The study of Zen has spread quickly throughout the Western world. People are looking for a sense of peace, a new outlook on life. Zen accomplishes this through meditation and direct experience of the world.

Even though there is much curiosity regarding Zen, people remain skeptical. It is often seen as a fad, although its practice has lasted throughout countless centuries. People wonder what benefits Zen study truly has.

The truth is Zen fundamentals can change your life. How? Here are ten life-changing behaviors that Zen fundamentals can instill in your life.

1. Identify your values. As you study your thoughts, you will find patterns in what your mind is drawn to. These are your values, what is most important in your life. This can include your family, your religion, healthy living, kindness to others, or environmental awareness. There are no right or wrong answers, just be honest with yourself and your values will become clear.
2. Embrace your values. Once you are aware of your values, it is far easier to live according to them. When faced with a decision, you can compare it to your values, and see if it will bring you closer to living your values, or will draw you away.
3. Develop inner peace. Zen mind does not struggle. It accepts life as it truly is. A rock is a rock. It will remain that way no matter how much you worry, wish, or pressure it into changing. The things your mind worries about are the same way. Accept things for how they are, and do not waste time or energy fretting over things you dislike.
4. Energize for change. Seemingly contradictory to point #3, Zen mind can give you extra energy for change. You are not wasting energy fighting against the inevitable. As above, there is a large rock in your way. You have three options: run into the rock repeatedly, agonize about the rock being in the way, or find a way around the rock. Before Zen, most people choose one of the first two options. With Zen mind, you accept the rock for what it is: an obstacle. You accept that you cannot go through it. You do not panic, and waste time and energy worrying about the obstacle. You instead make your own path around the obstacle, either over the rock, around the rock, or under the rock.
5. Enhance knowledge of yourself. As you practice Zen, you will spend a fair amount of time in meditation, listening to your mind ramble. In time, you learn what quiets your mind, and puts you at peace. Listening to the same fears repeating themselves in your mind will soon inspire you to change what is causing those fears. You realize, for example, that your job is a large source of anxiety, and it is time for a change. Without meditation, we tend to ignore what our mind is telling us, and remain locked into our old patterns of doing things.
6. Gain confidence. As you reflect on your inner self, you become conscious of who you really are. You learn what makes you happy, what is beneficial to your life. You bypass the fears and anxieties of your mind, and do what needs to be done. You walk boldly, live passionately. The opinions of others do not matter, because you know you are doing what is right.
7. Appreciate life. You accept life as it is. Starry evenings, a stroll by the river, or a night of solitude each have their own unique characteristics to be appreciated. Mundane activities, such as household chores or doctor’s appointments, also hold their own charm. Observing the quiet details of life lends value to the less appealing aspects, and brings peace and joy in commonplace tasks.
8. Increase consideration for others. Each person on this Earth is interconnected. We are all searching for peace, contentedness, and a meaningful life. It is much harder to be angry at the person who cut you off in traffic when you realize they are on the same path, just at a different point in their journey.
9. Simplify your life. Meditation helps you differentiate between needs and wants. Needs are the basics for survival, such as air, food, water, clothing, and shelter. Wants are designer jeans, the latest electronic gadget, or a mansion. You learn that you can live without the latest, greatest thing. You begin to use your stuff as tools on your journey, and not as status symbols or emotional crutches. The same holds true for your commitments. Your to-do list can be culled down to the necessities, such as caring for your family, providing for needs, and fulfilling activities. It is far easier to say no to another commitment, when your plate is full of the things you love and require.
10. Cultivate a giving spirit. When you are living the best life you can, your heart fills with joy. You are doing what you were put on this earth to do, and doing it to the best of your ability. Your life is simple, you are living your values, and you have a clear mind. You can then give to others with a loving spirit, to help them along their path.

There are countless more ways that Zen fundamentals can benefit you. Experience the life changing advantages of a Zen mind, through simple meditation and appreciating life to the fullest. Have you found that Zen has changed your life? What benefits have you gained through Zen study? Stop by and let me know. I’d enjoy hearing what Zen has done in your life.

Author Bio

Enjoying small town life and her two daughters, Kimberlee Ferrell still carves out time to write. Her blog, Freedom Writing, explores writing, parenting, and anything that flows out of her pen. Stop by to investigate the inner workings of her mind, and to learn more about her copywriting, proofreading, and editing expertise. Strong coffee and walnut brownies will be provided.

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In our society, a concept like Shomer Negiah seems very strange. Premarital sex and the like has gone from frowned-upon act that was restricted to something of a sport. People use sex to not only feel good sexually, but to feel good about themselves. They look at it as both spoils of a conquest and an ego boost that gives a superficial sense of self-worth.

Touch Exploitation

Although sex is no longer reserved for marriage, love, and intimacy, the concept of the human touch as a powerful force has not slipped through the cracks of our society. For years I’ve read about people exploiting “kino” the warmth and closeness of touch, in order to create an artificial closeness with another human being.

This is often used by people that find a person they are attracted to, in order to magnify this attraction ten-fold and create an intense bond on false pretenses. It’s also used in business and other situations in which forging a bond is of benefit to one party or the other.

I don’t see anything wrong with bonding, creating relationships, or getting close to people. I think relationships of all sorts, shapes, and sizes are what we’re here to explore and experience. However, I believe that the power of touch is so powerful that it can leave us blinded to the true nature and intention of a person, leading us to make bad decisions based on this false “information.”

Hillary Clinton on Shomer Negiah

Rabbi Jonathan Shippel once told me an interesting anecdote. A group of Rabbis had an urgent need to speak with President Bill Clinton. Unfortunately, when they arrived unannounced at the white house, the President was away on business. Luckily for them, the first lady Hillary Clinton was in the office and invited the Rabbis in to hear them out.

When the Rabbis got up to the oval office they were greeted by Mrs. Clinton. It was business as usual, and Mrs. Clinton extended her arm for a handshake, but received a response that she wasn’t expecting. The Rabbi did not give her his hand. She was a bit thrown off, but in order to not embarrass her he immediately jumped in and said “Please do not be offended Mrs. Clinton, but because of our religious beliefs, I do not hold the hand of a member of the opposite sex.”

This ignited and peaked Mrs. Clinton’s curiosity. She immediately wanted to know the nature and reason behind having such a custom. The Rabbi explained that a man saves even the simplest touch for none other than his own wife. Mrs. Clinton responded “Wow, I wish Bill knew about this Shomer Negiah.”

Touching Correctly

In the concept of Shomer Negiah, there is a way to touch correctly; meaning with the best intentions, and with the best goal in mind. This goal is to make each touch more special, more profound, and more exclusive, so that each time you touch you’re enabling a connection on a powerful spiritual level.

1. Dating. Don’t touch during dating. You’ll just manipulate yourself, and drown in the extacy of oxytocin hormones swimming through your bodies, blinded to the fact that you may be dating someone that is less than an ideal fit (or even worse) for you. Date by getting to know if you can relate to the person, if you click, if they’re kind, and if your long term goals align (see non-negotiables of dating).

   Touching not only desensitizes you but actually limits the time that you spend discussing what you really do need to know about your significant other because you inadvertently begin to deem some things unnecessary. The physical connection will feel good regardless of compatibility anyway, and you may experience clouded judgment and make the wrong decision for you. Besides, if you are one who worries about testing the engine before committing, you should know that it is much easier to train a person in sex(the way you may want it), than to turn a perfectly unsuitable spouse into a great one.

2. Business. The most you can do is be conscious, meaning keep a watchful eye, for people that are overly touchy-feely during business encounters. If there are two equal deals, why do you pick one person over another, and why would you pick a lesser deal with one person (touch perhaps?).

   Physically proximity may give you the impression that you have a bond with this person, though no such thing really exists. You can do something more, by limiting your handshakes to people of the opposite sex only. Make sure you don’t offend them, and send them over to this article if you need to for explanations, or just tell them what you learned here.

3. Marriage. Shomer Negiah coincides very well with the idea of family purity in Judaism. During the week of a women’s menstrual flow, and the week after, the couple does not touch. This allows for the human need for withdrawal/reconnection to happen monthly by creating a small physical space. No sex, no touching, and if you have a small bed you can sleep in separate ones.

   This allows the reconnection, after two weeks, to feel a honeymoon all over again.I’m not saying you can’t have a perfectly healthy relationship without this rule, or that with this rule everything will be perfect in your relationship, but it does solve a very important issue. Everyone lives by withdrawal/reconnection as sure as there is gravity, and some couples tend to create spiritual, intellectual, and emotional distance, or create fights just so there can be a makeup session. By creating this small physical space, you can enjoy each other, and grow closer at the same time.

The Magic Touch

I recommend reading The Magic Touch: A Candid Look at the Jewish Approach To Relationships by Gila Manolson (Link 1 – Link 2). The book goes into great detail into to the “why” of Shomer Negiah and brings these concepts to life with not only her personal story but stories of her students, as well as biblical examples. I’m looking forward to meeting Mrs. Manolson in Har Nof, Jesusalem if the opportunity should present itself.

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