Last Sunday I was rear ended by a car while standing at a red light. I took a second, got out of the car, smiled and walked over to the other driver. With a lighthearted attitude I asked if she was okay, and asked her if she’d like to pull over around the corner to clear room for traffic.

I asked her if she would like to have a police report made, or handle it ourselves. She didn’t care either way. Luckily she had Geico, which facilitated me getting into a rental car within 10 minutes of walking into their shop, and a 24 hour turnaround for the fix!

I could have gotten angry, stormed out of my car, asked her if she was a complete idiot, degraded her for wasting my time, and perhaps even threatened her. Yes, this would be very extreme, but it would have been a result of just one thought, much like my lighthearted attitude was the result of one thought.

Thoughts are a Choice

Above I gave an example of how we can choose to respond with class, instead of reacting with temper. While this example is obvious, and many people can openly relate, it’s not the only place where we make choices. Everything in life is how we choose to think about it.

“As long as you have to think, you might as well think big. It takes the same amount of energy.”
~Donald Trump

Donald Trump has lost billions of dollars. On the other hand, he has also made billions of dollars. The reason being is that he has given himself permission to think big, risk big, and pursue mega deals in his career.

Most of our decisions in life are based on whether or not we can give ourselves permission to tackle the big things. Whether or not we give ourselves permission is based on the amount of courage and self-esteem that we possess.

Look at a person like Erin Pavlina, who at one point only gave herself permission to earn barely $10/hr as a secretary. After growing her talent as a psychic, and building up a tremendous following, she now gives herself the permission to charge $800/hr for an in person reading (and people are happily lined up around the corner for her service). That’s 2 weeks of income in just 1 hour as compared to where she was before.

A tremendous leap like this comes simply from thinking a certain way. First she had to give herself the permission to pursue her talent, versus answering phones, then to improve her skill through practice and learning. Finally she had to see that being booked for months means that she can give herself the permission to charge what she’s worth at the time.

In life, and in your business, you may also be stuck because of a situation where you aren’t giving yourself the permission to think big. Do you possess the knowledge and skills to be your own boss, but instead you’re letting your boss make more money from you than you make from yourself? Can you give yourself the permission to deserve better friends, better relationships, and a better lifestyle than your parents, or perhaps just better than what you have now?

What’s the difference between entry level and CEO, or between employee and boss? Is it not just giving yourself the permission to succeed, learning everything there is to do the job, and taking risks that other are not willing to?

Remember, if you’re going to listen to conventional wisdom, and follow everyone else’s advice, then you’re probably going to get the same results as everyone else. If you decide that’s not good enough for you anymore, make your own rules.

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“You are a product of your environment. So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success – or are they holding you back?”
~W. Clement Stone

The premise of my argument is that our ability to reach our full potential is either enhanced, or limited, by our environment. Therefore, it is in our best interest to find an environment that is best suited for us to thrive in. I define environment not merely as an area, but as the sum of our life experiences, the friends that we have, and the books that we read. In essence, environment is the nurture component of the nature versus nurture argument.

Our potential is our fixed-capacity for personal growth; meaning you cannot get more potential than you’ve got, but you can certainly strive to reach, or fall short of reaching it. A great environment is a very crucial component that can propel us toward this potential, but at the same time, an environment that is not conducive for growth will restrain us from reaching our full potential.

Experience

“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.”
~Ayn Rand

Our experiences serve as a foundation from which we make future decisions. Experiences can be either positive or negative, and they can also be falsely-positive or falsely-negative if the proper level of insight isn’t reached.

A false negative experience can be a failure that creates an unwarranted fear. This would be like falling off a bicycle, and never getting back on, or having a heart break, and avoiding future relationships. A false positive experience is an unwarranted sense of courage. This would be like winning a fight based on sheer luck, and then continuing to pursue fights and deeming yourself unconquerable, or having unprotected sex without the consequence of disease or pregnancy, and continuing to pursue this dangerous lifestyle.

When an experience is truly positive or negative, it’s smart to use it toward future decision making, because the experience is a good representation of what will occur the next time you may have this experience. For example, if you go to class, listen proactively, and study well, you’re going to see a good grade again, just like you did last semester. This is a clear positive. Another example is, if you try penicillin, and have an adverse allergic reaction, then it’s safe to assume that you are allergic, and you should never take this family of medicines again. This is a clear negative. These are both examples of smart assumptions, otherwise known as learning, that keep us doing more beneficial things, and avoiding detrimental ones.

It’s important for us to be able to distinguish between true and false experiences. Looking at life in retrospect and doing a lot of thinking introspectively will greatly reduce the amount of false assumptions that we allow to govern our decisions in life.

If there are no contradictions, we will quickly uncover the veil of falsehood that surrounds our experience. We’ll recognize fact as fact, and falsehood as falsehood, and our future decisions will reflect truth. The key is to stop and think about our experiences, instead of letting them govern our lives. After all, we’re humans, not hamsters that are meant to be stuck in a spinning wheel of ignorance.

Friends

“Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.”
~W. Clement Stone

Many years of my life have been spent with people whose philosophy on life has been nothing short of a vast deviation from truth. Some were timid, while others were steadfast in their ideals, in spite of the falsity of those ideals and the harm that having those ideals may cause to them and to the people around them. Don’t worry, I’m not the only one that’s been exposed to these people. Some of them are still in my life, and I’m sure that you’ve got one or two of your own.

I’m not saying that it’s impossible to transcend the philosophy of your friends, and the people that you speak with most often. I’m saying that if you’re with people who are spewing falsehood, you’re going to have a hard time getting upstream without a paddle and arriving at truth.

I’m making the assumption that arriving at truth will give you a better life and will improve life for all of us as a collective as well. Otherwise, you might as well throw out the notion that you should be striving for truth, and stop worrying about who your friends are.

If you’re with me, and you understand that you can choose a better life, through the means of a better philosophy, then it’s time to take an honest look at who you associate with. We begin this exercise by taking a close look at the five people with whom you spend the most time with (technology permits this to be any type of communication, not exclusive to face-to-face conversation).

What if your top-five consists of a drug dealer, a rapist, a murderer, an alcoholic, and a convict? You speak with these people daily, maybe you even try to discourage them from their ideas and practices, but how long can you maintain integrity to your vision of truth before their philosophy seeps into your mind? How long before your mind becomes a melting pot of negativity, which you begin to spread into the world?

Yes, this is very extreme, but I’m sure there are people out there whose top-5 looks like this. Your type might not be this bad, but it could still be bringing you down, and keeping you from reaching your full potential. You might be the proud associate of a complainer, a pessimist, a TV-junkie, a binge eater, and a shopaholic. Not as bad, but still not a group of people that will get your operating on all cylinders toward your potential.

What if we take away the people that we’re bound to based on emotional holds, geographical location, and family orientation, and design our very own mastermind group of friends. If we can pick and choose anyone, we could pick fun, friendly, motivational, intelligent, respectful, compassionate, successful, controlled, powerful, and courageous people to associate with. Their philosophies will become our philosophy, and this will be reflected in our choices, habits, and goals.

Books

“A truly good book teaches me better than to read it. I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint. What I began by reading, I must finish by acting.”
~Henry David Thoreau

“When you sell a man a book, you don’t sell him 12 ounces of paper and ink and glue – you sell him a whole new life.”
~Christopher Morley

Books are like a cheat sheet to life. By reading great books, you are saving yourself from making years worth of mistakes, and learning to do things faster and better. By becoming more efficient at life, you’re freeing up more time for the enjoyment of life. By getting closer to the truth, you’re enabling yourself to use your time more wisely.

As with friends, you run the risk of reading bad philosophy, and thus getting further from the truth. The good thing is that by becoming an avid reader, and seeing an onslaught of various ideas, your mind becomes capable of deciphering which philosophies will actually serve you well. You’ll have enough depth of knowledge so that you won’t be easily swayed by bad ideas, while at the same time being open to experiencing those ideas that can bring you closer to truth.

Fifty years of someone’s life experience is yours for the taking within several hours worth of reading. You can effectively gain tens, if not hundreds of thousands, of hours full of people’s life experiences. Your environment, the one that decides how quickly you’ll achieve your potential will thus evolve internally, despite your geographic location, and the people you are predisposed to.

Putting It All Together

By combining constant introspection into the reality of your experiences, a solid base of friends that serve to better your philosophy, and an arsenal of books that you’ve not only read, but applied to your life, you are effectively shaping your own destiny. You’re not only tampering with, but beating your environment, and creating a new one that will serve whatever purposes you can dream of.

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Those who have ever valued liberty for its own sake believed that to be free to choose, and not to be chosen for, is an unalienable ingredient in what makes human beings human. ~Isaiah Berlin

Though I generally procrastinate when it comes to reading long fictions, last summer, and due to a twentieth century Russian literature class that I have taken this Fall, I have been inundated with countless philosophies.

I was astounded by so many of the recent novels that I have read, ranging from Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead and Mikhail Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita, to pieces in the style of Socialist Realism and those opposing it. It was in this context, the context set particularly by The Fountainhead, that I quite suddenly came to discover the countless contradictions surrounding social philosophies.

The problem is not vested in finding the ultimate philosophical answer to how everything works. It is, however, the question of “how should I live to optimize my experience of life“?, a question that is not only relevant but entirely subject to our beliefs about ourselves.

This is something we may wonder from time to time along with the notions of love, interconnection, and social responsibility. And it is no wonder that such questions are juxtaposed because it is so difficult for us to separate ourselves from our circumstances.

For this reason, rules that we establish for ourselves may come with contradictions. For instance, if you proclaim to be a utilitarian, then ideally, you will save two people from a burning building rather than one. In practice, supposing that you have the power to save either two people who are unconnected to you or your  child, I would argue that you would save your child, regardless of your position on utilitarianism.

So although I like utilitarianism in theory, if I were to be asked which philosophy would be the most suitable for me and for others, it would be that of the rational egoist, the individualist achiever who is thwarted only by his own rational understanding of the world that he inhabits.

Selfishness vs Selflessness

“That’s the trouble with victims – they don’t even know they’re victims, which is as it should be, but it does become monotonous and take half the fun away. You’re such a rare treat – a victim who can appreciate the artistry of its own execution…” Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

There is nothing wrong with being selfish, in the respect that I will further explain. If we are to examine all of our actions, we will see how selfish they really are, even if we hope to receive no praise or glory for them at all, and even if we end up feeling victimized.

The state of feeling victimized is, itself, a selfish feeling. When you feel victimized, you separate yourself from the world with the excuse that another, or others are the cause of this separation. When you feel victimized you experience selfishness that is rooted in selflessness, perhaps the most dis-empowering feeling that a human being can expose himself to. Selflessness, in this respect, is the relocation of the responsibility of the outcome of your fate upon another person, a product of a person’s giving up his or her “self”. This happens when we allow another person or group to form our opinions for us mindlessly, when we relinquish our fate to the will of others, and when we settle for what society believes is right above our own best judgment. It is easy to be selfless, and through a person’s attempt to simplify his life by blinding himself to personal reality, that person is still selfish in a way that can hurt him.

This concept is illustrated in The Fountainhead, in which people are faced with the society’s glorification of mediocrity and the extent of effect of the spoken word on people’s beliefs. People within the society do not necessarily value talent, but rather the acknowledgment that comes from shameless conformation to the whims of the chosen arbiters of opinion. The society is geared toward “selflessness”, not only in refusing the pleasure of true art and form, but in refusing a personal opinion and a self-motivated goal.

It is, therefore, hardly a wonder that every attempt at socialism is an attempt to oust the individual out of existence. It is an unnatural way to keep people under control, and for that reason, Soviet authors (who only know this notion too well) employ commentaries within their works to serve as extreme facets of the ultimate vision. Andrei Platonov, in The Foundation Pit, for instance, writes how even groups of horses collectivized their hay. In Envy, Yuri Olesha characterizes the new, advanced man, as one who lives for the society, and not for himself, a machine devoid of unnecessary emotions. These are the ultimate forms of selflessness, not only because they are acts that further a society, but because they deny people of self.

Selfishness does not necessarily mean denying help, love, or greatness to others because of an extreme love for oneself and unwillingness to share glory, though this too can be selfishness. What I speak of is individuality and responsibility to oneself above all, even if this responsibility to oneself translates into the responsibility to others. This definition works particularly because a selfish person can acknowledge that even acts of love are selfish because they start from a desire to love.

Argument for Individualism

“I often think that he’s the only one of us who’s achieved immortality. I don’t mean in the sense of fame and I don’t mean that he won’t die some day. But he’s living it. I think he is what the conception really means. You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they’re not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict–and they call it growth. At the end there’s nothing left, nothing unrevered or unbetrayed; as if there had never been any entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they have never held for a single moment? But Howard–one can imagine him existing forever.”~ Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

This was Peter Keating, a mediocrity who thrived as a leech on the perceptions of others, talking about Howard Roark, a talented individualist who’s work had the intrinsic value of the art of a master. In the above quote, Peter recognizes that the liberty with which Roark works assures his immortality. Unlike Keating, whose talent was a manifestation of the whims of others, Roark lived for himself and his work was timeless. He allowed no one to tell him what to do or how to do it, and he lived with his principles, neither attacking nor desiring to be a part of society.

This is to say that being an individualist is very difficult, and those who choose the path may suffer tremendous criticism at the hands of others. People may not understand their reasoning and their zeal, just as people did not understand why Roark refused to take certain commissions as an architect. At the same time, individualists are free because they take responsibility for their own lives and they stop at nothing to do what is right by their own standards. This is selfish, but it is also liberating.

There may be millions of people out there who took the path of someone else, who blinded themselves to clear signals, and who immersed themselves in life’s little nuances and steered themselves away from their dreams. These people may be living in the world today, though they may already be dead by way of spirit.

What does this mean for us?

“Do not, under any circumstances, belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth.”
— Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran

Where do we fit in? The novel, sadly, is far from the only place in which we see people relinquishing rights they have over themselves to others who do not seek and will not nurture the responsibility precisely because they too are merely worrying about looking good and not looking bad. Millions of people, at best, victimize themselves in their situations, and at worst, forge completely unfulfilling goals and live unfulfilling lives because of their own fear of themselves. It is in these cases that we may need to stop and ask ourselves where we are being selfless and why we are doing so. Why should we allow ourselves to live the cookie cutter versions of what we may perceive acceptable instead of the great lives that we can potentially be living?

I now call on you and ask you to tell us in which cases you believe we should be selfish? What are the implications?

Thank you to Marina Tsipenyuk, for writing this great article!

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Life is empty and meaningless and it’s empty and meaningless that it’s empty and meaningless.

When I posted that Life is empty and meaningless, I was just curious to see what type of comments I would get. I could have explained what I meant then, but I thought it would serve me better to wait.

Some people thought I was being morbid, some were offended, some thought I would attract more emptiness and meaningless into my life, while others saw the possibilities, and to my surprise and amusement someone actually called me out on being a landmark forum graduate. This only adds to the fact that I’m sharing these concepts with you because I believe you deserve to know them.

Perhaps defining what I mean by the above sentence is a huge contradiction. Why define something that I say is empty and meaningless. The reason I do this is because I want you to receive the benefit of this belief. This paradigm suits me well in life, and enables me to be happy, experience unconditional love, as well as push myself to new and exciting limits.

My paradigm of life liberates me from past fears, traumas, and self-limiting beliefs. Thoughts that dictate that I might fail, won’t make it, aren’t good enough, not smart or good-looking enough, and any other onslaught of beliefs that could potentially stop me from reaching my goals and fully enjoying life are absolutely unacceptable.

I’ve decided to take a zero-tolerance policy towards thoughts that aren’t being conducive to my happiness. When I think of thoughts as either pro-joy, or anti-joy, without a gray area, it helps me to filter out what I do not consider an adequate use of my time, resources, and thought processes.

I do believe there is an adequate purpose in studying ourselves and looking at why we have certain negative beliefs and emotions. I do not believe such thoughts have any other practical use in our daily lives. It is fun to have a breakthrough, in which you realize that you’ve been limiting your joy by holding onto a self-limiting belief. At the same time, it is important to stop dwelling on these thoughts soon after your a-ha! moment.

It’s true, what you think about expands, so why is it that I think about life being empty and meaningless? What most people do not realize is that we have a special mental and spiritual ability to start our lives with a blank-slate, whenever the urge strikes us or the need arises. Letting go of the past enables us to create our future. With emptiness and meaninglessness, we are armed with a future of endless possibilities.

By having such beliefs, you create a reality for yourself where there are no excuses. Surely there will still be challenges, but they’ll no longer be problems or impenetrable walls. Instead, life will be a game, in which you pick your thoughts, your activities, and go on a journey that is fun, challenging, and exciting. Once you adopt this paradigm, there is no more looking back (unless that’s what you want).

Who would you be without self limiting beliefs? 

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FYI: I do have a point, but I’m waiting to see if anyone nails it in the comments section.

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As you may or may not know, I’m not a big fan of being late. This is why I like to come early on days when I go to see my life coach.

This time around I came a whole 30 minutes early, and decided to brain storm some ideas in my moleskin. In order to get a little privacy, I sat in the back of the waiting room, where I don’t usually sit.

In my new location, I noticed a poster on the wall with a list that I just couldn’t ignore. The list was ‘An Eschatological Laundry List‘ by Sheldon Kopp, which is from his ‘If You Meet The Buddha On The Road, Kill Him‘.

The list proved to be very interesting, and thought provoking for me. I’ll say right now that I don’t agree with every single point on the list, but overall it got me thinking, and I thought it was share worthy.

1. This is it.
2. There are no hidden meanings.
3. You can’t get there from here, and besides there is no place to go.
4. We are already dying, and we’ll be dead a long time.
5. Nothing lasts!
6. There is no way of getting all you want.
7. You can’t have anything unless you let go of it.
8. You only get to keep what you give away.
9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.
10. The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there’s no compensation for misfortune.
11. You have the responsibility to do your best nonetheless.
12. It’s a random universe to which we bring meaning.
13. You really don’t control anything.
14. You can’t make anyone love you.
15. No one is any stronger or any weaker than anyone else.
16. Everyone is, in his own way, vulnerable.
17. There are no great men.
18. If you have a hero, look again; you have diminished yourself in some way.
19. Everyone lies, cheats, pretends. (yes, you too, and most certainly myself.)
20. All evil is potentially vitality in need of transformation.
21. All of you is worth something if you will only own it.
22. Progress is an illusion.
23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.
24. Yet it is necessary to keep struggling toward solution.
25. Childhood is a nightmare.
26. But it is so very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-cause-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up.
27. Each of us is ultimately alone.
28. The most important things each man must do for himself.
29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
30. We have only ourselves, and one another. That may not be much, but that’s all there is.
31. How strange, that so often, it all seems worth it.
32. We must live within the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power, and partial knowledge.
33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.
34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do.
35. No excuses will be accepted.
36. You can run, but you can’t hide.
37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.
38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.
39. The only victory lies is in surrender to oneself.
40. All of the significant battles are waged within the self.
41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.
42. What do you know for sure…anyway?
43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again.

What are your favorite points?

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Photo by Benoutram

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Have you ever noticed how desire and anticipation are sometimes more exciting and profound than obtaining the object that we yearn for? Whether we’re anticipating a vacation, wanting to get to know a person we saw from a far, or hungry for an appetizing dish, we are assuming that we will be receiving a certain amount of value or enjoyment upon ‘arriving at our destination.’

Often times we rush hastily and abruptly to reach our goals without thoroughly savoring the journey and enjoying the present. Unfortunately, on more than one occasion we are faced with disappointment as we find that the level of enjoyment that we receive from acquisition was not nearly as promising as our imagination had promised it to be.

The key is to get excited about the future, while at the same time slowing down to relish the path in which we have found ourselves. If we’re planning for a month to meet someone we really admire, our mind will fill itself with glorious images of the encounter. By slowing down and enjoying these thoughts and feelings, even if the day we meet the person is a big disappointment, we already had a month of fun pretending.

If you think about it, there is no real reality, there is only apparent reality. That which we perceive for ourselves is the only thing that is alive within our reality. Why not fill our reality with thoughts of excitement rather than anxiety and disappointment.

____
Photo by T. Keller

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Wouldn’t it be great if you could live a totally worry free life? Think about all the time and energy that you would save, and all the stress you would avoid. If you’re enrolled into the idea that You Can Control Your Life With One Thought, then I have an interesting lens through which you could look at life. Yes, you are able to choose your outlook on life, and it’s quite interchangeable on demand.

People tend to worry mainly about their money, health, and relationships. This seems to be a common trend among us. Some situations we can control (or at least think we can), while others we clearly cannot control. If we do our part, think thoughts conducive to happiness, and take actions along the same path, then we will not have anything to worry about. No, worrying is NOT productive in problem solving, overcoming an obstacle, or otherwise a contributing factor to living a happy life.

When planning, you are formulating the best course of action by utilizing your creativity and critical thinking skills. On the other hand, worrying is an energy draining activity that is associated with guilt, anger and anxiety.

When I say don’t worry, I am by no means suggesting that you avoid thinking about your future. By all means, now is the time to plan for the future. You can’t put off planning until later, because when later comes it may very well be too late.

Think of this silly example: You see your friend looking very much upset and you question him to see what’s wrong. The friend explains that everything is great right now, but he’s worried that it won’t be 5 years from now. Would you say that this is a ridiculous thing to worry about? I think that worrying about anything, whether it’s 5 years, or 5 minutes into the future is futile. Planning into the future makes much more sense.

Our conscious and unconscious minds are so interwoven, that it isn’t possible to completely block out thoughts from entering our mind. However, when we do become aware of a thought, our mind possess the power to switch channels to a better thought. When you catch yourself worrying, flip the channel to the planning station. Plan how you could overcome your obstacle, instead of stressing out and worrying about it.

• If you knew you had the power to choose, would you never choose to worry again?
• How would your life be different if you didn’t worry?

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Consider the person that is in a state of depression. Their daily thoughts bounce from one to another, with the underlying hint of sadness. That’s 12,000 thoughts that will be mostly pessimistic and not conduciveness to happiness.

Most people share the same goal in common and that is to be happy. While the definition of happiness can vary from person to person, and the pursuit of happiness may not always be sought via the most effective method, it’s still on the forefront of all our minds.

We are responsible for choosing which thought we are going to invest our time and energy into thinking. It is completely in our power to choose thoughts that resonate with our happiness, or any other feeling that we wish to experience. We can make our 12,000 thoughts be about what we want.

The way i see it is that out of all the things I can be thinking about, there is no point wasting thought power on negativity. It’s great to reminesce and think about the past, or plan fun and adventureous futures. However, when it comes down to it, right now, this very moment, is all that we have. We can choose to keep our mind focused on this moment, and on the thought of happiness. That way we don’t need to obtain anything to be happy, we can be happy right now.

In this article I spoke of creating happiness by controlling your thoughts. In general, this article is meant to point your attention to the fact that you can experience whichever thought or state that you desire, just by concentrating your thoughts on it. In my case, I prefer to target my thoughts towards happiness, but it doesn’t have to be that way for you. There’s an endless possibility of things to think about, so choose wisely!

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You never know what kind of an affect a compliment may have on a person. A smile, a better day, or a large scale domino affect of good vibes and good fortune. In return, you will build rapport and bask in the glory that you did a nice thing for another.

The 30 second compliment experiment.

In order to make complimenting a habit we’re going to force ourselves to compliment everyone we meet. Starting now, we are going to compliment whoever we speak with within the first 30 seconds of initiating the conversation. We’re going to do this with every single person we speak with!

Now I’m not saying you need to pull over every person you pass on the street. You do this with anyone you are already engaging a conversation with, for whatever reason.

This is an observational experiment. This means that we are going to take notice, and possibly record the responses that we get from this venture. Here are some of the things we should look out for.

• What was the person’s reaction to the compliment?
• Did we get a thank you?
• Did we get a smile?
• How did we feel about paying the compliment?
• Did they compliment us back?
• Did we diffuse what looked like a bad mood?

We can take note of many aspects in this experiment. The good part about this experiment is that no harm can come from this type of interaction. Not that I see anyway. The trick is to be sincere in your compliments. If you compliment something that is obviously off, such as the hair on a bold guy, people will be hurt or take offense. We want to be genuine and sincere.

Have you ever done such an experiment? What have you observed when you genuinely complimented someone? Do you think this is a good habit to get yourself into?

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Decision making could be a complicated process, and for certain situations it should take extensive research and planning before acting upon a certain choice. On the other hand, decisions can be made swiftly and concretely once the satisfactory amount of knowledge has been obtained.

What can you do when you can’t decide?

1. Flip a coin and let chance decide.
2. Meditate and let it come to you.
3. Ask a mentor and let them decide.

Even though it’s always better to make a decision by using heart, brain and gut, it’s not always easy. Sometimes it’s better to use any means necessary to make your decision, and then be a stickler to your choice. People could quite frankly spend their whole life indecisively. They find themselves living in a state of fear, guilt, and regret, without ever achieving their potential satisfaction in life.

See if your decision is a reflection of you. Ask yourself some questions.

1. Can you picture yourself in the future, living with the choice you are considering?
2. If you could move forward with no regrets, will you be happy living that decision?
3. Is your decision aligned with your personal mission statement?

Once you have projected yourself into a life where your decision is a reality, and have seen yourself happy, then you are set to make your decision. Choose, and proceed with no regrets. This process has helped me in everything from choosing between coffee flavors and a career path.

It works for me. What have you found that works for you?

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

I could be wrong, I often am, but in my humble opinion, and in my ever tweaking paradigm of the world, there is no such thing as self-sacrifice. It just doesn’t exist. Sure, on the superficial level, you may look at a person and see a martyr. If you allow me to show you the deeper layers, I will attempt to persuade you otherwise.

Self-sacrifice is defined as:

The act of deliberately following a course of action that has a high risk or certainty of suffering or death (which could otherwise be avoided), in order to achieve a perceived benefit for certain others.

I’m partially agreeing with this statement. There may indeed be a perceived benefit to certain others. However, the truth of the matter is, there is an underlying unperceived benefit to the self. If indeed there is benefit to the self, than this act is not really a “self-sacrifice”. The reason it’s not a true sacrifice is because something of higher value is obtained.

What can you possibly get out of being a kamakazee, or suicide bomber?

At first glance, it seems like dieing for your country, or your god, is a purely selfless act. A self-sacrifice if you will. You could have just as easily NOT killed yourself, and been alive. On the surface it’s easy to see that by destroying themselves, and taking the enemy with them, they are attempting to help their country, family, or god.

There is of course an underlying reason for all of this. They want to feel like heroes, like someone important, like someone that their country, family, or god will approve of. They want that approval, and for it they are ready to commit not only the life of their enemy, but their own life as well. This isn’t called self-sacrifice, it’s called paying too much to feel good about yourself for a short time.

What about the mother that would sacrifice her life, for the life of her child?

Is that, or is it not self-sacrifice? On the surface, she is giving up her ability to live freely and prosper, in order to save a life of another. It seems like the ultimate noble act of self-sacrifice. I’m not going to argue if it is or isn’t noble. It very well may be. However, let’s take a look at what would happen if she just let her child die, when there was something (anything!) she could do to save him.

She would spend the rest of her life grieving, and miserable, and regretting the fact that her love, her child, was taken from her, and how it should have been her in it’s place. So, in a split second of maternal instinct, she pushed her child away from the oncoming car and positioning herself in his place. What she gave up wasn’t just a life, but a life of misery. She died for that self-approval, of knowing she did the right thing for herself, and for her child. Not exactly self-sacrifice, as much as a delicately balanced give and take.

There is NO self-sacrifice.

I stand by my opinion, that there is no such thing as self-sacrifice. I do encourage you to voice your opinion, or bring up any examples in which you think self-sacrifice does in fact exist. The comment box below is open for you!

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

Have you ever felt that maybe you aren’t enjoying life as much as you could be? Perhaps you see other people smiling, and laughing, and wonder just what it is that makes them seem so happy. Maybe if you had all the money, and all the time in the world, you would be a happier person too?

I think I’ve got a simple formula for being happy, and getting the most out of your day.
Being happy has a lot to do with doing what’s right for you. You can either pay attention to what makes you happy, and do more of that, or avoid doing the things that make you unhappy. How is that for keeping it simple?

Let’s take a look at some of the every day things that can help you get the most out of life:

1. Stop inhaling your food. Take the time to really chew, feel, and savor the food that you eat. Take a little longer on your meal. Get the full satisfaction out of it.
2. Slow down your conversation. I’ve noticed that many people have conversations that involve two people talking, and no one listening. Slow down the convo, and pay extra attention to what is being said to you. Listen, think about what they said, and formulate a question to inquire more about their situation. You’ll realize that conversations will be much more enjoyable. Practice being a proactive listener.
3. Take the time to think. Slow down and enjoy life by taking the time to understand yourself. Are you happy with who you are as a person?

I realize that you might be thinking, ok, who has time to eat, talk, and think, I got stuff to do! I realize that your stuff could even be very important. You just have to consider if your stuff, and everything that you are committed to is worth sacrificing your happiness. Hopefully your own happiness hasn’t been pushed too far down your to-do list!

The moral of the story is… slow down and stay present in order to fully take in and enjoy the beauty of the world and people around you.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

As much as we would like to think of past mistakes as a learning experience, there are certain errors that we wouldn’t mind having corrected. Join me in doing the following exercise, in order to realize which mistakes we’re able to correct before they occur.

While You Were Sleeping

Tonight you’re going to fall asleep, just as you normally would. Only this time, you’re going to have a dream, in which you meet your future self. You’ll sit down and discuss what went on in those fifteen years, between now and then.

Your future self will fill you in on the joys and sadnesses of what had happened. He’ll also share his regrets and plead with you to do things differently this time around.

What would you do differently if you got to do fifteen years all over again? No, not the past fifteen, but the next fifteen.

• Would you make sure you exercised every single day?
• Would you read more books and expand your mind?
• Would you floss your teeth, and take care of your gums?
• Would you let go of a friend or end a relationship?
• Would you change jobs, or go back to school?
• Would you say I love you more to your parents or children?

This is your opportunity to take advantage of a second chance. What would you do, for your future you?

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

Friday is Thinking day at AlexShalman.Com

Let’s talk about life; how does the way we think of life affect the way we live it? I say life is a -blank- because your outlook on life is yours alone. The trick is to think about why this is your outlook, and how your life could be different if you tried on a different paradigm.

Realizing Your Own Potential

The way you live your life, and your perception of it is controlled solely by your thoughts. If this is true than it is possible for you to adopt a new vision of yourself right now. You no longer have to think that life is a -blank-; starting now, make your life mean what you want.

Fill In Your -Blank-

So what is your out look? How do you see life? My favorite way to look at life is to see that life is a game. This keeps things fun, lively, and stress free for me. At the same time, it allows me to recognize life’s problems as challenges that i’m excited to overcome (as if a puzzle of some sort).

So share with us, what is your -blank-, or what would you like your next -blank- to be?

If you like this post, please give it a stumbleupon thumbs up, and leave a comment with what’s your blank! Thank you! 

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

Here comes a big confession from me; one of my biggest fears is being completely alone. I’m not talking about not being in a relationship, or in an empty house, I’m talking about being the last person on earth type of alone. Luckily I’m pretty sure that I’ll never have to worry about that, so let’s talk about the more practical type of alone. Just you and your thoughts, for an extended period of time.

Solitude can be a scary place for many individuals, and I think this stems from a lack of knowledge about how to best handle these situations. As with all of our time, we want solitude to be as pleasant and productive as possible. For this we need we need to have a system in place. If we don’t know how to use this time properly, there’s a good chance that we’ll either get bored, or have anxiety about being alone. This could potentially lead us into counter-productive activities, or attract us towards non-ideal companions.

A person who does not know how to use his mind productively will flee from the state of being alone. But when a person has learned how to think, he will greatly appreciate the moments when he is by himself, for then he will be able to utilize those moments for intellectual and spiritual growth. – Gateway To Happiness

Things to Think About in Solitude

1. Your life outlook. Explore and refine what your philosophy on life is. Remember, I told you why I think life is a game. What does life mean to you? Which paradigm of life would give you the most fulfillment?
2. Your time value. Consider if you are using your valuable time wisely, or squandering it away on frivolous activities. What could you minimize or eliminate that is taking up the precious moments of your life?
3. Try to remember. Exercise your brain, and try to remember situations from your childhood and early life that have made you exceptionally happy. Who were you with, and what were you thinking about during this stage of your life?
4. Positive people. Think about positive influences on your life. Who are the first people that come into your mind? What kind of value have these people brought to your life? How have they helped to shape who you are now? How can you spend more time with these people, or others that have similar interests?
5. Your Mission. You might not be 007 on a mission, but you’re you, and your life has a very special purpose. If you have the freedom and opportunity to be whatever you want, or do whatever you want, before your time is up, what would it be?
6. Social Value. Every body has a value within society, but not everyone has the same value. A doctor that saves lives, has a higher value than a murder who kills good people (no overpopulation comments please =). Consider what you’re bringing to society. What is it about you that helps people to have an easier, happier, or better day? How can you do more of that?
7. Nothing. See how long you can sit in complete silence, while pushing out all the noise that your mind creates. Once you have achieved silence within, you’ll likely experience a “eureka moment”. This could come to you in a form of a fresh idea, or an answer to something that’s been on your mind.
8. Analyze Your Self-Talk. When you think about the future, and goals that you have to overcome (or at least begin), do you find yourself saying “I can do it!”, or “This will never work!”. Your self-talk is a great predictor of your success. This is the perfect time to catch yourself, and turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk.

What do you find yourself pondering about when you’re all alone?

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

Friday is Thinking day at AlexShalman.Com

Today I was doing a little bit of thinking about a question posed by one of my favorite conversational bloggers, Dawud Miracle. He’s actually one of the people I met at SOBCon07.
I was reading his blog, as usual, except this time I was compelled to write about a question he has posed: are you thinking outside the box? While I am interested in the answer to this question, I am more interested in what you will do once you do get out of the box.

We’ll define the box as a structured, confined, habitual environment that offers security and comfort. Within this realm of thought, you live each day as the day before, you work towards an established goal, by doing what you did before. Besides for the confinement aspect, this doesn’t seem to be too bad of a deal. Well, maybe not.

One way of thinking will lead you to the conclusion that staying within your box, and your comfort zone will not only prevent you from growing, but prevent you from discovering new ideas. Dawud gets that “you have to think outside your norms to find change.” However, he still takes comfort in being within the box.

Dawud describes his experiences outside of the box:

There were no boundaries, only wide-open spaces. No responsibilities, no deadlines, and no structure. Just unabated freedom.

However, soon after that, he felt bored and decided to return to the box. This is what got me thinking. Why would he return to the box and how could we prevent the return to the box? What philosophy could we adopt in order to remain as out of the box thinkers?

Why Be Outside The Box?

To quote my friend Brian Kim:

Doing something that breaks you free from your daily routine invokes

literally a million different possibilities that can ensue, which can chain

react into an opportunity you never thought you would get.

If you always do what you do, you’ll always get what you get.

Throw in a little curveball there once in a while and see what new

ideas, experiences and thoughts will manifest.

You can subscribe to Brian’s newsletter, where he sends me such nuggets of wisdom on a daily basis, by visiting BrianKim.net.

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

Friday is Thinking day at AlexShalman.Com

There is a difference between a life of servitude and serving people on a regular basis. I would consider that monks, religious leaders and parents are living a life of servitude. Doctors, social workers, and teachers are offering a service for a living. However, regardless of what profession you choose, or where you are in life, you could be serving people on a regular basis.

People choose different paths of contribution:

• Volunteer time
• Donate money
• Offer advice
• Share experience
• Motivate others
• Encourage others to contribute

I’ve found that different people have different reasons to contribute. For example, did you know that in order to get into medical school you are practically required to show some volunteer time on your resume? A person that is in need of a volunteer might end up with someone that doesn’t want to be there. One can argue that beggers can’t be choosers and some help is better than none; others may say that this ruins the reputation of those volunteers that put their hearts into it.

You can think of volunteer work as something you do for others, or you may look at what you can get out of it. Another way to look at it is as an exchange. My friends house was robbed a couple of months ago, as well as several neighbors in the community. They now have a regular neighborhood watch, where all the neighbors volunteer to watch each others houses during different times.

“Never forget that the purpose for which a man lives is the improvement of the man himself, so that he may go out of this world having, in his great sphere or his small one, done some little good for his fellow creatures and labored a little to diminish the sin and sorrow that are in the world.“

~ William E. Gladstone

Journal Exercise

The question remains, what do you get out of serving others? Here are some ideas. Take some time in your daily/weekly journal to explore your reasons for volunteering and serving others. Here are some ideas:

1. To gain a skill
2. To keep busy
3. To have an impact
4. To help a friend or relative
5. To feel good about yourself
6. To not be bored
7. To challenge yourself
8. To make some friends
9. To feel needed
10. To make a difference

If you have a blog, feel free to share your take on this with your readers. Make sure you explain what you do to serve others (think hard I’m sure you can think of something!) and what your reasons are for performing this action. Feel free to link back here, in order to keep the conversation going. If you don’t have a blog, just get in this comment box below and start talking!

I would like to ask the following bloggers to share with us.

Liz Strauss – Dawud Miracle – Leo Babauta

Dave Olson – Carolyn Manning – Ann Michael

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!

Every Friday is Thinking Day at AlexShalman.Com.

The philosophy here is that the routines and habits of your average day determine how you will live out the entire rest of your life. So it makes sense that the amount of time you spend on an action directly correlates with the amount of value you attach to it.

We’re going to make a couple of assumptions to make calculations easier and this point clearer. You sleep 8 hours per day, thus leaving you with 16 waking hours. You repeat your routine seven days a week.

• 1 hour exercising = 1/16 of your life
• 8 hours (+1 for commute) = 9/16 of your life
• 2 hours watching TV = 2/16 of your life
• 2 hours cooking/eating = 2/16 of your life

So far that’s 14/16 of your life, leaving only 2 hours for everything else you want to accomplish in life. Let’s say you’re going to live for another 60 years (hopefully much much longer for all of you!). Take 60 years – divide by 16 – multiply by 2 – congratulations you just spend 7.5 years of your life sitting on the couch watching TV!!!

On your main priority list, where you list things such as health, family, friends, education, religion/spirituality, conquests, adventure, contribution, etc. where does 7.5 years of television play in?

The point should be clear right now (and no it’s not that sleep is clearly the biggest waste of time lol). Look at your average run of the mill days and ask yourself some questions (this is a perfect journal opportunity).

1. What is really important to you?
2. What is not important to you?
3. Where does your time go?
4. How do you plan to spend the rest of your life?

Attention: Don’t forget to download my free ebook, How to Get a Girlfriend!!