choice, you would only spend the same 5 hours taking notes from the podcast, and save those 2 hours that you would have sat at lecture. Regardless of the method that you use for capturing the information, you still have to organize it, and repeat it many times in order to retain it.

2. Announcements and Structure. In a way, attending every class has the benefit of giving you a structure. This allows you to get some information for each class every single day, so you are aware of what is being covered, even if you don’t record all the facts.

This structure is good if you cannot motivate yourself to study on your own. If you can sit yourself down daily, and study everything that was assigned to you as per the syllabus, then you are not missing out on the structure at all.

3. Community, Cliques, & Politics. Actually going to class gives you a certain type of experience. However, the type of experience that you have in class is generally up to you. Both the large class size of 240, and the influence of the big city, can play a big role on the way people express their attitudes.

At the same time, there are cliques organized by race and religion, groups that band together based on class politics, and a visible segregation can be observed within the student body. Of course, all the distinctions, whether they be racial, political, or other are just a meaning that someone made up, and we decided to play into, and in my opinion take away from a richer experience that each of us could be taking part in.

4. Energy Management. The biggest negative aspect of going to class, for me, is the ability to manage my energy levels. Without having my energy levels up, my body is in attendance, but my brain is totally drained and not operating at full capacity.

Accordingly to the United States Department of Defense, our brains need at least 3 hours to function. However, that’s not necessarily an optimum amount of sleep for a 10 hour day of classes. It’s important to listen to your body, and to realize that your energy levels will not be the same on any given day.

Some days I have the energy to work deep into the night, with perfect clarity and focus. The amount of work I get done will propel me in my studies. The next day, I might be tired, and need to perform lower level activities. The idea of balance, and routine, can be fine for most activities, and even work out on most days, but when the energy level is not there it becomes counterproductive to pretend you can focus perfectly.

Afterthoughts: 30 day trials are a fun way to really learn about something, and give yourself an opportunity to take on a new routine. After 30 days you can give an honest evaluation as to whether the pros outweigh the cons, or vice versa. This experiment has lead me to decide that having perfect attendance is not worth it for me, and that it’s more important for me to manage my energy and learn the material, than to physically be somewhere.

My 30 day trial for the month of February is going to be daily workout- no matter what. This could mean an hour lifting weights, 40 minutes on the cardio machines, or simply going for a run. Regardless, of what the workout is, my goal is to get my blood flowing, work up a sweat, and closely listen to my body as I compare my energy levels from January, to those of February.

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“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” ~Jim Rohn

The earth shook beside me as the enemy missiles exploded just a few yards away from me. I leaped for cover, only to discover that I was hiding in plain sight. It took everything I had to get to this point, and now I found myself struggling just to survive.

This sounds like my own little version of World War III, except instead of missiles their weapon of choice was Midterms, and instead of digging trenches, I was digging my way out of piles of books by studying 16 hours a day. ‘Welcome to first semester of Dental School, please fasten your seat belts — you’re going to need them.’

If I was to make it out of WWIII alive (or see the end of this semester, let alone graduate NYU Dental School), I knew I needed to have the right soldiers fighting with me by my side. I pick my friends using a very scientific technique that I have formulated after 25 years of experimentation. I pick friends based on who I respect and admire.

One such friend that I respect and admire is Nick Levintov, and I found his continuous encouragement during all the trials and tribulations of semester-one to be a mantra for the way I focused my brain to study, which of course metastasized into other areas of my life.

When I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore and didn’t care which artery supplies which body part, or which enzyme catalyzes which reaction, Nick was there to say “Finish Strong!” I think he must have gotten this philosophy from his days as a disciplined competitive swimmer, but it’s easy to see that these two simple words can change the paradigm of any activity.

For me it was crunching out another 6 hours of mental repetition at the end of a long day. For you it might be doing those extra 15 minutes on the treadmill, another few reps of your weight set, or perhaps just going through your ordinary day in an extraordinary way.

The main lesson that I took out of ‘Finish Strong’ is that we should consistently give our 100% in every thought and action that we undertake, so that tomorrow our capacity to think, move, and love is larger than it is today. Our capacity to receive self-satisfaction and enjoyment in life will also increase if we just remember that whatever task we thought was worth undertaking is worth finishing strong.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.
~Randy Pausch

Long story short – I’ve been accepted to the NYU Dental School graduating class of 2013. That means I start Monday August 24th, and go on my four year journey of Dental mastery!

I really want to thank a lot of people. Thank you foremost to all my family and friends that believed in me. I can’t say that it’s been an easy road, and your words of encouragement, the occassional kicks in the butt, and your excellent ability to give me space during many hundreds of tests over the years has helped tremendously.

Thank you to the various people that recommended me to the school, vouched for me as a person and as a student, and generally went out of your way and put your name on the line for me. This is a huge story that I could write a book about… I’d call it something like “How to Network Like a Monster and Crush It in The Trenches!”

A few facts about my failures (or the many ways I figured out NOT to get into dental school). I applied to Dental school straight out of college, and I didn’t get in. Both my GPA and Dental Admission Test didn’t meet the hardcore requirements brought on by 6000 applicants going after 200 spots. I then retook my admission test in the August of 2006, and got my Masters in Biomedical Science in 2008.

The waiting list. In December of 2008, I got on the waiting list for NYU Dental school, during which time I was supposed to wait. I take ‘waiting’ a bit differently then most other people. This included interning at the school, going on a circuit of continuing education seminars for dentists, and studying for another 3 months to retake my dental admission test. Much more on this in future posts.

The future. I can’t wait to get into dental school and learn everything I can. I want to be able to say that my patients will not get a better treatment anywhere else in the world, they might get just as good (someone else’s 100%), but they won’t get any less from me. I’m also looking forward to combining both my knowledge of personal development and social media to create communities both online and off, and to create both brighter smiles and a brighter world.

All I can say is… If you have a dream,  whether you have to go through those doors sideways, backwards, or jump in from the roof… don’t give up.

Thank you for the congratulations in advanced… let em rip.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

When Alex asked me if I would like to write a post entitled 12 Transformational Life Coach Tricks, I was like, “Wow, that could be tough, because these are topics that I often spend 1,500 words on and up and I’m sure he doesn’t want a 20,000 word guest post.

However, as I started to think about it , I warmed to the idea. After all, my Twitter training over the last year or so should mean I can keep things relatively short when I have to.

Before we kick off, please understand that these are brief and really meant to whet your appetite. I’d encourage you, if some resonate with you, to do some research. This is some of the best stuff I do with clients, but best of all, for you it’s free and what’s not to love about that?

1. You’re #1

Here’s a shocking start to kick things off with.

You’re the most important person in the world to you.

That’s right, it’s not your kids, your parents or even The Pope, it is you! Without you, everything else in your reality ceases to exist. So be kind to yourself, ALWAYS. You’re doing the best you can with the information you have at hand. You mess up, you make mistakes and you make stupid decisions because we all do.

Treat yourself with the kind of respect you would like from others at all times. If you don’t like other people hurling abuse or disrespecting you, don’t do it to yourself.. ever!

2. Shut The Duck Up

We all have a voice, or more often than not, voices, inside our own head. Mine used to sound like a whiny bad tempered old duck. It would quack away at me telling me what a loser I was and how things were always my fault.

The weird thing is I never realized I had control of the duck. I thought he was a magic duck that ran rampant down the empty corridors of my mind, but apparently not.

Trying to shoot him never seemed to work, he’d just bounce back tougher and more determined than ever. So we had a chat and agreed to work together. I promised to take him seriously when things did get tough and he promised to be more supportive and easy going and not be so whiny. It was a classic win/win for me and Dilbert (I can’t believe Tim named his imaginary duck hehe ~Alex).

3. Mind Your Language

You communicate internally primarily through the pictures you make and the conversations (often at an unconscious level) you have with yourself. I know that because it’s what we all do. The language you use is absolutely critical in determining how you feel about your life.

Words and phrases like ‘Have to’, ‘Must do’ ‘Got to’ ‘Need to’ are seldom useful. They stifle choice, make you feel bad and ultimately lower self-esteem if you then don’t follow through and do whatever it is you say you simply ‘have to do’.

Replace them with “Want to” Would like to’ and ‘Love to’ to change your perception. It may feel weird at first, but in time you’ll see a huge benefit. After all, saying “I need another piece of cake’ is rarely accurate in my experience.

4. Value Your Values

My own readers are quite frankly sick to death of me banging on about values, but do you know what your values are?

If you don’t, you don’t know yourself and you don’t truly know what motivates and drives you. Get to know your values because they dictate everything in your life and I do mean everything. They are at the core of your identity and dictate what job you do, who your friends are, what you like in a partner, whether you are a Church goer or not and even whether you like 24

5. Don’t Always Believe in Your Beliefs

Beliefs are opinions and nothing more. Ok, I suppose they can be facts too, but more often than not they aren’t. If you have a belief that you aren’t good enough, old enough, wealthy enough, attractive enough or clever enough, you want to lose it and lose it fast.

Beliefs like that will only hold you back and they need battering like a Faroe Islander batters a baby seal and with about as much compassion. Undermine them, look for contrary evidence and ridicule them. You are good enough, as long as you believe you are.

6. Ask Better Questions

Why am I such a loser? is not a great question, trust me. What can I do differently next time? is though.

Drop the ‘why’s ’ that push you into defense mode and ask more ‘hows’, ‘who’s’ and ‘what’s’. How can I improve? What can I learn from this? Who can help me?

7. Not Yet

Never ever tell yourself you cannot do something if it’s something you’d like to achieve. If you want to lose weight but can’t, saying “I can’t lose weight” will make things worse. It sends a signal to the unconscious that it’s a done deal and nothing can be done to change things because it is a statement of fact (even if it really isn’t one).

By using the ‘yet’ word you change the context and the emotion of the language. “I can’t lose weight” is a whole different ball game to “I haven’t managed to lose weight yet” The latter does two things. It pushes the problem into the past where it belongs and presupposes that things can and will change in the future. Hurrah!

8. Reframe It!

This is possibly the single most important skill you can use in changing your subjective experience, and one that the vast majority of highly successful people are good at.

Take a negative belief, situation, conversation etc and try and look at it from another point of view. Come up with as many positive scenarios as possible and don’t give up until you get at least one new perspective that makes you feel better about it.

The scenarios can be global i.e. by thinking “Oh well at least this is giving me some valuable experience” or they can be more local and specific when you look at just that particular event such as “Ok so the dog just threw up on the carpet, at least it’s not a new one, or that gives me an opportunity to buy a new one etc.”

People sometimes tell me this is unrealistic and I laugh in their face, metaphorically speaking of course. Who cares about realism if you feel better? Isn’t life about feeling good? Mine is.

You can reframe pretty much anything when you get good at it. Simply ask yourself the question “What else can this mean?

9. Anchor That Feeling

Once upon a time a man called Ivan from Ryazan in deepest darkest Russia had a dog. His dog loved steak and Ivan loved to feed him. He would ring his bell to let Roverski know his dinner was ready. The little scamp would bound up to eat salivating and licking his chops as he ran and would then wolf his food down like a wolf.

Then one day Ivan rang the bell with no food and Roverski attacked him and bit his face off. I’m not totally sure about that last bit, but it probably happened like that.

You probably know about Ivan Pavlov, his dog and his bell, so you also know what a conditioned response is.

If you have ever been violently ill after drinking tequila there is a very good chance you now avoid said beverage. The reason is your body has developed a conditioned response that makes you feel ill even before you drink the damn stuff.

That’s the downside, but the upside is you get to make some of your own. I know, how brilliant is that?

If you want confidence at the drop of a hat, you can have it. If you want calmness, you can have that too. You can even have fun if you want.

A word of warning though. Sometimes emotions are with us for good reason and turning yourself into Pollyanna is not advisable.

If you want to know more you’re gonna have to check out this YouTube demo because it would take too long to explain here.

10. Breathe

Do you know how many people breathe incorrectly? No, neither have I, but it’s a huge majority, so that probably includes you I’m sorry to say. Well big deal, what are the downsides you may be wondering? Oh nothing much, just a higher likelihood of having a heart attack and increased stress levels leading to other illnesses and poor sleep patterns.

Practice slow breathing from the diaphragm making sure your stomach rises first and you draw the air in from the bottom.  I know ladies, pushing your tummy out feels just ‘so wrong’ but probably not as wrong as being on a morphine drip.

If you have control of your breathing it is impossible to be anxious. If you don’t believe me, next time you feel panicky, check in with your breath. It will be shallower and more rapid than normal and much higher in your chest.

Push it back down where it belongs and you’ll start to relax accordingly.

11. What Is The Real Cost Of Procrastination

Do you procrastinate? Most of us do at least occasionally, but what is it costing you? Are you putting off feeling brilliant about yourself?

Think about what you have to lose if you don’t go all out for your dream. It may be helpful to write down a list of as many things as you can think of.

Look past the glaringly obvious for the knock on effects.

Remember; on the whole we regret more the things that we don’t do, than those we do. Promise to yourself that you’ll not sit on your talent a moment longer. Otherwise, you will not simply be doing a disservice to yourself, but also the people that will miss out on what you have to offer.

Of course this is primarily for you, but also I know you well enough now to believe it is for other people too.

12. Just Say No!

The more successful you become the more people will see you as a resource and want you to help them. Ask Alex how many requests he gets for help now compared to when he started his blog?

By disciplining yourself now you become better at it later. Think of people in your field that are super successful and you look up to. Do you think they have the time to say yes to everybody that wants some of their time? Do you think people think worse of them for that fact?

How many invitations do you think Oprah accepts in proportion to how many she declines? 100 to 1? 1,000 to 1? The fact is you can decline offers gracefully and without offending anybody, or you can take too much on and stress yourself senseless whilst the people that you are helping out are sunning themselves on the beach.

See #1 and put yourself first from time to time.

Tim Brownson is an Englishman, but we won’t hold that against him since he’s still awesome! He’s a certified Life Coach and has opinions the size of mountains over at ADaringAdventure.com. (Tim on Twitter)

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

A friend of mine approached me a few weeks ago asking if I could make an investment into a jewelry store he was looking to purchase. Typically when I get these types of offers, I don’t give them too much attention, but this offer was slightly different.

And it’s not so much that the offer was different, but the person making the offer was different from the usual requestors.

Whenever someone asks me to invest in their business, I always go through the following “signs” to determine if the person will become a success.

If I believe they will succeed, I will invest; I don’t mind investing in success.

The 7 Signs of a Successful Person

1. Passion and Purpose

“Without passion you don’t have energy; without energy you have nothing.”
~Donald Trump

Passion and purpose are crucial. Passion is birth from purpose.

Why is passion and purpose so critical? Because there will always be unforeseen obstacles and reasons to give up, passion and purpose give you the strength to overcome these obstacles without losing hope.

Passion and purpose create the focus you need to push yourself to victory. As Walter Cronkite so eloquently put it, “I can’t imagine a person becoming a success who doesn’t give this game of life everything he’s got.”

2. Persistence

“Success…seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit”
~Conrad Hilton

In order to succeed you must have a “no-give-up” attitude. You have to be like a bulldog, Winston Churchill said, “The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards, so that he can breathe without letting go. Are you as persistent as the bulldog?

3. Experience

“Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.”
~Rita Mae Brown

How much experience do you have? Experience is priceless.

Virtually every successful person I know went through many years of experience prior to becoming a success; typically, 10, 20, sometimes 30 years of experience before succeeding. What are you experienced in?

4. Courage and Faith

“The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are, for what we could become.”
~Charles Dubois

Nothing great is ever achieved without the courage to make great sacrifices, and the faith to believe you will succeed. Are you willing to put everything on the line and face your fears with faith, confidence, resolution and bravery? William Shed said, “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.”

5. Sincerity and Integrity

“To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.”
~Douglas Adams

Isaiah wrote, “Without a vision, the people perish.” I came here to tell you, “Without people, the vision will perish.” No one can succeed without people, and people will only help those they like and trust.

6. Wisdom

“In the multitude of counselors there is safety.” ~Solomon

Do you take wise counsel, who’s coaching you? Who are your mentors? This is pivotal, it’s critical that you lean on the wisdom of others. No man is an island.

7. Growth

“He that never changes his opinions, never corrects his mistakes, and will never be wiser on the morrow than he is today.”
~Tryon Edwards

Are you willing to fail forward? I often say that the road to success is paved with bricks of failure and mortar of rejection. Failure is necessary for success. If you’re not failing, you’re not growing, and if you’re not growing, you’re dying.

In Conclusion

Will Rogers said, “In order to succeed, you must know what you are doing, like what you are doing, and believe in what you are doing.” I agree with Mr. Rogers.

In case you’re wondering about my friend’s business venture, I did make the investment. I believe success is predictable, and my friend possesses the signs of a “successful person.”

What’s your story, do you possess the “7 Signs?”

Please support Mr. Self Development by subscribing to his blog at mrselfdevelopment.com; just reading Mr. Self Development.com will raise your prosperity consciousness, expand your mind, and challenge you to live the abundant life.

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You want nothing more but to experience life, become an interesting person, establish which unique values you want to define you, and move forward in life – sure of yourself. There’s just one little caveat. In your state of confusion you’re just not sure how to plan your great escape.

Luckily for you, the usual flow of your day is interrupted when you meet a man that you’ve never seen on the island before. He tells you stories of the world beyond the island, which fuels the fire of your curiosity like never before. This is, as he says, your ticket off of confusion island:

1. Read everything. You’re tired of the same old thing, that’s why we’re even having this conversation. That means that up to this point, for the most part, you have been reading the same things, or even worse, not reading anything at all. That’s one surefire way to get stuck on confusion island with no chance of escape.

How can you tell you’re interested in something if you don’t know a thing about it, or know that it exists at all? Run, don’t walk, to the nearest library and take a tour of all the isles. Pick a few random books on topics you haven’t even heard of, and take a moment to think about how much you could discover if you read at least one book a week.

2. Learn from everyone. One of the biggest mistakes you could make is thinking that someone is “not enough” for you to learn from them. Not aged, smart, benevolent, or similar enough to you. Realizing that everyone has something to teach us, based on their unique experiences and perception of the world, allows us to tap into the consciousness of everyone on the planet.

Being open minded to new people doesn’t mean you have to believe or agree with everything that is said. It does however mean that you can keep asking yourself what you can learn from the interaction as a whole. This is how you learn new things, and find out about life outside of the island.

3. Always try new things. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got, and you’ll always feel what you always felt.” Whatever part of the island you find yourself on today, make a conscious decision to try something new. After all, variety is the spice of life, and the only way for us to learn something new is through a novel experience.

You can sprinkle variety all throughout your day. Take a different route than you’re accustomed to, read a new book and talk to a new person as we already mentioned, try a new dish at a new restaurant, or just do that one thing you always wanted to do, but never did.

4. Journal your thoughts. Let’s face it, we don’t always remember, and when we do, we don’t always remember with perfect clarity. The hard earned lessons that we’ve learned deserve to be written down, so that we can look back on our lives and figure out the skills we possess to take us of the island. These journals will be the greatest treasures that we leave behind for future generations.

Journals are also an excellent way to sort out and make sense of your thought process. Instead of getting stuck in confusion, and not knowing the chain of thoughts that led you to your current thinking, you can think with your keyboard and gain perfect clarity about yourself.

5. Define your values. The little secret about your values is this – you already know what you value, whether you’ve thought about it or not. It’s just a matter of sitting down with your journal, asking yourself “what’s really important to me” and letting the pen do the talking. Sure, you can choose new and exciting values, just make sure you want them because you want them, and not because they sound pretty.

As you move forward with a well defined set of values, you will be looking at life through a lens that is very unique to you. The values you choose and the way that you prioritize them, will be unique to you as your fingerprint, and assist you in making great choices with unshakable confidence and keen clarity.

6. Follow your passions. Want to make confusion island a permanent residence? That’s easy, simply put out that fire inside of you, and let your passions blow away in the wind. If your passions are not something you’re willing to give up, and they’re aligned with your values, then it’s time to stop at nothing in order to achieve them.

The funny thing about passions is that talking about them is not enough to make them happen. Sometimes it takes overwhelming force and giving it all you got, while other times a small measurable effort every day will get you there. In other words, when you want something real bad, work your face off to get it.

7. Be true to yourself. After you’ve read the books, spoken with the people, and filled yourself up with new experiences your only half way off confusion island.  Many people will tell you that you can take a person out of confusion island, but you can’t take the island out of the person.

It’s important to know where we come from, the lessons we learned growing up, and accept ourselves regardless of how many mistakes we might have made along the way. You can choose to be a brand new better you whenever you want, but not at the expensive of who you used to be.

All the man really did was give you a raft. It looks like you have some treading to do.

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Hello Alex,

I ran across your blog (and subsequently have sent you a LinkedIn invite) regarding finding what motivates you in reaching your goals, and having a powerful “why”.

My question to you is how do you find your “why”? Do you have resources you could guide me to that will give me some direction in finding what my “why” is? It really isn’t as easy as people think, would you agree?

Thanks so much for your website and blog, it’s been a huge help to me, I look forward to hearing from you.

~Judy

Thank you very much for such an excellent question Judy, I’m happy to have you as a reader. As you already know, figuring out our why is not always an easy and simple endeavor. I’ll try to give you a few tidbits of my opinion on the subject, to go along with all the research I’m sure you’ve done and are currently doing.

Motivation is a core, fundamental principle is doing everything from getting out of bed, overcoming adversity, to conquering the world. You already knew that. I’m sure you’ve also heard the saying, “if your why is big enough, the how doesn’t matter,” aka “if there’s a will there’s a way.”

Our motivations are shaped largely by our environment. The books we read, the people we talk to, as well as the random events that we happen to go through (and our reactions to those events). All this input creates a belief system, or paradigm, of the way the world works (in our mind) and what we consider to be good, virtuous, or worthy of going after.

Without a doubt, my opinion, is that our belief system guides us. The question is, does our belief system control us without our knowledge from within our subconscious, or are we holding the reigns by examining (and reexamining!) our belief system consciously.

Our “current” why, attached to our current belief system, is already within us. Everything that has shaped us up to this point, including how we consciously shaped ourselves, has created a belief system with it’s own why for the motivating itself. It’s always a selfish why. Selfish because the why is self serving, and our personal belief system is the only one it will serve directly.

This selfish drive, or motivation, to achieve also has a lot to do with our self-worth. Are we worthy of getting what we feel we deserve? Do we deserve the things that we “know” to be the very best, and will we allow ourselves to go after them. This principle of self-worth will help to determine what we spend our life on. The currency of our life is our time and energy, and the things that we consciously choose to spend our time and energy on are the things we’re giving up our life on.

So we begin by consciously asking ourselves. What am I willing to die for? If you think about it, your career is most likely where you’ll spend most of your life, then sleeping, then with family and friends. You need to ask yourself, is the place where you’re spending most of your time and energy worthy of your life? If yes, then how are the other things, like exercising, eating healthy, having delicious relationships, all contributing to your maximum output in this place. If the answer is no, the question becomes, what is a time, place, cause, and journey that i’m willing to give up my life for, one hour at a time?

Thanks for the excellent, thought provoking question.

Dear readers, what have you done in order to find your why?

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One of the six sections is Quantitative Reasoning (aka Math), and it covers a very broad spectrum of math topics. I went to the library the other day and picked up text books on Algebra, Geometry, Statistics, Trigonometry, Precalculus, and will also be getting a calculus book.

These are all subjects I’ve taken before, some over 10 years ago. I could have just gone through study manuals, and picked up on certain weak points, but I wanted to rebuild my mathematical knowledge base from the bottom up.

When I told her this, she asked me, “why are you still trying?” Why am I still trying to get into Dental School is what she meant, instead of just getting a “real job” right now. “After all,” she said, “you tried to get in, and you failed.”

It’s true. I’ve applied to Dental School already and I was rejected. This latest time that I applied has landed me on the waiting list, but I don’t know if or when I’ll get accepted or rejected. All I know is that there are 6,000 people applying for 200 spots.

The question remains, why am I still trying? After all, I’m sure I could find an entry level job paying at least 40k, and depending on the field I can probably move up from that. Alternatively, I can work on expanding our family business. I could live a good life, save some money for retirement, and then eventually die. That seems to be the natural progression of things, and a very tempting option…or not.

Dentistry is something I’m very passionate about. I’ve been assisting since I was 15, and have tempted in over 60 dental offices around New Jersey. I know what Dentistry looks, smells, and feels like, and I like it.

When I told Marina about the question, “why are you still trying” she said, “How can you live if you stop trying? That’s the formula for regret.” Yes, it’s true, my girlfriend is a genius.

I think going for a “real” J.O.B. right now would be an easier option then what I’m doing now, which is rising up to the challenge and chasing my dream. I calculated that I’ll have to read about 30 text books worth of material by the time I take the test mid-August.

I try not to think about that, because the sheer amount of information makes me dizzy! It’s silly to think in those terms, since at one point all that information was in my head, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to get it back in there!

I don’t think that being rejected from dental school, again, would cause me to live a life of regret. After all, I believe that it’s more important for me to live my life as the person I want to be, and not be defined solely by my occupation.

I think it’s good that there are so many walls to becoming a dentist. Especially since I know the a little secret… shhh… the walls are there to keep the other people out. Yes, that holds true for you and your walls… if you do whatever it takes to scale them, they’re not there for you, they’re there for the other people.

Remember, the best answer to “why are you still trying” is “because I’m still alive, and because I can.” you’ll always have time to stop trying when you’re dead. What have been some of your biggest failures to date?

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Walk outside, look around at nature. Notice something? Everything is functioning the same way it was yesterday, and last year. Nature is perfectly balanced and 100% efficient. You never see an oak tree grow an apple, or a pine tree grow from an acorn.

Nature does not make mistakes; it follows certain laws and never deviates from it. If nature decided to go rogue, we would no longer be here. What can we learn from this? Nature only uses habits that serve the greater good. A tree does not grow for the benefit of just the tree; it grows for the benefit of the world.

“First we make our habits, then our habits make us.”
~Charles C. Noble

What a Tree Taught the World

Nature follows their instincts, and never delineates.

This is powerful because as humans with free will, we sometimes forget to follow our instincts. We all get “gut” feelings that we ignore, and those are the instincts that are trying to direct us down the path we desire. We get talked out of our instincts by so called experts assuming we do not know better. Your instinct is the road map of your life, ignoring your map can lead to a messy existence.

Nature does not have bad habits.

We all have the power to form any habit we want. There are two kinds of habits; the ones we make voluntarily, and those we allow to happen almost without knowing it. Both can be broken and remade again. A bad habit is anything that does not suit us or the greater good. You know what habits these are. They include smoking, overeating, or too much TV. All of these habits are all examples of valueless habits. They serve no one and they are crippling your success.

The only habits you should hold true are the ones that make you a better person. Make it a habit to thank people for being in your life, buy a stranger a coffee, or get up early to exercise outside and take in nature’s beauty. Write down the habits you have formed over the years, and take a hard look at them all. Are they serving you, do they collate with your values? If not, eliminate them one by one, until all that is left are good value habits.

Success is not a choice, it is a result.

Nature does not fail at success, it listens to the instincts ingrained in its roots and it succeeds. Trees grow, flowers blossom, and rivers run. The success habit can be the same for you. If you program no other habit into your life, make the success habit the one you tackle. Everyday, focus on success in everything you do; success for you and everyone around you.

When you meet someone new, take a second to wish them the best in your mind, wish they have all the success they desire. Constantly wishing for other’s success will keep your mind focused on success, and a mind that focuses like a laser beam on any desire will achieve that desire.

Nature works together.

The trees give off oxygen, the flowers feed the bees, and the rivers provide water for everything. Nature is not selfish, it works together to provide a life for all to live. As individuals we can do so little, but together we can accomplish anything. Make it a habit to stop living for you alone, and live for others. The top is a lonely place if you do not have anyone to share the joy.

There is nothing wrong with having goals and aspirations for your life, but making it a habit to work with others to achieve their goals will get you to your goals as well, most likely faster and definitely with more fulfillment.

Conclusion

I hope we can all learn from Nature’s example. We can live extraordinary lives if we just follow a few steps. Listen to our instincts, work with others, not against them, and get rid of any habits that do not serve us. Success is not a choice, it is a result! Go out there and get some results. Let me know your thoughts.

Jay Frawley regularly writes about using the power of the subconscious to improve every aspect of people’s lives. He is also a Dream Coach, helping people analyze their dreams. His most popular post include The Power of Silence- Part 1, and “The Sunday Ponder”

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Even at 19, I like to think I have some valuable lessons and knowledge that I can pass on to others around me. Whether it’s my family, my friends or the audience of the blogs I write for, I’m passionate about sharing honest truths I’ve come to learn on my journey.

I haven’t found the purpose of life, but I have found my purpose in life, it is of course possible that they are the same thing. While I’m on this planet I’m going to attempt to inspire, awaken and motivate as many people as possible, but only those who are ready to listen.

Thanks to Alex, today I want to share fifteen lessons I’ve learned on my short but grateful path and hopefully the things I’m attempting to do will happen in the case of you, the reader.

15 Lessons I’ve Learned

1) What people say about you is none of your business. People will talk about you unfavorably whether you are there to witness it or not.

2) If you give someone long enough, they will show you their kind, positive side. This applies to 99% of all people.

3) Sometimes, no matter how positive or encouraging your advice is, people aren’t ready to hear it. Accept this and don’t see someone’s resistance to change as a reflection on you.

4) You have a choice whether you want to focus on the positive or the negative in any situation. Exercise that right and live a happier life for doing so.

5) There are always going to be people that want to hold you back. This is often due to their own insecurities rather than a slur on you. They don’t want to see you succeed while their own lives remain stagnant.

6) Right now, this is life, make the most of it. What you do today could affect millions of people in a positive light, or you could bring down the mood of those around you. Which would you like to achieve?

7) See all obstacles in your path from a new perspective, a new mindset. Instead of seeing them as a stop sign, see them as an opportunity to show how badly you want something.

8) Keep doing what you’ve always done and you’ll keep getting the same results. This is common sense, but many people follow the same path and hope for a different outcome. To a famous few, that is the definition of insanity.

9) Holding a grudge against someone harms you far more than it will ever harm someone else. Find a better use for your time and energy.

10) If you aren’t enjoying the process, the journey, it’s very likely that you are in the wrong lane. Don’t be afraid to go back to square one and refocus your efforts. It’s much better to do it now than further down the road.

11) Never let your ego get in the way. Whether it is going for the things you want in life or simply telling people how much they mean to you. Life is too short to miss the opportunity, if people judge you for it, once again, that is their problem, not yours.

12) The old saying, “What you resist, persists”, is a wise one. Work on the art of letting go, rather than needing all the answers. You’ll never have all the answers.

13) Focus on being consciously aware of all things in your life, from your emotions to your reactions. Only the light of your awareness can make it possible for things to change.

14) Whatever ‘problems’ you have, it’s likely that someone else has had the same issue and already provided a solution. Find comfort in knowing you aren’t alone, not in the results.

15) Question everything you read or hear, even the 15 points I’ve shared with you today. Often it is our ‘failures’ that allow us to see the real truth in sayings.

If you have any of your own lessons that you’ve learned on the journey, I would love to hear them in the comments below. I know that you all have some to share…

Glen Allsopp blogs for PluginID, a site that aims to help you ‘Plug into your Identity’ and life the life you want to live.

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When Barack Obama was pronounced the winner of the 2008 presidential election, the world was energized with a new spirit of hope. Now, right at the dawn of inauguration day, we are seeking Obama in Spiderman comics and companies like are Pepsi modeling after Obama’s marketing campaign. It is the first time in my life that I have seen a political figure become such a celebrity!

There is no question that 2008 had been a revolutionary year in American politics. For the first time in this country’s existence we will see a black man, who won the election by a popular landslide, be the president of the most powerful country on earth. Judging by the extreme enthusiasm, America was clearly ready for this. And regardless of conflicting views on Obama’s liberalism, it is evident that this man is a great orator with an amazing ability to connect to listeners. His resume, too, is outstanding, boasting of experience and accomplishment in academia, writing, foreign affairs, civil rights, environmental awareness…etc. He is young, captivating, moral, and inherently motivating. Obama is the new face of America.

Americans… still believe in an America where anything’s possible – they just don’t think their leaders do. ~Barack Obama

9 Ways That ‘Yes We Can!’ Like Barack Obama

Barack Obama is a stand for…

1. Change By Us, For Us and Now

Why not us? Why not today? Why not now? Obama believes that those who seek change must be the initiators.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.~Barack Obama

As we know, try all we may, we cannot change anyone but ourselves. This is the same with situations. Only we can act to change our circumstances. Procrastinating action with excuses is easy. If we desire to accomplish something great, then we must have a vision, and be that vision.

2. Constant and Never Ending Improvement

Although Obama recognizes how hard others have worked for this country, he believes that there is much more to improve. There is never an end to improvement.

It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get to where we are today, but we have just begun. Today we begin in earnest the work of making sure that the world we leave our children is just a little bit better than the one we inhabit today.

No matter how good times may be, we can always aspire for an even better tomorrow. A black man will be president, but that does not mean that there is an end to racism. Jay-Z said “Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King could walk. Martin Luther King walked so Obama could run. Obama ran so we can all fly.”, but even flying is a means to something bigger.

3. Rational Measures

Personal development aficionados sometimes plunge into action. We attempt to tackle happiness, jump out of our comfort zones, and wage magnificent wars against a slew of vengeful carbohydrates. And although extremes can be great, we must also make sure that our goals are well planned and rational.

I don’t oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war.~Barack Obama

When a nation chooses to declare a war, Obama believes that this war should be well justified, as war can have huge implications on the nation and its citizens. As the Bush administration was declaring war on Iraq, which had soon become one of the most unpopular wars in history, Obama was pushing for anti-war rallies in his home state of Illinois. So what happened to the so-called weapons of mass destruction? We have not found any. We are now merely moderating someone else’s civil war.

4. Possibility

America is a nation where any person, regardless of where they came from could freely practice religion, politics, trade, and love.

My parents shared not only an improbable love, they shared an abiding faith in the possibilities of this nation. They would give me an African name, Barack, or blessed, believing that in a tolerant America your name is no barrier to success. ~Barack Obama

As Jewish immigrants from the former Soviet Union, my parents came to America to start a new life full of possibilities.  In Kiev where my parents lived, no matter their merit, they could not attend good Universities. “Jew” was like a scar written on their passports. America has always been the land of opportunity, and it is very encouraging that a politician can so openly relate to this, himself.

5. Future Forecasts for Today’s Efforts

Obama recognizes that nothing comes from nothing, that we must win small battles today in order to prevent greater problems in the future.

Poorly secured nuclear material in the former Soviet Union, or secrets from a scientist in Pakistan could help build a bomb that detonates in Paris. The poppies in Afghanistan become the heroin in Berlin. The poverty and violence in Somalia breeds the terror of tomorrow. ~Barack Obama

Any business owner or investor knows that it is extremely important to anticipate impending change before taking on projects. Bill Gates did not believe that the internet would become as ginormous an information medium as it has and had significantly lost on this bet. Owners of Blockbuster franchises may not have seen Netflix and HBO on demand revolutionizing where people get their movies. The government had not foreseen a global recession. Obama may have a lot on his hands right now, but he will work on it today for a better tomorrow.

6. Not taking Yourself Too Seriously

I kind of figured that anyone about to run a country would feel pretty important, but this “skinny guy from the South Side of Chicago with the funny name” was pleasantly surprised when he realized he was on high demand.

The fact that my 15 minutes of fame has extended a little longer than 15 minutes is somewhat surprising to me and completely baffling to my wife.~Barack Obama

When we take ourselves too seriously we are susceptible to a lot of insult. What I mean is that we perceive more as insult when, otherwise, it would be taken as light-hearted comments. When we take ourselves too seriously, we may also get more discouraged in the face of hardship because we would get hung up on our mistakes instead of coming up with solutions to the problem. Therefore, be conscious of what you worry about. Make sure it is worth it.

7. Unity

Obama focuses on what unites America and Americans, rather than their differences. The following was an excerpt from a speech that he delivered at the Democratic National Convention in 2004.

There is not a liberal America and a conservative America – there is the United States of America. There is not a black America and a white America and Latino America and Asian America – there’s the United States of America. ~Barack Obama

While this may not have always been a reality in America, and some of our forefathers wouldn’t necessarily agree, it is our ideal vision of America, and the dream that is slowly becoming a reality.

8. Perfection

We do not need to be inherently perfect in order to perfect ourselves every day.

We need to internalize this idea of excellence. Not many folks spend a lot of time trying to be excellent. ~Barack Obama

As someone who has spent so much time on improving herself, it is a marvel to me how so many people are completely okay with being mediocre. Mediocrity does not save people from hunger. It does not cure diseases and it does not write glorious symphonies. We must internalize excellence and make it a part of our identity.

9. Ambition

If there is one great opportunity for people today it is an abundance of resources. Before the internet, people had excuses when they had no way to find something out. Today, not only can we find answers to almost all of our questions, but we can expose ourselves to millions of people who are looking to build knowledge, skills, and social networks. Today, we have no excuse for why we can’t do something. This also means that we can take on social responsibility. The problem is that many people don’t have the drive to balance the available information.

Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it’s only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential. ~Barack Obama

People can only tackle greatness when they set high standards for themselves and their lives.

Now, I ask you, what do you admire about Barack Obama and what can we learn from that?

Article written by Marina Tsipenyuk, a conscious thinker, singer, writer, and straight A student at Rutgers Business School for Finance.

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Those who have ever valued liberty for its own sake believed that to be free to choose, and not to be chosen for, is an unalienable ingredient in what makes human beings human. ~Isaiah Berlin

Though I generally procrastinate when it comes to reading long fictions, last summer, and due to a twentieth century Russian literature class that I have taken this Fall, I have been inundated with countless philosophies.

I was astounded by so many of the recent novels that I have read, ranging from Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead and Mikhail Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita, to pieces in the style of Socialist Realism and those opposing it. It was in this context, the context set particularly by The Fountainhead, that I quite suddenly came to discover the countless contradictions surrounding social philosophies.

The problem is not vested in finding the ultimate philosophical answer to how everything works. It is, however, the question of “how should I live to optimize my experience of life“?, a question that is not only relevant but entirely subject to our beliefs about ourselves.

This is something we may wonder from time to time along with the notions of love, interconnection, and social responsibility. And it is no wonder that such questions are juxtaposed because it is so difficult for us to separate ourselves from our circumstances.

For this reason, rules that we establish for ourselves may come with contradictions. For instance, if you proclaim to be a utilitarian, then ideally, you will save two people from a burning building rather than one. In practice, supposing that you have the power to save either two people who are unconnected to you or your  child, I would argue that you would save your child, regardless of your position on utilitarianism.

So although I like utilitarianism in theory, if I were to be asked which philosophy would be the most suitable for me and for others, it would be that of the rational egoist, the individualist achiever who is thwarted only by his own rational understanding of the world that he inhabits.

Selfishness vs Selflessness

“That’s the trouble with victims – they don’t even know they’re victims, which is as it should be, but it does become monotonous and take half the fun away. You’re such a rare treat – a victim who can appreciate the artistry of its own execution…” Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

There is nothing wrong with being selfish, in the respect that I will further explain. If we are to examine all of our actions, we will see how selfish they really are, even if we hope to receive no praise or glory for them at all, and even if we end up feeling victimized.

The state of feeling victimized is, itself, a selfish feeling. When you feel victimized, you separate yourself from the world with the excuse that another, or others are the cause of this separation. When you feel victimized you experience selfishness that is rooted in selflessness, perhaps the most dis-empowering feeling that a human being can expose himself to. Selflessness, in this respect, is the relocation of the responsibility of the outcome of your fate upon another person, a product of a person’s giving up his or her “self”. This happens when we allow another person or group to form our opinions for us mindlessly, when we relinquish our fate to the will of others, and when we settle for what society believes is right above our own best judgment. It is easy to be selfless, and through a person’s attempt to simplify his life by blinding himself to personal reality, that person is still selfish in a way that can hurt him.

This concept is illustrated in The Fountainhead, in which people are faced with the society’s glorification of mediocrity and the extent of effect of the spoken word on people’s beliefs. People within the society do not necessarily value talent, but rather the acknowledgment that comes from shameless conformation to the whims of the chosen arbiters of opinion. The society is geared toward “selflessness”, not only in refusing the pleasure of true art and form, but in refusing a personal opinion and a self-motivated goal.

It is, therefore, hardly a wonder that every attempt at socialism is an attempt to oust the individual out of existence. It is an unnatural way to keep people under control, and for that reason, Soviet authors (who only know this notion too well) employ commentaries within their works to serve as extreme facets of the ultimate vision. Andrei Platonov, in The Foundation Pit, for instance, writes how even groups of horses collectivized their hay. In Envy, Yuri Olesha characterizes the new, advanced man, as one who lives for the society, and not for himself, a machine devoid of unnecessary emotions. These are the ultimate forms of selflessness, not only because they are acts that further a society, but because they deny people of self.

Selfishness does not necessarily mean denying help, love, or greatness to others because of an extreme love for oneself and unwillingness to share glory, though this too can be selfishness. What I speak of is individuality and responsibility to oneself above all, even if this responsibility to oneself translates into the responsibility to others. This definition works particularly because a selfish person can acknowledge that even acts of love are selfish because they start from a desire to love.

Argument for Individualism

“I often think that he’s the only one of us who’s achieved immortality. I don’t mean in the sense of fame and I don’t mean that he won’t die some day. But he’s living it. I think he is what the conception really means. You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they’re not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict–and they call it growth. At the end there’s nothing left, nothing unrevered or unbetrayed; as if there had never been any entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they have never held for a single moment? But Howard–one can imagine him existing forever.”~ Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

This was Peter Keating, a mediocrity who thrived as a leech on the perceptions of others, talking about Howard Roark, a talented individualist who’s work had the intrinsic value of the art of a master. In the above quote, Peter recognizes that the liberty with which Roark works assures his immortality. Unlike Keating, whose talent was a manifestation of the whims of others, Roark lived for himself and his work was timeless. He allowed no one to tell him what to do or how to do it, and he lived with his principles, neither attacking nor desiring to be a part of society.

This is to say that being an individualist is very difficult, and those who choose the path may suffer tremendous criticism at the hands of others. People may not understand their reasoning and their zeal, just as people did not understand why Roark refused to take certain commissions as an architect. At the same time, individualists are free because they take responsibility for their own lives and they stop at nothing to do what is right by their own standards. This is selfish, but it is also liberating.

There may be millions of people out there who took the path of someone else, who blinded themselves to clear signals, and who immersed themselves in life’s little nuances and steered themselves away from their dreams. These people may be living in the world today, though they may already be dead by way of spirit.

What does this mean for us?

“Do not, under any circumstances, belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth.”
— Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran

Where do we fit in? The novel, sadly, is far from the only place in which we see people relinquishing rights they have over themselves to others who do not seek and will not nurture the responsibility precisely because they too are merely worrying about looking good and not looking bad. Millions of people, at best, victimize themselves in their situations, and at worst, forge completely unfulfilling goals and live unfulfilling lives because of their own fear of themselves. It is in these cases that we may need to stop and ask ourselves where we are being selfless and why we are doing so. Why should we allow ourselves to live the cookie cutter versions of what we may perceive acceptable instead of the great lives that we can potentially be living?

I now call on you and ask you to tell us in which cases you believe we should be selfish? What are the implications?

Thank you to Marina Tsipenyuk, for writing this great article!

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It is every man’s obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.
~Albert Einstein

I’m currently in the application process for NYU Dental school, so I decided to intern there as of a few months ago. I think it’s important for me to see how a dental school clinic is run, get a chance to work with students and faculty, and be able to formulate a clear opinion as to whether I think this school is for me.

Twice a week I commute to New York City from New Jersey, which takes me anywhere from an hour and a half to two hours. This includes driving to the bus station, taking the bus to New York, and then transferring to a second bus to take me to the other side of the city.

This morning, while waiting for the second bus transfer, I noticed a dollar right in the middle of the five lane street. I looked at it, looked away, looked back, saw it looking back at me, but for some reason I really didn’t feel compelled to race across the street and snatch it up.

It’s only a dollar, it’s not that important to me to have that one dollar, so I think I’ll just leave it there, I thought.

While standing there, playing peekaboo with the dollar, I remembered a story that my fourth grade teacher told me, about her encounter with a dollar bill laying on the floor. This lovable teacher of mine was quite overweight, and as the story goes, when she bent down to pick up the dollar, her pants split in half!

Back then the class and I found this story to be absolutely hilarious. Why else would I remember it so many years after the fact? Looking back now I can only imagine how embarrassing it must have been to walk around with pants that were ripped wide open at the butt.

Not that I thought my pants were going to split, but I just didn’t want to cross the street for it. The bus arrived shortly after, I got on, paid, and took a seat by the window. A gust of wind had blown this dollar right up to the sidewalk where I was standing, and into my field of vision, just as a man was passing by.

This man picked up the dollar, held it up to the sky with such pride, as if this was Willy Wonka’s golden ticket, or as if he had won the lottery. His smile beamed and his happiness resonated. I could tell what the man was thinking; today was going to be HIS day.

I don’t know what the moral of the story is here. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure? It’s better to give than to receive? I don’t know, I was just inspired by this man’s radiating smile and wanted to share it with you.

One thing is for sure, it definitely stands out in my mind more than other times when I just handed someone a dollar that asked for it. Do you think there is a synchronicity in the types of giving that we can do? Is it better to give when someone asks, to give without them knowing, or to give them an opportunity? Just something to ponder.

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Back in the day, and you know a story is good when it starts with ‘back in the day‘, I started to read a lot of books on picking up women. It was the thing to do, all the cool kids were doing it. Anyway, I quickly realized that much of what was written in these books was geared for guys to improve themselves inside out.

There’s also the whole other side to ‘pick up‘, which involves silly carnival tricks, gimmicks, and pick up lines. That’s not the side that got me on the path of personal development, and it’s not the side that holds my interest today.

What makes this book different is that it’s not a guide for how to get a one night stand, or sleep with as many women as your ‘heart’ desires. It’s a look into the concepts and mentality of dating with the ultimate goal of marriage in mind.

Table of Contents

1. Preliminary Introspection
2. Building Confidence
3. Approaching
4. Communicating Powerfully
5. Asking Her Out
6. Dating Essentials
7. Recommended Resources

This book is both a 47 page compilation of some of my best relationship articles, as well as some original content written specifically for this ebook. The overall content has something for everybody.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that this guide is for guys only. It’s not. While I do take the tone of speaking as a guy, to other guys, the actual book has a lot to offer to both species… ahem, genders.

Since this book speaks about interpersonal interactions, it can just as easily be applied to cultivating business relationships, not just personal ones.

Get Your Free Copy

This book is free of charge. No donations necessary. The only thing I’m going to ask is that you subscribe to my free newsletter, or subscribe to my RSS feed via feedreader or e-mail.

The reason I don’t put the download link right on this page is two fold. One is that I want to control download rate, and the other is that I want to increase the subscriber base of the site. You get free book, I get to provide you with free content in the future. Sounds like a good deal to me.

When you subscribe to my newsletter, you will receive an initial e-mail with a download link. If you’re already a subscriber, I will send out a broadcast e-mail with a link for you. When you subscribe through RSS, feedreader or e-mail, you’ll be able to find a download link at the bottom of the article.

You can sign up to the newsletter by clicking this link, or by entering your name and e-mail in the right hand side of the sidebar. You can sign up for RSS by clicking this link.

Acknowledgement

Big thanks goes to Joshua Denney, who has been my slave for the past 24 hours, working non-stop to get this ebook packaged to meet the deadline. You can e-mail him at Think Web Strategy for design inquiries.

There are more very special acknowledgments at the end of the book, but you’ll just have to download to see. Thank you very much to everyone who did help, and a big thank you to those who inspired me.

Huge thanks goes out to my readers. You give my life purpose each and every day, and I appreciate you tremendously.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

One of the worst things in the world is regret. You feel bad you pushed that old lady out of the way to catch that cab in the rain, don’t you? Well then don’t do it. Easier said than done. Sometimes people act in a way that they think is best at the time, but upon further reflection they really wish they could take it back. Here is a simple list of ways you can avoid the dreaded regret and have a clear conscience.

1. Think Before You Act

You need to know yourself pretty well before this tip can become effective. Look at a situation and the possible outcomes before you take action. If you do option #1, this will be the likely result and you will feel a certain way. If you do option #2, there will be a different result and you will correspondingly feel different.

It is hard to predict exactly what the result will be when you act in a certain way. However, in most situations, people can make an educated guess about their action will impact others and themselves. For example, you are paying for your items and the cashier give you change for a $20, even though you only paid with a $10. What do you do? A lot of people would just walk out of the store and count themselves lucky for the extra $10. They reason that it is a big store with plenty of money, they will never miss $10, and I spend enough money in there anyway. Well did you think about the cashier getting paid some paltry hourly wage that may get fired because his/her drawer was $10 off? I’ll bet that job is much more important to that person than $10 is to you. Besides, don’t make bogus excuses to make yourself feel better for knowingly pocketing money that did not belong to you. You will regret it later.

I have personally been on both sides of this scenario and I will tell you that I always regretted walking out with the money, even if it was a few dollars. I do not do it anymore and I feel a whole lot better. I even go back to the store to return the money if I do not realize it until later. It is a small price to pay for a clear conscience.

2. Do What You Love

How many people are out there going to a job they hate, staying in a relationship in which they are unhappy, or doing things for some reason other than because that is what they want to be doing. Most people do this to some degree because we cannot ALWAYS do what we love. This is more of a general recommendation. If love to write, you should start a blog or a journal. If you love to snow board, volunteer at a ski lift in exchange for a pass. Money is no excuse for not doing what you love. There are ways to do what you love and feel fulfilled, you just have to summon the motivation.

If you spend your time doing things you do not like, you will look back after some time and realize you are unhappy and regret that you did not do more of the things you loved.

3. Spend Time With Important People

I have never heard of someone declaring on their death bed “I wish I spent more time at work.” People who look back on their lives with regret, usually wish they spent more time with their families. It sounds corny, but life really is about spending as much time with your loved ones as possible. If it makes you happy to spend time with your friends, carve out some time to do that often enough so that you do not lose those ties that bind.

I work at a job that some people let overtake their lives. I do not. I have always looked at work as a means to and end. It allows me to buy things so that my family and I can live, but I only do enough of it so that we can be comfortable and I can spend as much time with them as possible. I also have two best friends for about the last 15 years that I am very close with. I try to carve out some time with them every so often between work and family responsibilities because I want to maintain those friendships and because spending time with them makes me happy.

Don’t blow off your friend’s birthday or a family cook out to do work that can wait. Go be with the people that are priorities in your life. This is almost an instant regret. You will probably regret not spending time with these important people even while you are somewhere else doing something non-essential. You won’t even have to wait and look back on this one.

The bottom line is that you need to fulfill your need for personal relationships. Don’t regret the time you missed out on with YOUR important people.

4. Be Genuine

The worst people when it comes to social interaction are those that are fake, or insincere. Don’t be one of those people that says something to someone’s face and then turns around and says negative things about the same person to someone else. Why would you do that? Are you afraid of telling the person how you really feel. That is understandable. Maybe you don’t want to actively hurt their feeling and you probably don’t like confrontation. Or maybe you just enjoy degrading people to puff yourself up. Either way, that is a short sighted solution to a long term problem. The shortness is that you make yourself feel better by bringing others down or avoid an uncomfortable confrontation, but the long term problem is that your insecurity is causing you to degrade others. You need to stop being fake and just act the way you really feel.

I am not saying to confront every person who gets on your nerves. You probably hate the person who leaves a tiny bit of coffee in the pot at work and does not just pour the rest out and rinse the pot. You might even know who that person is. Don’t throw the rest of the coffee on them the next time they do it! But if it really bothers you, say something.

I used to be the kind of person that would not say anything when something bothered me and I would stew about it for days and maybe weeks, even years later I would think about it. I should have done this, or said that. Now, when I feel something bothers me, I address it in the most appropriate way I know how. Does this create some confrontation and uncomfortable situations? You better belief it. But it feels so good not regretting that I did not say or do something when that thing was bothering me.

By standing back and doing nothing when something bothers you, you are not being genuine. Act and talk based on how you really feel and you will have much fewer regrets than if you had said or done something less than genuine.

5. Do Things For Yourself, Not Others

There are so many people out if the world you just do things out of a sense of duty, or loyalty or obligation. Of course there is a place for that in all of our lives. You may not want to go to your parents’ house to help clean out the basement, but you do it because you feel obligated. That’s fair, but don’t let it overtake your life. I know people who do virtually everything because that is that they think others expect or want them to do. That is no way to go through life.

I do not advocate complete selfishness by any means, but altruism has it’s limits. You need to think about what you like to do and do it. At the end of the day, you need to look at yourself if the mirror and be at peace with what you have done and said. You don’t want to resent the people you think you are pleasing because you feel they are somehow preventing you from doing things you would like to do. This happens a lot with child/parent relationships. How many people out there resent their parents because they did what they thought would make their parents happy only to find that it did not make them happy?

I started writing posts because it makes me happy. I find it fun and cathartic to write things I believe in and am passionate about. There is something inherently selfish about that, but that’s okay. Some selfishness is required to feel fulfilled and avoid regret.

When you call it a life and look back on your time, the last thing you want to have is regret. Follow these simple tips to help avoid it.

BIO:

Mike Salara writes personal development articles for intellectual thinkers at his site mikesalara.com.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

A little over 4 years ago I was introduced to a life changing art form. I had just graduated film school in NY, and had been training boxing and Muay Thai for a few summers while I worked at my parent’s Day Camp in NJ. I was in a serious relationship on my way to getting engaged and in need of some financial stability.

The film thing looked like it was going to take a long time, and I could not exactly leave my future wife to try and hack it out in L.A. So instead, I jumped into the hot mortgage game chasing the almighty dollar. I got married, bought a house,and went to work each day dreaming to make enough money to live out my dream of film making.

Looking back on this, I realize why they say you grow wiser with age. Back then, I was chasing the dollar to live up to the lifestyle of my peers. I was trying to do ‘what I thought I was supposed to‘. However, by doing so, I was slowly digging a hole inside of me. For instance, I used to run into family or old friends and cringe when they asked what I was doing.

“Mortgages.”

“What happened to the movies?”

“Oh, I’m still doing that a little on the side. I’m writing a script.”

Truth was, I had been writing this script (or actually 3 different ones) for a long time. Something was missing in them though. They were intelligent, well thought out, and skillfully written. However, they just were not great and great was what they had to be.

This was the whirlwind of events going on in my life when I first really got into the life changing martial art called Gracie Jiu Jitsu. I had started soon after graduating film school and am still training & teaching today. I have learned so much about life, that if not for this experience, I’m not sure who I would be today.

The best thing Jiu Jitsu taught me, besides how to choke people , is you must put in the work in order to be successful. Success is not something born within you. Success is a mind set that you must attain.

In Jiu Jitsu, just like life, the key to success is persistence. Whether you get tapped out in 2 seconds, or submitted 20 times, the only people not advancing are the ones who are not there training. Everyone there is gaining experience, learning lessons, and progressing at their own pace. The only way to fail at Jiu Jitsu is to give up & stop coming.

That’s why it had such a big effect on my life. Jiu Jitsu allowed me to see the keys to success and the path to failure. It allowed me to believe that with enough persistence, you truly can achieve anything you want to. The lessons were not just for the mat, but for my entire life as well. All of a sudden I realized, if I wanted to do creative things like film & video, then I had to actually be DOING those things.

Dreaming of them, talking about them, or even procrastinating by researching all about them, did nothing for me. If I had a goal, I had to be working a little towards it each day.

This may seem simple, and actually it quite is, however, many people including the younger ‘me’, think that luck, connections, or money is going to get them where they want to be. This may work for some, but it is so rare, that to count on it would be foolish. Instead, just like in Jiu Jitsu, you must learn to count on the one thing you know you can…

Your Passion.

Be persistent towards your goals. Make them a priority. Since Jiu Jitsu, I have quit the mortgage industry altogether, started a creative web/video business called Reimagine, started my blog, and have made 4 commercials for TV. I’m involved with multiple videos on the web, for promotion, and for personal stuff.

Each day I am still struggling to make ends meet. Yet each day, I am smiling bigger than I ever have. My reward is not tangible. It is hidden deep within my soul. It is a strength I have that I am doing what I want to do. I am hacking out my own path, because that is what I want my life to be. It may be very hard right now, but in the end, it will all be worth it.

Just like when I got my purple belt in Jiu Jitsu, someday I will look back at all of the sweat and tears with great admiration. I will tell people proudly about my life because it is my life. I did not take what was given to me. I went out and got what I wanted by adding to other people’s lives through living out my personal passion.

If not for Jiu Jitsu, I’m not sure this realization would have come to me. I’m not sure I would have understood just how important persistence is. Whatever your dreams are, it is important to your own mental & physical health that you do what you can to chase them. I feel a 1,000x times stronger since I gave up doing mortgages. It’s not that there was anything wrong with it, it’s just that it was not for me. Mentally, it was taxing on my brain. It weighed me down, whether I knew it then or not.

However, when I started to chase my dreams again, it was like an energy source erupted within me. I was motivated, excited, and working harder than ever before. Just like in Jiu Jitsu, I realize that as long as I keep on trying, it does not matter if I fail or succeed. It only matters that I keep on trying.

Now that I have shared my story, it is time to hear from you. What is your dream, and what are you going to do TODAY to help make it real?

I’ll go first. My dream is to make a movie. Today, I am going to learn a little more about editing by cutting together my first National TV Commercial.

Your turn ….

Author’s Bio: This article gives you a good taste of what Peter Normandia is all about. Visit his self-improvement blog, Yin Vs Yang for more excellent articles.

Image Credit: ReimageIt

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

One of the most effective tools that I teach my students about how to analyze a business situation is to do a SWOT analysis.  SWOT stands for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.  This analysis allows a business to thoroughly think through their situation and make wise decisions for their future.  A SWOT analysis does not need to be left only for businesses, but can also be done by individuals.  Doing a SWOT analysis of your life can give you a clear picture of who you are and the opportunities you have for your life and business.

Step #1 – Set up a grid.

Take out a blank sheet of paper and divide it into four quarters to form a grid.  Setting up the analysis in a grid format helps you see the connection between each element of the analysis.  The top two quadrants of the grid are title Strengths and Weaknesses; the bottom quadrants are title Opportunities and Threats.

1. Strengths
2. Weaknesses
3. Opportunities
4. Threats

Step #2 – Understand the connections on the grid.

The grid is made up of several sets of connections.  The first set is the internal/external connections.  In the analysis, strengths and weaknesses are the internal factors.  These represent internal characteristics, abilities and skills that you have (or don’t have).  Likewise, the opportunities and threats are external issues.

Secondly, there is a vertical connection.  The left side of the grid (strengths and opportunities) contains the helpful quadrants that help you reach your goals.  The right side of the grid (weaknesses and threats) includes the harmful quadrants that work against you achieving your goals.

Later when you start filling in the grid you will want to use the connections to help think of more things to put in each quadrant.  For example, most strengths will have a corresponding weakness (and vice-versa); similarly most strengths can lead to opportunities and most weaknesses may lead to threats.  Finally threats can also lead to opportunities.

Step #3 – Take your emotions out; become an outsider.

One of the reasons that businesses hire outside consultants is because they don’t have an emotional connection to the decision making process.  People within the business are emotionally connected and therefore may find it harder to truly see all of their weaknesses and threats.  They also may miss obvious strengths because they feel that it is normal.  Finally, insiders often are so connected to the current strategy that they may miss opportunities that are clear to outsiders.

The same is true for you as an individual.  For example, many of your strengths are likely things that you think are natural to everyone. Maybe you are a great encouragement to others.  You may not realize that the way you encourage others is not normal and is really a significant strength. Because of these trends you must work hard to remove emotions from the situation and try to look at yourself from an outsider’s perspective.  You may also want to get people who are close to you to share their perspective, especially on your strengths and weaknesses.

Step #4 – Spend time analyzing your strengths and weaknesses.

Now is finally the time to start filling in your grid.  Start by thinking through the internal side of the grid by looking at your strengths and weaknesses.  During this step your focus is on the top quadrants, but if an opportunity or threat comes to mind go ahead and write that down.  Be sure to take the time to go through every area of your life.  This includes both your professional life but your personal life.  You will likely use different strengths and experience different weaknesses in your work and business life than you do when you are spending time with your family, caring for your home, and in how you treat your body.

Step #5 – Use your strengths and weaknesses to consider opportunities and threats.

Once you have your strengths and weaknesses recorded you can use them to consider opportunities and threats.  Remember that strengths tend to lead to opportunities and weaknesses tend to lead to threats.  For example, if one of your strengths is that you are able to speak well in public, an opportunity might be the ability to speak at the local Chamber of Commerce or Rotary in order to increase your reputation and network.  Likewise, if a weakness that you have is that your skills and education are limited to one particular trade or field, the threat might be that if your industry suffers in the economy, you may lose your job.  Even if you think this is an unlikely scenario you should record it as a threat.

Step #6 – Apply the findings

After you have developed a thorough list and filled your grid you need to look for ways to apply your findings.  You can start the process applying your findings by asking questions about each quadrant.  For example you may ask: How can you use your strengths effectively? How can you work on your areas of weakness? How can you exploit each opportunity? How can you protect yourself from threats?  The answers to these questions will help you set new goals and strategies for achieving those goals.

Continuing with our previous example, if you see the threat of a job loss because of the weak economy then you need to consider how you can protect yourself from that possibility.  Perhaps you want to start a part-time business to generate extra funds, or increase your emergency fund of cash.  Here you will also want to look at your strengths and opportunities as sources for your answer.  Maybe the opportunity to start speaking at Rotary and Chamber meetings can be part of a strategy to increase your network with other employers in your field.  Examples like this can go on and on.

Coming out of this process you should have a much clearer idea about who you are, where you are headed, and what opportunities you need to pursue.  Use this to set goals for the future, to clarify your existing goals, and to increase your levels of abilities and preparedness.  Doing this will help you move your business and life towards your dreams.

Written by:
The Success Professor – Danny Gamache
Visit Danny’s blog, The Success Professor, for success principles about life and business.
(http://www.successprofessor.ca)

If you would like to submit a guest post to Alex Shalman, please see this link.

Picture from skyfaller

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“To acquire balance means to achieve that happy medium between the minimum and the maximum that represents your optimum. The minimum is the least you can get by with. The maximum is the most you’re capable of. The optimum is the amount or degree of anything that is most favorable toward the ends you desire.”
~Nido Qubein

I see life balance as a table with 10 legs. All legs must be balanced, or else your table is going to be shaky. Nobody wants to sit at a table that’s going to shake on them, and likewise no one wants to be the sole-proprietor of a shaky life.

On the other hand, it’s practically impossible to be balanced in all aspects of your life. It certainly isn’t human nature to find our personal equilibrium at a place where everything is balanced. I think balance is an ideal, and a fun life challenge to strive for.

If your life is severely off balance then aspects of your life that are low will impede the growth and success of those areas that are high. For example, it’s hard to have good relationships with friends and family when you have temperament and emotional control problems.

10 Essential Components of life Balance

1. Health & Fitness
2. Mental development & Education
3. Work, Career, & Finances
4. Social life & Relationships
5. Home & Family
6. Character, Integrity, Ethics & Virtues
7. Emotion control & development
8. Daily habits & routines
9. Life purpose & contribution
10. Spiritual development

These 10 components are all interwoven within your life. None of them are independent of each other. The closer all of these components are to each other, meaning the more balance you have, the more they’ll act as support for each other in your personal growth.

The Imbalanced Life

Let’s be practical and realistic. Who do you know whose whole life is a perfect balance? I can think of no human being, nor any fictional character who has achieved this ideal. This doesn’t stop me from believing the optimal balance is something we should strive for.

In my own life I think I’m doing fairly well with life balance. However, at the current moment the finance leg of my table is doing sub-par to the rest of my areas. Instead of letting this bring the other areas of my life down I’m figuring out ways to deal with the situation in a positive way and I would even go so far as to say that it is a challenge that I look forward to.

I don’t want to waste money on eating out. I remedy this by buying healthy food and cooking it myself or with Marina. Not only am I spending less per meal then I would at a restaurant but I have leftovers for up to 3 days. I’m also not in a position where I can purchase too much entertainment, so I’ve made exercise as my number one source of fun (next to writing articles for you guys!).

My diet consists of eating well, creating great daily habits, exercising, and fasting. All of these components serve to increase the self-discipline portion of my character. This reflects at work, at my internship, and at the amount of articles I have been putting out lately.

I believe that because the legs are pretty well-balanced that instead of my finances bringing everything down, the rest of the components act together to maintain balance. Am I really broke if I still live below my means and take great pleasure in my life?

What does life balance mean to you? Use this opportunity to tell us about your views of life balance in the comments box below.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don’t think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.”
~Anthony Robbins

Tony Robbins life consisted of many ups and downs. When he was a young boy his parents got divorced. During high school he experienced a 10 inch growth spurt in 1 year due to a medical condition known as acromegaly. On top of this Tony got into a huge argument with his beloved mother over his independence and was forced to live on his own while he was a high school student.

Tony later went on to break up with the mother of his first born son, and more recently to divorce from his wife of nearly 20 years. The one underlying theme that drove Tony Robbins throughout these adverse situations was his drive to want to help people.

These days Tony enjoys being at the helm of a company with net earnings in the hundreds of millions, and the satisfaction of knowing that he’s helped hundreds of thousands of people around the globe. Tony has had the opportunity to consult for a president, a princess, sports icons, celebrities and average Joes from all over the world.

Tony helps people from all walks of life reach success, be happy, improve their lives, their relationships, and their health. Tony has the power to persuade people to see the best in themselves, and is caught on camera preventing a man from committing suicide by showing him a different paradigm.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Throughout my personal growth I have been inspired time and time again by Tony Robbins. I’ve read several of his books, listened to his audio tapes and those of his mentors, and I’ve grown a lot as a person. People can’t believe the changes in my character, self-esteem, and demeanor since merely 5 years ago. Tony can definitely get a piece of the appreciation for this.

Resources by Tony Robbins

What I have learned from Tony Robbins

Tony is very capable of getting his message across and ingrained into people’s state of being. One important thing I learned from Tony is that decisions aren’t actual decisions while they’re still in your head. Decisions become decisions once action is taken towards them — that is when they become a reality — that is when you mean business.

Tony helped me to see that I’m capable of living my life right now, regardless of how I lived my life before. To be able to see a brand new future, from any moment that I choose, is definitely an invaluable lesson and gift. Thanks Tony!

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

You can read them all at once, or separate them for each week of the year. Read them in the morning, on the weekends, or as part of a weekly review. Put a post-it note on your wall, carry them in your pocket or write them on your hand.

1. Stephen Covey

“Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it’s holy ground. There’s no greater investment.”

2. Thomas Edison

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

3. Seneca

“If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favourable.”

4. Napolean Hill

“What ever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”

5. Claudia Black

“Trust in yourself. Your perceptions are often far more accurate than you are willing to believe.”

6. Virgil

“They can because they think they can.”

7.Buddha

“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins – not through strength, but through persistence.”

8. Francis Bacon

“A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.”

9. George Dana Boardman

“Sow an act, and you reap a habit; sow a habit, and you reap a character; sow a character, and you reap a destiny.”

10. Albert Einstein

“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, it is the only means.”

11. Jim Rohn

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”

12. Jim Rohn

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.”

13. Confucius

“Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.”

14. Anthony Robbins

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.

15. Brian Tracy

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

16. Tom Krause

“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.”

17. Stanley Bronstein

“Conflict is a catalyst that can fuel the flames that fire us all.”

18. Woody Allen

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

19. Wilfred Peterson

“Success is focusing the full power of all you are on what you have a burning desire to achieve.”

20. Galileo Galilei

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”

21. Abd-el-Kadar

“Collect as precious pearls the words of the wise and virtuous.”

22. Kahlil Gibran

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

23. James Dean

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.”

24. Leonardo da Vinci

“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.”

25. Thornton Wilder

“Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day.”

26. Peter Marshall

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”

27. John W. Gardner

“Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.”

28. Vince Lombardi

“Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is.”

29. Walt Whitman

“Character and personal force are the only investments that are worth anything.”

30. Arthur C. Clarke

“The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.”

31. Maya Angelou

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

32. Miguel de Cervantes

“Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world.”

33. Mae West

“It’s not what I do, but the way I do it. It’s not what I say, but the way I say it.”

34. Lao Tzu

“Great acts are made up of small deeds.”

35. Alexander Graham Bell

“Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing, that we see too late the one that is open.”

36. Benjamin Franklin

“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.”

37. Howard Thurman

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

38. Anne Frank

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”

39. Mahatma Gandhi

“Whenever you have truth it must be given with love, or the message and the messenger will be rejected”

40. Marcus Aurelius

“Such as are thy habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of thy mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts.”

41. Thomas Jefferson

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

42. Henry David Thoreau

“You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.”

43. Viktor Frankl

“Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives.”

44. Theodore T. Hunger

“Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at last upon yourself.”

45. Voltaire

“Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need.”

46. Aldous Huxley

“Every ceiling, when reached, becomes a floor, upon which one walks as a matter of course and prescriptive right.”

47. Basho

“Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought”

48. Menander

“Know thyself means this, that you get acquainted with what you know, and what you can do.”

49. Samuel Johnson

“Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.”

50. Socrates

“The way to gain a good reputation, is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.”

51. Bruce Barton

“When you’re through changing, you’re through.”

52. Aristotle

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

53. Robert Collier

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.”

54. Alex Shalman

“Happiness is being the creator of your experience, choosing to take pleasure in what you have, right now, regardless of the circumstances, while being the best you that you can be.”

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Which one of these quotes is your very favorite? Which quote not listed here do you really love?

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There is a problem with the way most of us see the world: we want to be average. It’s ingrained in to us that it’s bad to deviate from the norm. Who really wants to be normal though?

Is it your goal in life to be completely normal, to get a white collar office job, move to the suburbs, and buy a lot of stuff you don’t need? It’s certainly not my idea of an ideal life, and I don’t think it’s anyone else’s either, it’s just the only model that’s available to us, so we go along with it because no one ever offers us a different path through life.

I would like to tell you about a different path.

Positive psychology and the study of extraordinary people

Positive psychology is a fairly new branch of psychology that, instead of studying average people, studies exceptional, successful people.

When you think about this, it makes a lot of sense. Finding out everything there is to know about the average person is of little benefit to anyone. Finding out about exceptional people though, that’s something that we could all really benefit from.

So how do exceptional, successful people differ from the average person? Here’s how:

• Persistence – Exceptional people are stubbornly persistent, and continue to strive for their goals and work diligently through everything that life can throw at them.
• Creative - Exceptional people are creators. They listen, ask a lot of questions, and connect a lot of dots together to come up with big ideas.
• Contribute – Exceptional people contribute meaningful things to the world around them. If you think about it, all the most admired people throughout history contributed something of immense value to the human race.
• Focus – Exceptional people are focused. They love what they do and they don’t have time for distractions and cheap entertainment.
• Passion - Exceptional people are passionate about their work and their lives. They would gladly do what they do for free, and many do just that. The ironic thing is that when you’re passionate about something, it’s often the case that someone will start trying to pay you to do it.
• Practice – Exceptional people practice, a lot. Most people who dominate their field, whether their field is chess, swimming, or writing, practice hard for about 10 years before they achieve that level of success.

Above all, exceptional people are not afraid to be unique, and they’re not afraid to fail. They question conventional rules and put little stock in what everyone else is doing. Put simply, they trust themselves.

How to take action

First, make peace with the fact that you wont ever be average again. Commit mentally to a mindset of uniqueness and fearlessness, and become comfortable with the fact that you will inevitably stand out from the crowd, to some people in a positive way, and others in a negative way.

The next thing to do is to start taking action.

Most people want to know how to take action. They think sure, those are all the qualities of exceptional people, but how do I get there from where I am?

The answer is simple, you just start. Don’t overthink it, don’t plan out every little detail because plans change, just start taking action now. You probably know what the first step is, you just have a million little reasons not to take it. So instead of worrying needlessly, just throw all the little reasons out and start. Now!

About the Author

This is a guest post by Stu, who writes about how to use psychology for personal growth over at Improved Lives. He is the author of posts such as 112 Quick and Easy Personal Growth Exercises and 5 Happiness Boosting Exercises: Which Ones Work and Which Ones Don’t Do Anything.

If you’d like to write a guest post and get your message out there follow this link.

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